And after two full weeks of hibernation to face my mid-years, I'm back and running again with my very odd sense of humour. I do apologize for the wait though. I kept trying to actually get a few hours to type stuff and my mum kept coming in so I had to scrap the plan. Sorry about that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I only own piranha food/shark bait and poisoned piranha food/shark bait (read: EVIL Mary Sue. There's not much difference though. Either party can get you killed by their perfection.)

A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues

Mary Sues can easily make people lose their wits and have people not know they've been insulted AND make even the coldest canon character demand for nicknames that would make a regular person so embarrassed that they'll want to crawl into the smallest hole in the world and hide there until everything is over and people forget about it. And remember, Mary Sue NEVER makes mistakes.

"Say, I'm bored waiting around. What are we doing here, lounging around and doing nothing?" snapped Anzu irritably at Mehnet, as she lounged on the couch and was at work making out with Bakura, who fell in love with her as soon as this chapter began. Marik had dropped down another plot hole, as he wasn't needed yet.

"Patience, my minion," purred Mehnet contentedly as Bakura slung an arm around her and planted kisses on her neck. "No honeybun, slightly down there – " Mehnet pointed to a spot lower to the spot where her beloved was kissing.

"And why do you call Bakura honeybun? I'm surprised you're not dead yet." Mehnet smiled at Anzu, suggesting she was an idiot of some sort.

"Because I am a Villain Sue, you foolish idiot. And Villain Sues can make people go completely out of character. Besides, Bakura here - " At this, Bakura stopped kisses Mehnet's neck and took on a whiny tone:

"Not Bakura! Honeybun!" Mehnet briefly rolled her eyes and gently kissed Bakura's cheek.

"Alright. Honeybun." That seemed to satisfy Bakura and he resumed kissing Mehnet's neck.

"Besides, honeybun here asked me to call him honeybun anyway. And if you're raring into action…" Mehnet smiled casually and snapped her fingers, making a massive chunk of boulder appear in front of the velvet red lounger where Mehnet and Bakura were seated.

"Drop down George here," she smiled casually, waving in the general direction of the boulder. Anzu raised an eye brow.

"Oh my god! It's a giant rock!" Mehnet's eyes narrowed.

"Are you implying I made a mistake?" she hissed. Anzu immediately shook her head obediently.

"Good," said Mehnet, contented once again. "Drop down George the plothole here." And at these words, the boulder did turn back into a plot hole again, immediately rectifying Mehnet's mistake due to her glory of being a Mary Sue.

"Alright, but it'll be hard to beat that giant rock - " A gust of wind shoved Anzu downwards into the sprawling darkness.

"Shut up, you stupid fool! And off you go!" George closed up and from the ceiling dropped Marik, who once again ended up in eagle spread. And because Mehnet was also a Mary Sue, Marik didn't die from falling at 5000 metres from the plot hole that had mysteriously opened up in Mehnet's vaulted, jewel-inlaid ceiling.

"Now I have my two favourite villains," said Mehnet happily. "What more can a Villain Sue ask for?"

Mary Sues' rivals are often bashed in the most humiliating, pitiful way ever, whether logically or illogically.

"Yami-kins! How does this look?" Meanwhile, Marie was in Christian Dior and twirling around in a beautiful golden gown that complimented her gorgeous and sexy figure, with her darling Yami seated in a cushion, gazing at his darling with rapture.

"It's gorgeous. Then again, everything on you looks perfect." Marie giggled and skipped over and kissed Yami on the cheek.

"You're so sweet, Yami-kins," said Marie, throwing her arms around her darling boyfriend, who blushed a bit. The two were about to kiss when out of a plot hole (well, no surprises) dropped Anzu, who fell on Yami and kissed him instead, sending Marie hate mad.

"Why you little bitch!" she screamed, and all of a sudden they were transported into this quiet forest which was very eerie. Anzu smiled tauntingly at Marie.

"I kissed him all the same," remarked Anzu. Marie narrowed her eyes, and brought another large boulder crashing down on Anzu.

"Oh my god, another giant rock!" exclaimed Yami, staring as if the rock was some sort of alien.

"Yes, a giant rock," hissed Marie as she focused on crushing Anzu. Anzu managed to push it away from her, and threw a couple of scratches at Marie using her long nails.

"Why, you little… you ruined my perfect skin!" screamed Marie, and flew towards Anzu with a mannequin levitating in the air behind her, and managed to trap Anzu beneath it. Marie, just to finish her off, decided to bring down even more boulders, pianos, potatoes, watermelons, durians, elephants, whales, dinosaurs from the prehistoric age… whatever you thought of was the heaviest, it was there, dogpiling the aforementioned items on poor Anzu, who was flattened like a pancake. And suddenly Marie was back to her old usual self again, smiling like nothing happened, and of course since she was so perfect, Yami didn't notice a thing.

"Come on, Yami-kins, let's go." With that, she dragged a still love-struck Yami out of the mall.

Somewhere in the bowels of the earth, Mehnet watched this all with a satisfied smile on her face, with Marik massaging her back and Bakura leaning on her lap.

"So Anzu proved just as useless as I thought," remarked Mehnet slyly.

"I'll kill her for you if you want," offered Marik hopefully, only to be met with a death stare from Bakura.

"I'm the one who does the killing because she favours me better," he hissed. Marik's eyes narrowed.

"Oh yeah? Let's duke it out!" With that, Marik flew at Bakura and Bakura flew at Marik and soon there was a ball of dust flying in the air. Mehnet seemed oblivious to it, however, and stood up, her back turned to the two fighting men.

"Well, sister," she murmured, gazing at the screen which showed Yami and Marie feeding each other. "Looks like I'll have to deal with you myself. Honeybun, mushykins?" Marik and Bakura immediately stopped fighting, and attempted to straighten themselves, even though Bakura had a black eye and Marik had bruises all over him.

"Poor mushykins(1)," cooed Mehnet, gently brushing her hand against his bruised arm, which healed all of his bruises instantly. Marik smirked at Bakura, who glared daggers at Marik, but that glare quickly vanished as Mehnet kissed Bakura's black eye, which also healed. Marik and Bakura engaged each other in a glaring match almost immediately afterwards.

"Let's go and get my dratted sister now and kidnap her." And she let loose that terrifying evil laugh all over again, this time making the Akatsuki leader(2) scream like a girl, just the same way she terrified Darth Vader, and got into her super posh black jet, with Marik and Bakura fighting once again to get into the passenger seat next to their "divinely heavenly goddess."

Author's Notes/Glossary Terms

1: Read Marik Ishtar.

2: I think I'm overusing this scary thing. Not sure if it's funny anymore, but I cracked up. So yeah.

Hope the exams haven't dulled my sense of humour and your enjoyment of reading this, though I did have a good time extracting quotes from Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged as I always do.

So please leave a review, and let's just hope you managed to crack up a bit reading this.