Warning: This is the shower scene and some people may be uncomfortable with the content. I'd say for a shower scene, it's pretty tame but just thought I should put up a warning, just in case.
Things were awkward, to say the least.
"Uh, you can go in first, Colonel. I mean, I'll just turn around while you undress," Oh god, he's about to see me naked, "and head to the showers. Then, I'll go to the next shower over."
"K." Great, I'm down to one syllable sentences now. Real mature, O'Neill.
Jack started to take off Carter's boots when she said, "Actually, sir. Let me get you the things you'll need first."
She went to her locker and pulled out a gillion different things. Putting them in a bag she walked back over to Jack.
"You planning on having me move in to the shower?"
"No, sir. These are all necessary."
Necessary, right. Last time he checked, all he needed was soap and shampoo.
Sam reached into the bag and began pulling things out.
"Here's my shampoo and conditioner, sir."
Jack opened the lids to one and took a whiff. Mmm, he's always loved the smell of her shampoo.
"And here's my shaving cream and a razor."
"Razor? You mean you want me to shave...your legs?"
"And underarms, sir."
"But..."
"No buts, sir. I'm sure that I already have man-hair growing off my legs and whether I'm actually in my body or not, that's gross. You will shave. And if you haven't noticed, sir, I've been shaving your face the past two days so it's the least you could do."
Yes, he had noticed. She'd cut his jaw line, too. Not fun is it, Major? And man-hair?
Jack grimaced, but took the razor, nonetheless.
Sam pulled some kind of blue poofy thing out of her bag, with a string attached. It looked like a cat toy.
"What on earth am I supposed to do with that thing?"
"It's a loofah. You squeeze some of my body wash on there and use it to wash with."
"Body wash?"
Sam pulled another bottle out of the bag and handed it to the Colonel.
"Can't I just use soap?"
"No. Body wash, sir. Leaves the skin much softer."
Yeah, Jack didn't need to be thinking about soft skin right now.
"Is that it, or are you gonna pull a rabbit out next?"
Sam rolled her eyes.
"That's all, sir."
Oh, that's all, huh? It's like carrying a five pound weight to the shower. Women are rediculous. Soap and shampoo and you're good as new. Ha ha. I rhymed. I should sell it as a jingle.
Walking to his own locker, Jack grabbed man shower supplies and placed one in each of Sam's hands.
"Soap. Shampoo. Voila! Clean Jack O'Neill."
Sam turned away from the Colonel, hearing him mutter the entire time. What? Did he think that she just hopped out of bed every morning and tada, Major Samantha Carter reporting for duty?
After she heard the shower start, Sam undressed and headed to the stall next to the Colonel's. Sam had gone the bathroom enough times that being naked as the Colonel didn't really hold any surprises for her.
Starting the shower, Sam was momentarily distracted by the sheer joy of feeling the spray of water on her skin. Ah, to be clean. Looking down at the Colonel's chest, Sam sighed. It was incredibly depressing not having breasts. Women as a whole complained way too much about their breasts. They were either too big or too small or not perky enough. Try having pecks, ladies!
Sam's gaze continued downward until she was staring at the 'Little Colonel'. She said it once and she'd say it again; the man was blessed. Speaking of said man, he was now intimately aware of what she looked like naked. Sam felt the blush creep up into her cheeks at that thought. He was probably trying to locate her mole at this very moment. Oh lord.
Sam silently prayed that Daniel would figure out how to fix this before anything else could happen. She couldn't think of anything more mortifying than this at the moment but she was sure there was something.
Sam looked at the Colonel's hands as she continued to wash. She had always had a thing for hands. And the Colonel had really great hands. Long fingers and just overall strong and manly hands. It was incredibly hot. And the things he could do to her with those hands. Wow. An unbidden fantasy she'd had before of them in the shower together came to her mind. In their correct bodies, of course.
Sam felt a strange sensation overcome her and then all of the sudden,
"OH MY GOD!"
Sam dropped the soap she was holding and practically ran into the wall behind her. This was so wrong! In oh so many ways! Sam stared at the offending appendage which was now standing erect as if to salute her.
Oh god oh god oh god.
"Carter? Are you okay?!"
Shit! "Yes, sir. Everything's fine, sir. Peachy, even."
Ohgodohgodohgod.
This was unnatural. She had a hard-on. Just the thoughts of those words almost made her retch. Women were not supposed to get hard-ons, they were supposed to give them.
"Are you sure you're okay, Carter? What happened?"
Don't ask me what happened! Quick, think fast. Why can't you think of anything? You're supposed to be a genius. Some part of her brain decided now would be a good time to remind her that she wasn't used to having to come up with these type of explanations.
"I, uh, dropped the towel in the shower, sir. It's soaked."
Could that have been a lamer excuse? Ugh.
"No reason to freak, Major. I'll bring you another towel once I'm done over here."
Either he's being really naive or he's just playing along so that I won't hide myself in the shower for the rest of time.
Okay, wow, pressure and an odd desire to want to alleviate it. Which is soo not going to happen, at least not the way it wants. How do I get it to go away? Maybe the saying that it has a mind of it's own isn't really that far from the truth. Umm, think of something really gross. Road kill. Dead puppies. Goa'uld symbiote pouches. Kinsey and McKay...naked. Oh thank god, that one did it.
"Here's you a new towel, Major."
"AAAHHH!"
A towel poked through the curtain of the shower. In her panic, she hadn't even heard the Colonel turn off his shower.
"Geez, Carter. Little jumpy, are we?"
"Sorry, sir. Just didn't hear you coming."
Voice was just a little crackly. She cleared her throat.
"Not like it would have mattered if I'd seen anything anyway. It's my body after all. Think I've seen it enough times naked."
Oh, I think you may have been a little surprised, sir.
Quickly finishing up her shower, Sam waited a few moments to give the Colonel some time to dress.
"Sir, are you dressed?"
"No, not yet. You can come out if you're done. Like I said before, we aren't gonna see anything we haven't seen a million times before. It's looking down that's the shocker."
Sam wrapped the towel around her waist and opened the curtain. The Colonel was standing at one of the sinks preparing to brush his teeth. Even in her body, you could tell he was a man just by the way he stood. There he was, wearing nothing but a towel and he still had his legs spread in a wide 'at ease' posture.
(Rewind ten minutes...)
Jack stepped into the shower, carrying the five pound weight of shower 'necessities' Carter expected him to use.
Jack turned the shower on full blast.
Oosh! That was a wee bit chilly! Mentally expecting shrinkage, he sadly remembered that he didn't have that problem for the moment. Jack never thought he would see the day when he was actually wishing for shrinkage. But, here it was.
Looking down, Jack found he had a different form of shrinkage, erectus nippleus. And wow, this was the first time he was really taking a look at them. Could Carter have a more perfect body? Much to Jack's surprise, he began to feel warmth between his legs. Oh, so that's what that feels like to a woman. Hmm. In Jack's demented brain, he had a humorous thought and couldn't stop himself from chuckling quietly. In a roundabout way, given their current situation, he had just turned himself on. Did that make him asexual?
Deciding that was enough of the strange thoughts for now and that Carter would kill him if she knew, Jack pulled the first thing he could find out of the 'magic' bag as he was now calling it.
Shaving cream. Get the worst of it over with straight away, then. Pulling out the razor, Jack went to work.
After a few fun moments of spraying designs on Carter's legs with the shaving cream, Jack decided that shaving legs was a lot harder than it looked. First of all, there was nowhere for him to put his leg up on. And then the shower kept washing off the shaving cream so he'd have to reapply it. And how does one shave the back of their thighs? Carter wasn't gonna be happy with her knees either. There were a few nicks. Oh well. Payback for the slice on his jaw.
After completing the shaving of legs and underarms, Jack reached for the next item out of the 'magic' bag.
Body wash. Ah. Where's that cat toy? Oh, there it is.
Having no idea how much body wash one needed to use, Jack applied liberally. Squishing the loofah to create a lather, Jack decided he'd probably used too much. He was reminded of a laundry machine that had been filled with way too much detergent and overflowed into the room.
Quickly washing up, a thought occurred. The mole! What a perfect little opportunity to find this mysterious mole. Jack had always had the suspicion it was on her plump little behind.
Trying to turn the best he could to see said derriere, Carter was so much more bendy than him, Jack almost twisted and slipped when he heard a shout.
"OH MY GOD!"
Jack's eyes darted to the curtain. He'd been sure that she would be standing there, catching him trying to ogle her ass.
Huh. What the hell was she yelling about then?
"Carter? Are you okay?!"
"Yes, sir. Everything's fine, sir. Peachy, even."
Peachy? That was his line. And Carter could 'sir' this and 'sir' that with the best of them, but even that little spiel was a tad excessive.
"Are you sure you're okay, Carter? What happened?"
There was a pause. Jack was beginning to wonder if she'd somehow disappeared down the drain when she replied, "I, uh, dropped the towel in the shower, sir. It's soaked."
Jack almost snorted. That was the fakest excuse he'd ever heard in his life. Poor Carter. She was such a horrible liar. So, if she was lying then that means...weird. Was Carter experimenting? Surely not. Jack wasn't sure if he was turned on or freaked out by that possibility. He decided not to dwell on it too much.
"No reason to freak, Major. I'll bring you another towel once I'm done over here."
Back to the magic bag.
Shampoo. So, Carter? Yeah, there was no way he was gonna stop thinking about it that easily. At least I'm not the only one with arousal issues, Jack mused.
Rinse. And done. Oh wait. Women use conditioner. Jack read the label. Massage in. Let sit for three minutes. What? Why? To heck with that.
Jack squirted some in his hand, massaged it in his hair and rinsed immediately. Women!
Jack turned off the shower, wrapped himself in his towel, and placed everything back in the magic bag. Now to get a towel for the naughty Major.
(Back to the present...)
Jack eyed Carter in the mirror. She had her arms wrapped around her chest protectively. It looked hilarious. And thus, he chuckled.
"Carter, what are you doing?"
"Sir, I may be in a man's body, but I am a woman. I feel exposed not having my chest covered."
"You look rediculous."
Sam narrowed her eyes.
"I could say the same for you."
Jack frowned in the mirror. How did he look rediculous?
"What?"
"Your mannerisms just scream that you're a man. You could never pull off faking being a woman."
"Well, I for one, consider that a compliment."
They finished getting ready mainly in silence. Jack was done first and as such headed for the door.
And oh, but he just couldn't help himself.
"Hey Carter?"
"Sir?"
"Your 'wet' towel is still hanging inside the shower. Don't forget to go throw it in the hamper, will ya?"
Jack caught just the beginning of her horrified expression before he walked out of the locker room.