"Ah. Finally! The Machello device. Never before has it seemed so beautiful to me."

Thanks to an overly scrupulous security protocol system, it had taken the device almost two full days to reach Colorado Springs. Jack was so happy at the prospect of being in his own body again that he was ready to kiss the machine if it worked.

"So, what? We just grab the handles?"

"Yes, sir."

Daniel made an odd noise that sounded somewhere between a snort and a huff. Jack wasn't particularly sure how he did that.

"Daniel, care to add to the conversation?"

"No, not really."

He had a scarily amused grin on his face. Jack was fully willing to just ignore him and move on, but this was Daniel.

"I mean, it's just funny seeing you two like this. Seeing Sam so laid back and grumpy and Jack so 'yes sir' 'no sir' 'let me wash your boots sir'."

"I concur, Daniel Jackson. I have gained much amusement from observing them as they are now."

Jack glared. "First of all, I am not grumpy." Seeing the looks from everyone's faces, he added, "Unnecessarily. And secondly, Carter would hurl my boots at my head if I ever asked her to wash them."

Sam smiled. "As long as you know that, sir."

Looking at 'himself', Jack motioned towards the device. "Shall we?"

Still smiling cheekily, no doubt because of her own excitement, Sam replied, "We shall."

They both took hold of the handles on their side of the device and waited. Nothing happened.

"Uh...I'm pretty sure I'm still in your body, Carter."

She frowned.

"I checked to make sure the device was functioning properly myself, sir. I don't understand why it's not working."

"What about last time? We had to play musical bodies cuz of something-er-ather you said."

"You may be right, sir. If Daniel and I switch and then I switch with you, then I could be restored to my body. And then we just continue until everyone is where they are supposed to be."

Daniel raised his arm at the elbow like a student wishing to be called on. "Umm, I don't like that plan."

Jack glared murderously at the archaeologist. "And why not?"

"Not that I didn't just love the whole body swapping thing last time around or anything, but I'm just thinking no."

The sarcasm practically dripped off that statement. Jack was pretty sure the cleaning staff were going to have to come in after Daniel and mop the floor.

Sam shook the Colonel's head.

"Daniel, it won't be permanent. You'll only be in someone else's body for a matter of minutes."

"Sam, when was the last time something ever worked perfectly right for us?" Daniel hurriedly continued on because knowing Sam, she would actually think of one and throw it in his face. "I'd switch with you and then the machine would blow up because Machello had set a timer in it to blow 'conveniently' at that precise moment."

Jack eyed the machine wearily and took a step back.

Sam looked at Daniel in a way that showed long suffering patience.

"Daniel, I find that that is highly unlikely to happen."

"I, too, agree that that event is unlikely to occur, Daniel Jackson."

"You do realize, Teal'c, that if we do this, you would have to body swap as well?"

Teal'c paused, as if that thought just did occur to him before silently nodding.

Darn Jaffa honor and loyalty, thought Daniel mutinously.

Jack's patience had worn out.

"Daniel, get your ass over here and grab the damn handles already!"

Daniel scowled before sighing and walking over to the machine.

"Fine, but if I get stuck in Sam's body, I'm coming after you first."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Ready?"

Daniel nodded and they both grabbed onto their individual handles. And nothing happened.

"Carter! What the hell?"

Sam glowered at the machine. Why wasn't it working?

Teal'c, in his infinite wisdom, suggested, "Perhaps, the ancient device that caused Major Carter and yourself to become as you now are, is preventing any other methods of reversal from occurring."

Jack appeared to either be on the verge of yelling or crying. No one was really sure which.

"Please, tell me you are not suggesting that we're stuck like this...", Jack choked on the word, "permanently?"

"No, sir. But Teal'c may be right. Theoretically, it is possible for the alien device to have some kind of safety precaution that prevents the Machello device from working. But if we can discover how the device works, then we should be able to reverse the effects."

"I like that idea. We should do that."

"Sir, I've looked the device over while we were waiting on the Machello device and I can't determine how it works. It would help if I knew exactly what it's purpose was. I suggest Daniel take a look at it to see if he can translate the writing that covers its surface."

Daniel was already heading towards the door.

"I'll get right on it."

"Daniel?"

"Jack?"

"Just...don't touch it...directly. The last thing we need is for you and Teal'c or somebody changing places."

Daniel frowned. That would make translating more difficult. But Jack did have a point.

"Okay. I'll let you know once I come up with something."

And then he was gone.

Jack looked at Teal'c menacingly.

"Don't think I can't see your lips twitching over there, Mister."

Teal'c looked offended.

"My lips are not 'twitching', O'Neill." A small wicked grin formed on his face. "However, it would seem as if Major Carter and yourself will be in this predicament for a while longer."

"Of this I am well aware, T."

Jack didn't see what was 'grin-worthy' about that particular thought. I mean, they'd been this way for two days now.

"Perhaps while Daniel Jackson is deciphering the translation you could use the time to bathe."

Jack frowned. Was Teal'c suggesting that he stank?!

"Teal'c, are you suggesting that we smell funny?"

"I am unsure how one could smell in a humorous way, O'Neill. I was merely pointing out that it had been two days since either you or Major Carter had used the shower facilities."

He was saying they smelled funny! The Jaffa did have a point. But, hello, he was in Samantha Carter's body. Showering would involve a naked Samantha Carter's body. Naked and wet. Oh lord.

Sam spoke up.

"Uhh, Daniel will finish the translation soon. Yeah, and then we'll be back in our own bodies. So, it'll be fine. Yeah, Daniel will figure it out."

She was babbling. And her voice was catching, sort of making 'him' sound like a boy going through puberty. Jack didn't like it. On her, it would have looked cute. But she was making him look like an idiot.

"Right, Teal'c. Daniel will fix us up in no time. And then I assure your wounded nose, we will take long showers."

Teal'c only grinned evilly once again before walking out the door. Yep, that smile was the stuff of nightmares right there.