Thanks to all who reviewed!

Rewritten on January 1, 2007. Notable change: Heads do not have private dorms.

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Chapter Three: How to Eat a Cake

Week 1--Day 2, Continued

Lily rolled over in her bed, not quite ready to leave its warm comfort. She knew that, should she take a step out of it, she'd be forced to deal with the problems of reality--something she wasn't quite keen on meeting with. After all, when presented with the problem of finding a boyfriend in less than a week now, who wouldn't want to avoid the start of a new day?

She sighed, opening her eyes slowly. Hesitating before climbing out of bed, she snuggled beneath her soft blankets to savor the last joys of warmth. Finally, when she knew that she could not stay in bed any longer, she forced herself out, the cold floor prickling her bare feet. After she exited the bathroom, she found Alice sitting upright on her bed.

"Morning, Lily," Alice said, yawning widely. "How was your night?"

Lily shrugged, rummaging through her closet. Grabbing a fresh pair of uniform robes, she said, "All right, I guess." In the middle of changing into her uniform, she suddenly stopped. "Well, I had a weird dream."

Alice, who had just entered the bathroom, poked her head out of the doorway. "What was it about?" Returning into the bathroom, she said again, "Hey, Lily, did you see my toothbrush?"

"Err, wasn't it in that green cup?" Lily replied, slipping into her uniform. Walking toward her dresser, took out a pair of socks.

"Oh yeah, thanks," came the reply. Lily heard the faucet turn on and Alice said, "You were saying, with your dream?"

Lily paused for a moment, trying to recollect the happenings of her dream. "I dreamed I had an ice cream," she said out loud. "It was butter pecan."

Alice faltered before replying, spitting out her toothpaste. "Ah. Is that it?"

Lily grabbed her shoes and said, "I don't like butter pecan. I prefer to stick with the classics: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry." Looking around the room, she spotted Lora's still form. "Do you think we should wake Lora up now?"

"Mm-hmm."

"How should I do it?" Lily asked. Lora enjoyed her sleep immensely, and, when woken improperly, she could cause serious damage. Either that, or the procedure didn't work a second time. After all these years, they had yet to find a proper way to wake her up.

"With caution."

Lily suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and shoot back a sarcastic reply. Thinking quickly, she grabbed her wand and conjured up an ice cream--butter pecan flavored. Walking over to Lora's bedside, she opened her friend's mouth and shoved the ice cream in.

She received the desired effect: Lora woke up, bolting up into a sitting position, sputtering. Realizing that she had just eaten a mouthful of ice cream, she shot a glare at Lily, looking at the ice cream cone. "Butter pecan?" she complained. "Of all ice creams, butter pecan? I don't like butter pecan--why couldn't it have been cookies and cream or something like that?"

"Of course," Lily said dryly, muttering the vanishing spell at the ice cream. "I should have opted for coffee ice cream." Lora made a face and didn't respond.

Alice exited the bathroom, looking at Lily closely. "No drastic damage. Hmm, impressive. You should try that method again next time Lora sleeps in." Lora shot Alice a glare before walking into the bathroom and promptly closing the door behind her. Alice, who started to dress as well, said, "Toss me my robe, will you, Lily? It's on the chair."

Lily picked it up and brought it over. "I don't understand why we need these hats," Lily stated, gesturing to the black, pointed hats lying on their dressers. "We never really wear them, anyways. Only on the first and last day of school."

"Yeah," Alice agreed, "and they make my head itch. Then again, Black and Pettigrew did apply itching powder on it. Jerks." Pulling on a sock, she averted the topic of conversation to something more serious. "So, like you said yesterday in the library. No one below seventh year, no Snape."

"And no Marauder," Lily added, running a brush through her hair. She hesitated for a moment before saying, "Well, Remus, maybe."

"Right." Alice reached beneath her pillow and pulled out a slightly crumpled parchment with a long list of names on it. "We'll check this list out later." She turned her attention to her shoes and started to tie the laces. "Hurry up, Lora!" she hollered at the door.

"I'm almost done!" Lora yelled back, clearly irritated. Several long minutes later, the three made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Once there, Lily immediately grabbed a bagel; she was rather hungry.

"Huh," Alice noted. "The Marauders aren't here. That's... suspicious." She frowned, then told herself to forget about it. She grabbed an orange and started to peel off its thick skin. "Now," she said, pulling out the list. "Joe Accuster, Gryffindor."

They all looked over to the boy who was grinning stupidly at his buttered toast, scratching his arse. The looked at each other and shook their heads in unison. Alice hastily scratched the name out. Lily, feeling terribly apprehensive, said, "I don't think this is such a good idea..."

"Nonsense!" Alice said, waving Lily's comment aside. She continued down a list of names, and, as she carried each one out, Lily looked more and more apprehensive. Finally, to her relief, Alice declared--after Bobby Barber, a boy whose best friends were his pencils with faces painted on them--that they'd had enough for the time-being.

They were well into their breakfast when the found the four Marauders walking down the aisle together, looking a bit bewildered and a little edgy when their eyes strayed toward the plates that were overflowing with food. As they passed them by, Lora piped up, "What's wrong with you four? You look like you've just been eaten by a giant butter pecan ice cream."

They stopped and turned toward Lora, not saying a word, staring fixedly at Lora. Lora, however, did not back down from their gaze, as she was genuinely curious about their late appearance and uncomfortable behavior. James's eyes then glazed over as he recalled the terrifying events...

Begin Flashback//

"I'm not sure this is a good idea, mate," Remus said apprehensively. "I mean, if you don't know what you're doing..."

"Nonsense!" Sirius said, obviously rather chipper, quickly recovering from the disappointed mood he was in earlier. "Now, what do you think is in a cake?"

A girl with rather long brown hair said, "Well, Mum says water is necessary in everything," batting her eyelashes all the while.

Sirius nodded. "Yes, water, great idea." He took a pitcher of water and put it into the bowl. "What else?"

"Well, flour, duh," called out a girl from the corner.

"Flour! Right!" Sirius said, picking up the large flour bag and pouring it all over the table. Soon, the bowl was overflowing with flower.

"Err... not that much, I think," she said hesitantly. Sirius nodded and began to scoop out the flour with "that big spoon thing with holes on the bottom."

Another girl piped up, "I like eggs."

"Brilliant!" Sirius shouted out as he took out a few eggs. Without bothering to crack the shell open first, he threw them into the bowl and began to mix it with a spoon. Flour sprayed everywhere. "And I know what we do next!" He took out a bin of sugar and dumped its entire contents into the bowl. After he set the empty bin down, he said, "Any other suggestions?"

Peter opened the door to the refrigerator. "How about some leftover lasagna?" Remus and James fixed a gaze on him that obviously read, "You're not helping." He shrinked a bit under their gaze and immediately closed the refrigerator door.

"Great, bring it over," Sirius said, throwing it into the bowl. "What next?"

"Strawberries," one girl said. "Strawberry cake is amazing."

"I don't like strawberries!" another girl protested. "I say cherry."

"Strawberries!" the first girl shouted. Soon, handfuls of flour were being thrown across the room, as they had engaged in a... flour fight. And as you might know, flour is rather sprinkly and does not clump together well. Thus, it falls onto people who had nothing to do with the argument. Angry that they had gotten dirty, they joined the fight. Soon, it spread to the Marauders.

Really, it did sound so much smarter in their heads.

When they had ran out of flour, they started on eggs, and when the eggs were gone, they realized what they had been doing and immediately sobered. Returning to the cake, Sirius started, "Right... anything else?" Throwing in the strawberries and the cherries, he heard a suggestion of milk. Pouring the milk in, he said, "Next step?"

"I say we bake it!" one of the girls said.

"Excellent! I can't wait. What should the temperature be?" Sirius said.

A girl considered the idea before choosing a random number out of the blue. "Five hundred." (And we shall now assume that this particular room is impossible to catch fire.)

Pouring the mix into a pan and putting it into the oven, Sirius said, "Great. For how long?"

"An hour!" said the same girl.

And thus they had an hour to spare. So, Sirius, cleaning himself up with a simple Scourify!, turned to his friends and said, "See? No problem!"

Remus, however, ignored Sirius and started to dig through the pantry and the refrigerator. As Sirius asked what he was doing, he replied, examining a can of soup closely, "We'll be late for breakfast, no doubt, and--" He looked at Sirius pointedly before a word could be spoken "--I'm not up to eating your delicious cake."

"What's wrong with it?" Sirius demanded, angered that Remus doubted his cooking skills.

"Mmm," was the only reply he received. Remus ignored the other questions that Sirius pelted at him, opening the door to the freezer, pulling out a box of ice cream. "Eww, butter pecan," he said, chucking it at James. "Who in the world eats that stuff?"

"I do," Peter said, grabbing the ice cream box from James. Sirius backed Peter's statement, declaring that butter pecan was a delicious delight--but did not eat any, claiming that the rest of them would be stuffed with ice cream while he "had all of the delicious strawberry-cherry cake" to himself. Remus only laughed at his statement before pulling out a box of vanilla ice cream--which was stolen by James.

The girls watched their argument, clinging onto their every word, while all four Marauders seemed oblivious of it, flicking bits of ice cream at each other. And so it continued, until the ding! of the oven was heard. Sirius immediately got up and went to the oven. Remus stopped him, handing him oven mitts. "You might want these," he cautioned.

And Sirius gladly accepted them, opening the door to the oven. Out came... a big mesh of something. (A/N: Sorry, never tried the recipe myself, so I wouldn't know what it looks like.) He looked at it indifferently.

James burst out laughing. "Well, you know what you do know," he said, tossing Sirius a fork. "You eat!"

Now, here comes another one of those moments that will be appropriate to say,

(Insert silence here.)

That is, until one of those girls said, "How are we supposed to eat that?"

James grinned. "Simple." He picked up a fork, but then put it aside and picked up a spoon instead. "You scoop it up, like this... open your mouth, like this..." At this point, Sirius was so astonished that James was going to eat it, his mouth was hanging wide open. "And you put it in your mouth, like this." With that, James put the spoon into Sirius's mouth. His eyes widened in horror as he started to choke, spitting out the cake.

But, from there on, they force-fed each other the cake.

//End Flashback

"Well?" Alice demanded, interrupting his thoughts. "What happened?"

"Nothing," James said dazedly. "Absolutely nothing."

And so, the four continued their journey across the school, leaving the girls to wonder exactly what had happened.

Sorry to all those who enjoy butter pecan and have been insulted. No offense meant!