CHAPTER FOUR

I didn't return to school that day, which turned out to be a wise decision once I found what was waiting for me at home. I could hear the enraged thoughts coming from my family as I approached the house in my car. I was tempted to drive right by and avoid seeing any of them at all, but figured the longer I waited to confront the issues, the worse it would be.

I knew they would be angry with me for what I had done; I was angry with myself, so how could I blame them? It was a silly, thoughtless thing I did and I was most certainly going to pay for it. Deciding that I could no longer delay the inevitable, I got out of the car and stepped onto the front porch. I could immediately hear Rosalie yelling out a detailed list of what she wanted to do to me when she saw me.

"And so the torture begins," I said, entering the house.

Five grim faces stared back at me, all expressing different emotions. I was bombarded with irate and irrational thoughts as one by one my family members tossed their inner worries at me.

How dare you? You had no right!

You broke the law, Edward!

You should not have interfered.

I could kill you for putting us in this position.

What is so special about this girl that you would risk everything to save her?

The last thought came from Esme. I looked over at her to see worry etched on her kind face. "Edward. What happened?" she asked gently.

"I told you what happened," snapped Rosalie. "He jumped in front of a van to save that juvenile little girl with the appetizing blood."

Esme frowned at her. "Thank you, Rosalie, but I'd like to hear it from Edward."

"I'll tell you what I'd like to hear from Edward," Emmett said stalking forward. "I'd like to know why Edward thinks he has the right to make such a public display of his abilities." He turned to me, raging and strong. "Just the other day you scolded the rest of us for getting too close to each other in the lunchroom. You said we should back off or we'd draw too much attention. Well, I've got news for you, Edward. That stunt in the parking lot - it drew plenty of attention today."

"You broke the law," Jasper reminded me.

"I realize that," I bit out.

"Do you realize that everyone in the school questions how you saved her?" Jasper said. "Everyone. All day long we were pestered with humans gossiping about how brave you were and how you even managed it. It was irritating and it made us vulnerable."

"Jazz," Alice said, putting a hand on his arm to calm him down.

"No, Alice," he said, jerking away from her. "He has to answer for this."

"But I saw - "

"I know what you saw, and if that vision would have come true then we wouldn't have a problem here. As it is, we have a huge problem and it's all Edward's fault!"

I was curious to know what Alice had seen, but Esme spoke too quickly and the subject headed down another path.

"Now wait a minute," Esme started. "Edward saw danger and saved a human life. Are you all saying that if you had the chance to save a life that you wouldn't take that risk?"

"Not if it meant jeopardizing everything we have here," Rosalie countered. "Yes, Edward saved a life, which under any other circumstance might be considered heroic given what his is. But let's consider the circumstances of his actions. First of all, he did it in a parking lot full of other humans. Secondly, he did it in such a way that makes it impossible to explain without giving away our secret. And third of all — and to me this is the most important one — he saved the life of the very human he's been lusting after!"

"Stop right there!" I demanded. "You have got this all wrong Rosalie."

"Oh do I?" Her brows went up and she slowly edged her way closer to me until we were face to face. "You mean to tell me that had it been any other human out there — some random student you knew little to nothing about — that you would have abandoned all sense of reason and jumped in front of a van to save their life? I don't think so, Edward. You did this because it was her."

I squinted at her, rage growing in my chest, not because she was wrong, but because she was so very right. However, I wasn't about to admit that to her. "What would have had me do, Rosalie? Let the van crush her?"

"Yes!" she roared.

"It would have saved us a lot of problems," Emmett agreed.

I peered around Rosalie to look at Emmett. "Oh, you think so? It would have been better if I had stood by and watched from the side while her blood was splattered all over the ground? You think I would have been more discreet had her blood been spilt right in front of me?"

"We would have restrained you," Emmett said.

I laughed coldly at his flippancy. "I would have liked to see you try and keep me from her blood. How you can suggest such a thing is a beyond me; you, who knows very well what it is to be tempted with blood so potent."

Emmett growled in anger. "This has nothing to do with my choices."

"No, this is about my choices!" I raged. "I have chosen not to kill — not to drink, regardless of how much I desire it or how strong the temptation is."

Emmett's nostrils flared. "I suppose you think that makes you better than me?"

"I never said that!"

"You implied it!" Rosalie said, taking a stand next to Emmett. "So what if he took what he craved? It was a long time ago. And given the position you have placed us all in, you should have followed Emmett's example and taken this girl's blood before things got out of control."

The door slammed behind me, announcing Carlisle's return home. "I knew I would find you all bickering over this mess, and although I am sure some of your arguments are well grounded, I can not believe what I just heard!" His fierce eyes focused on Rosalie. "How dare you. How dare you encourage your brother to not only drink from the girl but to take her life! Have you learned nothing from me?"

Rosalie held firm, trying not to show fear at Carlisle's words. But I could hear in her mind how frightened she was that Carlisle would punish her in some way for her suggestion. "She is a nuisance. She distracts him to the point that he left us. In spite of what Edward says he is capable of, we all know it's only a matter of time before he gives in to his true nature."

"I won't drink from her!" I howled.

"She knows too much!" Jasper shouted. "She has seen too much. For that alone she needs to die."

"NO!" I yelled.

"Why not?" Rosalie spat, incensed beyond anything I had ever witnessed from her. "It's too risky to have humans knowing about us — knowing what we can do and who we are. It's why we live the way we live. It's why I agree to pretend to be this young — so that you and Emmett and Alice and all of us can have some kind of protection. It's the law, Edward. Exposure is not allowed! And now you go and destroy everything we have worked for these last two years to save one insignificant human. So tell me now, Edward!" She was yelling, fury pouring from every word. "Tell me why you had to save her. What is it about this girl that has made you so willing to put us all in jeopardy? Why her? What is so special about Isabella Swan?"

"I don't know!" I said, as I truly didn't have a logical answer.

"Oh! You don't know!" Her laugh was icy and cold. "Well, I'm glad we cleared that up then."

Ignoring her, I continued by saying, "What I do know is that she is no threat to us."

Jasper let out a loud, "HA!" in disbelief.

"She'll talk. She'll tell everyone what happened," Emmett said.

"She gave me her word that she wouldn't."

"Oh, her word!" Rosalie mocked. "Because a human so unexplainably special must be an honest person."

"She said she wouldn't tell and I believe her. Besides, who would believe a story like that anyway?"

Jasper slumped down into a chair. "That's not good enough, Edward. Someone is going to push her for information and at some point she will break, and then what?"

Carlisle held up his hand to stop anyone from saying anything else. "You all seem to forget that we have an advantage here. Should this girl decide to tell anyone the truth, Alice will most likely see any danger coming. Even more than that, Edward can hear the girl's thoughts. He will know right away if she is even considering telling anyone about the unusual circumstances of the accident."

A chill went down my spin upon hearing Carlisle's words.

"And then," he went on, "if she did tell, Edward would still be able to hear the mind of the listener to know how the information was received." The room was quiet for a moment as everyone considered what Carlisle had said. "Now, I agree with Edward that should she chose to tell someone the truth, no one will believe her. But if she does, we at least have these resources to use to our advantage."

I could feel the rage from Rosalie's stare as she glared at me, and I knew exactly what was coming. I heard the question in her mind the moment before she voiced it. "Just what does Isabella Swan think happened? What exactly is going on in her mind?"

I froze. I had managed to avoid the topic for more than a week now by using what I heard from the minds of the people Bella spoke to so that I could interpret her reactions. Deep down I knew that at some point I would have to explain to my family my inability to hear Bella's mind, but I hadn't planned on it being so soon. I wasn't ready for them to know of my weakness — of my limitations.

"Aren't you going to tell us?" Emmett sneered. "Or are her thoughts too personal to share? Too private …too… licentious."

Rosalie's eyes went wide. "Is that it? She finds you attractive, so her thoughts are too carnal to share with us?"

I was incensed by the insinuation. I clenched my fists, fighting back the rage building within me.

"That's it, isn't it?" Rosalie pressed on. "This young, innocent, virginal little girl lusts after you the same way you lust after her blood. I bet she's undressed you in her mind, and you enjoyed every minute of it. Her thoughts must be just as delicious as her scent."

Something cracked inside of me as my hand found Rosalie's neck. I held her fast and hard, my fingers digging into the cold flesh of her throat. "Don't ever talk about her that way!"

"Edward!" Esme gasped. "No!"

"Let her go, Edward!" Carlisle ordered.

Rosalie wasn't even struggling against me. In fact, there was a twisted smile on her face that only made me tighten my grip.

Again Carlisle barked at me. "I said let her go!"

Slowly, I released my hold from her neck. Once free, she tossed back her head in triumph at what she supposed to be true. Emmett was at her side in an instant.

Rosalie ran her hands up and down Emmett's chest, her voice sounded silky as she spoke. "Really Edward, if that's what this is all about, then you should have said something sooner. After all, every one of us has felt that same desire. Everyone…but you, that is. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I have nothing to be ashamed of because it isn't like that," I said slowly.

Emmett laughed. "Then why did you get all upset?"

"Exactly," Rosalie agreed.

I was at a loss for how to proceed. Did I really desire Bella in the way they were suggesting? I desired her, that much was certain, but my focus had always been on her blood. To insinuate that I desired her as a man desires a woman was something I had never considered.

Or had I?

I remembered hearing the thoughts of Mike Newton and how disgusting I found the idea of Bella spending time alone with him. I didn't like it. I didn't want her to be with anyone — any man but me.

But she didn't feel that way about me. I may not have heard it in her mind, but I could read it from her body language, and I told my family just that. "Whatever I feel…it's not the same for Bella. She doesn't think of me that way."

"But she could be persuaded," Jasper said.

"Now, why would I do that? It's ridiculous. She's human."

"She doesn't have to be." Alice elbowed Jasper in the ribs.

"No," I stated plainly.

Rosalie groaned. "If she doesn't think that way about you, then what does she think?"

I shook my head, trying to figure out a way to avoid telling them the truth. Before I could even register what I was saying, I mumbled a very soft, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Emmett asked. "What do you mean you don't know?"

I closed my eyes and squeezed the bridge of my nose, pressing back the thoughts that were coming at me from every angle.

How can he not know? He had to hear her.

Maybe he's confused.

He's hiding something. I just know it.

Why won't he just tell us what she thinks? Is it that bad?

The stress of the day and the pressure I felt had grown beyond my ability to control. I couldn't fight anymore, and I gave in. "I don't know what she thinks," I said slowly.

"What does that mean, exactly?" Rosalie quipped.

"It means that I -" I stopped mid sentence and took a deep, calming breath. Keeping my voice low, I admitted to my family that Bella was a total mystery to me. "It's as if I'm looking at a blank wall. I see her move. I hear her voice. I smell her blood. All of my natural senses tell me she is a living, breathing human being. And yet…when I focus on her mind…there's nothing."

Emmett made a confused face. "Are you trying to say she's empty headed?"

Rosalie laughed.

"No, Emmett. She's not stupid. She's…brilliant. I worked a lab with her and she got every answer right. From the few conversations I have had with her, I can tell that she's very intelligent. But that's it. Everything I know about her has to come to me verbally. I can't hear her mind."

The room was silent for a moment as my revelation sunk in.

"Why not?" Alice asked at long last.

"Again, I don't know. I wish I did. It would make everything so much simpler if I could."

"Now, hang on a sec," said Jasper, looking puzzled. "At lunch yesterday you told us what she was thinking. You said she thought you didn't like her."

"I picked it up from one of her friends. Even still, I don't know for certain if that's true. I only know that's what Bella said. As I know from vast experience, humans don't often say exactly what they mean."

"So, let me get this straight," Rosalie said. "You don't have any clue what's going on in this girl's mind. You don't know how she really feels about you. You don't know if she's planning on telling her police chief father about your super stunt. You don't even know if she trusts you enough to keep quiet. So, that whole thing about how she gave you her word, that was a load of shit."

"No, Rosalie, she did give me her word."

Rosalie's fury was rising again. "How do you know she wasn't lying? What if she just said that to get you to leave her alone long enough for her to blab about it all around town?"

"I believe her."

"Why? Because she smells good?"

"Rosalie," Carlisle cautioned.

"Carlisle," she echoed in a mocking tone. "How can you side with him? We have no guarantee that this girl is going to keep her trap shut about what she knows. Our very safety is at risk here."

"I'm not debating that," stated Carlisle. "But I have seen this girl. I examined her myself, and I believe that if she were going to say anything she would have done it already. Besides, I got the distinct impression that she wants to put all of this behind her and forget it ever happened."

Emmett huffed in disbelief. "So what do we do? Sit here and wait to see what she does and just…do nothing?"

Carlisle nodded. "I don't think that we have very many options."

Jasper tutted. "We have a perfectly good option. Unfortunately no one is willing to do it."

I had had enough and wanted to make that clear to everyone. "If we're back to talking about killing her, then I'm done with this conversation."

"It's like Rosalie said," Jasper continued. "She knows too much. She should die. It's against the law to let a human live once they've witnessed our powers. Why do we have to start now?" I could feel his persuasive powers growing and it left me even more enraged than before.

"Look, I didn't save her life just so one of you could go out and kill her!"

"You're only delaying the inevitable — risking fate. She was supposed to die and you stopped it!" he bellowed.

I froze at his words. "What did you say?" I asked with rising fear.

"The human…Bella…she was supposed to die. Alice saw it."

Alice gaped at him. "Jasper!"

"It's true and I'm tried of trying to keep it from him."

My mind was racing. They were keeping something from me about Bella and I didn't appreciate it one little bit. "What did you see, Alice?"

She looked up at me with that pixie face of hers. "It doesn't matter, now. It's in the past."

"What did you see?" I repeated more sternly.

"It's not important."

"Alice, so help me, either you tell me what you saw or I will pull it out of your mind myself!"

"All right!" she said. Her eyes darted to Jasper for support. Which one? I could hear her thinking.

"You had more than one vision concerning Bella?" I asked.

She looked back at me with regret on her face. "One vision…two endings." And you won't like either one, I'm sure.

"Tell me."

"I saw the accident, and I saw her dead."

Purposefully, I took a deep breath. "When? When did you see it?"

"Right after you left for Alaska, but the only person I told was Jazz. He wanted to come after you, to try and convince you to come back. He didn't understand why you would let some girl chase you out of town."

"And then she told me that Bella would be dead soon," Jasper added, "and that you could come back safely once she was gone. So…we just left things alone."

"But then you came back on your own before she was dead," continued Alice, a hint of desperation to her voice. "I thought about telling you, but then…" Her eyes met Jasper's pleadingly. He won't like it. Don't make me tell him.

"Alice!" I shouted. "If you can't say it then just tell me with your mind."

It came at me in a jumble of spoken words and thought. "I had the vision again, but it ended differently." Because you were there. "She was injured badly." But she wasn't dead. "And you went to try to help her." There was so much blood that you nearly went insane from it. "She was dying." You could feel her pulse going weak. "And you knew from her wounds that she wasn't going to make it. So…you brought her to Carlisle." You begged him to help her. You begged him, Edward. You couldn't let her go. So he…he…

"No."

Her eyes burned into mine with such honesty that I couldn't deny that the vision had been real. "He changed her, Edward." He did it for you. So you wouldn't be alone.

"No," I said more forcefully.

"That would solve a lot of problems right there," Emmett muttered.

I rounded on him, my rage suddenly reaching a breaking point. "It solves nothing! I won't do it. I won't do any of it. I won't drink from her. I won't kill her. And by God I won't change her! I won't damn her to this life!"

Esme reached out to me and gently said, "Edward. Think about what they are saying."

"I am thinking!" I roared. "I'm thinking very clearly. You all want to take a girl who is young and innocent and intelligent and beautiful — a girl who tragically ended up in a biology class with only one empty seat - whose biggest flaw is that she is so full of life that I can hardly resist her — and you want me to rob her of everything that makes her special and condemn her to a life of darkness. Well, I won't do it!"

"You're a vampire. Do what's in your nature to do and drink from her."

"Jazz!" Alice scolded.

Jasper grimaced once he realized what he had said. "I'm sorry for that, Alice, but it is the truth. It isn't as if I'm telling him to go out and start hunting the humans. We're talking about one girl here."

"And I won't do it," I repeated.

"Then let one of us," Jasper offered.

"NO!" I screamed, feeling his influence deepen and take hold of me.

"She's only human!"

"Bella's different," I insisted.

"Different to you, but not to the rest of us."

"Don't you even think about laying one finger on her!"

"Fine!" he roared. "But I'll only leave her alone if you make the same promise!"

"What?"

"I won't touch her, but you can't touch her either."

"Fine." I pointed a stiff finger at each one of them as I spoke. "She is not to be touched. She's not to be bothered. She is not to be harmed in any way. And yes, I am including myself in this. I will leave her alone if only to ensure her safety. I don't want to hear any more talk about her death in any way, shape, or form."

The silence of the room was heavy and thick as one by one I looked into their minds to make sure they understood my meaning. It wasn't much of a surprise to find that Emmett doubted I could manage to stay away from Bella. I doubted it myself.

"You don't think I can do it." It wasn't a question.

"No, I don't. Like you so skillfully pointed out earlier, I know first hand the temptation you are facing."

He was right. And it was time for me to own up to that. "I said I would leave her alone and I meant it."

"How?"

"I'll leave."

My announcement was met with a mixture of emotion from disbelief to disappointment.

"Edward, don't do this," Esme pleaded.

"I don't have any other choice, Esme. I don't want her dead."

"You are so much stronger than you think. You can resist her, I know you can. You are part of this family, Edward. Even though our tempers have gone out of control tonight, I know for a fact that this family would not work if you were to leave us permanently."

She glanced around the room, locking eyes with everyone as she spoke. "I want Edward to stay, and I am willing to give him whatever support he needs to get though this. But it's going to take more than just my support." When no one said anything, she resorted to singling them out one at a time. "Alice? Jasper? Emmett? Rosalie? Do you really want to see Edward, who has been a member of this family longer than any of us, to leave us and go off on his own?"

No one said yes. Not even in their minds. I was surprised and greatly comforted by that knowledge.

"Edward stays," she added. "And Bella will be left alone. We will take this one day at a time. If we need to reevaluate things in the future, then we will. But for now, we stay as a family. Agreed?"

Heads nodded and words were mumbled in hesitant agreement. Rosalie glared at me before pulling Emmett outside and away from the house. Alice tugged on Jasper's hand and they made their way up the stairs. Being left alone with Carlisle and Esme, I looked from one to the other, wanting to ask forgiveness for bringing such trouble into our home, but not finding the words to express it. Instead, I darted from the house and hopped into my car, wanting to put as much distance as I could between my family and me for a few hours.

As I drove off, I distantly heard the thoughts coming from Carlisle and Esme.

I think he loves her.

I think he does, too.