Chapter 8 - Suteki da ne?
A/N:
Lucky day it is for you! This chapter is a songfic:o --spazspaz-- The song I used: Beloved by VNV Nation, is so gorgeous!
Also its in Sakura's POV. She's blabbering on and on to someone... but who?
It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and gray
Months have passed since that night. I still wonder why. Why did he change his mind? Why did he give up on me? A part of me isn't surprised at all. The man practically has every woman at his heels... beautiful women and definitely his age... and of course, not his student. I always thought that it didn't matter to him, that he liked me for who I was. But he doesn't... he didn't.
Was it because he wanted more? To take it to the next level? I wouldn't have minded, hell, I wanted to. But he pulled away, only to draw closer once again. The man changed his mind a lot. Actually, he changed over all. One day he would be cheerful and social, then a few days later... he just didn't care.
It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances afford me
No second chance to tell you
How much I've missed you
I love him. Well, I think I loved him. Now it just hurts thinking about it all. That isn't considered love, is it? Maybe, at one time, he felt the same. Sometimes I could see it: a glinter of eternal affection, the way his eyes lit up when he smiled. But thats the thing, did he really smile? That mask did a fine job masking his emotions. However when he took it off...
Now that surprised me. I was scared at first, he looked so different, like a total stranger. I was expecting something different, not that he's ugly or anything. I just never really thought about the man under that mask. Maybe that was the problem. I spent so much time judging the Kakashi on the outside, I never cared about the Kakashi on the inside.
My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember
He's fine, if you wanted to know. Actually, he's more than fine. He's the happiest man in the world. Everything is back to normal: Sakura returns to being 'just his student', and a pretty blonde has taken her place.
Oh joyous world.
Don't think the man became cruel, because you'd be wrong. He's still the same sweet Kakashi that I've always known, and I find it hard to return his kindness. The way he acts like nothing ever happened, nothing at all, makes me want to turn around and scream something along the lines of 'uncaring bastard'. I would never try such a thing, of course.
We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same
And here I am, sitting on this cold lonely bench, looking over this snow covered field which held such precious memories. I wonder if he too, thought these moments were special to him. What about Naruto or even Sasuke? Speaking of which, I had a short conversation with Sasuke the other day. Well, I spoke and I know he listened. I wanted to know why he did what he did, why he posed as our teacher and did such a thing to me. He replied with one sentence: He doesn't deserve you. Then, he left.
I'm starting to think he was right.
My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
There are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours
I can't stop thinking about him, about us. I can't even think straight, and goddammit I wish I could. I'm trying to forget and flush it out of my mind and soul, all for him because I know that's what he'd want. He's my teacher, my friend, and even though he broke my heart, I still respect him. Not only did he teach me about the skills of becoming and being a ninja, but also about love; how rare and precious it may be.
He made me wiser, and I'll treasure that forever.
Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling...
"Good afternoon, Sakura."
Eternity awaits
A man sat beside me. He was tall, well built, and had strange spiky gray—I mean, silver—hair. Who could this man be? Who was he and why did he sit down beside me on this cold, cold day? He tilted his head up at the sky, and glanced at me through the corner of his eye.
"Why are you here?" He looked sad, but I knew he wasn't.
"Why are you here?"
My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember
"Well..." He paused for a moment. Just thinking, I presume. "Looking for you." He said.
"Yeah right." I spat, becoming completely infatuated with the clouded sky above us. How dare he say such things. They're all lies, all silly excuses for some other reason. He's probably looking for his little blonde dolly, sad that his little pet isn't following him around today. I felt a slight tug on my scarf.
"Do you like my Christmas present?" I glanced down at the object around my neck. So that's who its from... I found it not only this morning, with the tag: 'Sakura', nothing else. It feels strange, him giving me a present. Sure its 'that' holiday and I am his student. But I don't want him giving me gifts, I don't want him being nice.
"After buying you one..." He said, tugging at his own red scarf. "I had to buy myself one—its amazingly soft, ain't it?--So, we're matching." You may think 'Oh how sweet!' but its not, not even close. A smile came my way and I looked in the other direction. I will not show any emotions toward this man. I will not show that I care. I just want to take the damn thing off and throw it at him.
My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours
"Hey." He nudged my arm. "Sakura." I continued to ignore him, biting my lip. I want to leave, but I can't. Maybe it was the cold... I just can't get enough strength to stand up. All I could do was push his hand away and look at the beautiful scenery around us. How beautiful it is...
"Sakura, look at me." A hand reached up to my face, and moved it to face him. I just sat there, blankly looking into the eyes—yes, eyes—of the man I used to love. I know what he's doing, with his crimson eye staring deep into my own. Let him read my mind, let him know the pain I'm going through.
"Why are you doing this?" His gloved hand dropped from my cheek and landed on my lap. He stared at his hand for what seemed like hours. I felt the urge to push it off of me... but I left it. I spoke instead,
"What did you expect, Kakashi? For me to rejoice? To throw a party for being dumped?"
"I did it for your--"
"Yeah, yeah, for my own good. Like I haven't heard that before. How many times do I have to tell you? That I don't care, I didn't care! If you were just looking for an excuse to break up, why didn't you just say so?"
"I never--"
"You could have it least told me! But no, you had to go sleep with that chick first. Where you going to tell me in the morning, or maybe in a few days?"
Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
"I let you go so that... so that you could be with someone else."
"Like who, Sasuke? Did you forget that he tried to rape me? Or did you fuck Naomi that night too--"
"I will never forget that... I never wanted anything—I don't want anything to happen to you!" His hand clenched into a fist, he was looking at me with such angry eyes. I pushed his hand off of me in fear... and the tears were forming. I can't stop them, I never could. The man beside me silenced himself, as I did the same. That never stopped the tears, though.
"Why... why did you..." I spoke between sobs, I tried my best to mask them, but it didn't work out that well.
"You moved on to Naruto. So I thought you had given up on me."
For some reason, I smiled.
"Naruto kissed me, Kakashi. Its different from me kissing him. I didn't want it, he just jumped on me." I felt his gaze upon me once again, and I know he was looking at me with trivial eyes. Strange how even Kakashi would think I would want to kiss the boy I hated for so many years. He didn't even have a clue what happened. Then it hit me...
He was jealous.
Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
He just sat there, looking as dumbfounded as ever. Man, he must feel like a total fool. Wouldn't you? All along he thought I gave up on him, while I thought the opposite. Should I feel stupid as well?
Well I don't, because I know he doesn't care about me. It's obvious.
"Sakura, I'm... sorry."
"Mm, don't worry about it." I kinda wished I saw his expression right then. Was it happiness, or anger that shrouded him? What about regret? Maybe if you were paying attention you could tell me. Well, let's not dwell on that, for now I am walking away. He stood up as well, I spotted his shadow from a side-glance.
And he hugged me.
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
It scared me at first, my friend. He just approached from behind, and wrapped his arms around me. However, I didn't push him away. Feeling his warmth, reminded me of how much I missed him. Don't think I forgot what he did. I won't let him control me like he does his other toys.
"Thank you." He said softly, drawing me in closer, then releasing me. I know he left, because I felt a chill as the cold nipped at me once again. I didn't turn around and yell at him to come back. I don't even want him to return. I'm not ready to run carelessly into his arms again.
I have something to do first.
Eternity awaits
A/N:
If you haven't gotten it by now, Sakura is talking to her--recently absent--inner Sakura.
Yeah she still talks to herself! Shes not crazy! -o-
PS:
Please forgive any grammatical errors, I kinda wrote this uber fast...