Chapter 3
Devil on the Doorstep

"What the HELL are YOU doin' here?!" I all but scream.

She shrugs. "Hey, I told you I was visiting an old friend."

"Since when is she a 'friend?!'" I holler, pointin' at Kim.

Another shrug. This time with a smirk. "Hey, you never asked who I was here to see. I probably woulda told ya too."

"I… you…." Okay, calm down. Runnin' across the room an' beatin' her senseless won't solve a damn thing. It'll probably just make Kim ask even more questions. Speakin a' which….

"What the hell is this all about?"

Right on cue. Shoulda known better than to open my big mouth in front a' the world's biggest busybody. Only reason she's such a good detective is 'cause she's always in everybody's business. Ain't her fault, though. Some people just can't help but feel like they gotta take responsibility for e'erything. Kim's always been like Atlas, takin' the weight o' the world on her shoulders.

Just once, I wish she'd shrug.

I sigh. "This was my unexpected guest," I tell her.

Shego scoffs. "'This?' I am not a 'this!'"

"Sorry, she was my unexpected guest."

"Better."

Kim stands and shakes her head. "Wait, what? What are you talking about?"

"I met your little…." She looks at me an' scrunches her face.

"Cousin," I tell her.

"…cousin here at a bar last night. Since I don't exactly have a place to stay while I'm here in town, she was kind enough to offer me her bed for the night."

Oh, this can't be happenin'!

She looks at me. "Is that true, Joss?"

Have ya ever blushed so hard you wonder why yer still able to stand if all the blood in your body is now in your face? Seriously, why haven't I collapsed yet?

"Uh… maybe?"

She stares. "But… you… heh… you obviously weren't in bed with her…" she says, her face growin' more an' more worried with each syllable. "Right?"

I look away. "Well…."

"Oh, for the love of…. We did it, okay?"

Okay, really; how am I even conscious right now?

"SHEGO!"

"What? She's gonna find out anyway. You know her Nerdlinger has the whole freakin' world wired."

"So not helping…."

Another damn shrug. "Eh. Not tryin' to."

"Oh God, this cannot be happening…."

We both turn to look at Kim, who's close to hysterics at this point.

"Maybe you should lie down, Kimmie," Shego suggests.

"Yeah, give Shego an' I a chance to discuss this in private."

"I think you're right…" she says dully, stumblin' towards her bedroom an' holdin' the sides of her head. "My cousin… and my former archnemesis… together! It's… I…. Oh God!"

She's still ramblin' by the time she reaches the end a' the hall, but at least she's out of earshot now.

"I think we broke her," Shego says.

"You shut up!" I whisper harshly. "Why the hell didn't you just tell me you were in town to see Kim? We coulda come over here together!"

"I already told you why: you didn't ask. And to be fair, you didn't even tell me your name until I was about to leave."

"I… you…. Alright, you got a point!" I growl, crossin' my arms. "But how was I supposed t'know you two were on speakin' terms?"

"We weren't until this morning. She's just incredibly accepting."

I raise an eyebrow.

Shego waves it off. "She just needs time to adjust. Besides, if you think she's freaking out, you should see Stoppable."

"Already talked to 'im, thank you."

She grins mischievously. "Think we should tell him the news?"

"Naw, I don't wanna kill 'im just yet. 'Sides, Kim'll prolly tell 'im anyway."

"Is it just me or do you sound like even more of a hick when you're upset?"

Don't respond to that. Just glare at her until her face melts.

She laughs an' throws her hands up. "Fine, don't answer that."

I sigh an' slump my shoulders. "Why'd you walk out on me this mornin'?"

"I was running late coming here," she answers.

"No, I mean why'd you tell me last night didn't mean anything?"

Her eyes seem to harden just a little bit. "Because it didn't. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and all, but don't go thinkin' you're gonna be taking me as your date to Kimmie's wedding. I just stopped by to wish the happy couple well and now I'll be on my way." She looks around. "As soon as I find my keys."

"If I help ya find 'em, will you at least stick around long enough to let Kim ask all her questions? You an' I both know she'll go insane unless she knows exactly what went down."

She grins. "Don'tcha mean who went down?"

…I think my head just exploded.

"Uh, I, er, um…" I stammer, tryin' to remember how to speak.

"Hey, whose keys are these?"

We both turn to look at Ron, who just came in.

"Thanks, buffoon!" Shego says before zoomin' across the floor an' grabbin' the keys out of his hand.

"Hey, wait!" I try an' chase after her, but she's already at the door before I can even untangle myself from Ron, who I seem to've tackled.

"See ya 'round, Squash!" She throws me a wink before disappearin' behind the door.

"Ugh, get OFF 'a me, you idiot!" I yell, shovin' Ron to the side. I scramble to my feet. "Shego, wait!"

"Joss, she's gone."

I whirl around to face the blond-haired moron that my cousin for some reason wants to marry. "No she ain't! She left five seconds ago!"

"More than enough time for her to escape, trust me. I've seen her get away enough times to know that once she's out of your sight, you won't be seeing her again for a while. Not unless she wants you to."

"I don't care if she got away from yer slow ass. I'm goin' after her!" I turn back towards the door.

"She got away from Kim too."

I stop again an' sigh. "You sure she's gone?"

"Well now that you've wasted the last minute or so talking to me, definitely," he says.

I growl, turnin' around so he can see my teeth.

"Heh heh…" he chuckles as he raises his arms in a 'surrender' position. I relax a bit, but I keep my arms crossed while I glare at 'im.

"What was that all about, anyway?"

Consequences be damned; I'm tellin' 'im.

"We slept together. Ya got a problem with that?"

He stares for several long moments. His eyes grow wide, his jaw expands to epic proportions, an' he starts stutterin'. He's panickin', alright.

"I… you… Sh-Shego..." he gibbers like he just saw a mushroom cloud. "S-sick… sick and wrong! Sick and wrong!"

I decide to stop 'im there before he starts rippin' off his clothes. "RON!" I yell. "Get a hold 'a yerself! Think about it: what's sexier than one hot girl?"

"That's easy," he answers. "Two."

I raise my eyebrow at him. His eyes go wide with revelation.

"Ohhhhh," he says, awestruck. "Maybe it's not so bad after all…." He tilts his head to the side an' his eyes travel to one corner as he drifts off into fantasy.

"Ron!" I shout, snappin' my fingers at 'im. "No daydreamin' while I'm here! Save it fer later!"

He frowns an' slumps his shoulders. "Aw man…."

"Now since yer not freakin' out about this anymore maybe we can talk about it."

"Can't you talk to Kim?" he whines. "She's better at this."

"She hasn't accepted it yet. You have."

"But I'm a guy! It's easy for me to accept! It doesn't mean I'm good at talking!"

"Tough. I'm gonna talk, an' yer gonna listen."

"Aw man…"

"Ron…."

He sighs. "Fine. What'd you wanna talk about?"

"Pretty much the whole Shego leavin' thing."

"Alright. Why don't you sit down?"

"I'll stand."

"Um… okay." He starts rubbin' the back of his neck.

We stare at each other for a while. Finally he says; "So… I take it her leaving wasn't a good thing."

I sigh. "I just don't get why she can't stick around any longer than it takes her to get what she wants."

He steps forward an' places an arm on my shoulder. "Look," he says in a more serious tone. "Shego's like a cat that you find on the street. She's perfectly capable of fending for herself, but you think she's so cute that you wanna take her home and nurture her anyway. Then again she has claws so you're probably better off leaving her alone, what with that nasty temper of hers…."

"Uh, Ron?"

"What?"

"Where are you goin' with this?"

"I'm getting to the point! Just let me finish."

I sit down. "Okay."

He exhales, then continues: "Okay, so like I was saying, you're trying to tame what by now is basically a wild animal after so many years on her own. But she's so cute that you just don't care. Anyway, you buy her food, a little bed, maybe even some toys for her to play with. And things go great for that first day. You and your new kitty have a blast. But eventually it's time to go to bed."

He pauses long enough to sit beside me. "The next morning, you can't find your new kitty anywhere. That little pet bed you bought yesterday is empty. She's not by her food dish. And her toys are just lying around. So you figure she must have run away in the middle of the night."

"I think I'm startin' to see where yer goin' with this."

"Really? Where?"

"Yer sayin' that even though I gave Shego everything I had to offer, she's so selfish that she'll just up an' ditch me without so much as a 'thank you.'"

Ron shakes his head. "No, that's not what I'm saying at all."

"Then what are you sayin'?"

"Let me finish the story first."

I lean further back into the couch. "Fine," I huff.

"So initially you're devastated that your kitty ran away. You only knew the thing for a day, but you feel like you connected to her on some level that you're not willing to let go of yet. So you go out looking for the kitty. You post fliers, you ask your neighbors if they've seen the cat, and you wait around for her to show up, but she doesn't come back. At that point you're just about ready to give up."

He shifts his body so he can face me better. "Then one night, the cat comes back. You're overjoyed, but at the same time you're nervous because you know she's just gonna try and run away again. You wanna keep her locked inside, so she'll be yours forever. So you shut all the windows and lock all the doors. You put her bed in your room, so you can watch her the whole night. And it goes great at first. But you start to feel like there's something missing. Having the cat isn't as much fun as it used to be."

"Why not?"

"Because eventually you realize that what attracted you to the cat was its independence. The fact that it's completely free to do whatever it want is what makes it special. It's a trait you wish you could have. But by keeping the poor thing in the house, you take away that freedom. And suddenly the cat loses its appeal. Now it's just another animal."

"So you're sayin' I should just let Shego come an' go as she pleases?"

"If you ever wanna have a serious relationship with her, yeah. One of the best things about women like that is that they're so unpredictable. It's the reason I fell in love with Kim. And it's the same reason you feel such a strong connection to Shego. Because you're the exact same way."

I blink. "Y'know, you can be pretty insightful when you wanna be."

He shrugs. "Yeah, well, don't tell Kim I told you any of that. She seems to like me better when I act like a total idiot."

"Why?"

"I dunno, really. Could be she just doesn't like competition. Or that it messes with the way she sees me and forces her to change her perceptions. Either way, she doesn't like it when I come across as smart."

"That why ya always act like such a goof? So she doesn't feel threatened?"

"Well, that, and it's just my personality. I've just learned that Kim really doesn't like it when I try and show other sides of myself."

I laugh. "Yer secret's safe with me, Ron."

"Good to hear," he says, wipin' his brow. He leans closer to me an' whispers; "So what was it like? Are her nipples really green?"

I raise a critical eyebrow at 'im before bustin' out laughin'.

"Oh come on! I won't tell anybody! I just wanna know what she was like!"

"You do, do you?"

I don't think I've ever seen anybody stand up so quick. "K-Kim!" he stammers, turnin' around to face her. "How long have you been standing there with your arms crossed looking like you're gonna kill me?"

She waves it off. "Relax, that was on my list of questions too."

"Really?"

"No."

"No? Oh… ah… heh heh…."

"Ron, sit down."

"Yes ma'am." He plants himself back on the couch, hands clasped together on his lap.

Kim steps closer, arms crossed. "Ron," she begins, "when you told me you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, I thought that meant you'd stop…" she gestures, "this."

"Stop what?"

"Being such an idiot, for starters."

"But Kim, you said you like it when I'm an idiot!"

She shakes her head. "I didn't say that. I like you when you're a goof, yes. I like it that you still have strong connections to your childhood. But I do not like it when you act like a total moron and ask my cousin what it was like to have sex with a woman who used to try and kill us!"

He looks down, ashamed. "I'm sorry."

I roll my eyes. "Oh, give 'im a break, willya? You know he can't tell when yer givin' 'im a hard time."

"That's what makes it so fun, though!" Kim protests with a pout.

"Yeah, but yer gonna make 'im cry if you don't stop."

"Fine," she groans. "Ron," she says liftin' up his chin. "Look at me."

"What?"

She smiles. "Ron, I'm not mad at you. I'd just like you to watch what you say around people."

"Okay."

I smirk. She has no idea how much he watches what he says, especially 'round her.

She turns to me. "So Joss, did you still wanna talk?"

I shrug. "Maybe later. I gotta get to class. 'Sides, you two look like ya need some alone time anyway," I finish with a wink.

Kim turns redder th'n a sunburned Irishman. "Joss!" she screeches. "What are you—?"

"Nothin'," I reply with a smirk. "Later!" I head fer the door.

"Hey, get back here! Tell me what you—"

CLICK.

The End

And now for the only author's note in the whole fic!

Sorry to end it like that, but I feel like I've gotten everything I can from this style. I have a much bigger story to tell, one that doesn't only focus on Joss. I hope you enjoyed this short little introductory adventure, and I encourage everyone to review.

See you next time!

beeftony