Cindy opened her eyes and a wave of panic swept over her. She remembered falling asleep on the couch, but now she was in the Inspector's bed. She looked down at herself and saw that she was still clothed, which made her feel slightly better. She rolled over and came face to face with Martha, who licked her nose. She reached up and scratched the dogs ears as she watched Lindsay walk into the room. "Hey, you're up! You looked all scrunched up and uncomfortable on the couch, and it looked like you were hurting, so I managed to get you into here without waking you up. I slept on the couch. I also went over to your place and grabbed you some clothes and your laptop and notebooks. So, yeah." She sat down awkwardly on the edge of the bed. Cindy sat up and smiled at her.
"Well, thank you for letting me have your bed for the night." She moved over so she was sitting next to Lindsay. "So, how long am I allowed to stay?"
"As long as you want. I will even be nice and give you my bed."
Cindy sat back and frowned. "Then I would feel bad." She said. "I mean, it's your place and your bed. I would feel weird if I had it and you didn't."
"Hey, I have a big bed. Two people can fit on it. That way we share, and I can make sure you stay safe. I found myself checking on you all night."
"I feel easy." Cindy replied. "It took you what? A flashy smile to get me into your bed?"
"It's not like I am trying to get you to sleep with me." Lindsay closed her eyes the second the words left her mouth. When she opened her eyes, Cindy was staring towards the window. "I'm sorry. I didn't think before I said that." She said. She reached out to touch the woman's shoulder and she almost kicked herself when Cindy flinched away. "Cindy.." She whispered, trying to reach for the woman again. Cindy got up off the bed and went into the living room. "Stupid." Lindsay said, smacking her forehead with her palm. She quickly went into the other room and stopped when the redhead looked at her.
"I know you didn't think when you said that, but I really wish you would have. Do you even know what it is like? The fear? He had me pinned against the wall! He was going to rape me, Lindsay. If I hadn't tried to run away, he would have. He would have made it so much worse. I can deal with physical pain, seriously, I can. But emotional pain is what kills me. He caused so much in me, Linz, and I am never going to get over it. And you are going to have to deal with it at some point. It's like he planted demons in me, and one day they are all going to be released, and it scares me that I already know it will be taken out on you. And it scares me to think you might think twice about what you want when you see the real me. When you see the me that I have managed to withhold and hide for years now. Are you going to be ready for it? I don't think you are, nor will you ever be. Because if I can't even be ready for that day, how can you?" She wiped the tears from her eyes and sat down on the floor in the middle of the room. "I'm falling apart, Linz. I am a mess and a wreck and I have so much on my mind of what I would like to do, because I know it makes me feel better. But it isn't right." She said, openly crying. Lindsay sat cross legged on the floor in front of her and grabbed her hands. "I used to cut Linz. A lot." She whispered. She moved so she could remove her jeans, showing scars on her upper thighs. "It was what helped. When he would hurt me, I would lock myself in the bathroom and cause pain of my own to make his go away. Every day I that I hurt, I want to make these deeper. I want to do it not only on my legs, but on my arms. My wrists. Go somewhere and just cut and lay there and bleed. Where no one can find me so no one can save me. Because when I feel like that, I don't want to be saved. I just want it all to end!" She said, rocking back and forth on the floor, her arms crossed, nails digging into her skin. "Just end." She whispered. Lindsay wrapped her arms around the woman and held her tightly. She was silent as Cindy cried, and she was silent as Cindy calmed down. She helped the woman stand up and helped her back to the bedroom, where she tried to not smile at how cute Cindy looked as she fought with her jeans to remove them all the way. She pulled the blankets over her, and sat next to her, gently running her thumb over her cheek. She remained silent still as Cindy slowly drifted off to sleep. She thought about going into the living room to watch television until she had to leave, but Cindy had a death grip around her waist, hugging her as she would a pillow. As she listened to the younger woman's even breathing, she couldn't help but start to cry. Cindy was right. She wasn't ready. She knew that this had only been a taste of it, and it scared the hell out of her. Cindy sighed and rolled over, releasing her hold on Lindsay, and she gently slipped out of the bed, placing a soft kiss on top of the woman's head. She went and almost collapsed onto the couch, pulling Martha to her. She sat that way for two hours. When her phone buzzed, she ignored it but let Martha follow her into the bedroom. She left a note for Cindy, got Martha onto the bed and left, not caring that she was wearing the same exact thing she had worn the previous day. She made sure that the door was locked tightly. No one was going to get in there and get Cindy. And if they did, she didn't care if she went down for murder. She didn't want to see anymore hurt in Cindy's eyes and she was taking it upon herself to make that happen.