So I know that the last chapter may have been slightly evil :P We shall try and make this one less evil.

I'd never been religious. How could I have been when I had a drunk for a Mom? I had always been too busy fighting with demons all my life to believe in a God of any sort. Sure, I thought it could be possible, but I didn't believe. I wasn't like Elliot.

I'd always been a stubborn woman. I'd always stuck to my principals, and I only ever did things if I knew they were going to eventually be for the greater good. But then suddenly things changed. The man I loved had been shot. He was somewhere in this damn hospital, fighting for his life... or at least I hoped he was. God I hoped so much that he hadn't given up. He'd said he loved me... I'd admitted I felt the same. Things could maybe progress from there. But I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that either Elliot hadn't meant it the way I had, or that he'd just said it because he thought he was dying and would deny it as soon as I brought it up. I didn't want that... if it happened my heart would break even more than it already had, seeing him lying there, looking as terrified as I had ever seen him, blood everywhere.

My hands were shaking. I glanced down at them to see that they were absolutely covered in blood. I'd not noticed that up until that moment. It was a horrible feeling. I was standing there, untouched, and my partner was in serious danger. It was similair to the feeling I assumed you got when someone you knew died but you were safe, or when someone saved you at the expense of their own life. I wished I didn't have to feel it, but I guess that if...no, I told myself that I should be possible. I guessed when Elliot was back to normal, I would appreciate him even more because I had so nearly lost him.

Pacing and pacing, I was going crazy. I was sure that by the time someone came to tell me about Elliot's condition, the tattered, cheap carpet would be worn out where my feet had repeatedly trampled over it. I had always hated waiting. Waiting for a cab, the bus, a flight... but this, this was just a new level of hate for waiting. I was waiting to find out if my partner, my best friend, the one I was crazy for... had survived.

I supposed Kathy would turn up soon. It was only a matter of time. That would be hellish. She'd blame me for this, I knew she would. She blamed me for her and Elliot breaking up - she never even considered that it might be something to do with the stress Elliot was under, or what he saw each and every day. Yes, the way he handled things - not talking about work to protect his family was very noble and respectable, but it all built up inside him, and that really wasn't good.

The thing that got to me was that he didn't realise he could talk to me about it. Yeah, sure I had already experienced it with him, but that didn't meant that I wasn't willing to talk with him about everything. Actually, it would probably have helped both of us to let our feelings out, just with each other, where no-one had any opportunity to comment on what we said. Yes, I'd have to suggest talking about things every now and again when Elliot was up to it.

I let out a long, shaky sigh. This was awful. I stood still, running my hands over my face, and then I froze. I turned round and came face to face with myself in the mirror. Just what I thought. The blood from my hands had transferred to my face, and I had red streaks all over me now. For some weird reason, that didn't bother me. Normally, blood on your face would freak you out, but - and this was really quite disgusting and perverse - looking at myself, feeling his dried blood over me gave me a sense of safety, as if he was right there with me. I didn't know why it gave me that feeling, but it was a great feeling, so I wasn't about to deny myself it.

I was just trying so hard just to keep myself together. I was normally very composed and unemotional, but this... this was just too much. I'd lost everyone in my life - my Mum had been a drunk and died. My father was rapist who I'd never known. My brother was just as much of a screw up and a criminal. Elliot was all I had, and if I lost him, I'd... I don't know. I just couldn't.

Suddenly a thought came to me. Even though I wasn't religious, Elliot was. He put his faith and his trust in God, despite all that he saw every day, despite everything that went on in his life, so maybe I should take a chance and do something I'd never really done properly. I decided to pray. I felt that I should at least try to help him. It had been my job to keep him safe, after all we were partners, and I had failed. I guessed that if I did lose him, maybe it was God's way of punishing me for it.

I looked around the room, searching until my eyes finally came to rest on it. A small, black Bible. Walking over, I pick it up and open it up. Although I'd never really taken the time to study it, the words seem familiar. I flip through the book, my fingertips running over the thing pages until some words finally come to my mind. I don't think about what to say, I just let the words run out of my mouth and hope that they make sense... that they get through and help Elliot.

"Please, God," I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I know I might not have been a perfect Christian, and I know that I've never really taken the time to talk to you before, but I've never needed you as much as I need you right now. Well... I guess that it isn't me that needs you. I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing this for him. Actually, no, I'm going to be true. I am doing this for him, but it's for me too. He's my only one. He's my best friend, and I love him so so much. You've taken a lot of people from me.Please... don't take him, too." The memory of the weight of him in me arms, the look in his eyes... it was all starting to overwhelm me, and the hot, wet tears began cascading uncontrollably down my face, dripping onto the Bible. "I can't lose him. Please, I need him so much."

I don't know how long I sat there, but when I finally came out of my own little world, it was dark outside. I closed the bible and set it gently down on the table where it belonged. Walking over to the table lamp, I switch it on and let out another long, shaky sigh, sliding back down onto the couch.

For six more hours I sat there, waiting nervously. Still Kathy didn't show up. Still no-one else turned up. I was starting to wonder if anything had actually happened. My nails were gradually being bitten down, the carpet was gradually being worn away and my stomach was gradually knotting itself up so tight that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to unknot it.

Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, and I looked up to see a tall, older man standing in the doorway. He had fluffy. light grey hair, soft lines on his face, and kind, sympatheric blue eyes. His long white coat flapped at the back as he walked inside, holding a clipboard in his hands.

"Are you here for Elliot Stabler?" he asked sympathetically.

I cleared my throat and nodded. "Yes, I am," I confirmed hoarsely. I just wondered where the hell Kathy was. Fair enough she and Elliot weren't together anymore, but surely you'd still rush to your ex-husband's side if he'd been seriously injured? Well.. I knew that I would have done anyway.

He nodded. "I'm Doctor MacAfferty."

"How is he?" I asked quickly, desperate to find out if my partner was okay, if he was going to survive, if I was going to get the chance to suggest those talks I had thought about.

"It was really rough for a while," Dr. MacAfferty said softly, his voice soothing me slightly. Something about him reminded me of Elliot, and that calmed me. "He's still out, but he should be just fine. The odds are in his favour."

My legs felt weak as relief spread through me. The knots in my stomach loosened, and my heart rate slowed down. I felt better. Now all I wanted to do was to see him, to take him in my arms, to listen to him breathing, to see that he was alright. I just wanted to be near Elliot. My Elliot.

There was just one thing that kept flying through my mind. He's going to be okay... He's going to be okay... It was much better than what I had been thinking and feeling for most of the day.

"He's in Recovery right now. You can see him if you want." He turned and waited for me to follow him.

I took a step after him, but when I reached the door, something made me turn around. The black Bible is sitting on the table just where I left it. A small smile appeared on my face as I gazed at it. Maybe the whole religion thing wasn't such a bad idea. There was something in the back of my mind that told me that he had had something to do with this.I turn around again and follow the doctor out of the waiting room, unable to keep the smile off of my face, only one thing on my mind.

Thank you, God.

My hands began to tremble as I stood in the door to Elliot's room. It had been a week since the incident had happened. Cragen, bless his soul, had told me to take as much time off as I needed. I guess there were just some things that were obvious. I didn't want to acknowledge that people knew how I felt about Elliot, but somewhere right in the back of mind there was a little voice that told that of course they did. It was obvious. I cared just that little bit too much for a partner. But it was alright. I think that the Captain saw it but didn't mind it as long as it didn't interfere with the job.

For that whole week, I had visited Elliot every single day, and I still hadn't seen Kathy or the kids. That made me so mad. I didn't understand how she could just leave him in hospital. As far as she knew he was on his own, fighting for his life, with nobody there with him to speak to him and tell him everything was going to be alright. But then maybe she knew it too. Maybe she knew that I cared way too much to leave him alone. Cared way too much to let him suffer on his own. I guess she had been right in some ways when she said that I had jeopardised their marriage. If what Elliot had told me was true, and he did love me, then maybe, just maybe, that had been a tiny contributing factor to the breakdown of their marriage. I just hoped I wasn't right.

I had been begging him every time I came into this room to open his beautiful eyes and speak to me, to tell me what was going on in his mind, to let me know that he was okay and that there would be no lasting damage to the man I had grown to love over the course of so many years. I just hoped that there wouldn't be. I hoped that the sense of humour would still be there, the strength, the kindness... everything I loved would still be there. There just had been no results as of yet.

Suddenly a soft groan seemed to fill the room. I gasped, shaking myself out of my thoughts and almost ran over to his bedside. I reached out my hand and took one of his in it, resting my other palm on his forehead. "Ssshhh." I whispered soothingly, hating that he might have been in any pain. He had already been through so much. My hand absent-mindedly stroked his short hair. "It's going to be alright Elliot."

He opened his eyes and I caught a flash of blue before he blinked, opening them again, this time clearer and sharper.

"Hey," I smiled slightly, squeezing his hand. "You're going to be fine. Just fine Ell. Don't worry."

At the confused look in his eye, I brought my hand down and caressed his cheek, keeping my gaze locked with his. "Liv?" His voice was croaky and weak, but it was still him, and it filled my heart with joy, a sudden warmth rushing over my body.

Tears threatened to spill over, but I took a deep breath, holding them back. I had told myself the first time I went to see him that when he opened his eyes, when he first saw me, I wouldn't cry. I didn't want to show that I had been terrified of losing him. I didn't want to panic him and make him worry that something bad was going to happen to him, because I knew it wasn't.

"Right here hon," I smiled, squeezing his hand again. He squeezed mine back weakly, and I leaned forward, planting a gentle kiss to his forehead, leaning back up and looking right back into his eyes. He was still watching me intently. Now that I had heard his voice and seen those gorgeous deep blue eyes, I was sure that he was going to be alright. I was sure of it.

He again tried to squeeze my hand, as if he was afraid that I was going to leave him, as if he let go I would have disappeared. He didn't know that I wasn't, but my god, to me? That was such a silly thing to think. Of course I would never leave him. Not after everything that happened in the past week. I wasn't going to leave until he could go with me.

"I'm not leaving Elliot." I whispered to him in an attempt to soothe his fears. His lips turned up in a small smile, which also made me do the same. That had always been the case. Whenever he smiled, I would smile too. I just couldn't help it. It was a natural reaction. I touched my fingertips to his lips and whisper, "Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up sweetheart."

"P...promise?" he asked weakly, and I nodded.

"Yeah. I swear," I nodded again firmly "Just sleep. You need it after all you've been through."

He heaved a deep sigh, and he gazed at me for another few minutes. Eventually I smiled at him and brought my hand over his eyes. When I removed it, his eyes had shut, and his chest had begun to move up and down slowly and smoothly. I let out a sigh of relief. He was okay. Elliot was alright. My partner, my best friend... the man I loved. He was okay.

I turned his hand in my lap and caressed his palm, smiling contently when his hand closed around mine. Even in his sleep, he knew that I was there, and I can't even explain how good that made me feel. He knew that I was there for him, that I wasn't leaving any time soon. This was the first time I'd ever held his hand with him actually knowing it, and that also made me smile. Our hands fitted together so perfectly. I just didn't understand how we'd never realised how perfect we were for each other before now, or why we hadn't admitted it until Elliot was bleeding out of a bullet wound to his chest.

I brought his hand up to my mouth and very gently kissed his knuckles. I stood there and gazed at him for another few moments. Now that I was done fretting over his life, I could consider him as a man... I could allow my attraction to him to resurface. I couldn't believe how good he looked asleep. He got this look of peacefulness, which made me smile. I knew somewhere in the bakc of my mind that I'd be seeing this face a lot more after he was released from hospital.

I reluctantly turned and pulled the chair which sat next to the bed closer, letting myself slide down into it. I had sat in it many a time over the last week, but up until that moment I hadn't ever sat in it and felt at ease with the world, as if everything was going to turn our alright. I again focused on Elliot. He was still pale, and until was fully better, I knew that it would be a constant reminded of how close to losing him I came. I leant over and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, smiling as he stirred slightly and turned his head in my direction.

As I sat there, I thought of how I had prayed to God when things had been uncertain. I took a moment before saying softly, "Dear God, thank you so much for saving him. By saving him you saved me, and for that I can only agree that you are wonderful. I'll never be able to thank you enough for saving this man. I love him with everything I have, and I just pray that we'll never come this close to losing each other ever again. Thank you."

I smiled as I opened my eyes again to be met with the sight of Elliot Stabler fast asleep in front of me. My hand was still holding his as I settled in the chair. I hadn't slept much in the past week, and my absolute exhaustion was catching up on me now that I didn't have to worry whether my man would live or not. I couldn't help but think as I watched him that sometimes I didn't deserve him. I knew I could be a complete bitch cometimes, but then he could be a complete ass at times too, so I supposed we were even.

I chuckled softly. Things were already starting to return to normal - I was remembering all of the times he had been an ass as well as all the times he's been a complete saviour. I let out a yawn, but this time, instead of fighting it, I just pulled my chair closer to thebed and laid my head on the good side of his chest. I draped my arm around his waist, smiling as I can hear his steady heartbeat. I would also be able to tell if he woke, so that I could comfort him. I closed my eyes, not worrying about a thing. I knew he was going to be alright, and I wasn't leaving his side.

"I love you Elliot," I whispered, stroking his arm. "I really do love you."

And with that, I fell asleep. I didn't mind that he didn't respond. There would be plenty of time to tell him again that I loved him. And there would be plenty of time to hear him say it back to me. Again, I thanked God for making that possible as I slid into my far away dreams.

So I hope this chapter was reasonably good. Well. I'm sure you'll tell me what you think, yes?

GrissomzGal