Chapter 22, part 1: Breathe In, Pt.3

forgive me I've sewn shut the crater in my chest
can you help me release the stitches and untie the mess?

Jay had begun living at the shop. It was spotless, and business was picking up. He held off hiring too many people because he wanted work to do. For the past week, Jay had successively avoided going out with Sean, which meant going out with Manny and Emma. Although, not hanging out with them meant Jay had also begun to go back to his old ways. Drinking became more of a regular thing, and he also encountered a night of ecstasy. He didn't know why he was letting himself ruin all the things he had so recently accomplished, but he just couldn't stop himself.

Looking down at his jumpsuit, all Jay saw was oil. He wiped his hands off on a rag and took a step back to look at the car he was working on. Making sure he didn't miss anything, Jay put the hood down and began putting back the tools. Not wanting to go home yet, Jay went into the office. Just sitting in the chair, staring off into space. Placing his elbows onto the top of the desk, Jay stared out of the door. Something was missing, he felt like something was missing. Knowing that even if he knew what the hell he was talking about, Jay wasn't going to do anything about it.

Turning on the computer, Jay fixed up the schedule for tomorrow, and put the earnings in. Gathering the information, Jay faxed them over to Greg. Now, he knew he had nothing else to do. Picking up the keys, Jay locked the office door, and headed out of the garage. Pulling the door down, it met the ground with a loud bang, and Jay locked the door. Getting into his car, he drove on the slower side, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to the music coming from his speakers. Walking up the steps to the apartment, Jay did that slow as well, happy that no one was around. He walked into an empty apartment and threw his keys at the counter. Taking a shower, Jay let the water roll down his body, and silently thanked that Sean wasn't home. After he got out, he decided working out would be a good way to relieve his frustrations. As he lay back on the bench, his arms went to work, gently going up and down. Repeating the motions over, and over, Jay silently counted in his head, making sure he took breaks in between his reps. The stress slowly went away as Jay continued to lift the bar, only wishing that getting rid of his issues were this easy. A knock on the door interrupted Jay's counting, and he cursed to himself.

"What?" Jay yelled, not bothering to get up to see who was at the door. He went back to counting, not caring if the person heard him or not.

"Hi..." Emma says softly from the doorway. She looked at Jay, "I can come back later if you're busy." She kept her eyes on Jay, watching the concentration on his face. "Okay, you don't want to be bothered... sorry for interrupting." Emma's voice was still soft. She turned around, going to head back out of the apartment.

Yelling at himself in his head, Jay put the bar in its holders and jumped up from the bench. "Sorry." Jay says to her, stopping her from leaving. He stood in front of her, looking at her in her black button empire dress. Jay pulled his eyes off her body. "Did you... need something?"

"I... haven't seen you in awhile." Emma timidly crossed her arm over her, allowing her hand to hold her arm. "I can see you're still alive."

"Yeah, I'm still alive." Jay confirms, not liking the awkward tension between them.

"I um-" Emma pauses, but decides to just spit it out. "Did I do something?"

"Uh-" Jay can't think of anything to say. "No, no, why would you think that?"

"It just seemed like you were avoiding us... me." Emma answers, looking at the ground.

"Honestly," Jay waits for Emma to look up at him. "I thought you were mad at me... for leaving." Jay pauses. "When I came back, everything seemed so weird... and you felt... distant."

"Yeah, I um-" Emma looks back down at the floor. "I had a boyfriend... kinda..."

"Oh, yeah I thought so." Jay nods his head. "The guy who answered the door."

"Yep." Emma confirms.

"You guys are over?"

"Yep." She repeats, not looking up at Jay to see a very small smile forming. "A little over a week now."

"Oh, sorry to hear that." Jay tells her sincerely, yet not really meaning it.

"It just... didn't work out." Emma looks up to see his eyes. "So, how've you been?"

Chapter 22, part 1: Breathe In, Pt.4

the trauma's lead to a bottomless despair
but I'd rather feel the heartache

"I've been... okay." Jay answers, looking at Emma.

"Yeah... good." Emma nods her head, looking down.

"So..." Jay folds his arms across his chest. "Is this weird for you?"

"Yeah." Emma admits.

"Me too..." Jay agrees. "Why is it weird?"

"I'm not really sure." Emma answers. Part of her just wants to hug him, to tell him she missed him, but part of her doesn't think she should do that.

"Um, do you want to stay..." Jay looks at her. "Watch a movie or TV or something..."

"Yeah, sure." Emma moves over towards the couch. Jay was behind her, watching her dress move against her legs. Taking a seat in the corner of the couch, Emma curled her legs under her. Jay, being Jay, laid down across the couch, placing his head in her lap. Emma looked down at him as he flicked through the channels on the TV. Smiling to herself, Emma realized how much she missed just staying at home and watching TV. She loved that Zack always planned in advance, and always surprised her, but with Jay, the two of them could just chill at home and stuff their faces with take out.

Without realizing it, Emma's hand fell gently onto Jay's head. As she watched TV, her hand ran through his hair repeatedly, gently tousling it between her fingers. An overwhelming sensation flew over Jay's body every time Emma's fingers met his scalp. Closing his eyes at her touch, Jay forgot about the TV. If time hadn't have been going by so fast, Jay could have stayed like that all night.

"Jay, I should get going." Emma spoke quietly, but still continued to run her fingers through his hair.

"Hmm..." Jay murmurs, keeping his eyes closed.

"I have to get going." Emma repeats, stopping her hand from going back to his hair. Jay opened his eyes, rolling over to face her.

"Why?" Jay asks, looking up at her.

"Manny and Sean should be back soon, and I don't want to be asked a gazillion questions." Emma explains, watching his eyes watch hers.

"Yeah, you're right." Jay sits up. Emma stood up, stretching out her legs. Jay stood up as wells, following her to the front door. The stood facing each other for several seconds. Emma decided she was just going to do it.

"Don't be such a stranger." Emma whispers into his ear as she leans up to give him a hug. Jay hugged her back, enjoying the way it felt to have her in his arms again.

"I won't." Jay whispers back. He made sure his warm breath made it to her ear, teasing her. Emma almost melted as his breath made its way down her neck. Forcing herself to pull away from the hug, Emma gave Jay a small smile. He opened the door for her, watching Emma walk into her own apartment. Jay made his way back to the couch, laying the same way he was just laying only minutes ago. Closing his eyes, Jay felt a little better then he did before. Maybe it was because of Emma, he could only hope that was the reason. As he tried to relive the sensation she gave him, the door opened. Sean walked in, around the couch, and sat on the chair.