It's been 6 years since the last time I saw her, but at least it's a time when I'm so changed that I wanted her to see the new me. Her name is Spencer Carlin! She's a little over 5 years older then me, but who says age matters anyways? What I remember of her was she was about 5'6, really petite, and dressed majorly preppy. She was cool when I was younger. She actually was my babysitter for a few years. But after me dad died and I moved away she became a near distant memory.

An hour and 57 minutes I spent of the damn plane, god my legs are aching so badly. Ok so I guess grandma will be outside the gate when I land. I hope so I'm not really familiar with Charlotte-Douglas airport. As I was waling off the plane I exited to my terminal and meet up with my grandmother. After we got over out 100 hugs and "I missed you so much." repeats, we headed to the other end of the airport.

"Lets stop at Chili's by the security check in, I think that Spencer is working today." My grandmother said as my heart began to pound, so fast that I couldn't hear out of my ears and I was holding my breath trying to calm it. Ash we approached the restaurant my grandmother walked to the host stand and asked for Spence.

"I am sorry ma'me she is off today." The hostess replied

"Ok thanks you." and we began to head for the exit. "I guess she is home then, I didn't see her up this morning; I just figured that she had to work."

"Yeah, she is probably there, hiding from buttons." I said laughing. Buttons was my grandmother's dog. I kid you not the dog is the ugliest thing alive; it's a mix of terrier and Chihuahua. You can't even be within 10 feet of the dog after it has been outside, the dog smells so bad.

I can't help but to wonder in my thoughts now. I hadn't seen this girl in 6 years; I wonder what she's like. Will she like me? Is she as cool as she use to be? I wonder if she still remembers me at all. After getting back to the house from the airport I still had a state of nervousness etched into the back of my mind.

After about 15 minutes I realized she was asleep with her friend in her room. I didn't know what else to do to kill my time, until she woke up. I changed into my pajamas; I had a green basketball shirt and black pair of swishy pants. My hair hung loose and curly around my face.

I sat at the computer with the back of the chair against my stomach. Like most normal teenagers I was obsessed with MySpace and AIM. It wasn't until about 11pm that I heard noises coming from her room. I sat in the chair almost shaking, and then it happened the door opened.

"ASH!" she walking towards me happily.

"Do I know you?" I said laughing

"Shut up you loser, give me a hug." She said as she pulled me into a hug. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, she had on short shorts and a tank top, her hair was blonde brown and almost white, hanging straightly down her beautiful face.

She looks so different now, her hair is brown and she wasn't as preppy as she was then. As I was standing there thinking of what to say I looked out of the corner of my eye, she was doing it again. She was acting like everything was ok, but it wasn't, not since that night I told her that I loved her over an instant message conversation. I took me a long time to actually come out and say it to her, and I spent days preparing myself for it. But it didn't go as well as I planned.

RoCKrCHiK92: hey

OHioBliz84: hey ash what's going on?

RoCKrCHiK92: I need to tell you something really important, I think I kind of owe it to you.

OHioBliz84: ash just tells me what's going on. Is it bad???

RoCKrCHiK92: well it depends on your point of view, I don't think it is.

OHioBliz84: ok so are you going to tell me?

RoCKrCHiK92: ok so you know all those times when I was trying to explain to you why I acted the way I did that one summer. And that I was blaming it all on me being sick and just trying to get attention?

OHioBliz84: yeah?

OHioBliz84: what is it just tell me ash.

RoCKrCHiK92: I'm trying ok; my hands are shaking as I'm typing trying to get this out. I've waited a long time to tell you this.

RoCKrCHiK92: so the entire truth about everything wasn't that, I was hiding it inside of myself trying to tell me self that It wasn't real. But now that I know it is I think I needed to do this. So the complete and honest truth about everything is I fell into a trap with you.

RoCKrCHiK92: more like I fell deeply and madly in love with you.

OHioBliz84: I don't understand. Ash just tells me what it is.

RoCKrCHiK92: this is it Spence, I'm in love with you and I can't stop what I do because you over power my self control.

OHioBliz84: so you love me as a role model, friend, BFF?

RoCKrCHiK92: more then that.

OHioBliz84: ok so you're saying you're a lesbian and you have a crush on me?

RoCKrCHiK92: at this point I don't know what I am yet, I'm still figuring that out…but the second part yah.

OHioBliz84: ok then your not gay, you just need to figure out who you are.

RoCKrCHiK92: No! I'm trying to get this out so let me tell you how I really feel... I don't want to hide it any more.

OHioBliz84: ok well it's good that you are telling the truth…just as long as you sat down and thought about what you actually want to say to me.

RoCKrCHiK92: I did. I took the time since the summer that I staying in NC

OHioBliz84: well you know hat this is hard for me, you tried to consume my life before, and I can't let you do that.

RoCKrCHiK92: Ok I know I did and I can't regret that any more then I already do.

OHioBliz84: don't regret it ash, just see if from my point of view. I want you to understand why I did what I did.

RoCKrCHiK92: And I agree with what you did, but do you understand why I did it?

OHioBliz84: I'm just really confused right now about this whole thing, you're not being that clear.

RoCKrCHiK92: ok well u understand that, but I want you to know I have nothing to lie to you about anymore, this was my reason to, and now that you know the truth I don't have to anymore

OHioBliz84: ok….but I really have to get going

OHioBliz84: I have o work tomorrow

RoCKrCHiK92: ok well thanks for at least trying to understand.

OHioBliz84: yep…

RoCKrCHiK92: byee

OHioBliz84: byee

(OHioBliz84 has signed off at 12:41pm)

There it was, the day Spencer Carlin broke me heart. I sat at my computer for over an hour, until the tears started coming. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I wasn't sure where I was walking to, but I walked. In the freezing cold weather of winter, I felt like something was missing from my hole of a heart, almost as if telling her only broke me ever more. That's one thing for sure, if I had her the way I wanted then I would probably be one of the happiest people of earth.