Disclaimer: Nope... still not ours.

A/N: Update a little later than planned, but it's been a crazy, crazy week for both of us. Hopefully things will start to settle down soon!

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Chapter Three

Sometime closer to Atlantean midday, Rodney decided he wouldn't be able to work any more without something in his stomach, and thus headed to the messhall, empty coffee cup in tow. The place was almost empty when he got there, aside from a couple of Marines, and Rodney took his tray of food and caffeine past them to one of the tables in the far corner.

Halfway into something that looked like a ham sandwich but in reality could have been just about anything, the noise of – people – approaching made Rodney look up. A couple of seconds later Teyla and Lieutenant Ford rounded the corner into the mess, followed almost immediately by Sheppard. All three of them looked to be in conversation – and a loud one at that.

Rodney almost smiled, as he was able to start picking out what they were saying. But it faded as they walked right past him, apparently too busy talking to each other to even notice he was there. And it was Rodney's own fierce pride that prevented him from saying anything – they weren't his team anymore, after all; they were none of his concern.

And – of course he wasn't staring morosely at his almost-ham sandwich, listening to them talk and wishing he was a part of it. Nope, he wasn't doing anything of the sort.

Just like he wasn't regretting going into Elizabeth's office that morning and telling her he was quitting the team. It was just... Rodney still couldn't understand why Sheppard had reacted the way he had when he'd first heard the news – except that the major's behaviour now made a lot more sense. He'd been avoiding Rodney, because – because...

Because he's realised what a little coward you really are, McKay, a little voice whispered to him, sending a shiver down Rodney's spine. They look better off without you, don't they?

Hardly surprising, though, is it? the voice continued. They've got Zippy on side now, and he's a lot less likely to get them all killed than you are.

And that was the point of the whole exercise. It was a simple enough formula, and God knew Rodney McKay was good enough at constructing one of those. The variables were nice and clear cut as well.

Variable one: the Genii. Impudent little bastards, thinking they could just walk in and hijack Atlantis like that.

Variable two: Rodney himself. Sure, he could fire a gun at the enemy, was at least as proficient with a firearm on a shooting range as half the soldiers in the city, but place him in a one-on-one situation with a cross-section of the first variable, and that's where the element for uncertain outcome came into the equation.

Uncertain outcome, also known as variable three: reaction to fear.

Variable one had interacted with variable two, and produced the outcome also known as variable three. The Genii had threatened Rodney, and in a superb act of cowardice he had...

Well.

He'd endangered the plan to save Atlantis, and by proxy the lives of the entire expedition – no city meant all two hundred or so of them became complete refugees in the Pegasus Galaxy. He'd endangered Sheppard, with a mob of Genii on the hunt for him.

Dammit – he'd nearly gotten everyone killed!

And for what? He'd given up their plan to stop a knife slicing into his arm. One knife wound against the lives of the entire Atlantis expedition. It wasn't worth even thinking about a basis for comparison there – there was none.

And Sheppard had finally got his head around that fact. Well, good for him. And Teyla, and Ford and...

Rodney looked up again.

He was alone in the mess.

o o o o o

Later on that afternoon, Rodney had checked and double-checked the list of repairs that his department had been requested to carry out in Atlantis. Almost on a whim he'd sent Kavanagh, along with backup, to investigate apparent leakages in the air filtration systems down by the east pier, and another little delegation of scientists had been given the Puddlejumper assignment.

As for Rodney himself? Well, he was on his way back to the training room, to double check on the repairs to the computer panel. Normally he wouldn't have lowered himself to such demeaning and dull work, but right now Rodney didn't have to think too hard. Besides, he was head of department. It wasn't like anybody was going to argue with how he'd handed out the day's assignments. But if there was any other motive behind him taking the computer panel, then Rodney was so far managing to keep a secret even from himself.

And as was to be expected for anything done by Doctor McKay, the repaired computer panel was in remarkably good condition, and running exactly as it should have been. Still, just to be on the safe side – and so that he could be honest when it came to annotating the subsequent report back to Elizabeth – Rodney started scanning the circuitry.

"Doctor McKay?"

Rodney jumped, nearly breaking the scanner against the wall in a hurried effort to prevent himself from falling. He turned around. "...Teyla."

Teyla inclined her head gracefully. "I did not intend to startle you," she offered apologetically.

Rodney blinked. "What? No. You didn't – I..." he trailed off in a pit of his own lameness.

Smiling, Teyla replied, "I wished to apologise to you for the damage caused to the computer panel. I know how valuable your time and expertise is here to the other members of your expedition."

'To the other members of your expedition'. Rodney inwardly winced at the phrasing. Looked like Sheppard wasn't the only one finding it easy dealing with life after McKay.

He paused for a moment. Normally, right about now he'd be making some smartass remark about having the time to do monkey work because he'd sent the monkeys where they wouldn't annoy him, but this time... something wasn't right, something was out of place.

Teyla was no longer his team mate, not in the strict sense the term had had before... before.

Rodney hesitated for one moment too long; Teyla smiled benignly at him, obviously waiting for something. He wracked his brain, trying desperately to find something to say.

"It's... no problem," he said lamely. "I was in the neighbourhood."

Briefly he wondered what had happened to his IQ – he sounded like Sheppard on a good day. Not a comforting thought.

If Teyla had noticed the massive – but momentary! – drop in his IQ, she didn't say anything, instead moving to one of the benches, where her sticks were propped up. Rodney blinked and refocused his attention on the scanner. The computer panel was fine, just like he had known it would be.

He gathered up the rest of his equipment, and made straight for door as quickly as he could, only to barge straight into Sheppard with five metres to go before the exit. Sheppard stared at him, then over to Teyla, then back to Rodney again.

"I was... I was just checking the panel," he said hurriedly, disgusted with himself at his defensive tone. "It was broken."

"I noticed."

Rodney stared at the major for a moment before pushing past him and out into the corridor. He didn't look behind him, instead hugging his equipment to his chest like a security blanket as he made his way back to the lab.

o o o o o

Even later on that same afternoon – though really it was getting into evening now – Rodney was lying flat on his back, legs spread for support and balance. He was squinting from effort and concentration, and annoyingly enough his left foot kept tapping one of Beethoven's symphonies.

He wasn't getting anywhere fast, though – the innards of the control room's main console stared back down him, denying Doctor McKay the results he wanted.

Beyond his feet, Rodney could just make out Grodin's boots, tapping a pattern of their own as he worked the dialling console. Somewhere up and to the left of him, he knew Elizabeth was watching over proceedings as she usually did, slightly detached from actual events but still in charge nevertheless.

Rodney reached up and tweaked a couple of the crystals slotted in horizontally to the console's backup circuits – a quick check on his scanner, wedged precariously inbetween his thighs, proved it had done what it was supposed to...

"Are you nearly done, Rodney?" It was Elizabeth.

Rodney twisted his neck to the left, where he spotted Elizabeth's boots, one of them tapping idly. "I'll be done in a sec," he called out, immediately returning to his work.

"Thank you," Elizabeth said. "It's just we've got an off-world mission scheduled to leave soon."

"Yeah, sure." Rodney was no longer paying attention, lost again in the Ancient machinery.

A minute or so later a new voice broke into Rodney's thought processes. "Hey, Elizabeth. We're about ready to go. Or at least, we will be once Ford catches up."

It was Sheppard.

"Yes... where did you say he was?"

And that was Teyla.

"He said something about turkey sandwich for natives."

And that...

Rodney blinked for a moment. He forced himself to pay attention to what he was doing. One wrong move, and the clean up could take weeks.

"I'm here, I'm here!"

Ford, one part of Rodney noted.

"Doctor Grodin, dial the planet," Elizabeth said.

A minute later, Rodney craned his neck to the right in just enough time to watch the Stargate's wormhole establish. A few seconds after that four people emerged into the centre of the main room, just in front of the wormhole.

It didn't bother Rodney in the slightest that where he used to stand, in between Ford and Sheppard when they didn't take the 'Jumper off-world, was Zelenka.

And he didn't feel any sense of sadness or longing when Sheppard, Zelenka, Ford and Teyla walked through the wormhole in unison.

And he certainly didn't feel empty inside when the wormhole disestablished, having taken the new team to wherever their destination was.

No... the world was getting on quite nicely without him on the front line, and Rodney didn't feel anything about that at all.

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