Chapter Four: How to Find a Guy and Fail
Week 1--Day 2, ctd.
Billy Magnet was a very respectable type of fellow, calm, serious, and studious. He was in the corner of the Gryffindor common room writing avidly into a journal, reflecting all of the day's events and ideas. He recalled those moments of delight when he had finished his potion correctly and prided himself when Slughorn nodded his head. He recalled his embarassment when he failed to properly transfigure his bunny rabbit into a bunny slipper.
He dipped his quill into the ink and began to write neatly across the blank parchment, his words flowing, conveying his every idea, his every motion. He poured his heart into his life story, which he would someday complete under a different person's name as the character.
He looked up, his nose slightly smudged with a bit of ink, gazing into the fire, collecting his memories. The flickering firelight reflected in his deep, meaningful eyes that absorbed everything that he saw. Some claimed that he had a photographic memory. He did not. He was only rather observant. Extremely observant, even. Nothing could pass him. No conversation could go unheard. For this, he was the target of information for many gossipers, but he often kept everything he heard a secret and refused to speak a word, turning back to his work.
And one particular conversation included Lily, Lora, and Alice. Now let us move onward onto the actual story rather than dwindle on a character will likely not appear in the story again.
An owl had fluttered in from the open window, dropping a sealed letter onto the table nearby them. It hooted a bit before departing again, likely to return to the Owlrey. Lily frowned and looked at the letter; her name was on it in a tidy scrawl. She picked it up and peeled the envelope open, looking inside.
"Oh!" Lily said, quickly scanning through the letter. "It's from Dumbledore. I'm to meet him in half an hour." She stuffed it into her pocket and glanced at a nearby grandfather clock. "That would mean I'm going to meet him at four."
"And," Alice said, a grin sporting on her face, "that also means we've got another half hour to kill, looking suitors for you."
Lily visibly paled at the proposition and shook her head, backing away, waving her hands frantically. "Oh--oh, no. Alice, don't you even think about it! I--I mean, I've still got to work on that Transfiguration spell that we were doing today in class, and, I--"
"Don't kid yourself, Lily," Lora said, sliding next to her frantic friend. "I saw you practicing it earlier in the library and you got it!" Lily cursed under her breath which, of course, Lora ignored. Turning to Alice, she said, "Who's next on that list of yours?"
Alice pulled it out and scanned it. Though they had not gone through half of the seventh grade boys yet, there were a great many names already crossed out and not one was circled. Running her finger through the list, she finally stopped at one name and read aloud, "Tony Riddens."
At that precise moment, as irony has it, for irony enjoys mixing itself in unsuspicious and innocent lives, Tony Riddens happened to be walking by them. Hearing his name called, he stopped and looked around, squinting.
"I hear a homonid with double X chromosomes speak a word--a word that identifies another one of the same genus and species as myself," Tony said quickly, as he always did.
The three girls shared uneasy glances. "Erm," Lily started apprehensively, "I'm sorry, but... what?"
Tony looked over at Lily and said in that same fast voice, "I have stated what I have heard through the receptors on the sides of my head, though I believe my level of intellegence and understanding of the scientific being and nature is none what comparable to your own, though we are each of the same specimen."
Lora turned to Lily, utterly confused. "I think he said something," she said, "but I'm not sure what."
Lily sighed. "Sorry, Tony, we didn't mean to call you over," she said, trying her best to get Tony to leave.
Tony gave a curt nod and was about to turn when he spotted the Head Girl badge shining on her robes. He seemed to be enchanted by it, staring at it curiously. "You're Head Girl," he said bluntly. Lily looked rather taken aback. "I should have been Head Boy, you know, I am rather intellegent and I have a clean historical record, and it proves that I have not crossed boundaries and lines... but I suppose it's how it is, seeing as this world is all a figment of my imagination..."
Lily nodded, looking at Tony strangely. "Right..." she said, then, speaking in a low tone to Alice, "cross him out." Alice hastily obliged and scribbled Tony's name off the list.
Tony launched in a never-ending description of his "imagination," using complex and incomprehendable words. It seemed that every other word he used was at least twenty letters long. With nothing left to say, the three of them sort of... slid away, and Tony never noticed a thing.
"I'm really starting to doubt," Lora wondered aloud, "if there is any sane, likeable guy in all of Hogwarts!"
Lily shuddered. "Hand that list over to me, Alice, please." Alice obliged and Lily examined it, frowning. "No, no, this is all wrong," Lily stated. "Pass me that quill." Accepting it from Lora, Lily started to scratch names out, muttering, "First of all, James Potter is not a candidate. Actually, neither is Sirius Black--oh ho, definitely not Peter--Remus, I guess, is all right, but still--and secondly--" Lily looked up and saw the time. "Merlin!" she said. "I should've left for Dumbledore five minutes ago!"
She pushed the materials toward Alice as she raced off toward the Headmaster's office, shouting a quick good-bye. As she arrived to the gargoyle, panting, she checked the time. She was two minutes late. Thank goodness it wasn't later.
...Oh, shoot. What was that password?
Lily frowned, trying her best to remember what was on that scrap of paper. Where did she put it?
...Ah, yes. In her pocket. How delightful.
Lily flushed in embarassment and took out the letter. Scanning through it, she realized that she wasn't given the password. She bit her lip in worry, shooting random names to the gargoyle. "Sugar Quills... no? Err... Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans--no, no, Licorice Wands? Oh, maybe Pumpkin Patties? Or--or--or Chocolate Frogs, or, erm, Cockroach Clusters? Eh..."
When she used up her entire knowledge's worth of Wizarding candy, she slumped against the wall. "Oh, this is hopeless," she sighed. She was about seven minutes late now.
She sighed, casting the letter one last glance. She frowned. "What's this?" she muttered, reading a single line.
Meet me in the Great Hall.
Oh.
You know, that would help. Just a tad.
She wondered why she hadn't seen that bit before as she traced her steps back to the Great Hall. And indeed, there he was, Dumbledore standing with his blue eyes twinkling with amusement... as always. And... James Potter standing there with him, cocky as ever. Lily shuddered inwardly and scowled at the sight.
"Sorry, professor," Lily said quickly. "I... sort of... got lost..." she finished, trailing away in the end.
James smirked at her and continued for her, "...in a place that you've lived in for about seven years now."
She glared angrily at him, her fist clenching, but managed a small grin toward the headmaster, who said, "It is all right, Miss Evans, we all have our tardy occasion sometimes. I remember quite well when I slept through a class that was supposedly Potions." Chuckling, he continued, handing both Lily and James a slip of parchment, "Here, you will find a list of the expected behavior and duties of a Head. Every month you are to attend a Heads meeting with me." He looked over at the time. "Well, I believe I ought to be going now. Good-bye."
With that, he turned and left. Lily, too, turned to go, when James called, "Aren't we supposed to review these topics?"
Sighing, she shook her head. Any moment spent with Potter would be twenty moments too long. Bitingly, she said, "We can look at them separately, thank you very much!" Not bothering to listen to him any longer, she started to walk faster back to her room, leaving James no choice but to follow her example.
--------------------------
"All right," Lily said, taking out her list, seated on the floor with Lora and Alice. "Let's see the rules..."
--------------------------
"So, Prongs," Sirius said the moment James had come in, "how was the meeting?"
"Nothing much," James answered truthfully, tossing the papers at Sirius. "Go on, read it."
Sirius grinned as he picked up the parchments and began to read. "Rule number one," he said, his eyes going over the sheet before him. "The Head Boy or Girl must wear a frilly pink tutu on Sundays and eat butter pecan ice cream."
Everyone's faces went blank as Sirius started to chortle uncontrollably. "Ha, ha, I'm only joking." Seeing James's unwavering expression, he coughed and said, "Joke, get it? As in, you laugh? Ah, screw it. Anyways. Rule number one..."
--------------------------
"Expected Behavior From Head Boy and Girl," Lily read aloud. "Point number one; The Head Boy or Girl must set a positive example to younger students. This includes, but is not limited to, getting to class on time, following (set) rules, turning in your homework, etc."
Lora grinned. "I'd like to see what happens when James breaks all the rules tomorrow."
Alice returned the grin. "One can only imagine."
--------------------------
The room was silent as everyone stared at the cursed piece of parchment. Sirius threw it at Remus and edged a bit away from it, as if he would catch a bit of the obedient hazards if he seated himself too close to it.
"Blimey," Peter stated aloud, voicing everyone's inner thoughts. Except, perhaps Remus. "Wouldn't want to be you, mate."
"Ehh," Sirius said edgily, clapping a hand on James' back. "Have fun with that one." James shot a glare at his friend and motioned for Remus to continue reading.
Remus cleared his throat slightly and read, "Rule number two: The Head Boy or Girl must not abuse their power to add and remove points. Predictable, I daresay. Rule number three: The Head Boy or Girl must see to it that certain... Slytherins are not found in grass skirts, flowers in their hair, a midriff consisting mainly of coconut shells singing songs, or any other form of torture."
Sirius chortled. "I wonder who that was directed to, you or Evans?"
"Must be Evans," Remus said seriously, not a trace of a smile on his face. However, his expression quickly broke as he couldn't keep his laughter in.
"Pity," Peter said, referring to the rule. "That was such a funny prank, too." He paused. "What kind of a prank doesn't involve torture? I mean, maybe we can find a spell that washes Snape's hair, but--"
Sirius' eyes glinted at that idea. "Or," he said, his grin broadening, "we can leave a trail of mucus wherever he goes!"
"No can do," Remus said. "That would be categorized under torture."
They sighed in unison, staring at each other. Suddenly, James frowned and looked over at Remus. "Toss me that sheet, will you?" Remus obliged and handed it over. Looking over it quickly, a grin cracked on his face.
"Pray tell, Prongs, what is so humorous about rules?" Sirius said, crossing his arms.
James chuckled slightly. "It says here," he explained, "the Head Boy or Girl. Thus, only one of us has to comply to these rules." He looked around, and the heavy expressions were suddenly lifted and turned into mischivious ones.
"I love loopholes," Sirius declared out loud.
Now, it is always advisable not to give anything to the Marauders, for you never know what might become of it. Naturally, when Dumbledore had given James Potter the list, he had neglected that piece of advice.
One does not want to know what happened to that list of duties.
--------------------------
Week 1--Day 3
The day started out rather well for Billy Magnet. He woke up to the sun shining brightly upon his face, the chirping of the birds outside, singing gaily to each other. His roommates did not bother him at all, and today, for breakfast, there was a shining untouched plate of asparagus. Did he ever mention how much he loved asparagus? It was fascinating, really, and it was a pity that many people did not appreciate the beauty of asparagus.
Discarded and left 'til it was cold in the middle of the table, Billy walked up to it and offered himself a large helping of asparagus. People nearby looked at him oddly as he returned to his seat, ignoring the many strange gazes cast toward him.
Three particular eyes that followed his every move belonged to Lily, Alice, and Lora. Alice started, "Well, what about him? He's in seventh year, and by the looks of things, he'll eat basically anything."
Lora this time responded for Lily. "Are you mad, Alice? Not even Zenny would date him!" They looked over to the poor outcast girl who was quite overweight and had a bad case of acne.
Alice nodded, quickly crossing him off the list. "Well," she said brightly, "we've gotten rid of approximately half of the Gryffindors, all of the Slytherins, a third of the Hufflepuffs, and one fourth of the Ravenclaws." Realizing the stats, she put the quill down on the table and said, "You just don't seem to be interested in any guy you meet, do you?"
Lily sighed and shook her head apologetically. "But still," she said, sounding sort of strangled, "we've got the rest of the week, right?"
They merely nodded and grimaced. Lily followed suit. And before they knew it, the week provided was over, and Anna began to take things into her own hands.