Masks

"Guys aren't supposed to cry" he thought as he clutched himself in a vain effort to contain his pain." But he wonders how long he can keep the bruises, both physical and mental, hidden.

Suddenly the door to the dance studio crashes open and Abby bursts in grinning and pulling him into a tight hug, "Hey Tony, ready for those leads I found?"

He winces and is ready to move away when he sees Gibbs walk in behind her scowling darkly as if daring him to say anything...to reveal their secret. So the mask slips back into place as he says brightly,

"Anything you dish out... I can take."

Prologue

Darkness… then quick flashes of light. Pain. Throbbing…aching…bone-deep pain. He tries to roll over but gasps as knife-like agony flares through his side.

"I can't breathe." he thinks panicking, which is of course ridiculous because even as he thinks this, he is drawing in big gulps of air.

"I gotta get up. Gotta get away."But he's trapped in a waking nightmare of fear and pain and he knows there is no escape.

"Director, it's Gibbs. Tony and I are not going to be able to make it in today." A pause. "Turned up on my door step last night; seems that he stopped off for a drink on his way home and was jumped by at least three guys. Or that's what he remembers." Gibbs lies smoothly. He's been hurt pretty badly and I'm going to have to take him to Georgetown University.

Tony lies on the bed feeling every wrinkle of the cool cotton sheets against his hot skin. It's funny how a bed can be made with military precision and still have those minute wrinkles that the eye can't see but the skin can still detect. Groaning, he starts to cough and pain like a twisting knife lances through his gut causing him to curl in to a ball and suppress a sob.

"Yeah…finally him calmed down enough to get him to bed. I wanted to take him last night but he begged me not to." He stops to listen. "I know but I didn't want him more upset than he already was. Anyway, I noticed this morning that there was blood on the sheets in the guest room…"

Tony tries to suppress a whimper as he shifts in Gibbs' bed but when Gibbs whips around to face him, he knows he can no longer feign sleep.

Two ice-blue eyes cause Tony's pulse to accelerate.

"Please God, whatever I did…" his thoughts are cut off as Gibbs says,

"Director, I gotta go Tony's awake…. Sure I'll call you later. Bye."

Tony's heart hammers so hard that when he looks down he expects to see a bulging in his chest much like a pregnant mother sees when her baby kicks. Instead he swallows the sand in his mouth and curling up in a ball, tries to make himself as small as possible.

"Get up!" Gibbs barks grabbing Tony's arm and jerking him into a sitting position, "Time to get you to the hospital."

"Please… please." Tony begs infuriating Gibbs by trying to pull away. Gibbs pulls him close,

"Shut up." he hisses, "You're still bleeding; we need to get you to the hospital."

Instantly quieting to soft gulps, Tony looks into two blazing blue orbs. When Gibbs feels that the younger man is under control, he gives him a disgusted look then pushes him away and gets up to move around the room.

The burning coals in Tony's gut slowly cool to lumps of ice as his red eyes follow Gibbs' every movement.

The atmosphere of the room is so oppressive atmosphere to Tony that he feels as if he were trying to fight to the surface of the ocean—fighting and losing. Once again, the feeling of breathlessness threatens to overwhelm him and he begins to panic.

"Tony… DiNozzo!"

Lights explode across Tony's vision and suddenly he is falling. The smooth wooden floor felt cool against his hot cheek as his bewildered eyes flick up to see Gibbs standing above him.

"Put these on," Gibbs' arm moves and then Tony's vision goes dark as something falls across his face, "then get downstairs so I can tell you what you need to say." Tony wanted to reply, he needed to reply, but the soft whimper was the best that he could muster. The room was still and then the floor boards vibrating under Tony's cheek signal Gibbs' receding footsteps.

Limbs stiffened by abuse and despair slowly extend to raise the body into a sitting position. The soft fabric fell away from his face and resolved itself into his favorite T-shirt and jeans before his rapidly blinking eyes. His arms must have had a mind of their own and he stared stupidly at their refusal to obey his command to move.

"Please don't make him come back up here." Tony silently begged them, hoping they would understand, "You won't like it."Message received as the rebellious limbs began to dress the wounded man.

……………………………………………

The heavy tread on the stairs alerted Gibbs to Tony's imminent arrival but he continued to ignore the younger man until Tony stood before his lover head bowed. Even then, Gibbs found his coffee more worthy of his attention than he quaking lover.

"This is what happened….."

………………………………………..

"….and I begged him not to bring me in."

The sterile walls of the examination room were beginning to close in on Tony as he finished his 'account' of the night before. Gibbs had not been allowed to stay with him during the interrogation, yes that's what it was, and for that Tony was glad because he didn't think it would have been as convincing under the watchful eye of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. As it was, he wasn't sure the investigating officers accepted his account.

"Why didn't you want to come in right away? You're an investigator; you had to know the evidence needed to solve the case would be destroyed if not properly preserved." This question was from the taller of the two detectives. Their names were Tom Frick and Tim Frack."

"Is that Frick or Frack?" Tony wondering resisting the urge to giggle.

"Special Agent?" Detective Frack probed.

Instantly sobered, Tony thought, "Because Gibbs would have killed me." as beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

"Because I was a police officer and I've seen how male rape victims are treated." He looked down, swallowed, and whispered, "I didn't want to become a joke."

Silence.

Voices filtered through the closed door, one giving a rundown of injuries and treatment, the other murmuring noises of caring and concern.

"Do you have any more questions?" Tony whispered looking at his hands as they twisted in his gown.

Both detectives shook their heads and stood uncomfortably looking at the bedraggled man.

Frick cleared his throat, "You have our card. If you can think of any else, please give us a call."

Tony's only reply was a nod and he didn't even look up as the detectives left.

…………………………………………………

The coolness of the darkened room was like a kiss to his fevered soul. The oppressiveness that most people experienced was absent for Tony.

"Why are people so afraid of the dark?" he wondered as the painkillers finally took affect, "…so many things that are ugly in the light can be made beautiful in the dark."

Quiet noises floating up the stairs and through the open bedroom door kept him informed of the fact that Gibbs was somewhere in the house. But Tony wasn't sure that he cared.

"As long as he isn't in here with me…"Suddenly it was all too much and he started, not for the first time, to cry.

"How did I come to this?" was his last coherent thought as he began to float away.

Next… the beginning….