Author Note:
Very little time to do proofing this week, so I'm just going to post and I'll fix everything by next weeks post. Bad news is, I've run out of completed chapters, so I can't promise chapter 9 will be up by Monday, but I will try. Life just got really complicated. Anyway, as usual, I hope you enjoy.

Addendum:
Ok, officially proof read and revised chapters 1-8.

Review Replies:
Me – you're like an automated mistake catcher, aren't you? I think you'd enjoy the fic more if you weren't always hunting for mistakes. Glad you liked it though.

-8-
Service

Gilyith didn't get any other chances to lay a finger on her, as Inara's friends, true to their word, stepped up their protection of her. She wanted to kill them because arguing was seemingly useless, especially around Evan, Corin, Asten, and Sam. However, Inara wasn't sure that Gilyith would harm her again if he was given the chance. For several days after he'd slammed his hilt against her body, he'd stared at her, an annoyed, questioning look across his features. Inara often had to wonder if he was thinking the same thing she was. Why hadn't she broken any bones? The blow was certainly hard enough. The weapon was perfectly placed to do such damage. Did he know about the pain that had gripped her body so tightly that she'd been unable to stand until Evan gave her assistance? Had he been watching as she started to cry, bent over on the ground, struggling to regain her air and her feet? All this, she questioned, but most of all, she questioned why strange things happened to her.

Inara spent more and more time alone, isolating herself from her friends and crying. She cried because she didn't understand. Wasn't she different enough to begin with not to have to be gods cursed to be different yet again? It was during one of these evening times alone that she received a rather plainly addressed letter.

Inara,

Thank you for alerting me to the situation between Sir Owen and his son. We've done as your father requested and gave Evan the chance he needed. And while you have made a promise not to push the issue any further, I have not. Trust me, I will see to it that Sir Owen understands and rectifies his mistake, even if I have to beat the stupid hellion to a pulp myself.

I trust your father has already written to you to tell you that he will not be able to make it to the Midwinter festivities this year, but I wanted to explain. Your father did wish to come, but he begged me to go instead. He will remain here at New Hope in command so that your uncle Dom and I can attend Tobe's Ordeal. You know how thick headed your father can be. Sir Merric of Hollyrose offered to stay behind with him. Uncle Dom, Sir Owen, and I should arrive shortly before the festivities start. I look forward to seeing you serve this year.

But I am not only writing to tell you these things. I recently received a letter from your cousin. Inara, he is worried about you. And from what he has told me of your behavior, I feel he has the right to be. Corin says you lock yourself in your room and the only thing that you've told him is that you're tired of being different.

Lass, you need to understand that you are different. Everyone is. Take Corin: his first year, he was teased for being the son of a lady knight. The biggest joke was why he hadn't gone to the Convent. Your friend Sam is from a family marked as traitors. He isn't hiding in his room, is he? Even Evan struggles with a father who won't accept him, although that will change, soon.

Please trust me when I tell you that it is alright to be different. It's ok to have questions about yourself and why things happen. It's how you handle being different that makes you who you are.

Goddess Bless, Lady Page

Aunt Kel

The words of the letter rang true in her mind as she re-read it over and over again. She couldn't deny that her aunt was right. She couldn't deny that she wasn't the only one who was different, but she couldn't decide if she wanted to sulk some more or face the truth.

Inara remained for hours locked behind her bed room door that evening. No one bothered her; her friends seemed to accept that Inara needed some time alone. Half the time she spent staring at the letter, the other half she spent staring at her own reflection in the mirror. She wasn't sure about what she saw: an average height girl of eleven and a half years old, bright green eyes set beneath long dark lashes, and long black hair tied back in a horse tail. She wasn't Tortallan, but she wasn't Yamani. She was both, and she was something else too. Something she couldn't explain or describe. There was a part of her that had always existed yet she didn't know it, and now she knew that part was growing. She wasn't sure she wanted it to. But her aunt was right, it was how she handled being different that would decide who she really was. Only Inara had the power to make her who she was and who she wanted to be. She was tired of feeling like it was bad to be different. It was time to rectify that.

Determination set on her face, Inara brushed dust off the shoulder of the dress she had worn since supper and proceeded out of her room, checking first that no one lay ready to attack her near it. Slipper clad shoes padding along the corridor, Inara made her way to Asten's room, the groups study place for the night. She poked her head in through the open door and caught Evan's eyes with her own. He frowned, at her, questioning, but when she didn't speak and just continued down the hall, he knew she wanted them to follow.

"Come on lads," he told the others. "The pup's up to something, and for once, I think she wants us involved." He pushed himself off the floor, his friends behind him, and made his way into the hall, only to jump when he saw Inara leaning against the wall, a small smile on her face. "I thought you'd walked off."

"I figured I should explain. I don't want you to come if you don't want to," she told her friends.

"Inara, you know us. We want to help," Corin assured her, hugging his cousin around the shoulders. She'd gotten taller, but so had he.

Inara nodded. "Alright; I'm sick and tired of being treated like a disease because I don't fit Gilyith's picture of a proper Tortallan page. I'm going to fix that," she told them.

"You're going to fix it?" Yancy asked her, staring at her as if she'd grown a second head. She nodded. "How do you propose to do that?"

"By letting him know I don't care," she replied.

"But you do care; Inara, no matter what you say, you always care what other people think," Asten told her.

"I used to. But someone told me that it's only the way that I handle being different that makes me who I am, and I'm going to believe that from now on."

"So why do you need us?" Sam asked.

"Because I want to show him that there are people who accept me for me, just as I accept them for them. That and there's a lot more of them than me, and if he chooses to send me to the black god, I need witnesses."

The boys laughed and nodded. "I'm in," Evan told her immediately. Corin and Asten agreeded as well.

"If he hits you, can I ram my fist down his throat?" Nick asked her. Inara laughed and promised him they'd reserve that right for their youngest friend.

"Maybe I'll give them a piece of my mind as well," Sam told her. Benton and Yancy just grinned. No one was staying behind.

Together, Inara in the lead, the group made their way down the hall, searching for Gilyith and his friends. They found them in a back corner of the pages' main library. The boys assembled around Inara as they waited silently for Gilyith's group to realize they weren't alone anymore. Gilyith finally looked up and glared at Inara.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to understand something, Marti's Hill," Inara spoke calmly, although behind her back, her friends could see her hands shaking. Gilyith didn't seem to want to interrupt. "From now on, I'm not going to listen to any of the vomit that you chose to say. The days of your words hurting me are over. You have no more power of me, nor should you have ever.

"I thought the son of a nobleman was supposed to have manners, and I've seen that in the boys who are standing behind me. You and your friends disgrace the title of noble."

"What do you know about nobles, slut? Your friends consist of traitors, sons of bitches, and riffraff," Thorville spoke to her. Inara turned her gaze on him, steadily.

"I know that they don't run around insulting people because they're different. They don't hesitate to defend what's right," Inara spoke. It was easier to give her friends compliments than it was to defend herself. "I just want you to understand that you can't hurt me anymore. It's over," she told them, and spun, turning her back on them and walked out of the library. Her friends remained between Gilyith and Inara's retreating back.

"Remember what she said, Marti's Hill," Yancy told him. "She meant every word. You have no power."

"And if you ever think to do something about this, I will make you eat every single word you've ever said to either of us," Sam added.

The rest of the group glared at him, and as they turned to follow Inara, Nick spat on the floor at Gilyith's feet. The third year was too shocked to do anything and let them leave.

Two days later, Inara and Nick were caught leaving the stables by Thorville, Arwin, and Hakim. Inara didn't scream or cry out at all when they assaulted her. Of the five, only Arwin and Nick ended up in the hospital wing with broken bones. Lord Padraig gave them all two bells of work in the laundry as punishment. Inara took it silently and refused to even look hurt when she saw Gilyith or his friends later that day. Yancy was right; she wasn't going to give Gilyith the pleasure of seeing her spirit hurt. He couldn't touch her anymore.

Midwinter arrived sooner than usual that year, or so it seemed to Inara. The holiday had snuck up on her as she trained with her friends. Thank goodness she'd bought gifts for her friends over the summer break, or she never would have been ready when the weather finally turned cold.

Lidia helped Inara finish putting on her uniform for the first night of the festivals, clearly seeing her mistress was shaking beneath the red and gold clothing. "Why are you so scared?" she teased her. "You look fine, and it's not like it's your first year."

"It's not, but second years serve for the first time. People are going to see me!"

"Oh, and you don't want to be seen looking like a wall hanging?" Lidia laughed. Inara gave her a look of amusement and nerves mixed together.

"I don't want to be seen looking like anything."

"And what of when you're a knight? Are you going to stay hidden and never be seen? It'll be hard to do any defending of people if you're locked away, Lady Inara."

Inara laughed and nodded. Lidia was right. She'd have to be seen sooner or later. "It still doesn't make me feel any better about doing this," she replied as someone knocked on her door. Lidia moved to it at Inara's nod and admitted seven pages in random states of distress. "What are you all doing here?" Inara asked them simply.

"Well, Jasson's a squire now and we thought," Asten started to tell her, although he appeared to loose his nerve and was staring at his feet.

"You have a woman smell; maybe you could tell us how we look?" Benton asked with a coy smile on his lips.

"Like I told you all last year. I have no sense for fashion and you still all look like fruit cakes," she informed them.

"But you're a girl," Nick encouraged. "You're supposed to know these things."

"Wrong, a girl learns those things at the convent. I've been here with you dunder heads for the past year and a half," she told them.

"I am not a dunderhead," Evan laughed. "I resent being lopped into that category."

"You came with them, didn't you?" she asked him. Evan just nodded.

"Maybe I can help?" Lidia finally spoke up, laughing at the boys and Inara. "I didn't go to the convent, but I know a thing or two about looking proper," the maid teased.

"By all means; help them. Mithros knows, I can't," Inara agreed, fixing her own hair in the mirror. That, at least, she could do. Lidia spent the next few minutes adjusting tunics, combing hair, and even getting a small stain out of Nick's hose with a soap and water mixture. Finally she deemed them fit for presentation.

"Shall we go then?" Yancy asked them. Nick shook his head and his face was rapidly turning green. Inara, Sam, and Benton reluctantly followed the four older boys. They reached the kitchens just as Master Oakbridge arrived. He found something wrong with almost all of the pages except Inara's group, but declared that there was no time to fix it. The feast needed to start and he would die if any of them were to be late. The first years each donned their aprons, while the master of ceremonies escorted the older boys to an easel he had set up, and showed them each their tables.

"Queenscove," he called, going in alphabetical order. Inara moved to stand beside him. He looked her over and sighed. "I always have problems with girls," he muttered more to himself than to her. "You're only a second year and it is very much against my true desire to place you at this table," he indicated a table just to the right of the one the royal family would be dining at, "but they'll at least accept you as a server. I won't have anyone being sent back asking for a replacement." Master Oakbridge said the last part loud enough for all the boys to hear as a warning. Inara nodded and studied the diagram memorizing her table's location. She knew that only some of the realms most important people would dine so close to the king, and usually the fourth years were assigned these tables. As it was, with no royalty among the pages, an actual servant would wait on the monarchs and their families. Only Evan and Yancy would be stationed near her. The rest of her friends, specifically her year mates would be located on the very far side of the dining hall.

"Don't be nervous," Evan whispered in her ear as they lined up with finger bowls. "It'll all be over before you know it."

"Easy for you to say; this is the last time you have to go through this nightmare," she remarked. Evan winked at her and bowed in response before Master Oakbridge released them into the hall.

Inara barely took no more than a second to examine the beautifully decorated hall. The master of ceremonies had really outdone himself. She took a deep breath, willing her eyes away from the gold and red drapes that hung from the high vaulted ceiling and made her way over to her table. Ever since she'd been given her assignment, Inara had dreaded what type of nobility she would be waiting on. She had to resist the urge to slam her eyes shut as she came into sight of the table surrounded by six people: three older noblemen and their ladies. Only when she could make out some of their faces did Inara release a sigh of relief, her green eyes meeting the deep purple ones of the red headed lady she offered the finger bowl to.

"Page Inara," Lady Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, greeted her as she dipped her fingers. "Master Oakbridge took my advice," she laughed.

"It seems so, my lady," Inara replied. She took the lady knight's words to mean that she'd actually been requested. She was still nervous, but less so now. "I'm relieved, to be honest."

"Nothing wrong with being honest," one of the lady knight's dinner companions told her. "I remember what it was like being a page. Trust me, it'll be over before you know it," Duke Gareth told her. Inara smiled and bowed to him as she offered the bowl to him and his wife, Lady Cythera. Alanna's husband Baron George just gave her a wink when she brought the bowl to him next. She smiled back.

Inara smiled slightly to herself as she returned to the kitchens to get the first course. Yes the people she waited on were of high importance to the king: his Champion and her husband, his head advisor and his wife, and the Knight Commander of the King's Own and his wife, but the group wouldn't put pressure on her, nor would they be reluctant to interact with a female page. All the horror stories Inara had been told by her aunt were put out of her head for the rest of the evening.

At the end of the final course, Inara was collecting dishes from the nobles when Lord Raoul placed a large hand on her arm. She turned to him questioning.

"Jasson and I have to leave first thing tomorrow morning. He asked me to give you this," he told her, handing a note to her. Inara tucked the note inside her tunic and thanked him with a smile and a bow, before retreating into the kitchens for the last time. Besides a small splatter of sauce that she'd gotten on her hose when she tripped slightly, the evening had been pleasant, and she knew she probably wouldn't have to fear the rest of the services for the year.

Inara stifled a yawn as she and her friends headed the mess hall for their supper. The squires had already deserted it in order to make it to the parties they would be serving at that night, so the pages had the whole place to themselves. Corin and Sam were dragging Nick behind them, trying to keep the ten year old awake, encouraging him that food was necessary.

"Why'd Lord Raoul stop you?" Yancy asked Inara as they took their seats.

"Oh," she replied, having forgotten. She reached into her tunic and pulled out Jasson's letter. "He and Jasson are being called away tomorrow morning, so Jase sent me a letter."

"You call him Jase now?" Evan laughed, giving her a look.

"He told me to. This summer at Masbolle," she informed them. "And only because I called him 'Prince'," she added.

"Right," Corin snickered. "So, what's the letter say?"

"No idea."

"Well, open it then," Sam encouraged her. Inara nodded and broke the seal on the letter and began to read aloud.

"Everyone,

I asked my lord to deliver this to the pup because she's the only one I can trust to make sure you all get it. Yes Jesslaw, even you.

Anyway, I did it! I killed one. Not a man, mind you, an Odocoileus. I mean I've fought more of them than I can count since we arrived at Fort Steadfast in August, but I killed one on my own. It tried to flee when my lord and the Own closed in on their camp, but I shot it in the belly. It didn't die right away, and I kind of forgot about its claws. I've got three scars on my chest (pup, is it true that ladies love a man with scars?) from where it caught me. The healer wasn't able to make them go away. But I cut its head off with my sword, the way they'd cut that little boy's head off last winter. It didn't deserve better.

Things are very different here. The men don't treat me like a future king. I like it. Even Lord Raoul treats me like a normal squire. I can do just as much fighting as Seth does. I hear from him every so often. He and Sir Seaver crossed into Tusain at the request of a Tusain knight. There was a group of Spidren's attacking a village near the board and they needed all the help they could get. Seth says that Tusain isn't much different from Tortall, but he's only seen a small part of it. I'm proud of him for helping.

I'm the youngest one at Fort Steadfast. We don't have a lot of knights here. Most of them are stationed at Fort Giant Killer and Fort New Hope. I suppose that's just as well. Lord Raoul says he likes it better when it's just him and the soldiers. He says soldiers take orders better than other knights who can get offended if they don't like what they're told to do. I never realized some nobles had so much idiotic pride.

I got to visit Fort New Hope though, and saw Tobe. He's nervous about his ordeal. Wish him luck for me, will you all? But do it before he goes anywhere near the chapel, alright. I don't want to hear that any of you failed your examinations. Masbolle, you stay away from there and wait until he's knighted to give your brother his congratulations.

I suppose I won't see you all for a while. I had hoped to get the chance to say hello this Midwinter, but the Own doesn't get to rest much, not that I mind. Lord Raoul takes us to a lot of places and I can't complain for lack of female company. Yancy, if you're a good boy and pass your examinations, maybe I'll bring you back one. Take care, all of you, and try and stay out of trouble,

Jasson".

Inara finished reading the letter and looked up at her friends. "How in the name of Mithros am I supposed to know what ladies like?" she asked with a grin, causing all the boys to start laughing.

"I wonder if one of the Own hit him in the head," Evan replied. "I never thought anyone could sound so thrilled to battle immortals before."

"Well, Jasson is a very special person," Inara assured him.

"He's touched in the head," Yancy replied, laughing.

"You guys know the prince?" Nick's voice was dripping with so much amazement that the whole rest of the group fell into fits of hysterical laughter.

The second day of Midwinter dawned gloomily. Rain pelted the streets. Corin spent the whole day with his family, leaving their group one short. Even Dominic had come to Corus, escorted by the men-at-arms from Masbolle. Lord Domitan would be returning home with him after Midwinter while Lady Keladry returned to finish things up at New Hope. The Odocoileus had already started moving into hibernation, or whatever it was that they did during the cold winter months. Tobeis would undergo his ordeal on the third night, but even still, he'd requested to spend as much time as he could before hand with his family.

Inara was working on some extra work when Evan came by her room, as he often did. He knocked lightly on her open door. Inara had decided that with as many people as she had dropping by her room, it was usually best to leave the door open instead of getting up and down.

"You don't have to knock if the door's open, you know," she told him as he came inside and sat down on her chair. Inara lay on her stomach on the bed and looked up at him, propping her chin on her hands. She studied the older boy for a few minutes. Her father had definitely been wrong. She could never fancy Evan. He was like a big brother to her, not that she needed any more of those. And yet she wondered if he was even interested in girls yet. She was only eleven, but Evan would celebrate his fourteenth birthday shortly. A few weeks ago, she would have said no, but then she'd gotten Jasson's letter. She hadn't thought he'd started to fancy girls yet either, but his letter obviously stated otherwise. "What?"

"I said you're going to have an interesting night."

"Why's that?" she asked him, curiously.

"With Lord Raoul gone, they had to find someone else to fill his and Lady Burirum's spots at the table."

"Who'd they fill the spots with?"

"You're going to love this; Lord Wyldon of Cavall," he stated.

"Your grandfather?" Evan only nodded.

"And my father," he finished. "Grandmother and Mother decided they didn't want to come to court for Midwinter this year. Father had to bring Tobeis for his ordeal, and grandfather arrived this morning."

"It shouldn't be so bad," Inara stated. "Although can the Lioness stand being around your grandfather?"

"We'll have to see, won't we? I told you it would be interesting." He paused and fixed her with a stare. "You know something else that's interesting?"

"Hmm?"

"Father wants to talk tomorrow," Evan told her. "While Tobe's off with his friends and family. I wonder why that is."

"I have no idea," Inara replied innocently, batting her eyelashes at him.

"I don't know whether I should be happy with you or if I should take you out and beat you like a naughty puppy."

"How about you decide after you've had your talk with him?" Inara suggested. Evan shook his head and moved to sit beside her on her bed.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she replied simply. He should know that by now.

"Why do you always help other people but refuse help yourself? You don't have to heal the world when you're hurting, pup," he told her.

"I don't refuse help," Inara remarked. He gave her a look. "I just prefer to fix things on my own. Besides, I'm not hurting."

"No, but you're worried about something."

"How do you figure that?"

"I can see it in your eyes," he replied, looking at her. "I just wish you'd start to trust some of us; even if we can only help by listening."

"I – I don't know; maybe. One day, I promise. Right now, at least until I figure it out a little bit, I'm going to keep this to myself," Inara answered. "Alright? I'm not trying to keep you out Evan. I just want to understand this first."

"Alright," he told her. "But when you do decide to talk, I hope you'll come to me?"

"You'll be first," she assured him.

"Good," he said, smiling at her and hugging her around the shoulder. "Time to go get dressed I think. I doubt it's a good idea to see how far we can push Master Oakbridge before he has a heart attack. The next one might actually kill him," Evan replied.

"Oye! Jesslaw! Quit keeping the pup. You know it takes ladies forever to get dressed for a special occasion."

"Hollyrose, watch what you say or this lady is going to make you eat your words on the practice court," Inara called back to her friend who was passing by in the hall. She grinned at Evan who laughed.

"It's a duel, fair lady; as soon as Midwinter ends."

"Fine," Inara replied, as she watched Evan go, laughing as he raced to catch up to Asten.

Supper that night was interesting to say the least, but not because of the people at her table. It was true that the Lioness and Lord Wyldon barely said a word to one another, although both were very civil to her. Inara felt bad for Baron George who kept trying to start friendly conversation. Sir Owen acted differently than she would have expected. He was kind and polite to her, but not overly so. Inara had to wonder exactly what her aunt had said to him.

The interesting point came towards the very end of supper. Thorville was passing Inara as he returned to the kitchen carrying empty plates when they bumped elbows. For a few moments, Inara's head spun and she thought she was going to pass out. How she didn't drop the finger bowl she was carrying, she hadn't figured out, but thanked the Goddess she didn't spill.

Thorville wasn't so lucky. As Inara's senses came back to her, she heard a loud resounding crash and turned to find that Thorville had fainted. Within moments, she'd been ushered by Lady Keladry away from the mess, while Lord Padraig, Duke Baird, and Thorville's parents rushed to the boy's side.

The third year returned to the rest of the pages when they were finishing their own supper. No one knew what happened, but Throville seemed perfectly healthy. Inara wasn't convinced. She excused herself and went directly to the infirmary, and into her grandfather's office.

"What can I do for you?" he asked her without looking up. Inara opened her mouth to speak. "If you want to know why he fainted, I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"I've no idea myself," Duke Baird explained, finally looking up at the small girl in front of him. "He seemed in perfect health; just very tired. The only odd thing is that he claims he had a large bruise on his foot from where his mount stepped on his foot recently that is now gone."

"He was healed? Couldn't it have been bruise balm?" Inara asked him, staring at the old man, who just nodded.

"He doesn't remember using any though," he added. "I suppose the fainting might have caused him to forget, but I'm not sure."

"This is bothering you, isn't it? More than it is me?" she told him, knowing that his thoughts were exactly where hers were. He nodded again as she hugged him. "You'll figure it out, grandpa. I know you will," she whispered.

"Thanks Narie. Go, get some sleep." Inara sighed but obeyed, knowing she was being dismissed.

Evan wasn't around the next day. Inara hoped that was a good thing, as she got dressed for service that night. He didn't come to her room to have Lidia look him over with the other boys, and he barely made it to service on time. Inara noticed he was smiling. She wasn't going to push it.

Corin had been absent as well, but at the service, he was a ghostly pale. By supper, not even Asten could get him to eat. Finally Inara and her friends gave up. Corin, Asten, and Inara went to Corin's room to wait for dawn, and for Tobeis to step out of the chamber.

"Who's he got to instruct him?" Asten asked his friend, once they'd sat down.

"Sir Faleron of King's Reach, Nick's father," Corin replied. Sudenly he was on his feet. "I should be there," he insisted, but Asten lunged for him and grabbed his shoulder.

"Don't you dare; you step foot in that chapel and you won't pass your exams next year," he ordered his friend.

"Besides, Tobe would kill you," Inara insisted. "He's going to be fine, Corin. This is Tobeis we're talking about." Corin sighed as he allowed Asten to drag him back to a seated position.

"My perfect older brother," he muttered with a small smile on his lips. "If he dies, I'm going to kill him." The other two pages laughed as Asten and Corin began a game of chess, while Inara curled up in the window seat reading a book.

Someone roused her just before dawn. Inara opened one eye to see Asten shaking her. She glanced around and saw Corin pacing back and fourth and immediately realized what time it was. Together the three pages wandered down the hall to the Chapel of the Ordeal. They stopped a safe distance away, preventing them from even hearing what took place inside. Corin knew his parents and Dominic would be there, as well as Tobe's new sweetheart, Evan's sister Evinany. Minutes seemed like hours as they waited. Finally the doors opened and the hall filled with sounds. At the front of the crowd was a very exhausted looking Tobe being helped by Sir Owen. His white garments were sweat soaked, his eyes dull, and his skin deathly pale as his brother's had been the night before. Corin ran to him, searching his face. Tobeis gave him a small smile and a pat on the shoulder.

"Your turn next, little brother," he muttered and allowed his former Knight Master to lead him down the hall.

"Thank Mithros," Corin explained, heaving a sigh, as his parents and younger brother joined the three pages.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Dom asked his middle son. Corin shook his head. "Too worried about your brother?"

"That and I knew if Tobe made it, I'll have nothing to fear," he laughed. Kel cuffed her son slightly before pulling him into a hug.

"Can we go talk to Tobe now?" Dominic begged, as they walked down the hall.

"Your brother needs to sleep," Kel told him. "You can talk to him later."

"But I want to see him now," the boy pestered. "He's a knight like you, now right, Ma?" Kel just sighed and nodded. "I don't know if I like that," he added.

"Why not, Dominic?" Asten asked the child.

"Knight's get hurt," he answered matter-of-factly. "I'm not going to be one."

"Do we need to discuss this now?" Dom interjected, cutting his youngest son off. "I think I'd like to get some sleep as well."

"Me two!" Corin agreed with his father.

"Me three," Kel laughed, as Dom slapped a hand over the pesky child's mouth. "And him fourth," she added for the boy.

"We'll see you all later, then," Inara promised, waving as the family retired to Kel's quarters at the palace. Asten stayed with her as they headed back to the pages wing. "You should go get some sleep too," she told him, when he yawned. They'd reached her rooms. "Corin kept you up all night as well and we still have a banquet to serve at tonight."

"I suppose," Asten replied. "But we also have presents to open," he added, nodding to the pile on her desk. "I think I'll go open mine." Inara smiled as he took off towards his own rooms, and turned to hers, wondering what this midwinter had brought her.

The pile on her desk consisted of mostly holiday sweets, and the now traditional bone with ribbon from Yancy. This year he'd added a dog collar. Inara just laughed, mentally promising to put something squishy in his bed soon. Besides the sweets, she'd gotten a bag of Tortallan tea from Corin, yet another book from Evan, a pair of riding gloves from her parents, and a silver bracelet from her brothers (their way of reminding her that she was a girl). Her mentors had sent another package; this one contained two items. The first was a journal baring the message "For your private thoughts". It could be bound and locked with a silver key. The second was a tiny dagger, small enough to be concealed just about anywhere. As she looked it over, she saw the distinctive mark that let her know it was from Raven Armory. Shaking her head, Inara sighed and put her gifts away before slipping into bed for a few hours.

Tobe was knighted at sunset, his entire family beaming with pride. Inara smiled up at her oldest cousin. At eighteen, he was even older than all her brothers. Donalin had gotten permission to come from the university to celebrate. After supper service that night, the two Queenscoves were able to go out to supper to celebrate with their cousin.

The rest of Midwinter passed by in a blur. Before Inara knew it, she was back to her regular schedule. The best part about the holidays being over was that Inara was finally used to the two extra pounds of weight that had been added to her harness right before the celebrations. The worst part was that Lord Padraig added two more the day they stepped back on the practice field.

"I really do think he wants to kill us," Benton remarked. He and his two year mates, as well as Nick, were taking a much needed break from studying on Sunday and were out leaning on a bench beside a frozen over pond.

"I doubt it," Sam told him. "As tired as I am, I think he may be trying to help us," he laughed, his voice screaming that his best friend should have known that. Benton just narrowed his eyes and stuck out his tongue. "What do you think, pup?"

"I think I'm too exhausted to form an opinion. I'll just wait for someone to give it to me."

"I think you're all over exaggerating," Nick told them. He was perched up on the back of the bench, his feet on the seat. Sam, Benton, and Inara exchanged a look. Eventually he would learn. "Anyway, didn't you say we'd go skating?" he directed at Sam. Both second year boys looked at Inara.

"Go ahead. I'm perfectly fine here," she told them having already noticed in advance that they'd all brought their skates with them. Inara's were in her room under her bed.

"Come on, pup," Benton pleaded. "What happened to Gilyith was a year ago."

"Not to mention on warmer ice," Sam added. Inara just shook her head.

"I can't forget it happened," she replied with a shudder. "Besides I'm not sure the ice will hold me."

Nick laughed at her. "Inara, you're probably the lightest one of us." Over the past six months, even ten year old Nicholas had bypassed her in height.

"Maybe without the harness."

"You're wearing it?" Sam and Benton exclaimed, looking up from tying the laces on their skates. Inara just nodded and waved the three boys off, then settled herself onto the bench to watch. She wanted to join them, but her memories of a freezing, unconscious boy wouldn't let her.

"I wouldn't skate either," someone told her as she sat there. Inara turned and smiled when she saw Seth standing beside her. "Can I sit?"

"Of course," she laughed and hugged him when he did. "When did you get here?"

"Last night. The Odocoileus in the south finally went into hiding and Sir Seaver said he missed real baths."

"I bet," Inara agreed. "So Jasson says you saw Tusaine."

"Briefly," he answered. "I wasn't very different, but then again we were just over the boarder. You saw Jase?"

"Not since the end of the summer; but he wrote us at the beginning of Midwinter."

Seth nodded. "Did Duke Baird ever find an answer to what happened to Gilyith that day?"

"No," Inara replied. "But Gilyith seems to have forgotten."

"He started beating on you again?"

"Him and his friends," she answered. Seth slung his arm over her shoulder.

"He leaves at the end of this year," he assured her.

"I can only hope. But tell me about what you've been doing. What's it like being a squire?"

"Different. We never have a regular schedule. Sir Seaver makes time for my lessons when time is available, but there's always plenty of training. There's real battles where it's next to impossible to remember what you planned to do next. You go a lot by gut and instinct, and muscle memory. It's amazing how your body automatically knows which move will block what strike. But the best part is knowing you're helping people."

"I can't wait," she grinned. "You know I want to help."

"And I'm sure you will."

"Hey! Naxen! Tirragen! There's some guy with his arm around the puppy!" Nick's voice shouted from across the ice. Inara sighed as her year mates turned to look at her, confused. When they saw Seth they both grinned.

"That's not some guy," Benton explained, as they skated over. "It's Goldenlake."

"Oh boy," Seth laughed. "I've been spotted." Inara just laughed.

The pages returned to their normal schedules as winter wore on. Seth, now a fairly constant fixture at the palace joined them at meal times since Jasson wasn't there and Tobe was no longer a squire. Every once and a while he'd join them for studying, something Inara was thrilled about. Math still gave her a hard time. Inara spent a lot of time just observing their group. She decided she was going to use her new journal to write what she learned – outside of page training. She'd started by identifying her friends. With the life they'd all chosen, it would have been naïve to think they'd all always be together. She wanted memories while she could make them.

Inara started with Corin. He was her cousin, just a year older than she was, but already he seemed so much wiser. He tended to say things that would get him in trouble with the adults but get a laugh out of his friends. Yet, he was fragile. He was probably the most emotional of all her friends, and wasn't averse to expressing himself.

Yancy was next in her book. Possibly because he was fresh on her mind when she'd finished writing about her cousin. Yancy was the groups clown. He always had something amusing to say, whether the situation was funny or not. Inara wasn't so sure if he'd be able to take serious orders, or give them, in the future.

Benton was the quite one of the group. He rarely said more than a sentence, but if he did, it was either to say something important, or be over dramatic. Benton made a mouse into a bear. Inara had learned to read him quite well, and could often tell that a blizzard from Benton was really just a flurry.

Sam was the most serious of their group. He had both feet planted firmly on the ground, which was a good thing because he was best friends with Benton. He made jokes with the rest of the group, just like any other eleven year old, but he knew how to keep his cool, and to look at things rationally.

Nick was the new comer, being younger than all of them. He was rash, and would often say or do things without thinking first, but his heart was always in the right place. His sheer amount of energy is what made Inara laugh the most – even when he wasn't trying to be funny.

Evan was her older brother figure. She loved having him around her. It always made her feel safe. Evan was the awkward one. Almost like he hadn't exactly found his place in the world yet, and was still struggling with himself. One minute he was all fist and sword, and the next he'd have his nose engrossed in a book. Despite his complexities, Inara felt she, at least, knew him better than the others did.

Asten was a guardian figure. His goal was to protect everyone, specifically Corin, Inara, and Nick. Corin, because they were best friends and Asten saw farther into the other boys soul than anyone else; Inara, because despite her goal of being a knight, Asten always saw her as girl as well; and Nick, because he was the youngest – the kid brother who would get into trouble if not looked after.

Seth was the calm one. Nothing seemed to bother him. He was level headed and even hearted, and could always be relied on to keep cool in times of drastic needs. But he was also the sweet one; he never had a harsh would to say, or if he did, he kept it to himself.

Jasson was notorious for being driven by his emotions. He flip-flopped constantly. Some of his letters told her he was happy and some declared that he was miserable. She couldn't understand him, but she put it to the fact that she hadn't seen him in months.

They were an interesting mix of people, but that was what Inara loved about them all. She could go to any one of them if she had a problem.

She was reading over what she'd written when someone knocked on her open door. She looked up to see Asten standing in the doorway, leaning on the frame. She raised her eyebrows. His face was serious. "You owe me a duel," he told her, steadily. Inara did her best not to smile. He wouldn't take her seriously if she did. It would be a friendly match, regardless, but Inara had been dieing to see if she could best him for months. Asten would hold back if he didn't think she was as serious as he was. "Sir Zahir is exercising in one of the indoor practice courts. He said he'd monitor a match for me if I found a challenger."

"Then I'll give you a challenge," she replied, closing and locking her journal. She slid the key into a small space in her desk, and grabbed her sword from its resting spot. "Will we have an audience?" Inara asked, falling into step beside Asten as they walked to the court.

The older page shook his head. "No one needs to see," he told her. He wouldn't look at her. At the moment, they weren't to be friends. He saw Inara only as another opponent. Inara sighed and knew that if they were to do their best, they would have to distance themselves. It had been nearly nine months since they'd practiced on the outdoor courts with Jasson as montitor, and neither had been seriously trying. Now it was time to test one another's real skill.

Asten lead the way into the practice court. Sir Zahir looked up at the pages from his own practice. He glared at Inara for a moment before turning Asten. "I said a challenger."

"She's a decent fencer, sir," Asten replied back, defending his friend, but not switching his mood. Inara just bowed to her teacher who shook his head and ordered the two of them to stretch. Inara retreated to her side of the court and began to do the stretches she did every morning. She watched Asten through the corner of her eye. He was most definitely serious about this. And even though she was a girl, he was going to fight her with everything he had. She wondered if this had been that good of an idea.

"Ready?" Sir Zahir called to them. Both pages nodded and took their places. They bowed to him and then to each other, before bringing their weapons up into the guard position.

Sir Zahir gave them the go ahead and Asten immediately struck at her. Since Seth had become a squire, Asten was considered the best fencer among them. Now he showed her why. He moved swiftly, barely giving Inara time to block his strikes. He kept her dancing out of his range, unable to administer any attacks of her own. Sir Zahir looked on, grinning.

Inara started to get tired. Her arms burned each time she tried to defend against Asten. She knew he was good, but she should have at least been able to attack. Angry at herself, she forced her muscles to keep going. Asten, surprised by her resistance, finally realized his own mistake. He'd forgotten that Inara wasn't an average swordswoman. She'd also been wearing her harness constantly since she'd gotten it and had built up more stamina than the other pages. When he started to tire, she'd have back up reserves; and he'd already used up all of his. Asten's speed slowed a bit, but it was enough to allow Inara to bring her own blade up in an attack. They finally began exchanging blows, a proper sword fight emerging. Inara started proving to be a more challenging opponent that Asten had assumed. Sir Zahir's face faltered.

Asten stumbled as sweat dripped into his eyes. He missed a block as Inara swung her blade in and locked it behind his, yanking the blade from his hands, and forcing Asten onto his knees as she circled behind him, planting the tip of her sword at his back, her entire body shaking with exhaustion. Both pages were panting. Sir Zahir looked them over, and retrieved Asten's blade, he hadn't it back to the boy. "The winner is obvious," he said, although Inara heard the distaste in his voice. As he left, Inara sheathed her blade and offered a hand to Asten. He didn't take it but pushed himself to his feet.

"You're mad at me?" she asked him. Asten stared at the smaller page for a few moments. He sighed and tried to shake his head.

"I'm angry at myself. You shouldn't have won."

"Why's that, Hollyrose?"

"I stupidly forgot you aren't just a girl, or an average page. I forgot about your stamina."

"Well, you learned," she retorted. "You won't be able to take me lightly again."

"No, I dare say I won't," he added, looking his blade over.

"Next time maybe you'll win."

"Perhaps. But I don't want there to be a next time," he told her and left, leaving her standing alone, very confused.

Author Note:
I know it was a bit short, but still, I hope you liked it. Anyway, reviews greatly appreciated. Oh, and Happy New Year!! See you for the first update of 2008!

Fateless Wanderer