Sorry guys, pretty short chapter.

I'm actually confused myself as to how it's going to go.

Bella's definitely going to choose Jacob though. D

I'd like more reviews please. They help me out a lot.

Thanks to the people who have been sending me reviews. D

Chapter 5

I'm sobbing my heart out, because Edward is my heart, and now it's gone. It's not as bad as last time, but that doesn't stop it from being the second worst experience of my life. I don't know how my heart keeps shattering. You would think I would have no heart by now. I guess it's not as bad because Jacob's here, his arms around me, and I know that this is only temporary. I just want to get my head on straight, whatever's left of my heart in order. But it's still bad. No, not bad, horrible. Irrevocable. Terrifying. Unearthly. I can't think of a bad enough word to describe this pain. But I'm still Bella, not that scary zombie. I'm still in here. Jacob's arms are my straight jacket, and I welcome them like a person who's been in the dark, and there is the light.

Jacob is silent, and I wonder what he must be feeling. Maybe a false hope. Maybe sadness. Maybe jealousy. Maybe all three. Maybe less, maybe more. All he does is hold me, and I cry into his chest.

"What are you thinking?" I gasp, trying to wipe away my tears.

"I don't think you really want to know," he says slowly.

"I do," I say, no matter how bad it is.

"Well I'm thinking, we just came all the way to Alaska to talk for five minutes and then leave. But that's just a small thought," he says.

That's true.

"What are your big thoughts?" I ask.

"How about a thought for a thought?" he asks, "I tell you one of my thoughts, and you tell me one of yours."

Uh-oh. But it's only fair.

"Sure," I say.

"I'm thinking about what you're thinking," he says, a smile creeping up his face.

"I'm thinking about what you're thinking," a hint of one threatening mine.

"I'm thinking about…how you feel…towards me…and towards…Edward," he says.

"I'm thinking the same thing," I say truthfully.

"So you're still not sure?" he asks.
"That's not a thought. And no, I needEdward. I'm just confused," I answer.

"Hmm, so what are you confused about?"

"You're getting away with this too easily. I…love…you both. I'm not sure…but I think the same amount. I need the both of you. But I would die without Edward."

He nods grimly, "So, you wanna chase after him? Or do you wanna go home?"

I think for a moment, then stop.

"Let's go home," I say, and I know where I'm going.

I'm going to La Push.

We go back to the jet, it hadn't left yet. Jacob holding me in his arms like a little child. I take out my cell phone and call Charlie. No, he didn't know I had gone to Alaska. He thinks I'm still at Jake's, and why would he question that if I've only been in Alaska for half an hour? And it only took an hour to get here. It's only going to take an hour to get back. Plus, Charlie likes Jacob better. He'll be happy to hear that I'm still over there, as long as nothing happened last night.

It takes a while for him to answer the phone. It's still early.

"Bella?"

"Hey dad. I'm sorry, I fell asleep on the couch at Jake's. Did you hear? Sam's hurt."

"Yeah. Billy called and told me you were there last night. He said Sam hurt himself cliff diving. I told you never to go and do that. See what could've happened to you?"

"Yeah I know."

"He's doing ok though, I heard. He heals fast that boy."

"You have no idea."

"I'll go see him later. I'm going back to sleep now."

"K. Bye dad."

"Bye."

The phone cuts off.

Jake looks over at me. We're already half way there.

"Bella, I've been thinking…maybe…you should be with Edward," he says slowly, his face contorting.

"Why?" I'm surprised.

Jake's giving up?

"It's just…what if he's right? What if…I do imprint on someone? I don't want to put you in that position," he says.

"Oh," that is true.

I don't think I could take it if Jacob imprinted on somebody, and Edward wouldn't leave me again. But then what's happening now?