Chapter 19, Part 1: Lonely Nights

So many lonely nights
So many lonely nights
I hoped you'd call

Emma sat down on her bed, allowing her head to fall on her pillow. She hadn't been able to talk to or see Zack in a couple days. Knowing she couldn't call him, Emma just sighed. She hated that they're relationship had to be a secret, but if Tristan found out, the band would be ruined. Hating herself, Emma thought over the consequences. This wasn't right, lying to everyone... but she really liked Zack, he is perfect... except for one thing... the secret relationship. Emma didn't want to be the cause of the band's break up, and she definitely didn't want to put Zack in the middle, making him choose her or the band... so a secret relationship it was going to stay. Manny swung the door open to Emma's room.

"You are not going to spend the night in here." Manny tells her, her voice firm.

"Why not?" Emma asks, not bothering to look at her.

"Because... it's unhealthy..." Manny trails off, trying to find something to say. "Sean's off tonight, let's go out."

"If Sean goes, then Jay will go." Emma states, wondering why she brought up Jay.

"So, Em, you have the most amazing boyfriend ever... just remember that."

"Yeah... I know." Emma sighs... Zack really is perfect...

"I'm gonna go call Sean, see what he's up to." Manny bounced out of the room. Emma wondered why she was so bubbly. All week she was promoting the movie, and she already had another script to memorize. Once high school ended, Manny got out of her depressed moods... even when a date didn't go that well, she chalked it up to a bad connection. "Hey Em, Sean and Jay already had plans to go out, so we are going to tag along. Get dressed." Manny calls out to her. Emma sat up, and looked down at her outfit. Forgetting to change when she got home from work... Emma dragged herself over to her closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a fitted tee. Manny pulled her out of the apartment and next door. Wow, a night out with friends... and Jay... and no word from my boyfriend in three days... and I have to go out with a guy... I still kinda sorta have feelings for... great... Emma stayed quiet as the group made their way to the bar. Every once in a while Manny would direct a question to Emma, who would then give a one word answer. Once inside the bar, Emma flirted with the younger bartender so she could get some drinks. As she downed her screwdrivers, all Emma wished was that she could hear Zack. Looking up at the stage, and a band she wasn't familiar with, Emma remembered how many times she saw Operation: Jealousy play on that stage. Her mind was elsewhere as her friends made conversation.

"Emma, hello? Em?" Manny waves her hand in front of her face.

"Huh?" Emma snaps out of her daydream.

"You okay Em?" Sean asks, looking over at how many drinks she's had.

"Yeah..." Emma lies.

"She just misses Z-" Manny gets cut off by Emma, who kicks her under the table. "Ow."

"What was that?" Jay queries, looking at the two exchange looks, and Manny's pained expression.

"Nothing." Emma mumbles. "Nothing."

Chapter 19, part 2: Radio Pt. 1

Staring into space like I'm not even there
I swear I'm not alone

Jay looked at Emma suspiciously, wondering why she seemed so... different. It was almost as if her glow was gone. Not that she looked any less beautiful, but it seemed like she didn't even care. usually Emma put thought into her outfit when she went out. The outfit she was wearing showed Jay that she really wasn't in that great a mood. Her style always reflected her mood. Part of him just wanted to talk to her, and the other part wanted to feel her. She continued to stare down at her nearly empty glass, making the liquid swoosh around.

"Em, dance with me?" Manny pleads with her eyes.

"Um.. Manny... I don't really want to." Emma says softly, not wanting to just blow Manny off.

"Come on, please?"

"Sean will dance with you." Emma tells her quickly. Looking over at Sean, now Emma pleads with her eyes.

"Yeah, I'll dance with you." Sean says, standing up.

"Yay!" Manny squeals. That is one thing that will never change about Manny. She will always love dancing, and she will always have that carefree glee when she's doing something she loves. Now it was only Emma and Jay left at the table. Emma finished off her drink in one last gulp. Jay watched her, knowing something was up.

"Hey, you okay?" Jay asks, not knowing what kind of a response he was going to get.

"Why do you care?" Emma sneers. She orders another screwdriver.

"Don't be like that." Jay tells her, keeping his voice soft.

"Sorry..." Emma exhales. "Must be the drinks." She picks up her glass and takes a couple sips.

"Why are you drinking so much tonight?" Jay queries, remembering that she hardly drank.

"I'm just a little stressed... no biggy"

"You want to talk about it?"

"No." Emma replies quickly, so quickly that it makes Jay even more curious.

"Em, I know I just kinda left... but I had to close some things in Quebec, and figure some things out." Jay pauses. "I just... you can still talk to me... like you used to."

"Jay..." Emma looks down at the table. "I can't."

"Why not?" Jay questions, looking at her even though she's staring down.

"We used to... whenever we... I can't..." Emma sighs, frustrated that she can't figure out how to word what she wanted to say.

"We...?" Jay waits for her to continue.

"We can't... do whatever it was that we were doing." Emma finally manages to say. Jay just looks at her, wondering if she meant hanging out, or the things they did as they hung out. Emma continued staring down into the table, allowing her insides to eat her up. Once again she drifted off into a day dream. As she stared into space, two things were on her mind... two people... the perfect guy with the secret relationship, or the open relationship with the not-as-perfect guy. The two clouded her mind...right now she really, really needed to see Zack... even hearing from him would do the trick... how much longer can she keep this a secret... how much longer...