And here we are. Finally!We're getting somewhere! About time, right? I hope this isn't too much for FFN. I'm not completely sure of what the limit is before it gets bumped to AFFN and I don't have an AFFN account. I got some great reviews and many of you want to see Heero and Duo get their come uppances. Don't worry. They will. It may be afew chapters but it will come. I love getting reviews from all of you. I especially enjoy the ones that have helpful suggestions in them. Once again, please forgive me. I have had a few issues getting a hold of my editors so my more recent chapters are not Beta'd. I hope this is not an inconvenience anyone. Kudos to all of you for sticking it in for the long hall and happy New Year!

Disclaimer: I only own the plot.

Chapter EighteenTo Hold You Dear

Kinau's words echoed in his mind, hovering in the air between them.

"I don't care."

Rai closed his eyes in ecstasy. He held Kinau's whole life in his hands right then. The child had handed him the keys to his soul. His lips hovered over his fledgling's soft quivering mouth and he had to force himself to stop that last inch away. Kinau was not ready for the physical aspect of their new relationship so close after his turning. He still was not used to his new body. Freshly turned vampires were fragile for their first few weeks. Half vampires never really lost that fragility even though they were stronger than the average human. They took the same amount of time to adjust to their new forms as full vampires. Rai used every ounce of his self control to get off of his childe and calm his fevered mind. Kind of ironic really. After waiting for so long, now that Kinau was ready and willing to consummate their bond, he couldn't. For Kinau's safety, he had to wait. His childe, however, didn't understand. He looked confused and slightly…hurt.

"Why, Rai?" He whispered, not looking away from him for once.

His eyes were vulnerable and deep. Rai sighed shakily.

"I don't want to hurt you. It isn't that I don't want you, Kitten. Your body is very fragile right now and will be for a while as you adjust to your new vampire blood. I could severely injure or even kill you, especially after your recent…episode."

Kinau finally looked away. It hurt too much for him to think about it and the vampire suddenly felt sorry for mentioning it. When Kinau hurt, he hurt. It was as simple as that.

O-xo.o-..

Duo watched his lover walk around as if he were on autopilot. It had been a week since Kinau had been gone. He knew that Heero had gotten next to no sleep all week and Duo could guess why. He was still having nightmares. He saw Kinau on that hospital bed, dying, every time he closed his eyes and when he slept, Kinau was there leveling his heart with that sad, broken look in his eyes. It was those moments that Duo knew. It was their fault. All their fault. He ran a hand through his hair and winced. Ew. He needed a shower. Heero had paused in his actions, his gun cleaning kit half unloaded onto the desk and Duo frowned a little more. His beloved seemed to be feeling the guilt more than anyone. He was suffering. He was supposed to protect Kinau. They both failed miserably. They failed him.

Heero seemed to come back to himself and with a heavy sigh and commenced cleaning his weapons. Duo got up from his perch against the kitchen counter and walked slowly towards the bathroom. He never noticed how much Kinau brightened their lives…until he was gone. Their home seemed devoid of life now. Empty and sad. They had earned their despair though. This time, they deserved the hatred Kinau must be feeling for them. They were no better than those horrible people that had hurt Kinau all those years ago. He stripped down to nothing and climbed under the spray that now poured from the shower head. It assaulted his skin with a scalding heat but he neither felt it nor cared even if he could. Nothing seemed real anymore. All he could do was go through the actions of life. He had to just keep moving. He and Heero barely spoke anymore. What did they have to say that would matter in the end? Their thoughts were the same. They were both captured by the vision of their betrayed beloved taking his last breaths in unconsciousness before that vampire took him forever. Why had they thought…Why had he said…? Kinau had never given them any reason to doubt his loyalty or love for them. Why had they thought even for a second that he would ever cheat on them? It was ludicrous. And the whole time, Kinau had been saving them. Duo knew that even now, outside, there were creatures worse than vampires that were there for their protection. He sighed and banged a fist against the tiled shower wall. They were the real monsters.

X

Kinau let his brush stroke the canvas with gentle caresses. Red blurred into the fading sunset on paper and captivated him. Tsuki and Rai both decided that it would be best if he did something to occupy himself. All he had was extra time, though. It was maddeningly unhelpful. The paintings he had done already hung on the walls and he had to say, they weren't bad. His paintings weren't Picassos but they were lovely, considering he'd never painted before. Tsuki had said that he painted so well because he didn't see things the way others did. He looked at things differently. The blade that the Lady had given him hung on its chain around his neck still. He hadn't taken it off since he had gotten it.

"These are beautiful, Kinau. Did you do them all?" Tom asked from behind him.

Kinau jumped a little and glared half heartedly at the Dark Lord. Tom smiled down at him and the teen's irritation dissipated.

"Hai. Tsuki and Rai wanted me to do something."

He smiled a little and allowed Tom's arms to wrap around him comfortingly. Rai was gone so he must have gotten permission to be here beforehand. Otherwise the wards wouldn't have allowed him inside. Then again, Tom was Voldemort.

"Why don't you come and show me your new home then? I might get lost and have to sleep here because I can't find my way out." He teased, poking Kinau in the side just enough to make him giggle.

"Fine, fine. We can get some dinner first. Would you like to have some with me?"

"Alright."

Kinau pulled him down the hall, pointing out things that he had learned in his short stay at the manor. He pointed out his favorite designs and sculptures, Rai's and Tsuki's rooms that rested on either side of his, and the best place to stand and watch the sun set. The kitchens were downstairs and inside, there were three house elves playing poker on a table covered in what looked like an enormous doily.

'The one on the right next to the oven is named Firan. He's a horrible cheat at cards. His sister, Missy, makes the best pie in the world, and Kiran, the youngest, likes to do puzzles with me in the afternoons.' Kinau whispered through their mind link.

Tom stifled his laugh. Only Kinau.

"Hi, guys! How's the game coming?" He asked out loud and all three jumped up from their perches immediately, running over to him.

"Master Kinau! You've come to see us again! Master was in here just this morning to tell us what things you should eat to stay good and healthy." Missy said joyously in a singsong voice.

Her pink body was wrapped in a cloth very closely resembling a sari from the east. The cloth was a deep purple. Her brothers' was both scarlet.

"It is good to see you back again, Master Kinau. We were just wondering when you would visit us smaller creatures again." Firan said with a small smirk and under his enormous bushy white eyebrows, his eyes were full of mirth.

Kinau huffed, as if they had had this conversation many times before. Missy was looking at her brother in a disapproving fashion.

"Just because I'm half vampire now, doesn't mean that you are beneath me. That is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. You three…What would I do without you? I don't care if Rai himself tells me I can't be your friend." Kinau hissed passionately.

Tom stood at his side with a smile. Kinau was too cute.

"So good to know that my word means so little to you, my pet." Rai groused from the doors to the kitchen.

Kinau spun around, a blush coloring his cheeks. The three house elves stood still as statues at their Master's frowning face. Kinau bit his lip nervously, looking sheepishly up at Rai. The vampire smiled, all traces of the frown gone from his face, and opened his arms lovingly. The ten grinned. He ran into Rai's embrace, burying his face into his chest.

"I thought you were going to be gone for a couple of days?" He asked with a happy sigh.

Kinau was unaware of Tom's eyes on them but Rai was not. He was staring the Dark Lord in the face.

"I didn't have to stay as long as I expected and I much prefer to see you than sit around a crowd of dead old men. I had hoped I would be here in time for your dinner." His Sire purred, his eyes still firmly on Tom.

The Dark Lord brushed against their minds with his own, easing Rai's jealousy for the moment. Kinau looked between them questioningly but shrugged it off and abandoned his quest for a snack when Rai began leadingly them to his study. He smiled up at them both. This was what life should be. If he weren't so fucked up. He was fucked up. He always had been…He always had been a…Kinau's smile turned in to a blank stare as he mechanically walked, his body going on autopilot. His mind blanked as he forced himself not to relive those terrible moments. His efforts were futile however.

' You heard what they said. You're a dirty whore. You kissed Tom and almost fucked Rai in the back of his limozine! Heero and Duo have never lied to you before. You should have listened to your Uncle.' His mind hissed cruelly.

Inside his head, Kinau stared at himself as if in a mirror, except the other Kinau was smirking cruelly. His green eyes were gleaming with sadistic bliss. The swing he sat on swayed back and forth. Kinau was sitting helplessly on the floor before him.

"But Rai cares about me anyways. And Tom too. Uncle Vernon…"

' Was right. He was right about you. You can't help but keep the deception going around like some deranged merry go round. Deep down, you enjoy it. You liked what he did to you then and you can't wait for Rai to do the same. You're nothing but the next person's slut. Just a toy for whoever your Master happens to be at the time.'

Tom hissed in fury as they stopped dead in the center of the hall. He and Rai had both turned to him with looks of horror and anger on their faces. They had heard. He felt his stomach drop.

Ahhhh!! Cliff hanger!! Evil day! But it'll keep you guys (and me) waiting for the next chappie! Kisses to you all and to my awesome Emma for getting me out of the house enough to regain my somewhat debatable sanity and write more!!!