Chapter 16, part 1: Hold My Heart

You could hold my heart.
It's all yours if you want.

Jay was pacing around the office at the garage, wondering what he should do. He felt that being in Toronto was bringing out his old ways, and he wasn't sure if he could go back to that life. Things with Emma had been moving too fast, too soon. Can you believe that? I think things are moving too fast. Almost unbelievable. I like her, I really like her, but can I love her? Can I make that commitment? It's all too soon... I mean I'm only going to be 22... On the other hand... I've been partying since I was about 13. Emma is great, she's... everything... so taking this big step won't really be a risk... will it? Jay sat down; trying to focus on some work, but his mind was too clouded. What am I going to do?

Emma was sitting at her own desk, working on the next campaign for her boss, Madeline. Her head was elsewhere though. She felt as if Jay was holding back, from what, she couldn't put her finger on. She felt like she could possibly say 'I love you' to him. Can I really do that... can Jay be in a committed relationship? I'm not even 21 yet... yeah it's coming up... but still... that's young... but I have never been the type of girl to jump around... so maybe it's supposed to happen like this... maybe...

Sean walked into his apartment, the first he did was take a shower. He couldn't wait until business picked up at the garage so he could stop working his shitty drop. As he got out, and put on a pair of shorts and a wife beater, he walked past Jay's room. His eyes caught a glimpse. Doing a double take, Sean couldn't believe it. I warned him. I told him I would kill him. Did he think I was joking? All those speeches I gave him, I figured they would eventually sink in... Apparently not. He is so dead. Just wait until he gets home... he's so gonna get it.

Jay threw his work down on the kitchen table, utterly exhausted. He looked up, seeing Sean in the doorway of his room, pretty much glaring at him.

"What?" Jay asks, raising his eyebrow.

"You're leaving." Sean states, not lightening up his glare.

"Yeah, I have to go back to Quebec, help Greg with some things." Jay replies, not looking in Sean's direction anymore.

"Does Emma know?" Sean queries, already knowing that she didn't.

"Um, no, I'm gonna tell her when she gets home from work." Jay tells him, checking the clock in the kitchen.

"Well, thanks for giving me some advanced notice, cuz ya know, we were paying for this place together." Sean turned around, walking into his room, not wanting to deal with Jay. He knew that this was going to hurt Emma.

Jay knew it as well. He sat down at the kitchen table, dreading Emma coming home. The time seemed to fly by though, and he knew she was going to be coming home from work any minute. He stood up, forcing himself to knock on the door across from his.

"Hey," Emma smiles, allowing him to come in.

"I, um, have to tell you something." Jay says, stepping inside.

"Um, what is it?" Emma notes his serious tone.

"I, have to go back to Quebec for a while." Jay tells her, not keeping eye contact with her.

"Oh," Emma says, a little disappointed.

"I'm not sure when I'm gonna come back." He finishes, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Oh..." Is all Emma can spit out.

"Yeah, I um..." Jay is flustered. He looks up to meet her eyes, but she's looking at the floor.

"Good thing I decided not say it." Emma mumbles to herself.

"What?" Jay asks, hearing only part of what she said.

"Nothing," Emma say quickly, looking up at him, "Nothing. Um, get there safe." Emma says the only thing she can think of. "I, um, am gonna go shower." Turning around, Emma heads into the bathroom and starts the water. Letting the water act as her tears, it falls over her. Jay watched her walk into the bathroom and felt as if he was breaking inside. Never feeling that way before, Jay knew he did need to leave, so he could decipher his feelings. He left her apartment, picked up his bags, and headed down to his car.

Emma got out of the shower, noticing Jay was gone. Part of her hoped he would change his mind and he would still be in her living room. Putting on lounge pants and a tank top, Emma crawled into her bed. She felt like she should be crying or something, but didn't want to be one of those girls. Of course she was sad, she was going to tell him 'I love you', and all she could be do was be happy that she didn't, otherwise she really would be crushed. Manny walked into the house, looking around, thinking Emma should be home. When she found her in bed, she knew something was wrong.

"Emma, what's wrong?" Manny asks, sitting on the bed by her.

"Jay left." Emma tells her, her voice soft.

"Oh, well, he'll come back." Manny reassures her.

"No, he said he didn't know if he was or not." Emma sniffles, "I was going to tell him I loved him."

"Oh hun," Manny moves closer, lying down beside her. Putting her arm over Emma to comfort her, Manny didn't know what else to do; all she could think about was how good it was that Emma didn't get a chance to say 'I love you'. As the two relaxed, Emma's phone started ringing; Manny prayed that is wasn't Jay.

Chapter 16, part 2: If it's My Game, I Can't Lose

You and I were cut from the same piece of I don't know where this is going.
Well it's not easy. But no one said breathing would ever be this hard to do.

It was Zack on the phone. I motioned for Manny to leave the room so I can talk to him in private.

"Hey, I haven't heard from you in weeks." I tell him as I sit up in my bed.

"You didn't think I forgot about you, did you?" Zack asks playfully.

"Eh, maybe a little." I reply, my spirits are beginning to lift.

"We had to go on tour, it was totally out of the blue, and I couldn't call you with everyone around me." Zack explains. I smile into the phone.

"How was it?"I ask, referring to the tour.

"Pretty good, we played for some labels, and we were able to hit a lot of small towns. I like the small town feel, ya know?"

"Yeah, that's good..." I trail off, not knowing what else to say.

"What's up with you, you sound a little sad?" Zack asks his voice full of sincerity.

"I had this boyfriend-ish kinda guy, but he left today." I tell him, wondering how I was supposed to refer to Jay.

"Boyfriend-ish kinda..." Zack repeats. "If he wasn't your boyfriend, don't sweat it, any guy who leaves you is crazy."

"Thanks Zack."I smile a little wider. He always knows the right thing to say. The guy is truly talented in the charming department.

"Anytime," Zack pauses, "I was wondering if you wanted to get together..."He sounds shy, and I can picture just how cute he looks.

"Yeah, what days good for you?" I ask, a little excitement stirring up in me.

"How about Friday?" Zack suggests. Today's Wednesday, that's enough time for me to fully get over Jay, if that's possible.

"Yeah, I get out of work around five." I say to him, playing with the ends of my pillowcase.

"Cool, so where something casual," Zack takes another pause, "something you wouldn't mind getting a little dirty."

"Zack!" I half whisper into the phone playfully.

"That's not what I meant. Get your head out of the gutter Emma." Zack laughs into the phone and I can just picture his smile.

"So, where are you taking me?" I question, wondering if I can get an answer from him.

"No way, not telling. It's going to be a surprise." Zack replies. I sigh a little; making sure Zack can hear it on his side of the phone.

"Fine, I guess." I sigh again.

"I can't see you pouting, so it's not going to work over the phone." Zack tells me, and I hear him chuckle to himself.

"Okay, okay,"I reply coyly. "I'll see you Friday then?"

"Of course, sweet dreams." Zack says, his voice sounds so sweet when he says sweet.

"Bye," I say shyly. I wait till I hear his phone hang up before hanging up mine. I settle back into my bed, wondering if going out with Zack is the right thing to do. I like him, and he's so sweet, and so different from the guys I usually date. Plus, Jay and I weren't really official. He left me anyway, so why should I waste my time on him. That's it... I won't. I am going out with Zack on Friday.