Back from hibernation. Again. I think I'm running out of ideas for my Mary Sue fic, hence this will be updated a bit less frequently than I would like it to be. Hopefully my sense of humour will be somewhat intact.
This little guide will be over soon, as I have planned out only three to four more things to write about – unless, that is, you have something that you feel I have missed, and that of course, will be very welcome.
And no, I did not see Godzilla in Tokyo. I did see Mario and Donkey Kong though.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any related materials. Except for the fish baits.
A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues
There is another type of Sue called a Canon Sue, which is usually a canon character which has been completely removed from his/her original context. This can be also known as character rape. In this chapter, we will demonstrate a little bit on how divorced can a context get at its best case scenario.
"Anzu you stupid fool, you must stop stumbling around in your high heels. How are you supposed to saduce Yami like this?" asked Mehnet as she lounged on a sofa. Behind her, Marik and Bakura were both playing Barbie Dolls with each other – albeit in a very violent manner.
"I do not know, good lady, yet I feel that thou hast placed an utmost torture upon me by forcing me to adorn my feet with these unnatural footwear," growled Anzu in a Shakespearean tone. However, it was an absurd statement to make. There was no way Anzu could walk in sixteen inch high hells, but Mehnet being the Villain Sue she was, wasn't pleased with her "minion" at all. She could achieve the impossible, then why couldn't her minion?
"Remind me why you are talking like you lived in the Shakespearean age," she snapped.
"Mayhap the most plausible reason would be because it was at the author's whim and fancy that she cast an enchantment over me," replied Anzu in a sing-song voice.
"Sweetie pie!" Mehnet called behind her. Immediately, both Marik and Bakura dropped their Barbie dolls (now dressed in Lolita outfits) and rushed to Mehnet's side like eager puppies after a juicy little bone. Or, in Bakura and Marik's case, two adoring fanboys after their sexy Sue.
"Could you go and check on the prisoner?" she asked sexily. Both Bakura and Marik swooned briefly before they both dashed out of the room, bashing and trying desperately to knock each other off track to please Mehnet. And dropped down a plot hole somewhere along the way. It didn't matter much. The gorgeously divine redhead merely smiled and went make to mentoring her protégé. In the end, she gave up.
"Come Anzu," remarked Mehnet, walking away. Anzu stumbled behind awkwardly, but somehow couldn't twist her ankle. They walked – or in Anzu's case, stumbled – down the staircase into a dark, dank corridor where they could hear Marie sobbing in the other end of the room - and dropped off yet into another plot hole for convenience. Mehnet laughed a sexy yet evil laugh, and opened a door at the other end of the corridor gracefully some 1000 kilometres away.
"Well, Anzu dear," murmured Mehnet, handing a lilac coloured drink which was smoking golden smoke. Of course, she couldn't thrust it at Anzu, right? After all, she was a Mary Sue. "Drink this, and perhaps you can seduce our little baby Pharaoh with a bit more success."
Upon hearing that, Anzu greedily poured the potion down her throat – and very nearly choked upon it. For a few moments, there was deadly calm and silence. Then, Anzu screamed a scream so shrill that it shattered all the glass windows and glass objects in the world, and she was simultaneously enveloped in a puff of shocking pink smoke. Mehnet, on the other hand, watched with amusement.
When the smoke finally cleared, the silhouette of a figure of who seemed to be Anzu could be seen standing – except she was waay taller and a lot more curvy than what she used to be.
"Step out of the light, you abominable woman," snapped Mehnet testily. And what came out was something that would probably give anyone a heart attack.
It was Anzu alright, but her face had been completely transfigured into a paler, heart shaped face. Her eyes were no longer brown, but an unnatural shade of cat yellow, and her lips were curved in a cherubic pout. Her figure had become more fully developed, and she wore black leather and a golden crucifix hung from her neck on a large chain, adorned with emeralds and sapphires. This heavenly divine deity was made even taller, having balanced very successfully on her sixteen inch high heels.
"Well Anzu?" asked Mehnet. "Do you like it?" Mehnet wasn't jealous. She knew she was more beautiful than Anzu -
"I am more beautiful than you, Mehnet, and I am not Anzu," whispered the transfigured Anzu in a soft, trilling whisper. "I have embraced my inner goddess and from now on shall be known as Aphrodite Venus Sakura Rosa Tayma LeBeau." Mehnet's eyes narrowed a bit. I forgot - the potion can allow her to read minds.
This was going to be messy.
And that concludes this chapter. A bit short and anti-climatic, I know, but still I found it funny. Not sure if you agree though.
Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always. Maybe this will lighten up your day for a bit and make you laugh whenever you think of what the characters are saying.
P.S. I perhaps should warn you to brace yourselves for the next chapter for some serious spelling mistakes. Just a tiny little spoiler.