CHAPTER SEVEN

"Are you going to tell us what was so funny?" Emmett asked as we flew down the road for home.

"It's an inside joke. Don't worry about it."

"Excuse me, but if it's about Isabella Swan, then I think we're going to worry about it," Rosalie contested.

"Really. It was nothing. Just teenage… angst."

"Since when do you find teenage angst humorous?" Jasper asked.

"Since his mind hasn't been able to focus on anything other than Isabella," answered Emmett.

"Not true," I said. "I've often found it comical how humans — teenagers in particular — can get so worked up over nothing."

"My guess is that it has something to do with the dance coming up," suggested Alice.

I looked over at her. "Did you see something?"

Her eyes went wide, almost as if I had caught her off guard. "I just thought the angst might be about the dance. Everyone is talking about the dance. Why would you assume I've seen something?" Because I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything at all.

I frowned at her in frustration. She was trying to block me from her thoughts by tricking me into believing she had nothing of interest in her head. It stunned me that she would try to hide something so unimportant from me, for after all, what did I care about the dance? I'd never been interested in any of those traditional human rituals… rites of passage… however you wanted to label them.

But I quickly realized that I did care, much to my astonishment. If Alice had seen something about Bella and that ridiculous dance, then that was information I certainly needed to know. As much as I had enjoyed watching Bella break the hearts of three hopeful suitors today, I knew that somewhere out there was a man who would eventually win her affection. That knowledge pierced my heart in the most incomprehensible way.

I couldn't place the sensation, as I don't believe I had ever felt it before. On the whole, there was nothing wrong with Mike or Eric or Tyler. They were the right age for Bella and, most importantly, they were human. But I couldn't help feeling consumed with rage at the idea of one of those silly little boys pawing at her skin. That they would be given permission to touch her when they would never fully appreciate how precious and unique she was. I would never take that for granted. I would worship her, should I ever be given the chance.

For the first time since I could remember, I wished that I could be like one of the humans. I envied the fact that one of those boys could easily spend an evening alone with Bella and I couldn't. I coveted the closeness they could achieve to her without being tempted to taste her blood. It was difficult to own up to it, but the only word I found to describe it was jealousy. I was jealous, plain as that.

And now it seemed as if Alice knew something about Bella and her escort to the dance. I had to know before I went mad.

We arrived home and I pulled Alice to the side before she entered the house. I somehow managed to keep my voice steady as I said, "Alice, if you've seen something about Bella going to the dance, then please tell me. I need to know who she goes with."

"The dance?" she asked, looking confused.

"Yes. I've just enjoyed the heartbroken thoughts of three boys as Bella refused their invitations to the dance. Now, if you've seen her going with someone - "

"Edward, why do you need to know who Bella decides to go to a dance with?" There was an edge to her voice I didn't care for.

"I don't need to know, I just… would like to know."

"It sounds voyeuristic to me, and I thought you were going to stay away from her."

I scowled at her. "Hey, I could have sworn that you were on my side where Bella was concerned."

"I am on your side. I want what you want. I want Bella to be safe because it makes you happy to know she is safe."

"Then why won't you tell me who she goes to the dance with? I happen to know for a fact that there aren't very many boys at that school with honorable intentions, so if she ends up going with someone who - "

Alice groaned and rolled her eyes at me. "I didn't see anything about the dance, okay?"

"But you did see something."

She looked away from me, but I didn't need to see her eyes to hear her mind. Yes… but don't ask me about it because you won't like it. Please, just let it go.

"Look, it's fine with me that you didn't see her at the dance. Actually, I'm more than fine with that. I knew she wasn't planning on attending; I just wanted to make sure. If you saw her with someone then… I needed to prepare myself for that. Not that it would sit well with me, but still, I would at least be able to get used to the idea."

"Well, what I saw had nothing to do with the dance. So, let's just drop it."

I wasn't going to let her off that easily. "Did it have anything to do with me?"

"Edward! Stop!"

"All right!" I said, tossing my hands up in the air in defeat. "I'm only curious."

"Then don't be. You don't want to know."

I searched her eyes for the deeper meaning behind her words.

You know what I've seen. Don't make me explain it again.

A sudden chill went down my spine. "You had the same vision? The one from before when I… "

When you changed her. Her mind finished the sentence for me.

I shook my head, the anger rising within me. "That's not going to happen, Alice. I won't let it."

"I can't deny what I've seen, Edward. And I've seen it more than once — different scenarios all with the same conclusion."

"Let me guess. You saw me with her at the dance, and I change her — drink from her right there in the middle of the dance floor!"

"I told you, I didn't see anything about the dance!"

But I didn't hear her. All I could think about was her insistence that someday I would bring Bella into the misery of my dark life. "It will not happen. I swear to you, I would rather destroy myself then see Bella brought across."

"Have you ever considered that you might end up not having much of a choice in the matter?"

I took a step back, bewildered by her meaning. "There is always a choice."

"Yes, that's right, but sometimes the choices we have are not between what's right and wrong, but between what's wrong and what's… less wrong."

Now I was really lost. "What?"

She ruffled her hair and sighed in irritation at me. "Okay, what if Bella were injured — badly injured — and the only way to save her was to bring her over?"

I didn't like where the conversation was headed. "I would stop her from being injured in the first place."

"But you can't be with her all the time, Edward. There are places you just can't go with her. She won't stay in Forks every day for the rest of her life."

Something clicked inside my brain. "You saw her leave Forks?"

Alice looked down at her feet, avoiding my eyes.

"Alice, this is important." I held her arms tightly with my hands, forcing her to look at me. "Where was Bella in your vision when she was hurt? Was she in Seattle?"

Her eyes flashed. How did you know?

"Bella told all three of those boys today that the reason she couldn't go to the dance was because she had plans in Seattle."

Alice's eyes closed and she muttered a quiet, "Oh, no."

"You saw it, didn't you? You saw her in Seattle."

She nodded in agreement. What little warmth there was in my body evaporated in that instant. "What happened to her?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. "All I saw was that she was hurt. She was dying and you…" You found her and saved her. "You brought to her Carlisle, just like you always do in every vision I have of you and Bella."

The anger that I suppressed earlier began to boil to the surface. "Where? Where in Seattle did I find her?"

"I'm not sure. To be honest, I'm not even sure it was Seattle. I just know it wasn't Forks. Just some dark, creepy alley. I thought it was unusual that she would be in a place like that."

"She's not going to be in a place like that. Not if I can help it." I stalked away from her feeling more enraged and determined than I had in years.

"What are you going to do?" Alice called to me.

"I'm going to save her life — again."

She ran after me. "How?"

"By breaking my promise to stay away from her."

"Edward?"

I stopped and abruptly turned to face her. "It's pointless, anyway. Everyone in this family knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from her, most especially you. So, if I'm going to break the rules, then I'm going to break them all the way. I'm not holding back anymore, and I will not let her die." I articulated the last sentence with precision.

Alice's face contorted in worry. But you'll be tempted… I'm afraid for you.

"I'm going hunting now, Alice. Go back to the house and tell the others that the deal is off. If they don't like it… so be it."

With preternatural speed, I darted away from her before she had the chance to talk me out of my decision. I raced for the woods behind the house, desperate to rid my body of the anxiety I was feeling. The jealousy of Bella with another man — the fear of her life being shortened — the unmistakable sensation of wanting her more than I had ever wanted anything in my entire existence.

I ran as fast and as furiously as I could, wishing I could run away from the path fate had laid out in front of me. The wind ripped around me as I tried to escape from the tight rope destiny had begun to wrap around my body. I was now deep into wood and the scent of fresh blood filled my nostrils.

In the distance, I spotted my prey - a helpless, harmless dear, which would prove to be a limited challenge to procure. It would have served me better to hunt in our usual place and find a more worthy opponent, but I didn't have time. My thirst was too powerful and I needed to drink to help clear my mind of the irrational thoughts plaguing it.

Within mere seconds, I had the deer's neck between my teeth. The animal fought and thrashed around, but stilled as the venom seeped into his system. I drank from him, sucking out the essence of his life and savoring the warmth of his blood as it spread through my veins.

I wondered what Bella would think if she could see me now as I drained a defenseless creature of it's blood. I wondered what she would think if she knew how my thirst for the animal's blood was nothing compared to my lust to taste her. She would be disgusted, of course, and rightly so. To me, blood was a necessity, without which there would be no life. I know from experience that the pain of abstaining from drinking was too fierce for even the strongest of my kind. But to Bella, drinking blood was sure to be something only a monster would do.

And I was a monster.

I drank, and when I had finished, I found another and drank from him as well. My thirst was far from quenched, and I morbidly considered that Bella's blood was the only blood potent enough to satisfy my thirst. I dropped the limp and lifeless carcass to the ground and stood still against the blowing wind, contemplating my next move. I gazed up at the darkening sky, praying for some divine intervention from whatever deity would listen to me. Maybe my attention should have been cast downward to Hell rather than up at the Heavens, for certainly it was the Devil who had placed me in this position.

All my thoughts were on Bella and the distance between us, both physically and spiritually. Everything I had done since the day she arrived in Forks had been for her own good. I had placed my own wants and desires on hold in order to guarantee her safety. And now I was faced with the possibility that my efforts may have been in vain. As unbelievable as the situation was, by staying away from her I only put her at greater risk. The only way to protect her was to be with her. It was against the rules — against nature — but I was left with no choice.

My feet began to move of their own accord, heading back past the house, back into town. It didn't matter to me that it was growing dark. I made no complaint about the biting, wet weather. My only concern was for Bella and determining how I could keep her safe without damming her to my personal hell.

I stood outside of her house, under the window of her bedroom, and waited for all sounds around me to vanish. There were no lights on and the only thoughts I could pick up on were the subconscious streams of a dream coming from her father. The stars above me confirmed the late hour, and I took the risk of entering Bella's home.

The moonlight spilling onto the floor provided the only source of light in the dark bedroom, but then I didn't need much light to be able to see her with my inhuman eyes. Her features were so delicate and beautiful - the whiteness of her skin…with a slight blush on her cheeks. That blush served as a constant reminder of her humanity, and the chasm that would always separate her from me.

I watched her chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm, the sound of her breathing so loud against the stillness of the room. I began breathing in time with her, wanting to match her, be equal to her on some basic level. It was an impossibility, of course, for her mortality made her far superior to me.

And then I realized something so profound, it very nearly knocked me backwards. Had it not been for the change, I would be long dead and I would have never been granted the opportunity to lay eyes on the amazing creature sleeping in front of me — never hear the lilt to her voice — never smell the fragrance of her skin. It was worth a century of blood to stand in her presence.

I wanted to keep her alive and mortal…and yet I knew I couldn't have her in that way. \ To be with her, to have her in my life would mean sacrificing the very essence of what drew me to her. I wanted her to be human, but I also wanted her as a companion. I permitted myself to admit it at long last. I wanted Bella to be for me what Esme was to Carlisle. But that could never be as long as she was human, and I wasn't willing to steal her mortality away from her.

She shifted in her sleep, tilting her head back and revealing to me the soft skin of her slender neck. My eyes were instantly drawn to the crimson, life-giving liquid pulsing through the thick vein on the side of her throat. Oh, how easy it would be to drink from her! How I would savor the taste of her. One taste was sure to sustain me for ages. I bent forward and inhaled her sweet fragrance. If I took what I wanted, I would lose her forever. And I wanted her for forever.

What's the old human saying? Have your cake and eat it, too?

I stood up, never making a sound, and glanced down at her in a last ditch attempt to read her mind. If only I knew her feelings, this wouldn't be such a torturous decision to make. Would she accept me as a friend? And if she ever discovered the whole truth of what I was, could she ever look on me without fear and disgust? What did she want? My mind shouted the questions at her. What do you want, Bella?

And then she spoke my name.

I froze, wide-eyed and curious, like an animal caught in the headlights of an on-coming vehicle. I wondered for a moment if my movements had somehow woken her up, but she was so still and deeply asleep. Had I imagined the sound of her voice? My eyes never left her face as I watched her mouth form my name once more.

"Edward."

The movement of her eyes behind her lids told me she was dreaming. More so, she was dreaming of me. I let the thought swim in my brain as I stood rooted to the spot, uncertain of how to proceed. For the first time in nearly a century, I could have sworn I felt my heart beat.

And then I heard Esme's voice echo in my head. It isn't natural for someone to go through life alone. My vision was filled with only Bella. The urge to reach out and touch her was consuming, but I would not interrupt her sleep. I closed my eyes and imagined how it would feel to hold her in my arms again, inhale her fragrance, taste the salty sweetness of her skin, drown in the sound of her accelerated heart beat.

Try as I might, I could not escape fate… or Bella. I left the shadows of her bedroom to return to my hunt, for I would need to be strong if I were going to let fate guide my actions.