CHAPTER ELEVEN

The next forty-eight hours were excruciating. Whatever complaints I had had last month about having to watch Bella through the thoughts of her friends while trying to avoid her were nothing compared to watching her in the same way while knowing that she would welcome my company. The trouble wasn't with Bella or me this time. The trouble was the damn sun that chose this week, of all weeks, to shine brightly over the tiny town of Forks. Fate stepped in, once again.

I was forced, literally forced to hide from Bella. I watched her by driving around in the car she wouldn't recognize; my Vanquish. I would park some distance off and just listen for the minds of her friends to include her in the conversation. It was frustrating to no end, since most of the time I couldn't see her face. I never realized how much humans, or even my family for that matter, relied on facial expressions to help sort out the meanings behind certain words, but I was learning fast. I couldn't hear her speak most of the time, so I didn't have the bonus of listening to the tone of her voice when she made certain confusing statements.

It really was bothersome.

Sunday evening wasn't all that bad, for it was just her father that she spoke to. What could be confusing about fish and a paper on Macbeth? Bella didn't spend much time with her father that evening, retreating to her room to work on her assignment, but Charlie Swan thought about his daughter a great deal, and I was able to pick up some valuable information.

Her birthday was in September, and he wondered if she would stay with him long enough to celebrate it here in Forks. Charlie hadn't celebrated a birthday with his daughter in her whole life due to his divorce. It saddened him that he hadn't been there for her more, but he was thrilled to have her now. That's why he kept a certain distance from her and never pushed for much; he wanted her to like him and hoped that she would stay.

If Bella knew how much her father loved her, she would think twice about calling him Charlie the way she does.

That night I watched her sleep again. She was so beautiful when she slept. So calm, so still — almost too still for my liking. But I had to watch her, for it was in her sleep when her unguarded thoughts came out. The words would tumble from her full lips, unedited, uncensored. Comments about her mother, about Forks and how green everything was. About the rain. She seemed to fuss when the rain pounded on the roof.

And then there were the comments about me that would pierce me through and through. Usually it was just my name, as it had been that first night. But every now and then she would sigh and wonder at what I was. It didn't bother me as much as it should that she was still so curious. All I could focus on was that she was dreaming about me again.

I wished I could dream about her.

On Monday the confusion of her silent thoughts took hold almost as soon as she arrived at school. I had seen the pleased look on her face that morning when she stepped out into the sun, so naturally she chose to sit outside for a while before classes began. It didn't take long for the shark to find his bait and start bothering her, yet again, with proof of his idiocy.

There she is. Alone. No Cullen. Perfect. Maybe the beach convinced her she had been wrong about me.

I growled in response, trying to pick through his brain to find out what happened at the beach. Did she do anything specific with him? Kiss him? Hold hands? Whatever it was, it was too much.

Hey, she likes my hair. Cool. I like her hair. I like her everything.

I hated everything about the boy.

What did she do yesterday? Hopefully she wasn't with Cullen.

Homework. No Cullen. Good. The essay? When is that due anyway? Thursday?

Oh…Wednesday. I wonder what's she's doing it on.

I have no idea what she just said. Whoa. She's smart. If she's really smart though, she'll go out with me.

For the first time I could recall, I was aching for Jessica to show up so I wouldn't have to listen to Bella through Mike anymore. If I did, I might end up doing something I'd regret. But for now, I had no other option.

Why would going out be a bad idea?

Because I would rip out your throat if you touched her.

Jessica? Why would Jessica care?

Could Mike be any more dim-witted than he was?

Oh… Jess likes me? Really? Is that why Bella is staying away?

Class. I didn't notice. Yeah, I don't want to be late either — hey… Bella?

Damn.

I smiled. She'd given him the brush off yet again. I felt slightly warmed by her treatment of him and relieved that she wouldn't have to be with him again until lunch.

Jessica Stanley's mind came into focus. Unfortunately, she wasn't much concerned about Bella as she was too preoccupied with purchasing a dress for this silly dance so she could go and sway her body up against a teenage boy who wished she were Bella. I felt sorry for her really, knowing what I did about Mike and how little he really cared for this girl who was so head-over-heels in lust for him. I wanted to go up to her and tell her flat out that she was wasting her time. But I couldn't. Something about Jessica's hope for her impossible relationship gave me some hope that Bella and I could manage to work things out.

Impossible, but there was no harm in hoping. Or was there?

Jessica prattled on and on about dresses and shoes and flowers and all those things a normal human girl should go on about. I wondered if Bella was feeling left out? Did she really want to go and was just putting on a show? Or was her story about Seattle just her chance to escape from these mindless adolescents? I doubted I would ever really know.

It wasn't until Jessica invited Bella to go shopping in Port Angeles tonight that I really sat up and paid attention to the conversation. Bella had said yes, if Charlie would agree to it. Why wouldn't he? Again, I wished that Chief Sawn would keep a tighter leash on his daughter, but I knew from listening to his mind that he would say yes to her. He wanted her to have fun in Forks. He wanted her to stay.

I wanted her to stay, too.

Port Angeles was nothing but a tourist trap with high priced food and expensive shopping. But it was outside of Forks, and something told me that Bella was longing to escape for a while.

And then I realized… she would be leaving Forks tonight.

The memory of Alice's vision came into my mind again. I darted though Port Angeles in my mind, searching for the sinister alley that might be Bella's final resting place. There weren't many options for it, but there were some. I couldn't let her risk it. I would have to go to Port Angeles as well. I would have to follow her to keep her safe.

They would be leaving after school, once Bella talked to Charlie. The end of school was several hours away, but if I were going to follow her… there would be the chance that I would end up near her. I internally checked my thirst. It had only been a few days since I'd last hunted, and yet I didn't trust myself. I couldn't take risks where Bella was concerned.

Putting the Vanquish in gear, I pulled out from my hiding spot along the side of the school and sped home. It took me all of about five minutes to make the drive, which was a record that Emmett was sure to attempt to break once he found out. It wasn't much of a surprise to find Carlisle waiting for me on the front porch. Alice had probably told him I was on my way home.

"Are you staying long enough to actually talk, this time?" he asked.

"I really don't want to discuss it." I brushed past him, past the house all together, and headed for the woods, blocking out his mind. I didn't want to be distracted.

But he wouldn't be ignored and his soft voice called to me as I ran. "I believe that my position in this family, as well as my legal status as your father, permits me the right to at least one private discussion with you about this topic."

I stopped; my back was still to him. "There isn't anything you could possibly say to me that I haven't already said to myself."

"Still, I deserve the opportunity to at least say those things to you anyway."

I laughed coldly. "Why? So you can try to talk me out of this?"

"I would never talk you out of this, Edward."

His admission surprised me, and I opened my mind and let his thoughts seep into my brain. I would never talk you out of love.

Abruptly, I turned to face him. "Then you agree with me?"

He smiled softly. "The lines between agreeing and disagreeing… right and wrong… they're all so muddled, aren't they? There is no black and white in this situation, only shades of gray. That's why I worry."

"Don't," I spat.

"Oh, Edward," he laughed warmly. "You can't tell me not to worry about you anymore than I can tell you not to love this girl."

"Then we don't have anything to talk about."

"Yes, we do." He was beside me now, and I knew that if I chose to run, he would easily stop me. "I want to know what your intentions are."

"I intend to keep her safe — keep her human."

He hummed knowingly. "And after that?"

I stared at him blankly. After five or six years? Then what will you do, Edward?

"Nothing! I don't - " My jaw clenched and my voice softened. "I don't know." I couldn't look in his eyes and admit it, so, like a coward, I looked away.

"That's why we need to discuss this. It's been a long time since we've had any additions to this family."

My anger flashed. "That won't happen."

"So you say."

"So I know."

"Listen to me, Edward. Hear me out without interrupting. You owe me that much courtesy for putting up with this foul mood you've been in for so long."

I stood quietly, silently fuming.

"You're in love with her, Edward. In almost a century, I've never see you so dedicated, so fascinated with another being. I now understand why you never took to Rosalie when I brought her into the family. Bella and Rosalie are like day and night, and you've always favored the daylight over the dark. I know you, and I know you won't give her up easily."

"I won't take her life," I growled, unable to hold it back.

"That's good because I would be disappointed in you if you did. But I don't think you'll respond well to letting her go, either, should that be your ultimate decision."

I looked into his golden eyes, questioningly.

I'll do what you want me to do, Edward. I'll help you in any way I can, but you have to trust me.

I crumbled. "I don't know if I can do this. I want her. I want her more than I've ever wanted anything. And it's not just her blood…" I trailed off, my voice dropping to a whisper. "I can't even begin to imagine what one drop of her blood would do to me."

I paused and inhaled the damp air surrounding me. "But it isn't just her blood. It's… her… everything. Her warmth, her eyes, her… touch. I don't like it when she touches other people."

There was a long pause before Carlisle asked, "And that worries you?"

"Yes," I admitted. "I don't know how to deal with this. It's all so foreign, like it's against my nature. And it is. To want her… when I know I can't have her."

"It's human of you to want her in that way," he assured me.

"Even though I want her blood more than her?"

For that, Carlisle didn't have an answer. And yet his thoughts betrayed him. You don't have to suffer like this. I want you to be happy. If she makes you happy… there is a way…

"I can't," I sighed, dropping my head. "I won't damn her to this non-life." I looked up at him directly. "I know there is a God… because I know there is a Devil. I know without a doubt that God would unleash all his terrible fury on me if I ever harmed a creature as innocent and as precious as Bella."

"And what if you did it to save her, as I have done? What of your innocence? Of Esme's? Do you think God will punish me for what I have done?"

Why did he have to ask the difficult questions? "This is different."

"It's only different because you love her."

Nothing was said for the longest time. Carlisle even kept his thoughts from me, giving me space and time to ponder the conversation so I could take it all in. Then his mind was suddenly clear again. Where were you going?

"To hunt."

His eyes became slits. "You don't need to hunt."

"Yes, I do. To be near her, I can't be the slightest bit thirsty."

I see. Please be careful.

"I'm always careful with Bella."

He let me go then, off to hunt on my own. I never used to enjoy hunting alone. My kind doesn't do well in solitude. It's ironic that Hollywood and Gothic novels have always depicted us as lonely and solitary creatures, when the truth is that we crave companionship. I had always assumed that my family was all I needed. However, now that I knew Bella, now that I had spent time in her presence and understood the ache of being separated from her, I couldn't fathom ever being without her. Now, as I went off to curb the subtle appetite growing inside of me, I realized that as long as Bella lived, I would never be alone. Even though there was no being close by for me to converse with — laugh with — I still wasn't alone. I had her.

I would have her, I corrected.

I arrived at Bella's home just in time to catch her heading out the door. I heaved a sigh of relief, but it stuck in my throat when her phone began ringing. She walked back inside and I darted up to the house to listen in on her conversation.

Jessica had called to cancel.

"No, it's all right. I understand," Bella's lyrical voice rang through the walls to my sensitive ears.

"Really. I think you'll have a great time. No, it's what you want."

She laughed, but it sounded forced.

"Really, Jess, go and have dinner with him. We can go shopping tomorrow night."

Could this woman be anymore selfless?

I could hear her grumble as she hung up the phone, indicating how dreadfully she wanted to go. But she messed in the kitchen for a while, taking her frustration out on the fish her father brought home yesterday. I could smell the rotting flesh and hear the clanking of dishes even from this distance.

Things were quiet for a while, and I thought that she might have fallen asleep. I had just decided to approach the house and possibly enter it when the front door flew open. I dashed back to my hiding place in the woods to watch. There was Bella, in the bright light of the afternoon sun, holding a book and a blanket.

Quietly and rather gracefully, she spread the quilt out over the small yard and plopped down on her stomach to start reading. It was a rather large book — much larger than the normal teenage fluffy novel. She flipped through the pages, looking for something, and then settled down to begin reading. I longed to know her thoughts, hear her mind as she glossed over the text. And then, after reading several pages I heard her grumble my name.

"Ugh…Edward. How did I forget that?"

Forget what? It ate away at me that I didn't know what she was complaining about. What had I done? She hadn't even seen me today. Maybe that was the problem.

She flipped through the book again, continually muttering under her breath. "Edward… Edmund…can't she pick names that don't remind me of him?"

Her discontent was obviously centered on me, but for the life of me, I couldn't fathom why. She hadn't seen me in several days. What I had done wrong now?

But my train of thought was lost as the breeze brought her strong scent over to my hiding place. I closed my eyes and consciously inhaled, reveling in the fragrance, letting it seep into my skin. It was glorious yet toxic at the same time.

When I opened my eyes, Bella had flipped onto her back and spread herself out on the quilt as if she were sunbathing. I watched her intently. She was sunbathing, I was sure of it. She was trying to soak up as much of the sunlight as she could into her pale, flushed skin. I swore in that moment that I could hear her thoughts — hear her shout how much she adored the sunlight, craved its life-giving light.

My breath hitched in my chest. How would she respond to an eternity of darkness?

The sound of wheels spinning on the drive drew my attention to her father's arrival. I drew back, retreating deeper into the shadows. Bella's eyes flashed open and her voice was startled.

"Charlie?"

Had she heard me? Seen me?

Her eyes looked around, searching for something but seeing nothing. She shivered and quickly gathered up her things before heading inside the protection of the house. I darted up next to it, daring to be so close but needing to hear the conversation within the walls.

"Sorry, Dad, dinner's not ready yet — I fell asleep outside."

"Don't worry about it. I wanted to catch the score on the game, anyway."

There was no mention of the possibility of someone watching the house. Bella would have to learn to be more observant than this if she ever hoped to survive in Forks.

They ate and watched television. There was little discussion between them, but Charlie's thoughts were constantly attentive to his daughter. He liked having her home. It was special to him that she would chose to sit with him for no other reason than to provide company.

I could completely understand his reasoning.

When she asked her father about the shopping trip, I wanted so very much to rush in and tell Chief Swan to forbid her to go. Keep her near you at all times, I wanted to warn him. But just as I knew he would, he gave her permission to go.

My concern for her safety lasted long into the night as I watched her. Sneaking into her bedroom had become second nature, and the need to have her words as she slept was too overpowering to resist. I was beginning to time how long it would take her, once she entered R.E.M. to mumble my name. Tonight, it happened right away, and was followed by a few unexplainable sighs.

But my time close to her was limited to the darkness, and I escaped her room just before dawn to head back to my own home. My kind might not need to bathe as often as the humans, but none of my family particularly enjoyed wearing the same clothes every day. It could be argued that Rosalie was the biggest clotheshorse who ever lived. And Alice's shopping addiction didn't help matters either, but at least she would purchase things that would rise in value over the years. Alice was good at spotting future treasure.

I dashed into my house and darted up to my room where I could change. On my way out, I stilled when I caught my reflection in the mirror hanging in the hall. I looked…different, even though I knew it an impossibility. There was a brightness to my eyes that I'd never seen before. I wanted to brush it off as a trick of the sunlight, but I couldn't help but consider that for once in my long, tired existence, I had a reason to continue. In Bella, I had found my will to go on.

It wasn't long before I was parked outside of the school, waiting for the day to end. I arrived after class had started, but I could see Bella's red truck sitting in the back, a clear sign that she made it to school without incident. The day dragged on as Jessica explained about her date with Mike the previous evening and maintained her overzealous enthusiasm for the dance. My mind was going numb listening to her, and I wondered if
Bella was feeling the same way.

When the day ended, I stealthily followed Bella and Jessica back to Bella's home where the red truck was abandoned for Jessica's more reliable, yet considerably old, white Mercury. I could see the excitement on Bella's face as she climbed into the passenger side of the car. Was she excited to go shopping, or was it the draw of actually being away from Forks that made her so giddy with delight? More importantly, was it me from whom she was trying to run away?

They stopped to pick up Angela before hitting the highway and passing the Forks city limits. I kept my Volvo at a safe distance, always staying at least five car lengths behind them. Jessica was too interested in getting details on the men in Angela's life to pay much attention to the cars behind her.

Secretly, I wished she would ask Bella if there was anyone who had caught her attention.

Once in town, they found the department store and went inside. I couldn't risk stepping into the sunlight and drawing attention to myself, so I waited for them outside in my car. Jessica was easy to hear and I wasn't worried about Bella finding trouble in such a well-populated place like a shopping center. No one could do much harm to her without being spotted right away. Thus, I turned on the radio and began to relax.

It was only about an hour later when I heard Jessica's mind more clearly, coming into focus.

We have lots of time. We should go to the bay!

Oh, car first. I don't want to get my new dress all dirty down there.

Yeah, whatever. She can be odd that way.

I was confused, uncertain about whom she was finding odd. It had to be Bella.

I backed my car up and started driving around, keeping my distance from the parking lot where I knew they were currently putting their collected items in the trunk. The bay wasn't far off, so I headed down to wait for them. In their minds, they were still going on about boys and dresses, as if there wasn't any thing else of importance in the world.

And then they came into view.

And Bella wasn't with them.

My eyes went wide as I dived into Jessica's thoughts to see where Bella had vanished. The image of the local bookstore came into focus, and I sped off to find her. How could she be so stupid as to wonder off on her own? How could I have been so careless to let her out of my sight?

I stopped in front of the bookstore and rolled down the window to peer inside. I could smell the lingering scent of her skin in the air and knew right away that she had traveled on, going south, heading right into the less populated — less friendly areas of the city.

She would have to come back this way, I told myself in a poor attempt to calm my nerves. She would have to return to her friend's car eventually. But the idea didn't offer me much comfort.

My mind was racing as I drove in circles around the town, my breathing somehow labored. My eyes sought out every tiny nook and cranny of every alleyway I passed, but I was limited to the places my car could fit into. Damn the sun! It couldn't set fast enough. I could find her more quickly on foot.

And then I heard it. I heard him.

Bella. Her face — her body was clear as crystal in his mind. And what he was imagining doing to her made my head spin.

Fury — rage — anger unlike any I had ever felt before pulsed through what little blood I harbored in my veins. I was burning inside, on fire by the wicked thoughts of the man and the way he anticipated hurting Bella with such pleasure.

Correction…men. In the plural. I could hear four distinct minds all with the same vicious intentions. They were following Bella, each hoping to be the first one to steal her innocence. And even if they weren't lucky enough to be first, they would at least take their turns.

I growled and the killer in me plotted to take them out one by one. It would be easy… if only I could find them.

My foot pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor as I raced through red lights and stop signs without even glancing to see what I might hit. The image of Alice's vision filled my mind. Bella lying in a dark alleyway… her blood spilled… she would die. The monster inside of me roared as the car spun around the corner and headed down another road.

"Get in!" I demanded, wanting to get her out of there as fast as possible.

No one except Bella.

She climbed into the car promptly, her eyes full of relief and gratitude. Her face was flushed pink. I could hear her heart racing in her chest, thumping so loudly I wondered if I hadn't put her in more danger by rescuing her. But I didn't ponder on it long.

The slam of her door signaled to me that she was safely inside the vehicle. I forced the gas pedal to the floor and in a squeal of tires, we sped off and away from the human monsters.