Chapter 5:
On the first day of school, I got out of bed only to be hit by a gruelling bout of nausea. Morning sickness. I was a bit surprised...because I heard that people didn't get morning sickness that early in their pregnancy, but then I realized that I was already a full month pregnant. A month. It hit me that it would be only 8 months until my baby arrived. I wasn't at all sure how I was going to prepare for something so huge. Yesterday, I had called my best friend, and told them my news. At first, Marti was so excited that I'd had my first time. I was a little disgusted with her...didn't she see how wrong it was? But of course, when I spilled about how I was pregnant, she was shocked and appalled.
"Well...what in the world are you going to do now, Andrea? You can't have a baby!" Marti had exclaimed, "When are you going to get the abortion, so you can move back in with your mom?"
"I'm not having an abortion. I'm staying here with the Clarkes, and I am going to have the baby and keep it." She was, to say the least, a bit surprised. Apparently it had never occurred to her that that was even an option. "I know it's going to be really tough, but I did this to myself, and I can't just run away from it! I can't kill my own baby just to make my life easier!" The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them, and they surprised me a little bit; I hadn't realized how much the baby meant to me. But as I sat there trying valiantly to convince my friend that this was the best choice, I realized that I was not only excited about the baby, but that I loved it, and I cared about it. It was a strange feeling...but I liked it.
Of course, no matter how good the feeling was, it seemed to dissipate slightly at the thought of going to school, and talking about the baby with my guidance counsellors, and then going to class and pretending everything was OK. And it didn't help that I felt like I was going to throw up at any second. I thought about going straight back to bed and not going to school, but I didn't think Caroline would appreciate it, and I didn't want to deal with her niceness, which ended up making me feel more guilty. So I got dressed, splashed my face with some cold water, grabbed some soda crackers from the kitchen, said bye to Caroline who was eating eggs, (the smell threatened to send me over the edge), and stepped out the door. I considered taking the bus, which would be much faster than walking, but the thought of all the bumps and turns did not seem comforting, so I headed down the road...Imagine my disappointment when I remembered I had first period lunch, and could've slept in an extra hour. At least it gave me time to go to the guidance counsellor, which I was not looking forward to one bit.
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"So, of course, I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do as far as education goes, once the baby is born, but I plan on staying in school until that time and...Yeah. That's it." I finished my speech that I had been practicing for days. I was so embarrassed; I knew my cheeks were tomato red. The guidance counsellor looked at me reproachfully, which was started to make me very angry. Who was she to judge me? I made a mistake, and I was taking responsibility for it. Besides, as a guidance counsellor, it was her job to deal with messed up teenagers. I really needed to get of the stuffy office as soon as possible.
"Well, of course I'm very disappointed in you for your error in judgement, "she began, much to my dismay, "but I'm pleased that you are bringing it to our attention early on. Now I assume you have been properly informed of all options, regarding the baby?"
"Of course I've been properly informed! I'm staying with a pastor and his wife! Do you really think they wouldn't have talked to me about this already? I've made my decision, and I already told you; I am keeping my baby!" I snapped at her angrily. I was not going to deal with right now, "I've gotta go, I have class. I'll make sure to let you know before I drop out."
I stomped out of the office, and didn't stop until I got to the bathroom. I stepped into a stall, locked the door, and sat down on the lid of the toilet seat. I could tell I was beginning to panic, I couldn't breathe, and tears started rolling down my face. "I'm going to be OK...everything is going to be fine..." I whispered to myself, trying to calm down. If everyone was going to be so judgemental, I didn't think I would ever get through this. Just at that moment, I heard a soft voice call my name,
"Andrea? It's Camille. I just saw you running in here...I won't bother asking you if you're OK, because I know you're not. Please come out." Something in her voice comforted me, and made me feel less alone. I stepped out of the stall, to face Camille. We were more acquaintances than friends, but as I saw her face, I immediately fell into her arms, sobbing. Instead of looking pitiful, or curious, her face showed me that all she cared about was making sure that I was alright. After several minutes, I began to calm down, and I raised my head from her shoulder, and brushed my hair out of my face. "I'm sorry...you're probably wondering what's wrong..."
"Well..." she began hesitantly, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but Marti has been telling everyone about you, and how you're having a baby, and your mom kicked you out, and I didn't believe her...but now I guess it's true?" She looked at me apologetically; as I let her words sink in.
"Are you telling me that everyone knows I'm--I'm pregnant? Oh man...just when I thought it couldn't get any worse!"
"Well, try to look at the bright side, at least now people will already know, so you won't have to answer awkward questions later, when you start showing. That's semi good, right?" She looked at me with a lopsided grin, and I couldn't help but laugh a little, at her words.
"I guess you're right. Thanks Cam...I can't believe Marti did that, just goes to show who your friends are. Although right now I don't have any friends at all, apparently."
"Hey, I know we've never been that close, but if you need a friend, I'm here for you."
"I might just take you up on that." A crazy idea started forming in my head, "Camille, I have a really weird question to ask you, but feel free to say no, OK?"
She smiled a bit, "What is it Andrea?"
"I was just wondering...I have these prenatal classes that Caroline, the woman I'm staying with, signed me up for, and I'd feel awkward going with her, so if you want to, you could come with me. Only to one. Or two, or whatever." I expected her to get a little freaked out, but she just laughed, and began to tie her long, straight blonde hair into a ponytail.
"Calm down Andrea! I would love to go with you. To all of them! Here's my number, call me tonight and let me know when the first one is." Then she said goodbye, and pranced out the door. I could tell she was just the kind of friend I needed right now...optimistic.
I hurried to my class, half an hour late, and then continued the rest of the day without any major incidents. Until last period, that is, when I realized that Marti was in my class. She saw me and waved, sporting her usual phoney smile, which I had somehow failed to notice before. I nodded at her, and then sat down in a seat across the classroom. She was in front of my desk in a second, "Andrea, what's wrong with you? Hormonal imbalance? I heard that can be a problem for pregnant people. Don't worry, it'll pass." I scoffed at her, as if she knew anything about it! I tried to be as dismissive as possible as I said,
"OK, thanks." And I turned immediately back to my books.
"Are you mad at me or something?" She asked; a pout on her lips.
"No. I just don't think I can be friends with you at this stage in my life. I'm obviously going through a rough time, and I need friends that will support and help me, not betray my secrets. Sorry." She got the picture and walked back to her seat. I thought maybe she would be upset, but ten minutes later she was laughing with her other friends as if nothing had happened, so I knew that I obviously didn't mean all that much to her, and I had made the right decision.
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Later that night, I received a very simple email from Camille:
By the end of the first month, the embryo has begun to develop skin cells. The heart has begun to form, and is already beating. The nervous system has begun to arise. The intestinal tract, lungs, liver, and kidneys have all begun to develop. The embryo is curled in a crescent with tiny arms and legs just beginning to form, and is a little smaller than the size of a green pea...
--Camille
I fell asleep with a smile on my face, and dreamed of babies all night.
Wow! Sorry it took me so long to update. With second semester just starting, I'm still getting into the the rhythm of things. Once I do, I will update more often, I promise! Hope you enjoyed the chapter...and, forgive me for saying it YET AGAIN...please review!! Thanks a lot!
Mich051