Haven't updated in God knows how long. My mid-years are coming up (argh) and I'm quite conveniently down with flu and a sore throat. Whoopee. Anyway, enjoy my latest offering of stupidity, twisted humour and crack. I've looked through my past chapters and realized that there was an inconsistency in the titles and lines, so please bear with me as I'm very forgetful at times.

Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged Series quotes will be coming later as soon as I work out how to slip a few here and there.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any related materials. I only own shark bait/piranha food (Oh, come on, you know what this is! I've been using this term since day 1 of this story!).

A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues

Mary Sues have a very fancy abode which usually reflects how rich the Mary Sue is/are/were without any logical reason. Also, Mary Sues often have a great disposal of wealth and jewels which usually come out of nowhere without explanation. They are also the sole heir to a fortune/legacy/jewel/etc.

On another sunny day when the flowers were in full bloom framing the Earth in all her glory, and when dolphins were leaping about in joy and rabbits hopped around and lived peacefully with snakes and lions did not attack other weaker prey for food, Marie and Yugi's gang were all walking in a park and discussing a project that the teacher had assigned to them. Originally, the teacher had put Marie with Anzu and her other bunch of friends, but Marie had cried floods and the teacher, being smitten with her, couldn't bear to see our beautiful heroine in tears, henceforth paired her up with Yami and the gang, minus Anzu who had suddenly dropped down a plothole, along with her other band of friends once Marie was paired up with Yami and friends.

"Say, where do we go to in order to finish our project?" asked Tristan, his eyes gazing at Marie with rapt adoration. Sadly this went unnoticed by his object of affection, as she was gazing at Yami with such loving eyes that Yami stared back at her with the same affection.

"Why not my house?" offered Marie, while still staring at Yami.

"Why not? I'd love to see your house," murmured Yugi, who too was in love with Marie since the first day he saw her. Marie bent down and kissed Yugi's forehead.

"You're such a sweetie, Yugi-baby," replied Marie with another of her dazzling smiles. Yugi fainted clean away, and a plot hole opened up at their feet and they fell through it collectively.

As soon as they landed on their feet, they were in front of the most spectacular mansion they had ever seen. The entire structure was made of platinum, and the roofs were pure gold. The door was carved out of marble, with different precious stones, such as diamonds, rubies, agate, sapphire, emerald, opals, amethysts, pink diamonds, saiamonds (1), agapphire (2) and the such inlaid. The gates were made of gold as well, with intricate carvings, and marble statues made of carrera marble were placed at the door. The garden itself grew candy, chocolate, cotton candy, gold bars, silver bars, jewels and the like, and the flowers gave off this heavenly aroma that was fit for a deity. The mansion itself covered some 100 acres.

"This is my home," Marie explained as the entire gang stepped into the house, where faeries dressed in uniform lined up at either side of the passageway and threw confetti and flower petals as they passed through the path made of gingerbread and candy drops and entered the house.

"My parents and I used to live here, you see," explained Marie as they went up the stairs (made of rose gold and carpeted with devore velvet (3) with embroidery).

"So this was where you and your parents lived?" asked Yami. Marie gave him a sad smile. At this, Yugi and the gang (excluding Yami and Marie, of course) dropped down a plot hole labeled "George", while the remaining two were teleported to a pretty rose garden. The bright sky had suddenly turned dark, and the full moon shone in the dark night sky.

"Yes. Daddy left this entire house plus a fortune of one billion trillion pounds in his bank and his entire company of sixteen billion people under my control. I was the sole heir you see, as my siblings were murdered one by one brutally in front of me. I've got an entire legacy to preserve myself," Marie sniffled softly. Yami awkwardly put his arms around her and embraced her, and suddenly Marie's beautiful crystalline tears came again.

"Don't worry, my Queen, I'm with you," whispered Yami, and kissed his beloved sweetheart's tears away. They remained like that for quite some time – until a massive rocket somehow managed to drop down a plot hole and very nearly hit Marie on the head, almost eliminating her from existence when a silver blur sprung up beside Marie and swallowed the entire rocket hole. From above, one could hear the voice:

"Ding Dong, Marie is dead, Marie's dead, Marie's dead. Ding dong the evil Marie's dead! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA – ha?" Both Yami and Marie looked up curiously up the plot hole and saw Anzu standing above them, looking very shocked.

"Oh, hi, Yami-kins!" greeted Anzu in a honey and baby-like voice. Marie was hate mad at Anzu, with a smoking crater some 100 km wide in her precious rose garden. Marie snapped her fingers, and the crater was mended.

Mary Sues often have a host of exotic and sometimes mythical/legendary beasts as pets and guardians at their disposal.

As soon as the crater was mended, Anzu dropped off from her perch in her plot hole and landed in a crumpled heap at Marie's feet. Marie snapped her fingers, and another silver blur sprung up and tackled Anzu to the ground.

"Take her away, Mercury," she commanded. On Anzu was currently a silver baby dragon who was growling at Anzu, flames spurting from its nostrils. The dragon breathed a dazzling flame as if it had burned a magnesium ribbon and Anzu had suddenly disappeared.

"Who was that?" asked Yami, awestruck as he watched Marie stroke the dragon as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"Oh, that was my dragon Mercury. I adopted him off in the sixty-first dimension, rescuing him from a cruel slave master. Of course, I blasted that cruel man with a tornado. I've got a lot more than Mercury. I've got Candy the Unicorn, Flamer the gold dragon, Ramy the ram with a golden fleece (4), the Hydra, the Chimera and a lot more. The Hydra and the Chimera were the hardest to tame of course, but once when I fed them my special mix of honey feed they were so obedient." Yami smiled and stroked Mercury the dragon. The dragon somehow managed to purr like a cat.

"Come on Yami-kins," she coaxed with a sweet smile. "We need to get to dinner. My little baby dragon-munchkin will take care of Anzu." Yami smiled back at her and swept her bridal style off her feet, and the two dropped down a plot hole and into the dining room.

The following is another example of the above point, illustrating how rich and fabulous a Mary Sue usually is. Mary Sues can also bridge the gap between two sworn enemies in whatever way she wishes within a few lines or a paragraph.

When Yami and Marie fell into the dining room, for some odd reason the two had managed to magically change their outfits and land in different positions of the room. Yugi and the gang were also there, but there was no table or chair.

"I thought that we were having dinner?" asked Joey as they stood in the empty dining room (made of gold. Of course). Marie smiled and shrugged.

"I'd watch your head if I were you," remarked Marie sweetly, and a table made of oak appeared out of nowhere and gilded chairs with velvet cushions magically teleported themselves to the right position, leaving the entire gang awestruck.

"Burn the witch!" whispered Tristan to Joey, and the two nodded. Marie heard them, however, and cleared her throat, causing Tristan and Joey both to go red with embarrassment.

"This is super special awesome!" exclaimed Yugi, plonking himself down on one of the chairs.

"It's nothing. I've got another throne chair in my throne room made of nothing but diamonds," remarked Marie casually, snapping her fingers yet again. Almost instantly, the table was filled with delicious sorts of food.

"We need to wait for Seto darling," Marie said with a smile. Almost everybody's eyes bugged open.

"Why did you invite him? He calls me a mutt! I'll kill him with my bare hands!" raged Joey.

"Aw, I've asked Seto darling not to insult you today, and he's agreed," replied Marie, her sweet smile still on her face, and somewhat widened oh-so-slightly without ruining her perfect features. At that precise moment the Seto Kaiba dropped down from another plothole and landed face first into a cream pie, causing Yami to burst out laughing.

"What are you laughing at, midget?" snapped Seto. And as predicted, the two began to engage in a food fight and insults were thrown. None of them involved Joey though, quite miraculously, even though Joey was pelting apples at Seto. Then, a soft sniffle from the very far end of the table stopped the two of them, and much to both Yami and Seto's alarm, it was Marie, somewhat crying.

"Marie, are you alright?" asked Yami and Seto at the same time as they simultaneously raced to her side.

"I don't like it when you two fight," whimpered Marie in a baby cutesy voice. "Can you two be friends… please?" For a moment, there was dead silence. Then, Seto held out a hand.

"Truce?" Yami nodded, and shook the hand solemnly. Immediately, Marie cheered up and kissed both Yami and Seto on the cheek. The Seto Kaiba once again fainted clean away.

With Anzu

"Grrr… how dare she…." Anzu was stuck in the very bowels of Marie's mansion, chained up to a stone wall. "How dare she take my Yami! I hate her! I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate - " Anzu paused to take a deep breath, but was interrupted when there was a slight sizzling of metal chains, and Anzu found herself unchained and free. There was a figure in the shadows, its face half hidden in the darkness.

"So you hate my twin sister as well?" A cold, silky voice asked. Anzu nodded.

"Who doesn't hate her?" A chuckle that sent shivers down Anzu's spine.

"A lot of people don't. I was wondering if you were interested in…" Anzu stood there in her cell, listening. It was a good deal. Her face broke out in a maniacal grin, and she and the figure dropped down another plot hole.

Glossary and Author's Comments:

1: Saiamonds - I put sapphire and diamonds together for this one. Non-existent gem.

2: Agapphire - I put agate and sapphire for this one. Non-existent gem.

3: Devore velvet - the most beautiful type of velvet I would ever see. It's got pretty patterns and colours, and the really good ones have a nice texture as well. You can go onto the internet and search "Devore velvet" in the Images section, and maybe you can find some nice pictures of this type of velvet. No, I'm not doing advertising here.

4: Anybody read Greek myths? Apparently this was taken from a story involving a character called Jason who went and stole a golden fleece which was guarded by a dragon. Not sure on this fact though. Correct me it I'm wrong.

I am fully aware that probably some themes in this story is probably over used (such as my favourite plotholes), but bear with me – the fun's just starting up. Hope you enjoyed the story and managed to laugh wryly at my odd sense of humour once again.

Reviews and suggestions are, as always, greatly appreciated.