Chapter 2
Not in Kansas Anymore

I still haven't told her.

I've never been a procrastinator. My chores always started the minute I woke up, an' didn't end until I hit the sheets. Still do, in fact. 'Cept for this mornin'.

There's just somethin' so incredibly romantic about watchin' the person who just took your virginity sleep. Okay, maybe it's a lil' creepy too. I just can't take my eyes off her, y'know?

She stirs, an' I hold my breath. Her eyes peel open an' meet mine. She smiles.

"Mornin', Squash."

I just smile wider.

"What'cha doin'?"

"Watchin' you sleep."

She snorts. "Okay, that doesn't make you sound like a stalker at all."

"Please, I thought the whole point a' bein' a Lesbian was so you wouldn't have to worry about stalkers."

Her brow wrinkles. "Eh?"

"Women don't stalk," I explain, tryin' to sound sexy about it an' doin' a halfway decent job, "We prowl."

"I'm still being hunted, though."

"So? I doubt you bed every stalker you meet."

"Actually, some nights I've pondered doing it with every random creep who hits on me just so I could play Succubus."

I raise my eyebrow.

"My plasma doesn't just exit through my hands. It can go anywhere on my body."

"Still not gettin' it."

I hear a loud FWOOSH! an' look down at her now glowing vagina.

"Ah."

"Anyway," she says, extinguishing the flame. "I hope you understand that what happened last night, didn't really mean anything."

I should have expected that. In fact I did expect that. She's never been the committin' type. I figure the only real reason she wanted to be a villain was so she wouldn't have to listen to anybody's rules but her own. Everything about her told me that she was gonna say that no matter how much I rocked her world.

Maybe that's why it hurts so much.

All I can do is sigh. "Shego, I need to tell you something." I always seem to lose my accent when I'm bein' serious.

She licks her lips. "Can it wait?"

"No," I reply, shaking my head. "No it can't. Shego, we've had sex over a dozen times in one night an' you still don't know my name."

"Don't need to," she says as she rolls over three feet to stand at the spot where she left her clothes. "I try not to get too attached to my one night stands."

"Is that all I am to you?" I ask, suddenly offended. "A notch on your bedpost?"

"Not really," she replies, pulling up her panties. "We used your bed."

I huff an' look away. "Fine. Wasn't that great anyway."

She scoffs, causin' me to look at her again. "Liar."

"Alright, so it was amazing." I look down and sigh.

Her laugh draws my attention yet again. "Look, Squash, we're both adults here." She tilts her head. "How old are you, anyway?"

"Twenty-one last month."

"Good, no legal problems. Anyway, I hope you can understand that all I was looking for last night was a good time. Haven't had any good female action in a while, and you fit the bill."

"Wait, you sleep with men too?"

"Doy, country girl. It's called bisexuality. You should try it sometime."

My face is burnin' all of a sudden. "Sorry," I say quietly, lookin' down. "Guess I grew up around too many sweat hogs to find guys attractive."

"Don't worry; in a town like this, you'll find a hot guy in no time."

"Not if I'm only lookin' at you."

"Okay, you have got to stop being so creepy," she says, leveling a finger in my direction before bendin' down to pick up her purse. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta get out of here before you grow any more attached to me. I find relationships to be a bad side-effect of cuddling." She heads for the door.

"Shego, wait!"

She stops, but doesn't face me, peerin' over her shoulder instead. "What is it?"

"My name's Joss."

She turns around. "Nice to meet you, Joss. See ya' around." She spins on her heels and starts walking away again.

"Joss Possible."

She freezes. But she doesn't turn around like last time. Then she walks out the door.

Crap.

Like most great love stories, it started out with a drink. More specifically, an offer to buy one.

I'd never been to a Gay an' Lesbian bar before, but after movin' all the way down to San Fransisco, I figured I should at least embrace the lifestyle I'd chosen fer myself. It wasn't like I'd never gotten drunk before.

Still didn't change the fact that I was incredibly nervous. One of the most tellin' things about a person is where they hang out. Like it or not, everywhere you go makes a statement about you. After so many years of hidin' who I was, I was finally comin' out. Figger'ed I'd just answer everybody's questions before they even started askin'.

Oh, and I'd heard the music here was great.

Noddin' my head to the beat, I walked over to the bar an' plopped my fine country ass—as my bedmate would describe it later that night—down in the first available seat.

The best thing about bein' a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun (fun, fun)

Shania Twain. I knew this was a country bar, but damn!

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction

Of all the songs…. Regardless, I started singin' along. I always did like this song.

"Color my hair, do what I dare…. Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel…. Man!"

"…I feel like a woman!"

If bug-eyes were physically possible, I'm sure mine woulda popped right outta their sockets. My face was still burnin' from all the blood that rushed up there, though. I whipped my head around an' saw her standin' there, smilin' like the devil.

I felt like I'd seen her somewhere before, but my growin' embarrassment prevented me from thinkin' clearly enough to place her pale green skin an' long black hair. Her voice was familiar too. I felt like I'd met her somewhere before. But in my panic I was still drawin' blanks.

"Great song, huh?"

I managed to unlock my teeth long enough to reply; "Uh… yeah."

"You've got a pretty nice voice there."

"Thanks," I said, runnin' a hand through my hair.

She didn't reply at first, movin' to claim the seat beside me before callin' the bartender over.

"Two martinis on me, Sally." She turned to face me. "You like martinis, right?"

"I'm more partial to beer, but I'm not gonna complain if it's free."

She shrugged. "So why not a karaoke bar? With a voice like that I'm sure you could score at least a few more rounds."

"Are there any karaoke bars you know of that cater exclusively to queers?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You are aware of what town you're in, right?"

I laughed. "Would you go to any of 'em?"

"Hell no. My boss ruined karaoke for me."

With that crack, I suddenly remembered who she was. I wanted to slap myself upside the head for takin' so long to recognize her. It wasn't exactly like she blended into a crowd.

"Shego, right?" I inquired as our drinks arrived.

"The one and only," she said before taking a sip of her lime-green martini.

I wanted to squeal. Out of all my cousin's foes, Shego was always my favorite. She had the most interestin' backstory, an' she never really seemed all that evil to me. On top a' that, she's smokin' hot. Since she got her pardon after the Lorwardian invasion seven years ago, sightings of her had been scarce. There were rumors that she'd been livin' off of all the money she'd gotten from her criminal career, hoppin' from one island to the next to escape the paparazzi. I was sittin' next to a ghost.

"What brings you to town?"

"Visiting an old friend. You?"

"Gettin' my engineerin' degree at Berkeley."

She whistled. "I take it you're smarter than your accent suggests."

"My daddy builds robots to help out on the farm."

A nod and a sip was her reply. "You know how I can tell you're bein' honest?"

I shook my head.

"Look around," she said, gesturin' with her finger. "Everyone here either went to a leather shop or rented a costume. You come in here wearing tight jeans and a blue shirt, without so much as a cowboy hat or boots to make you fit in with the theme of this place."

I stared at her blankly. "So?"

"So you've been around enough cowboy culture to realize that it's not the Old West here. You just wore whatever you felt like instead of trying to blend in."

"Seems like you did too," I remarked, eyein' her black skirt an' candy green top. "Is that why you're sittin' next to me instead of those other chicks? 'Cause I'm authentic?"

"That, and you've got a nice rack."

I could feel my face melting with all the blood rushing into it from that last remark. Sure, I'd filled out a bit, but I'd never had anyone compliment me quite like that.

"Er… thanks."

"Don't sweat it." She looked around. "Hey, you wanna get outta here?"

My heart skipped a beat. Hell yes I wanted to get outta there!

"Uh… sure," I said as smoothly as I could before takin' another sip of my drink.

The rest of that night is really a blur, more due to adrenaline than alcohol. I do remember thinkin' over and over about how this was goin' too fast; how I should stop before I did somethin' I couldn't go back on. But I couldn't work up the nerve.

Everything happens for a reason. But what happens when Fate throws you for a loop? All you can do then is hang on an' enjoy the ride, 'cause nothin'll ever be the same again.

I can't remember how long I was in bed this mornin'. All I know is that a few minutes ago I realized that I needed some air, so I came out here to the kitchen. I don't have much in the way of neighbors, so I shouldn't have had to put anything on, but then again ya never know when some Peepin' Tom is gonna show up. I'd at least prefer to be decent when I kick his ass.

While I doubt a wife-beater an' a pair a' panties is the sexiest ensemble in the world, I have to admit it sure is comfortable. Plus it shows off my legs, which I'm fairly proud of. They wouldn't get me into any magazines, but if I ever decided to become a comic book superhero, I wouldn't have to do much work.

Speakin' a' which, my cousin Kim's in the paper again. Not for savin' the world or stoppin' some villain either. But it is front page news.

"Doctor Kimberly Ann Possible announced Saturday her engagement to Ronald Adrian Stoppable, her partner of eight years," I read aloud. "The weddin' will be held June seventh, 2014."

It's about time. I dunno why in the hell she stuck with that buffoon all these years. She got a freakin' medical doctorate a year early while he still hasn't graduated college. But for some reason she loves him. Maybe it's 'cause they balance each other out. At any rate, I should call her to RSVP. Shoulda done that when I received the invitation last night, in fact. Then again, I was a little preoccupied.

I walk over to the phone, sashayin' my hips for no other reason than to feel sexy. After a few moments, I wince. Must be more raw than I thought.

Sittin' down carefully on the couch, I dial the number. After a few moments, I hear a voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Ron? That you?"

"Um… maybe?"

"Paranoid as ever, I see. Kim there?"

"Uh… no! No, not at all! No one's here! Leave your message after the beep!"

"Ron…."

"Beep!"

"That's it, I'm comin' over there!"

"No! Don't do that! You don't have to come! It's not safe!"

"What's not safe? What is with you?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! Everything's fine!"

"But you just said it wasn't safe."

"Did I say that? No, I meant that… uh… we just… got a new safe! And uh… you don't have to come over, because… everything's fine!"

"Put Kim on the phone."

"Kim's not here."

"RON!"

"Yes ma'am."

I roll my eyes and sigh. Idiot.

After a moment I hear my cousin's voice. "Hello?"

"What the hell is with your fiancé?"

"Oh, he's just being Ron. How are you?"

"Confused mostly, but otherwise okay. How 'bout you?"

"Same. So why are you calling?"

"I saw the paper."

"And?"

"An' I figured I'd RSVP."

"Um… that's great! See you there!"

Sounds like she's about to hang up. I'm not ready to be left alone just yet.

"Hold on a minute!"

"What?"

I sigh. "I'm not fine," I confess. "Somethin' happened last night; somethin' big. An'… I need someone to talk to about it."

"You know I'm always here for you, Joss. Especially now that we're both in the same area."

"D'ya think I could come over later? That is, if Ron hasn't moved you both into a bunker by then."

She laughs. "I think he's calmed down now. Come on over whenever you're ready."

I smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

I hang up an' lean back on the couch. I look at the clock. Eight thirty. Still a few more hours until I have to go to class.

I roll over an' head for my bedroom to put somethin' on. Maybe shower too. For some reason I feel dirty all over.

I knock three times on the door to her apartment. I'm preparin' for a fourth when the door swings open.

"Joss, hey!" Kim says before leanin' forward to hug me. "How are you?"

"Not so good. I need someone to talk to."

"Well, I'm always here. Why don't you come in?"

"Sure," I agree before steppin' over the threshold.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Ya got beer?"

"Not really."

"Then no."

We laugh an' walk over to sit on her couch. "So what was Ron freakin' out about earlier?" I decide to ask.

She looks away. "Oh, we just had an unexpected visitor. It's nothing."

"I… kinda had an unexpected visitor too," I admit.

"Really? Who?"

"Well, you're not gonna believe this, but—"

The sound of the door openin' interrupts me. We both turn to look.

Oh, this can't be happenin'. It's not possible.

"Hey Kimmie, did I leave my keys here?" the intruder asks, lookin' down at the table by the door. "I can't seem to find…" she trails off as she looks up as our eyes meet.

"Shego?" I gasp.

She smiles. "Hey, Squash."