Lucas sighed as he rubbed his head in his hands. It had truly been an exhausting day but a beautiful one at that. In fact, the last few weeks had been nothing short of wonderful. It had started the day when they were all unexpectedly double blessed with the simultaneous arrival of baby James and the return of a happier, healthier Peyton Sawyer. He'd never forget how he felt catching that first glimpse of her outside his mother's café, then of course the subsequent conversation that followed on their drive to the hospital. For the first time in a long time, things were starting to make sense again. Everyone around him was happy and more importantly, he and Peyton were back on track.
"You okay?"
Her voice stirred him out of deep thought as he shot her a tired smile.
"I'm good, I'm great, actually."
"You look so worn out."
"It's been a long day, not that I'm complaining. I mean, it was pretty amazing."
Peyton sat cross legged on his bed.
"Yeah, I guess it was," she repeated.
"In fact," he stripped himself of his shirt and leaned towards her. "It has been a pretty amazing couple of weeks, I'd say. I got my girl back. I have a new little nephew and today a beautiful baby sister."
The memory of it all was incredible. Lucas climbed into his bed and pulled Peyton in his arms. She snuggled deeper inside his strong, warm embrace as they silently reminisced on the day that had just happened. It had started almost 24 hours before. Lucas had awakened in the middle of the night and ventured into the kitchen for a glass of water. In the darkness, he had found his mother crouched down, holding onto a chair for support.
"Mom, what's wrong?" he asked, terrified with worry.
"I…I think it's time," she simply stated, pain etched on her face.
That was all it took. Within minutes a nervous but proficient Lucas took charge. He retrieved her bag from her bedroom and placed it in the car before tenderly helping her outside. The drive was quick but nevertheless nerve racking as he coached her with the Lamaze breathing techniques. They arrived at the hospital and within a few hours the intensifying contractions had dwindled down to almost nothing. Because of her age and the fact that the child was days overdue, the hospital staff elected to admit Karen and induce birth with the labor stimulating drug, Pitocin. The effects seemed to be working and she was wheeled into the delivery room but halfway through the process, the doctor became alarmed when a problem was noticed with the placenta.
Being there every step of the way for his mother's pregnancy, Lucas had read all the books and pamphlets and he knew the placenta was the unborn baby's life support system, attached to the uterus. He also knew that a problem could be fatal. He held Karen's hand as a nurse briefly explained that the condition could cause dangerous bleeding during a natural birth. A cesarean section delivery was ordered almost immediately as they began preparations. Lucas' heart pounded but he knew it was up to him to be strong for his terrified mom. After all, that's what Keith would have done.
Though everything was moving rapidly, there was still time for a brief phone call. Lucas' fingers trembled as he dialed her number and a still sleeping Peyton answered. He quickly explained the situation. His voice was trying to sound strong but she could hear the undertones of fear and apprehension. Within minutes she was dressed and on her way to them. She watched from a window into the operating room as Lily Roe Scott was safely brought into the world just a few minutes after noon. Karen slept peacefully in the Recovery Room as Lucas and Peyton spent hours in the nursery holding the newborn girl. Afterwards, exhausted they had grabbed a bite to eat and ended up back at the empty house. Not a word had been mentioned of it but it was pretty obvious that Peyton was going to spend the night with him. It only seemed fitting…
"Thank you for calling me," she whispered.
"Thank you for coming."
"I'm really glad I got to see that, Lily being born, I mean."
"That was kind of cool, huh?"
Peyton nodded.
"It was more than cool. It was beautiful, Luke. When I was nine, my mom died at the hospital after her accident right in front of Dad and me. I literally watched her take her last breath. And I found Ellie after she died and I found myself staring at her and she was so still and cold. Then when Jimmy shot me, I thought I was gonna die, too. I was so scared. I never wanted to have that feeling again but I did when everything happened with…with Derek. I'm only 18 and I feel like I've seen so much death and loss. It always left me with this empty, hopeless feeling but today…I mean, I've watched your mom get bigger and bigger. I even felt the baby move inside her. And today I watched Lily take her first breath. Today I saw life and that little girl is so innocent and beautiful. That gave me so much hope."
He planted a kiss on her forehead, touched by the sincerity in her voice.
"Today was one of the most important moments of my life. There's no one else I would have wanted there with me. I love you, Peyton. I always have. I told you. It's you. You're the one for me. You're the one I want next to me when all my dreams come true."
She stroked his jaw line, so defined, so masculine.
"I love you, too, Lucas."
They stared in each other's eyes longingly as he placed a sweet kiss on her lips. It was a physical connection between two people madly in love that deepened with each passionate second. It was Lucas who stopped it and pulled away first.
"Peyton…" he breathed. "I…I, um, I want to. You know that. I know we haven't talked about it but I just want you to be sure. Baby, I want you to be ready."
She bit her lip, looking up at the blue eyes that had been melting her heart for the past two years.
"Luke, you know how much I love you, right?" she licked her lips.
"Yeah," he nodded.
Gently she pushed him away, raising herself to a sitting position.
"Because I do. And I do want to be with you in every way but I can't yet. We can't."
"It's okay. I understand…"
She shook her head.
"I don't think you do."
"Peyt, it's okay…"
"I haven't been honest with you, Luke. It's hard for me to say that to you. It's even harder for me to lie to you. Relationships have to be built on trust. There can't be secrets between people and I have been keeping secrets from you."
"Okay," he swallowed hard, stunned.
"Part of my therapy is learning to face the truth. I admit I had a hard time with that because of what happened with Derek. For so long it's been hard for me to talk about it or even think about it. So I tried to block it all out. I thought pretending it all away would make everything better. But it just made it worse. Working with Dr. Pelsinger, I see that now. I've learned to deal with it but it's not easy. Lucas, you're the one I want next to me, too. But I feel like we can't move forward until I tell you everything."
He appreciated her honesty. He wanted to share everything with her, even if it was pain. They would somehow work through it. That's what couples did. But at the same time, a knot formed in the pit of his stomach. A part of him yearned to know every detail of her troubles but at the same time he didn't know if he could handle it. Quickly he got a hold of himself. He had to be strong for her.
"Whatever you want to tell me, I'm listening."
She took a deep breath.
"Well, what I told you in the hospital was all true. He was horrible to me, you know that. The mind games and the control and the manipulation…it was terrible. I, I thought I was gonna lose my mind at times. And there were beatings and torture and the cigarette burnings…"
Lucas closed his eyes, absolutely sick.
"How could he? How could anyone do that to another human being?"
"I don't know and I can't make excuses for him. You can't try to understand a mind that disturbed because in the end you'll end up crazier than he was. I am in the process of trying to forgive Derek so I can move on with my life. I had such a hard time letting go. He was always with me, inside my head. That's why I nearly stabbed you to death that night. I had to sleep with a knife under my pillow because I was so paranoid and afraid. But the nightmares and the hallucinations have stopped because I am facing it and I am dealing with it. But this is the last part of it, coming clean to you."
"What is it?"
She fought back tears as her heart began to race.
"I, I didn't tell you before, I mean, I couldn't because I was scared to lose you."
"You're never gonna lose me, Peyton. There's nothing you could ever say…"
"I'm not so sure about that," she choked. "This, this is pretty bad. I knew you probably wouldn't leave but I didn't want you to look at me differently."
"Peyton…"
"He raped me," she blurted out. "You, you asked me that point blank in your hospital room. You asked if Derek ever raped me and I lied to you. I told you no. But he did. He did over and over, the whole time. He said we were making love, showing each other how much we cared…but that wasn't true. It was so awful, every day, every single time he looked at me and touched me. I hated it. I hated it so much that I just wanted to die. I'd have to black it out, pretend I wasn't there, that it wasn't happening. But it did. It happened, Luke. So there it is."
She had told the story in one big spill, almost in the same anxious breath with a quaking voice and tears sliding down her face. Never once had she looked Lucas in the eye. She couldn't. It was too much. She was too afraid.
"Peyt…"
"I want you to be honest with me, Lucas. I know that was a lot for you to take. I understand if it changes your feelings but just don't lie to me. If you think different…"
He tried to find his voice. It was all starting to make sense. He should have figured it out months ago. But even though it was the logical theory, it was an indescribably painful one as well, one perhaps he hadn't been ready to face. But the truth was out now.
"Peyton, I think Derek is a sick asshole. I think he was messed up in the head for some reason and he let his crush on you, a sweet, innocent girl who was only ever nice to him, get way out of control. He kidnapped you. He tortured you in every way imaginable. He beat you up and he…he raped you. He violated you, Peyt. He forced himself on you and took something away that you can never get back, something it's gonna take you possibly the rest of your life to get over. So you ask if that changes my feelings? Yeah. Yeah, it does. It makes me hate Derek even more than I already did. If you need to forgive him, if you can, if that's part of your therapy, you know I support you. But I can't. I can't and I won't. Not ever."
"But what about me? I, I need to know how you feel about me."
"I love you, Peyton. All the horrible things Derek did doesn't change that. It wasn't your fault."
She shook her head.
"You don't get it. He, he made me do disgusting things to him. Most of the time I'd just refuse and take the beating but sometimes…sometimes I, I, I'd have to let him. I'd have to play along like I liked it, like I wanted him."
Lucas tried to ignore the lump forming in his own throat.
"You did what you had to do in order to survive."
"I love you," she cried. "I felt so ashamed. I felt so dirty. I thought if you knew, you wouldn't want me anymore."
He cupped her face in his hands, not even wiping at the tear falling down his cheek.
"You are not dirty, you're beautiful, Peyton Sawyer. And you didn't deserve any of the terrible things that happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I wish I had been there to protect you, I'd do anything to make it never happen. But it did. And we have to deal with that but I promise you never have to face it or anything else alone. I hate Derek for hurting you but it doesn't change how I feel about you or how much I love you. There is nothing he or anyone else could do to make me stop loving you. What we have is true love. And true love lasts always."
"I love you," she sobbed as he held her close and they fell back onto the bed. "God, Luke, I love you so much."
"I love you, too, babe," he smoothed her hair.
"I need time, please don't be mad. I promise it won't be long but not tonight. Can you just hold me? Please?"
He placed a kiss on her forehead and sighed. It had been a heavy revelation and one that had hurt him deeply but he had meant every word he had said to her. He loved her. Her problems were his problems. Whatever they had to face, they would always do it together. With the truth out, it was like a weight had been lifted from their hearts. Now they could move on. And as far as an intimate relationship with Peyton, Lucas was in no hurry. They had the rest of their lives for that. Patiently, lovingly he could wait. He'd wait forever if he had to.