Chapter 4:

Pastor Dan's house was tiny! I had a little room with a bed and a dresser, and when I asked where my bathroom was, Caroline pointed down the hall, and I realized there was only one bathroom in the entire bungalow. But I swallowed my complaints, because I knew I was lucky to have a house at all.

Later that week I woke up to a gentle knock on my door. "Andrea? Are you awake?" It was Caroline, who I had instantly liked the second I met her. She was very sweet, and caring, and seemed to genuinely want to help me out however she could. "Come on in Caroline, I'm up."

"Oh good. I was thinking that maybe we should go to the doctor for a check up. I hope you don't mind that I called my OB-GYN, and made an appointment. I'll drive you there today, if it's ok with you."

I was dreading going to a doctor, because I knew once I heard the words from their mouth, there would be no going back. But of course, Caroline was right, so I agreed, "Sure, I guess that would be good idea. Are you sure you want to drive me though, because I'm totally ok with taking the bus..."

"Of course I won't make you take the bus! Besides, you need someone to come in with you, and clearly the father doesn't appear to be all that interested."

"No, he's not. But it's not a big deal. What time do we have to leave?"

"Probably in an hour or so. There's breakfast in the kitchen, if you would like some. I'll leave you to get dressed."

I put on a pair of sweat pants and a plain brown t-shirt, and went to the kitchen for breakfast. Then we got into her silver Volvo, and Caroline drove me to the doctors office, a tall beige, cement building. The OB-GYN was named Dr. Meredith Webber, and her office was on the 8th floor. When we arrived we were forced to sit in the waiting room, in the soft, blue chairs, until she was available. I thought I was going to go crazy; a 16 year old, sitting in the waiting room of a baby doctor. People were certainly staring. "Just ignore them Andrea, you are not here to impress them, so who cares what they think?" I looked up at Caroline in surprise, how did she know what I was so worried about? "You look like a cat in a room of rocking chairs, Andrea; it's not hard to tell what you're thinking. Now let's go into that doctor's office, and not worry about what all the silly people in the waiting room are thinking. Like they haven't ever made mistakes!"

I smiled, "Thank you." And just then the secretary called my name.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"Wow! That was so amazing! I can't believe it. I just heard my baby's heartbeat. Like an actual heartbeat!" I was on such a high. I couldn't remember anything in my life that had felt so great. I didn't think I could ever feel excited about this baby, but as soon as the heartbeat came out from the monitor, I was gone. I had an actual living creature inside of me; and I had made it!

"Well I guess that appointment was a success!" Caroline chuckled from the driver's seat.

"Yes it was! And look at this sonogram! This tiny little bean thing...that's my baby! Ha!"

"I'm glad you're feeling better. Listen, I hate to put a downer on things, but I'm sure you know that school starts next week, and I was just wondering what you were planning to do with that?"

Oh...school. I had forgotten all about it. How in the world was I going to deal with the pressures of grade 12, a job (which I still needed to find), and a baby all at the same time? "Well...I guess I'll just go until I have the baby, and then I'll...oh I don't know maybe I'll drop out and get a job."

"I guess that sounds like a plan for now", Caroline sighed, "But I'm sure we can find some sort of alternative to dropping out. Maybe an internet program; I'll look into it for you, It's a good idea to get this stuff sorted out early, because once it gets closer to your due-date, you're going to have a lot of other stuff to worry about!" We had arrived home, so I stepped out of the car and went to my room. If she thought I should try to sort things out early, I had some things I needed to do.

I dialed the number to my mother's house, and nervously waited to hear her voice. The answering machine came on, and I sighed in relief, it would be much easier to talk to her if I knew that she wouldn't be answering me. The message beeped, "Hi Mom, its Andrea. I just wanted to let you know that I'm fine. I'm staying with Pastor Dan, from the church, and his wife, and they said I can stay as long as I want. So, I know that you're probably worrying about me, but everything is pretty good. Uh, if you want to contact me, the Clarke's number is 905-323-6497, and you know my email. Although I might not be able to email you for awhile, because the only computer I have access to is at the church. But anyway...hopefully I'll hear from you soon. Bye." And that was that. If she cared then she would be happy to know I was ok, and if she didn't, then she could just delete the message, and pretend I didn't exist.

I really wasn't looking forward to the next call, but I knew it had to be made, so I picked up the phone and dialed again, once again receiving an answering machine, "Hi, you've reached Jacob's cell phone, but I'm busy right now, so leave a message!" Another message...I could do this. "Hey Jake, it's me! Um...how's it going? I told my mom about the baby, but she wasn't too happy, so I'm actually staying with the pastor of the church...so if you wanted to reach me or something, the number is 905-323-6497, or you can email me. I had my first appointment with the OB-GYN today, her name is Dr. Webber. Everything is good, and the baby has a strong heartbeat. Well, I got to go, but I'll see you at school next week. Let me know if you maybe want to come to my next appointment...you don't have to tell anyone where you're going, I just thought you might want to go...its pretty cool. Ok...bye." And I hung up.

I laid back onto my pillows, and closed my eyes. I really wanted to hear from him, to know that he at least cared about his child...even if he didn't care about me. I just wanted to know that this baby was going to be loved by someone other than just me. Because I was excited...I was definitely excited, but I wasn't sure if that was going to be enough.

Caroline stepped into my room later that night, "We're going to bed now, so I just wanted to remind you that we have to leave at quarter to ten tomorrow, for church."

We? What did she mean by we? Did she expect me to go with them? To church? "Oh! Uh, ok...I didn't think I would be going to church...but I guess that's ok..."

"Is something wrong? You seem a little confused. Did you not want to go to church?"

"Well...It's just that I've never really done the whole, church thing...And I'm not sure if it's such a good idea." I really didn't want to have to explain this to her, but I figured I better get it over with if I was going to be staying with them for a while.

"Why? Do you not believe in God?"

Wow...talk about hitting me with a big one. God. Did I believe in God? "The truth is Caroline, I really don't know, but if he does exist...I'm willing to bet he isn't very happy with me right now. And I don't want to go spend time in the house of a God who's angry with me. And along with that...if he does exist, what kind of a God is he? I always heard that he wasn't the type of God that punishes people when they make mistakes, especially if they're sorry. Well I made a mistake, and afterwards, I felt really bad, and did God care? Obviously not! Because here I am, pregnant, with a guy who refuses to even admit it's his, and living in the house of people I only met this week, because my own mother kicked me out. So forgive me for being a little angry back!" I didn't mean to say that much to her, after all she was married to the pastor, but it had been on my mind for so long. Why would he do this to me? Plenty of my friends had done what I did multiple times, and none of them got pregnant! Why was God punishing me? But instead of freaking out like I expected her to, Caroline just nodded her head, and began to speak softly,

"Andrea...trust me, I don't blame you for feeling that way. It's going to take time for you to figure out why all this is happening to you, and I'm willing to help you out! But I think it's important for you to know that I can't help you out nearly as much as God can. And he is not angry with you! He is only sad for you, and he really wants you to talk to Him about it, and I think that coming to church would help. But I am not going to make you go, because it should be your decision. Just know that you are very welcome there, and nobody, not even God, would judge you for what you did. We've all made mistakes, and God has his own agenda for how it all works out. Well, goodnight. Hopefully we'll see you at breakfast; otherwise we'll be back from church at 12:30."

Talk to Him? Did she mean pray? I honestly didn't see that ever happening. I was thankful to Caroline for caring so much, but there was no way I would go to church. It was fine when nobody was there, but going to a church full of people and listening to Pastor Dan lecturing me on how to be good, was not the way that I wanted to spend my last day without school. Instead, I would call up some of my friends, and tell them my news...that way I would have one less terrifying thing on my list of to-do's. I closed my eyes, and fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I hope you noticed that this chapter was a bit longer than the other ones! Anyway, I like this chapter, so I hope you did too! And thank you so much to my beloved reviewers! It gives me a big incentive to write when I know that other people are actually enjoying it! And thanks for the advice too, I hope that this chapter was a little better, and I intend to keep improving as I get more and more practice writing.

God Bless! --Mich051