Prompt #28- Sleep

The next time Jayne opened his eyes it was dark in the medical bay, the only illumination that of one dim lamp in the corner accompanied by the low hum of electricity that reminded him of an irritated mosquito. Beyond the med bay doors all he could hear was the background noises of Serenity churning her way through deep space.

Inexplicably he felt quite alone and didn't like it.

Jayne tried to stretch but the beds in the medical bay had never been designed with a man as large as Jayne in mind and he was cramped as hell here. He'd rather be in his own bunk, but the way his limbs ached, he knew that he was going nowhere and was just going to have to deal with it until tomorrow when he could be safely tucked up with Vera.

He gave a huge suffering sigh and licked his lips.

Damn, but he was thirsty.

There was a whisper in the dark and he turned his head quickly to see a ghostly figure in a black dress standing by his bed. It scared the go se out of him, until he realised that it was River and his lips curved in a welcoming smile at the girl.

But she wasn't looking at him, her lank hair obscuring her face.

"H-hey," he managed through his parched lips.

"Water," she responded and brought the glass to his lips.

Jayne swallowed quickly as the cool liquid slid down his throat and he almost moaned at the wonderful feeling.

"That's good," he muttered and lay his head back down.

River said nothing.

He gave her a short glance out of the corner of his eye, hating the silence. "So, uh, you been watching over me?"

"Simon said," she answered shortly and started to move away.

Quicker than he thought he could move with his lethargic limbs, Jayne's arm shot out to grab hers.

"Uh, ya don't hafta leave ya know, you could keep me company."

Hiding behind the curtain of her hair, River still didn't answer. She pulled at her imprisoned arm and shuffled back into the shadows.

Jayne felt that unease flood his stomach. "Hey, now, Crazy. Mal done told me I got the wrong end of the stick. I do that on occasion. Ain't never been the sharpest tool in the box. What's say we start over, huh?"

"I don't think it's a good idea."

Jayne searched the dark for her dismembered voice but it was like she'd vanished into the shadows, like she'd done on Miranda. It was powerful scary.

"Uh, Crazy, can you come into the light some? It's all kinds of eerie not seeing who I'm talkin' to."

"I'm comfortable here."

"Right. Well." He lifted a hand to scratch his beard. "I'm sorry for making you cry. Didn't mean nothin' by getting all mad at cha."

Silence.

"C'mon, River, I said I was sorry."

"Apology accepted."

There was still something flat about her voice that Jayne didn't like. "Ya know we could get to the kissin' and makin' up part of the deal now."

"No, thank you."

Hurt blossomed inside and he felt the need to lash out. "Why? You still mad at me? Don't know if fancy core manners is the same as us regular folk but iffin someone apologises then the fight is usually over."

"I'm not fighting with you," she replied. "I accept your apology, Jayne Cobb."

"Then why won't you come over here, huh? If you ain't mad at me then prove it."

River walked into the light and sat down on the bed opposite, her eyes cold.

He swallowed. "Cra—River?"

"I know who I am; repetition is used for emphasis, no need to emphasize who I am. It's not relevant. You requested forgiveness and it was granted."

"See now, when you talk like that I know you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad," she insisted. "I was mad, and hurt. But that's over now."

"Then come over here."

"It isn't a good idea."

"Why not?" Jayne growled. "It was a good idea when it happened yesterday and you seemed to think so when you came back for more."

"I made an erroneous judgment. A slip in calculations. I shouldn't have tried … it's my fault," she said slowly, as if straining to gets the words out logically.

"Takes two to tongue twist," Jayne pointed out. "I don't usually kiss on the lips."

River blinked at him. "You don't usually kiss at all. Well known for it. Whores kiss and tell, but nothing to tell with Jayne. Prostitutes can carry up to three dormant disease strains at any one time. Diseases carry through blood, saliva and through touch."

Jayne grimaced. "There goes my idea of pretty."

River shook her head. "She thanks you for the interest, but I have decided that it's not a good idea. We will end it here."

"Why ain't it a good idea? Cap and 'Nara, Simon and Kaylee, you and me. Works out."

She cocked her head. "Logistically it is plausible. Yet relationships are based on more than propinquity. Jayne is a mercenary and River is … broken. It is simply serendipitous and therefore invalid."

"Now I know you tryin' to make me feel dumb. Ain't no idea what seren-dippy is, nor proppy whatever. You ain't broken and yeah I'm a merc, but you knew that afore. This is some kinda excuse. So what's the real reason, huh?"

River was taken aback. She had expected her use of words to both alienate him and make him see that they really weren't meant for each other. But Jayne was far more intelligent than they actually gave him credit for.

She sighed.

"I don't know how to do this. The knowledge was never there so it wasn't lost. But I lost it all with the Blue. Mother never said, never had time. Simon tried but … he's not a girl and I don't know how to be."

"Be what?"

"A girl." She turned wide eyes to him. "I liked your kisses and the exchange of fluids and you made me feel real and liked and like a girl. Then I tried to be what you wanted, tried to be a girl. I made myself pretty and did my hair like a gorram doll. You turned her away, didn't want the doll. Too old to play with dolls. I took away the paint and the pretty and now you want her again? You want the weapon. She's too confused. The math doesn't work and I was always good at math. Logistics and equations and algebraic formulae. Always constant, never changing. Maths is good, one is always one. Eleven is always eleven, good number, prime number, one goes into the house of eleven, eleven times. Always the same. Humans are never the same. People want and then don't want and then want. It doesn't make sense." Her words started to tumble over themselves as she got more agitated. "Nonsensical and illogical and I don't understand and it hurts!" Tears started to form as Jayne looked on in horror. "I hear their thoughts and their thoughts are illogical and confusing and I don't understand people. I need to understand but I can't and I don't know… I don't know if they removed the part that understands or if I never understood and don't remember." She cried. "I'm too broken to even know if I was ever fixed."

River's shoulders started to shake and Jayne reached out for her, but she was too far away.

"Hey, now, Crazy, don't be like that. C'mon now. I don't do cryin'. Please?"

"I'm sorry." She seemed to curl up on herself, looking even smaller than he knew she was, lost in the big hospital bed that was too small for Jayne but seemingly too big for her.

Jayne hauled himself up, his head spinning and body aching. "People's ain't logical, elsewise they wouldn't be people. Hell, half the time folks don't even know why they do the crazy things they do. Like Mal. What he plans and what happens ain't never been similar, 's just the way it is. It ain't you, sweetheart."

River sniffed, but seemed to be listening and Jayne took a chance, he dragged his legs off the bed and used his arms to twist himself around until he was sat on the edge of his bed.

He gave a grunt and pushed himself off the bunk, his legs barely holding him. River was watching him in confusion as he staggered across the ice cold floor until he all but collapsed onto the bed next to her. He hated the fact that he was out of breath and took a few seconds to rest before he could slide next to her and look her in the eye.

"Mayhap you weren't never taught what folks did, but it ain't the kinda thing as can be taught. Hafta learn it. Everyone does."

"Didn't learn," she whispered and Jayne cupped her cheek, letting his thick fingers wipe away the tears.

"Yeah, well, I reckon them hun dans had something ta do with that. Locking a girl up when she's supposed to be learning about courting and kissin' and all. Powerful shame. Seems to me that your behind is all. But a gorram genius like you shouldn't find it too hard to catch us all up, now. Just need to try."

"Catch up?" she sniffed.

"I can help some. You know," he shrugged uncomfortably, "iffin you want."

"Don't know if I can," she confessed. "They all think I'm little girl lost. In their heads, in Simon's head, I'm forever 14, forever a child. It takes so much to try to make them see. They'll never see woman, always girl. I see death and blood and chaos and black and they see me play games," she gave a bitter laugh. "They see the games and think they're right."

"Yeah, but you can prove 'em all wrong."

She pushed his arms away. "Sometimes I don't have the energy to prove everybody wrong."

"Then, that's when I can help." He decided. "I'm all kinds of wrong for you, Crazy, I ain't no superman or some fancy core bred gentleman. Don't got a lot of money, nor smarts," he thought for a second. "Don't got a lot of much, actually, 'cepting weapons. Got me lots of them. Need 'em in my job."

River smiled at the way his thought processes seemed to drift like hers before he brought himself back to the point.

"But what I am is powerful stubborn. I figure you and me could be somethin'. If you want."

"I don't need a superman, don't need fancy core man, bland and boring. Just want someone to see me."

"I see you."

"You do, don't you?" She seemed intrigued by the idea and smiled softly at him.

Jayne grinned, her smile lighting up his insides.

"So what'd'ya say?"

River thought for a second and then nodded primly, holding out her hand. "I accept your proposal. We may proceed with relationship. Teach me about 'folks', help me be strong. In return I won't eviscerate you and will accept demonstrations of affection."

Jayne licked his lips at her prissy speech, his blood running fast. River smiled slyly, letting him know that she had Read what her speech had done to him by the light blush covering her cheek.

He disregarded her hand with a wolfish grin. "See, real folks don't shake, they seal a deal with a kiss."

She leaned forwards as if to accept one but Jayne decided to play.

"But I'm too tired now, hauling my ass across here's done made me tired. How 'bout we sleep on it?"