Part 2

Four months following the events in Dark Side of the Sun

Leo lay quietly in his bed gazing impassively at his bed mate, who clung to him possessively.

Michelangelo.

His youngest brother sometimes spent the night after bedding Leo down. Unlike Raphael, who simply took what he wanted and then left, Mikey could get away with it. It wasn't uncommon, after all, for the 'baby' of the family to occasionally bunk with one of his brothers. It was a habit left over from childhood, making it in no way suspicious if and when he was seen leaving Leo's room in the morning.

It had been going on for four months now. Four months since Mikey had given in to the same desires that had take Raph a good three months earlier than that. It seemed like years. Years of sinful, forced copulation all because of that secret spot in the hallow of his neck that would make his body betray him. That would make him give in to the wickedness of his brothers' desires.

Sometimes, when Mikey spent the night, he would awaken in the wee hours of the morning and begin kissing and touching Leo, working them both into a state of arousal before mounting his elder brother and taking him so gently, so playfully, that it just made the whole situation worse. It made him feel dirtier and actually wish it was the normal hard and forceful way.

Then again, it didn't matter how he felt. Whatever happened to him, and however it happened was well deserved. Penance for his sins…punishment for how he betrayed them all those times. For wishing, even now, that the Shredder was still within reach. For desiring the feelings that terrible beast could ignite with just a touch….just a whisper.

He closed his eyes, shuddering as he suddenly began wondering if Karai was just as seductive as her father. If he went to her, would she….

No! No, he would not go to her and allow her to arouse the darkness he worked so hard to keep contained and quiet. He would not betray his family again. He'd kill himself first!

Needing to get out of his room, Leo carefully untangled himself from Mikey's arms and silently left, planning to go to the Dojo to meditate. But, instead of the Dojo, his feet carried him down the way to Donny's room. Without hesitation, he opened the door and slipped inside, sitting down in a corner that somehow had managed to stay free of electronic gizmos, and watched his brother sleep.

He often ended up in Donny's room on nights like this. Ever since that night four months ago, when Don had made him promise to come to him. At that point, it had only been Raphael having his way with him. A couple of weeks later, Mikey had joined in the game, though Leo had been aware that his youngest brother was falling to the same darkness for a while before it had actually happened.

Sometimes, he just watched Donny sleep, slipping out well before the younger turtle woke up. Other times, Don would wake and they would talk or, more often than not, they would sit in silence as Don had promised they could.

Leo knew that his brother would have preferred that they talk and tended to try and nudge Leo into it, but the elder had found that just sitting with Donny in silence was enough to hush the whispers and still the darkness. He wondered why that was. What was it about his genius brother that calmed him so? It was as if Don had a natural ability to silence the voice of darkness and return it to sleep with a simple, comforting touch or word. A direct opposite of the Shredder. And yet…

Leo knew it couldn't last, as desperately as he wanted it to. Don was the last of his brothers, the only one not actively involved in punishing Leo for his sins. Ironic really, considering Don was the only one who knew Leo had betrayed them. A quiet laugh escaped him and, if anyone had heard it, they could not have missed the note in his tone that warned of how dangerously close to the edge he was…

Donny stirred and Leo froze, watching him anxiously. His brother was normally a heavy sleeper and Mikey often claimed that their brainy brother could sleep through the fiercest of hurricanes. Leo knew, though, that Donny only slept heavily when there was no danger. It was like he had a subconscious awareness of when it was safe and when he needed to be awake.

As luck would have it, that subconscious seemed to be telling him that he needed to be awake, as his eyes drifted open and his gaze managed to find Leo's even in the darkness of the room.

"Leo?" he questioned softly. "You okay?"

Leo quickly schooled himself and nodded, offering a rather lame smile. "Yeah," he answered just as softly. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Donny looked at him for a few seconds before rising from his bed and silently crossing the room, sitting down next to him. "You sure?" he asked, giving Leo a searching look.

Leo avoided his gaze, staring at a spot on the floor as he thought over how many times Donny had asked him that question. How many nights over the last few months had Leo ended up in this room, seeking comfort and some semblance of peace he didn't even deserve? He snorted as a memory emerged from the recesses of his mind, reminding him of why he was even still in the presence of the living.

"Leo?"

He could hear the frown in Don's voice as the younger turtle asked, "What's so funny?"

Leo finally looked at Donny, eyes filled with sadness. "I was just remembering something that happened a couple of years ago. It was after the second time we 'killed' Shredder. Father had gone off on one of his meditation retreats and you, Raph and Mikey had gone topside for some fun. I had stayed behind, claiming I wanted to some time to myself."

He paused in his story, suddenly uncertain. The hesitation passed a few seconds later as he decided that Donny needed, and deserved, to hear it.

"I had been in a pretty bad state of mind for some time at that point and that night…that night I had planned to commit Seppuku. I had written everyone letters explaining everything I had done and where to find my body. I left them on my bed and was just about to leave when you three came home. You had been injured. Three shuriken to your right leg, do you remember?"

Donny nodded. "Yeah," he answered softly, a slight tremor in his voice. "You stitched me up, reprimanding me the whole time, and when I was able to, you put me through a brutal training course."

Leo nodded, eyes distant as he relived the memory. "You saved my life that night, Don," he whispered.

"I did? How?" Donny asked, a note of surprise in his voice.

"Seeing Raph and Mikey carry you in, your leg drenched in blood shook something up inside me. Something that had been buried….lost in my depression. I realized that I couldn't leave you guys. That I had to stay and be there…to protect you…guide you."

Leo looked at Don, eyes deadly serious. "If you three had come in just a moment later, we would have missed each other and we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

Donny reached over, taking Leo's hand and squeezing. "Then I'm really glad I took those shuriken, Leo." He paused, then started in an almost hesitant voice, "Listen, Leo…"

"No, Don," Leo interrupted, knowing full well what his brother was going to say. "Not tonight. Please." He looked at his brother with tired, pleading eyes. "Just…just sit with me a while. Please?"

Donny looked like he wanted to argue, but in the end, sighed and nodded. Leo smiled, haunted and sad as he closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall.

Later, when he went back to his room and slipped back into his bed, his mind imagined he was still sitting with Donny as Mikey's arms snaked around him, pulling him close. As his youngest brother's lips found his neck, Leo's eyes closed and his mind stayed with Donny for the remainder of the night.

"Ha! Hi-ya!" Raphael easily blocked a blow and returned it with a fierce kick, sending his opponent flying. He smirked and glanced around, looking for his next victim. "Come on, you second-rate Ninjas!" he taunted. "Aren't any of you bozos gonna put up some kind of a challenge?"

Leonardo glanced over at his brother from where he fought his own opponent and sighed inwardly. Raphael had been restless all day and Leo had hoped this little trip the surface, and the subsequent run in with the Foot, would help settle the temperamental turtle down. It was starting, however, to look like they would need to find a few more fights to accomplish that task. Really now, he had thought he could count of the Foot for something!

Irritated, he turned his full attention back on the solider he was fighting, finishing him quickly and then turned to check on his remaining brothers. Both had gone through a multitude of enemies and seemed to be enjoying themselves, having caught on that the Foot were not at their best this night.

"Dude!" Mikey commented as he knocked two heads together, "Karai must not be as harsh a task master as her father! These dudes are really pathetic tonight!"

"Don't get cocky!" Leo called. "Just cause they're not themselves doesn't mean they're not a threat!"

As if to prove Leo correct, a solider wielding a sword made a sudden appearance, drawing him into a fight that swiftly grew vicious. The solider was excellent and Leo found himself in a thrilling challenge. It was a fight like he hadn't had in ages and, he had to admit, it felt sort of good.

The world faded. It was just the two of them, engaged in a warrior's dance, their swords clashing and ringing out in the night. It was beauty beyond compare that stirred something within him. Something in his heart…his soul was crying out in joy, urging him on, whispering for him to call upon his more deadlier skills….

He didn't know how much time had passed before awareness of the outside world began creeping back. Sirens in the distance penetrated his hearing. The police would be there soon, drawn by the strange disturbance sighted on the rooftops. He needed to end this fight and vanish with his brothers. He parried a blow, feinted left, moved right and struck. His opponent's sword went flying from his grasp and Leo quickly swept the soldier's feet out from under him. The human landed hard on his back and Leo held his sword at his throat to prevent him from moving.

"You fought well," he said. "You have fantastic skill and really shouldn't be wasting it with slime like the Foot."

"Hey bros!" Mikey called out. "We'd better split! The party poopers will be here any minute now!"

Leo backed away from his beaten opponent and gave a small bow. The solider nodded back and Leo turned to join his brothers, sheathing his sword. He hadn't taken more than three steps, however, when Mikey shouted, "Leo! Watch out!"

The urgency and fright in his brother's voice caused Leo to draw his sword and spin around in one fluid motion, just in time to block a strike from a second sword-wielding Foot soldier. The enemy ninja's blows were fast and fierce, but also erratic, suggesting an injury somewhere, along with anger. Leo easily relieved him of one of his swords, the excitement and instincts that had been awakened earlier now surging to the surface and breaking through the barriers.

It was over in less than a minute.

Leo's sword sank into his second opponent like he was nothing more than soft butter. Time slowed. Leo heard the shocked intake of breath and knew the other's eyes had widened beneath his mask. The remaining sword slipped from rigid fingers as a smile played across Leo's lips, clattering to the ground. Leo pushed a little more, listening to the hitch in breath before he pulled back, removing his sword from its unnatural sheath and watching the ninja crumple to the ground.

Then time returned to normal and the other swordsman was there, kneeling next to his fallen comrade, ripping his mask off. The smile that been playing on Leo's lips vanished and his heart jumped to his throat in an attempt to escape. The excitement and instincts that had been racing through him slowed as he stared into a pair of vivid green eyes that were rapidly losing the light of life. Eyes that were young….too young…

God, he's just a kid! No older than Leo himself….

"Stupid fool," the first swordsman breathed as they watched the light leave the kid's eyes and his body go completely still.

"Leo!" Raph was suddenly there, gripping Leo's arm and pulling him. "Leo, come on! We gotta go!"

Leo blinked and shook himself, pulling his arm out of Raph's grip as he turned and followed his brothers swiftly off the roof, into an alley and down into the safety of the sewers.

"Well, that was fun," Mikey declared as they stood beneath ground. "Where do you wanna go now, bros?"

"Home," Leo murmured from where he stood, staring at the blood coating his sword. "I…I need to clean my sword."

"Leo?" Donny asked, moving forward and touching his arm. "You okay?"

Leo looked up at Don, quickly reigning in his emotions. There would be time for that later. At his secret place. He nodded shortly, sheathing his sword. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go."

He turned and began walking in the direction of home, not checking to see if his brothers were following him. When they arrived, he immediately disappeared into the Dojo, getting the cleaning supplies and sitting down, almost viciously cleaning the now sticky blood from his beloved weapons, refusing to acknowledge the memories that were trying to surface…ignoring the whispers that were trying to remind him of how he felt when his sword had sank into that kid's chest….

"Hey, Leo," Raph's voice broke through the whispers in his mind and the silence of the room and it was everything he could do not to jump. He looked up, not pausing in his near frantic cleaning to find his brother leaning in the doorway, watching him.

"Yes?"

"Splinter wants to see you when you're through here."

Leo nodded and turned his gaze back to his work. He hoped that whatever Splinter wished to speak about was quick, for he had something important he needed to do before the night was over. The kid's lifeless eyes filled his mind and he paused, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to force the image away.

"Hey, Leo?"

His eyes flew open and he looked up, surprised to find Raph still there. "What?"

"What's up with you?" Raph asked, moving further into the room, a mixture of curiosity and concern in his voice. It nearly caused Leo to laugh out loud, his mind switching to images of Raphael, cold and unconcerned about how Leo felt as he lay on top of him, thrusting in and out of Leo's body…biting and sucking that spot on his neck…

He blinked, refocusing his attention on Raph as he continued. "You've been acting weird since that fight." He stopped in front of Leo, tilting his head a bit as he studied his elder brother. "You aren't shaken up by that kill you made, are you?"

Leo looked away, back to his swords and Raph made a noise of disbelief. "Aw, come on, Leo! It ain't like you've never killed before! And it was just a lousy Foot Solider anyway! Ya did the world a favor taking him out."

"He was just a kid, Raph," Leo muttered. "No older than us."

"Yeah? So? It was his choice to be there, Leo. His choice to attack you and risk getting killed."

A sudden anger surged through Leo and he came to his feet, hissing, "What do you know, Raph? How do you know he had a choice? How do you know the Foot aren't like any other common street gang filled with kids with no choices? Kids who have no way out, except in death?"

Leo's voice had been steadily rising as he spoke, catching the attention of his remaining brothers, who now stood in the doorway, looking to see what their eldest brothers were fighting about now.

He paid them no mind, glaring at Raphael as he snarled, "But what do you care? You're not happy unless you've killed a few people! Judge, jury and executioner, right?"

Raph's eyes flashed in a mixture of shock and indignation. "Now, wait just a damn minute, Leo! You know damn well I don't kill unless I need to!"

"Leo…" Don began, stopping as Leo threw him an icy glare and snapped, "Stay out of this Donatello!"

Leo turned back to Raph, semi-aware of how irrational he was being, but unable to stay his anger…his self-hatred. Too much had been happening in the past several months and the build up was now seeking a way out.

"Tell me, Raphael," he sneered. "Is your blood lust confined to 'lousy' Foot soldiers and street punks? Or are you an equal-opportunity murderer?"

Raph's eyes had been steadily filling with rage and Leo slipped into a ready stance in preparation for the fight he had been leading Raph into. A fight he knew would be punishing as Raphael was angry enough not to hold back. Punishment Leo deserved….

But, before Raph could attack, Splinter's voice rang out sharply, "Leonardo! Raphael! Enough!"

They turned to see the elderly rat standing in between Don and Mikey, a stern look on his face that warned them all not to trifle with him. "Leonardo! Come!" he commanded, turning and leaving, knowing Leo would follow.

Giving Raphael one last, cold look, Leo stalked out of the Dojo, following Splinter into his room and shutting the door behind them. Knowing the drill, Leo knelt across from his master and father, head bowed, silent.

After a few long moments of silence, Splinter finally spoke softly, "For many months now, my son, something has troubled you. Will you not tell me the source?"

'Oh sure,' Leo thought. 'I'm sure you'll love to hear all about how I betrayed you.'

Out loud, he whispered, "There is no source, father, for there is nothing wrong."

"The fact that you so blatantly lie to me right now says differently, Leonardo," Splinter shot back. "That and your unfair and cruel words to Raphael."

Leo flinched, closing his eyes and lowering his head a little more. He had known it had been an unfair attack on Raphael even as he was committing the act. He knew that his brother only killed when absolutely necessary, as Splinter had raised them to.

'Unlike you,' that hated voice whispered. 'Raphael has never strayed from father's teachings…'

Leo gritted his teeth and tried to push the voice away. "I'm sorry about that, father," he said, his voice still a whisper. "I didn't mean it. Killing that kid tonight just…just shook me up more than normal."

"It is more than that, my son. I sense great torment in you, far worse tonight than it has been." Splinter paused, then added, "We have been down this road before, my son. I had hoped that experience had taught you not to keep so much hidden."

He reached out, lightly caressing Leo's cheek before moving his hand under Leo's chin and gently tilting his head up. "Why do you insist on shouldering such terrible weight on your own? You have a family Leonardo! A family that is more than willing to share whatever burden you carry! Please…let us in, my son."

It was all Leo would do to keep from breaking at his father's words. Oh, how he wished he could reveal his sins-not just in concern to the Shredder, but in regards to his brothers as well-and believe that everything would be okay! But he couldn't. It would not be okay. His secrets and sins would destroy the family…

He closed his eyes, unable to continue looking into the worried, compassionate eyes of his father. He had to get out of there…had to get to his secret place and get himself under control.

"F…father... May I be dismissed? I…I have something very important that I need to do."

He heard a heavy sigh escape Splinter, the withered, yet strong hand leaving his chin, allowing Leo to bow his head once more. "Would this 'important' task involve apologizing to Raphael?"

Leo wince again and nodded. "Yes, father. It…it's on my list."

There was a few seconds of silence and then Splinter said, "You may go. But I wish for you to consider something. I love you and your brothers very deeply, my son. And when you are hurting, I am hurting as well.

Leo looked up, the pain his heart deepening. 'Tell him,' a voice that sounded suspiciously like Donny whispered. 'He's your father! Tell him…'

The voice that represented his darkness snickered at the other's words. 'Oh by all means, go ahead and tell him. Destroying the family will probably be fun anyway. And you know who you could go to afterwards. I'll bet she could provide just as much fun as her father could.'

No!

Leo surged to his feet, not noticing the startled look on Splinter's face as he hurried from the room and to his own room. Kneeling down, he pulled a small duffle bag out from under his bed, checked the contents, then left his room. He headed into the sewers, oblivious to the worried eyes that followed him and moved swiftly through the tunnels, desperate to put some distance between himself and the Lair.

It was a good ten minutes before he finally stopped, leaning against a wall and closing his eyes wearily. Dammit! He shouldn't have lost it with Raphael. He should have headed straight out again when they got back, and cleaned his swords later. It was just… seeing that kid's eyes had thrown him. Had brought back memories he didn't want to revisit. Had excited the darkness and the hatred…

The awareness that he wasn't alone penetrated his thoughts. With his eyes still closed, he sensed that the presence was non-threatening and sighed. "I know you're there. Come out."

He opened his eyes and watched Donatello step from the shadows. "What are you doing here, Don?" he asked, his voice expressing the same weariness as his eyes.

Donny shrugged, trying to be non-committal. "I was worried. The way you ran out of the Lair…"

Leo looked away. "I'm fine, Don. I just need some time to get my head together. Go home."

"Actually, Leo," Don replied hesitantly. "I was also curious about something."

Still without looking at him, Leo asked, "What about?"

"Well, I've noticed that whenever we come home from a fight where you've been forced to kill someone, you grab that bag and disappear for a while. I'm just wondering where it is you go. What do you do?"

Leo looked back at his brother, a little surprised by the question. He hadn't thought that anyone had noticed his little habit. Donny's eyes were full of that innocent curiosity that Leo had never been able to resist when turned on him.

'Let him come,' one of the voices, the good one, whispered. 'Let him come. Let him help you still the darkness like he does at night.'

"You really want to know?" he asked out loud.

Donny nodded eagerly and Leo pushed away from the wall, giving his brother a serious look. "Swear to secrecy?"

The barest hint of uncertainty passed through Don's eyes, but he nodded and said, "Yeah, of course. I won't say a word."

Leo turned and continued down the tunnel he had been traveling. "Then follow me."