Chapter 8, part 1: Anticonformity

It's all around
Pressure from my so-called friends
It's all around
I'm measured by some stupid trend
It's all around
Everyone is just like them

"Thanks," Emma tells Jay, subconsciously rubbing her hand up and down her other arm. Jay just nods, not too sure what to say to her. "You think Manny will get mad if I leave?" Emma asks aloud, not quite sure if she is looking to Jay to make the decision for her.

"Just tell her you want to go." Jay shrugs, apparently not knowing the full wrath of Manny. The two make their way to her, mingling with a group of guys.

"Hey, Manny, I'm gonna head home." Emma says, patiently waiting until she receives Manny's full attention.

"Already? It's only ten." Manny says, a frown quickly forming on her lips.

"I'm just not feeling too great; I'll see you at home." Emma replies, ready to walk away.

"You better not go home and sulk, or watch you phone." Manny tells her before letting Emma proceed away from the party. Jay walks with her.

"You want me to walk home with you?" He asks, a little cautiously.

"Um, I don't want you to leave early if you don't want to." Emma says, not wanting Jay to leave, yet not too keen on walking the half hour or so back to the apartment by herself.

"Nah, come on." Jay motions, already stepping out of the double doors to the sidewalk. They walk for a couple blocks, but Jay can't keep with the silence. "So, what did Manny mean back there?" Jay looks at Emma for a moment before returning it back to the street ahead.

"She thinks I'm doing nothing but waiting for Tristan to call me." Emma answers semi-honestly, not wanting to seem like a total dork.

"Why are you waiting on him?" Jay looks at her for another moment, studying the expression of her face.

"He left for a tour a couple days ago, he said he'd call, but he hasn't yet." Emma replies, trying not to dwell on it. She felt like she was back in high school.

"Oh... how'd he take the whole 'being high and kissing me' thing?" Jay asks, a little smirk appearing on his lips. He didn't turn to look at Emma's expression this time.

"Um... I'm not really sure; we didn't really talk for that long." Emma tells him. She looks down at the ground as she walks, remembering back to the time in the van...

"Ok, spare me the details." Jay half-kids, but is serious. Greenpeace having sex is still too weird for me to grasp. Maybe I should call her Emma...

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that." Emma assures him, not at all comfortable talking about her sex life. She quickly thinks of something to change the subject. "So, I haven't seen you since high school, what have you been up to?"

"I, um, had to get away from here, so I did." Jay pauses, not quite sure how much of his past he should relive. "I started fresh... I grew up." He says basically.

"You, growing up... not something I would have pictured a couple years back." Emma jokes, trying to lighten up the situation. "What made you come back here?

"Um, my mother passed away... I came back for her funeral." Jay slightly nods, not comfortable talking about his mother.

"I'm so sorry." Emma looks at him with sincerity filling her eyes. Jay meets them; nodding to tell her it's okay. "How long are you staying for?" She asks, her voice softening a bit.

"I'm not too sure. I don't know if I can handle this place anymore. I'm opening up a new garage my boss just bought, Tony's old one, where Sean and I worked back in the day. Once it's all set up, the decision to stay or go is mine to make." Jay tells her, removing his eyes from hers.

"You seem like you turned out alright." Emma thinks back to how Jay used to be, and watches him now.

"Yeah, I changed some... I needed to. You still seem like Greenpeace, minus the whole being high thing." Jay concludes, reliving that night, hiding the smile that wants to be on his lips.

"Yeah, I think I've finally hit my identity struggle, but I'm only twenty, I still have time to live." Emma declares, more for herself then for Jay

"I'm not going to say anything to you about doing drugs, because honestly, my first night back, after attending the funeral, I took ecstasy, to get out of the moment I was in, but you, you shouldn't do it unless you want to do it." Jay says, meeting her eyes with the last of his statement.

"Tell me what happened when you left here." Emma tells him as they reached their apartments. She looks up at him, hoping he'll say yes.

"I'm not really into the whole chick talk thing." Jay laughs, "That's one thing that hasn't changed about me."

"Please?" Emma looks him at him, deeper into his eyes. He nods reluctantly. "Cool, let's talk at Sean's." Emma and Jay walk into his and Sean's place.

Chapter 8, part 2: The Way to Begin

Frustrated
Irritated
Disconnected from it all
The weight of the world
Has pushed me to the wall

Jay sits on the couch, getting himself comfortable. "So how does this talking thing work?" Jay half jokes. Emma sits on the other end of the couch and lets out a small smile.

"What did you do after you left Toronto?" Emma asks sincerely, truly wanting to know how and why Jay changed so much since high school.

"Ok... I had to get away from here, away from the Degrassi scene, so I moved... I started living near Quebec." Jay starts, unsure of how the whole 'chick talk' process works. "I've never told anyone this, well besides Greg, my boss, who only knows because I was working for him. You cannot tell anyone." Jay turns to her, watching Emma nod, zip her lips and throw away the key. A tiny smile forms at the corner of Jay's mouth. "I was working for Greg, at his auto body shop, and I went to a vocational school. I have my G.E.D., and I got a degree in mechanics, along with machine shop... and business." Jay stops talking for a second, expecting Emma to laugh or something.

"That's really cool, you know, how fast you were able to turn your life around." Emma states, not laughing at all.

"It wasn't easy; it was really, really hard. It took me all four years to get through school. Leaving some of my habits was a bit easier though, like the gang, since I wasn't around it anymore." Jay drew a short breath. "Some habits are extremely hard to break."

"Yeah... they are." Emma says, her voice soft, thinking of all her past relationships, and how hers and Tristan's relationship is the same way. Emma has a pattern, and she knew that this relationship with Tristan would not end well, if it does end.

"So... how have you been holding up since high school?" Jay asks, not sure what else to say.

"Um, actually we have something in common." Emma looks up at him, meeting his eyes. "I had to get away too. I moved away from here, went to a college where I knew no one, and I just recently moved back." She concludes, letting her eyes fall down to the couch.

"Never thought we'd share anything in common." He thinks for a second. "Well besides Sean." Jay concludes, laughing slightly. The fact that Sean was both his and Emma's friends were the only reason the two ever collided.

"Sean... yeah, he's changed a bit too since high school." Emma replies, nodding her head a bit. She begins fiddling with her fingers.

"How come you two aren't together?" Jay wonders. The two always seemed like that would be that 'high school sweetheart' type.

"He went to the army, I moved away, and being friends just clicked for us. I mean how many more times can we get together and break up?" Emma jokes a tid-bit. "Relationships really aren't my strong point." She stares off, looking deep into the rug, like something was going to pop out at her.

"Really? You always seem to be in one." Jay says, looking at her for a quick moment.

"I, um, don't really know. I guess I just need someone... to... I don't know, I know it sounds stupid." Emma stops talking, unable to complete her sentence.

"No you don't, I get it. That's how Alex and I were, well are, we are still tight as ever." Jay sinks a little into the sofa, changing his position a little.

"Is she the last 'relationship' you had. I don't mean to be nosy or anything, but you said you broke your habits..." Emma turned her attention completely away from Jay.

"Actually, she's not." Jay looks towards Emma, and then turns his face away from her. "I 'dated' a girl named Jackie for awhile, almost a year or so, but I guess it just wasn't 'it', or whatever."

Emma moves closer to Jay, now turning her body to face him. "Was it like a real relationship, you know, with things going both ways?"

"I guess so. We both went to school, and we both worked so we didn't get to spend a whole lot of time together, but she wasn't like... girls I used to hookup with... she wasn't a ravine girl. She was the first girl to... cheat on me. She said I was choosing school and work over her or something like that. I guess that's true though, I worked a lot, still do." Jay finishes, looking at Emma's slightly shocked expression.

"Wow, I mean that's not, like a happy thing, but-." Emma stops, fully occupied with Tristan. Almost three days and not even a call or a text to say he got there safe. Suddenly, her purse started to vibrate across the coffee table. She opened it up, taking out her phone. A small smile spreading across her face. "Hello?" Emma asks, happy to see the name flash across her caller ID.

"Hey Emma, its Zack."

"Oh, hi, what's up?" Emma asks, her voice slightly gaining a hint of disappointment.

"Not much, I just... wanted to call you... to let you know we got here okay..." Zack trails off. "Tristan's been... kinda living it up... with the whole tour thing... he's still in his psyched mood... you know, non stop band talk..." He trails off again, unsure how much information he should tell her.

"Oh, thanks, I really appreciate it. I hope you guys do great, I know you will. Tell Tristan I said hi or something." Emma says, her voice getting softer as she gets to her last sentence.

"Will do... I'll try to get Tristan to call you... or something. Bye." Zack hangs up. Emma closes her phone, putting it back into her bag. She leans, with her side against the back of the sofa. Jay watches the disappointment in her facial expression deepen as she sighs and closes her eyes.

"You okay?" He asks, trying to hide the little bit of concern he has for hers and Tristan's relationship.

"I'm fine..." Emma opens her eyes. "He could at least call though... I'm not really expecting anything. I would have just liked to know he got there or something."

"Well, that was that call, right?" Jay asks, unaware that Tristan has not talked to her in a while.

"That was Zack, the singer, telling me that the band got there okay, and that Tristan's... living it up, as he put it. What does that mean?" Emma looks up to Jay, searching for an answer.

"I'm not really sure." Jay replies, deciding that he should lie to her. He knows what 'living it up' means, and Emma definitely doesn't want to hear the definition. "Don't sweat the long distance thing. If you dwell on it, whatever happens is going to impale you." Jay tells her.

"I guess you're right." Emma sits up. "Sorry for bothering you, but thanks for talking to me. I'm gonna back to my place to catch some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow?" She looks at him again, wondering where that question came from. Jay nods, standing up with her and opening the door for her. Emma gives him a half smile and walks into her own apartment.