CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"Can I ask just one more?" she begged.

I wanted more than anything to hear this new theory of hers, but she clearly had too many questions still to give up the floor just yet.

"One," I granted, wondering if I was pressing my luck.

"Well…you said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that."

Damn. I glanced out the window, not wanting her to see my agitation. Why did she have to remember that? Couldn't she just accept that I saved her and leave well enough alone?

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," she mocked.

She had thrown down the gauntlet and challenged me. She wanted the truth; that much was certain. Yet how would she react to the truth once she had it?

"Fine, then. I followed your scent." Let her take that information and chew on it for a while. I purposefully said your scent, not her perfume, not her shampoo. Her. Bella.

She faltered for a moment. "And then you didn't answer one of my first questions…"

I looked over at her with a frown. As far as I was aware, I had answered every one of her questions. "Which one?"

"How does it work–the mind reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family…?"

"That's more than one," I interjected.

Bella folded her hands in her lap and waited for my reply. Her unyielding persistence was remarkable.

"No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's…'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." There had to be an easier way to explain it. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum–a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear.

"Most of the time I tune it all out–it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem normal," as if I'm ever normal, "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

"Why do you think you can't hear me?"

I'd asked myself that same question over a million times, and I still had no good answer for it. I looked over at her, focusing on the void her mind presented, and offered the best explanation I had come up with.

"I don't know," I admitted softly. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM." The comical suggestion made me smile.

"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" From the way she spit out the word freak, I could tell that my assumption hadn't pleased her.

"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're, the freak?" Now that was truly funny. "Don't worry, it's just a theory…" Speaking of theories, Bella still hadn't told me hers. "Which brings us back to you," I prompted.

She sighed deeply, filling the car with the scent of her sweet breath.

"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" I used her own words against her, hoping to draw her out of whatever shyness kept her from telling me her ideas.

Rather suddenly she shouted, "Holy crow! Slow down!"

"What's wrong?"

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" Her eyes went wide as she frantically glanced out the window to take in the surrounding images burring by. It was one of the first times Bella had ever behaved like a truly normal human, and yet I found it slightly annoying. As if I would crash the car and hurt her in any way.

"Relax, Bella."

"Are you trying to kill us?" she screeched.

"We're not going to crash."

Her voice was softer this time. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I always drive like this," I bragged, turning to look at her with a smile.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" This time, she didn't even try to mask her fear.

How typical that the one time I want Bella to take my life style in stride is the one time she literally freaks out. "I've never been in an accident, Bella–I've never even gotten a ticket." I tapped my forehead as a reminder of my abilities. "Built in radar detector."

"Very funny." Her blood was boiling beneath her delicate skin. "Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away."

"Probably," I agreed with a laugh. "But you can't." This was one time I would have to give in to her request. I didn't want her to worry about being injured, and if she remained in such a fury, her pulse would only race and tempt me more than I could withstand. Reluctantly, I let off the gas and let the friction of the road on the wheels slow the car down. "Happy?"

"Almost."

"I hate driving slow," I muttered under my breath.

"This is slow?"

"Enough commentary on my driving," I frowned. "I'm still waiting for your latest
theory."

She was quiet. Her teeth grazed her lips in the most tantalizing way. It was torture to not be able to hear the thoughts spiraling around in her mind.

"I won't laugh," I promised.

"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me."

Really? "Is it that bad?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

She must have moved off of superheroes then if she thought it was bad. Maybe she had taken my suggestion and was now picturing me as the villain in the story. Still, whatever her mind had concocted couldn't be as frightful as the monster of my reality.

"Go ahead," I prodded gently.

"I don't know how to start," she breathed.

"Why don't you start at the beginning…you said you didn't come up with this on your own."

"No."

"What got you started–a book? A movie?" There were too many evils on television these days.

"No–it was Saturday, at the beach."

I frowned in confusion. What evil ideas could she have come up with on the beach out in the sun having fun with her classmates?

"I ran into an old family friend–Jacob Black. His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby."

Jacob Black. She said the name as if I was supposed to recognize it, and yet I didn't. It was only vaguely familiar.

"His dad is one of the Quileute elders."

I stilled upon hearing the word. She knew. She had to know.

"We went for a walk and he was telling me some old legends–trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…" She faltered.

"Go on," I said, even though I knew what was coming next.

"About vampires."

Hearing that word fall from her innocent lips was painful, and I gripped the steering wheel hard to resist the howl of rage building up inside of me. She wasn't supposed to know. I hated myself more now that she had the truth.

"And you immediately thought of me?" Somehow, I maintained a steady voice.

"No. He…mentioned your family."

So that was it then. I had wondered how the Quileutes were handling the fact that Carlisle had returned to this place, bringing with him more of our kind than before. Our people didn't get along well with theirs, but the treaty was in place and as long as everyone kept to the terms, no harm would be done to either side. Still, I had to wonder.

And now I had proof. They knew we were here. More than that, they were warning Bella against us. She hadn't confessed to any warning, but how could they not at least try to convince her to stay away from us? To stay away from me. In a way, Jacob Black had just broken the treaty.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition," she added in a rush. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it." She paused a moment before saying, "It was my fault, I forced him to tell me."

"Why?"

"Lauren said something about you–she was trying to provoke me. And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him."

Tricked him? Tricked him! For some reason, the idea of Bella being able to trick a member of that tribe seemed rather humorous and I let out a laugh.

"Tricked him how?" I had to know.

"I tried to flirt–it worked better than I thought it would." She blushed in embarrassment.

"I'd like to have seen that." Being witness to Bella flirting shamelessly with a boy too young for her would have been great entertainment. After all, I knew very well how persuasive her flirtations could be. "And you accused me of dazzling people–poor Jacob Black."

She blushed deeper and glanced out the window. My eyes skimmed down the stark whiteness of her neck to her pulse point to confirm the rapid, nervous beating of her heart. I took a deep breath and let her scent fill the ache within me. A feeble attempt to satiate my shallow thirst.

"What did you do then?"

"I did some research on the Internet."

"And did that convince you?" I'd seen it all by now. I myself had used the Internet to do research on my kind. More accurately, my family used it to make sure we were covering our tracks every time we moved locations or forged documents. The Internet was a remarkable and most valuable invention for my family.

Bella answered my question with a shake of her head. "No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then…"

"What?" I hated it when she stopped mid-thought, especially when she was on the verge of confessing to me how much she knew about my hellish existence.

"I decided it didn't matter," she whispered.

"It didn't matter?" I was astonished by the very suggestion, and my voice reflected that.

"No," she murmured softly. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

It was unfathomable. How could this not matter to her when it mattered so very much to me? "You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human?"

"No."

Was she insane? Had she lost all rational thought? She had just discovered that the creature sitting next to her in Biology…the very thing driving too fast down with her as a captive passenger… was an inhuman monster — and she didn't care? She should have run away from me screaming in fright, and yet, here she sat, calm and beautiful. Did she have any idea how her actions resembled a lamb going willingly to the slaughter?

"You're angry," she groaned. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No." I wasn't angry — I was dumbfounded. "I'd rather know what you're thinking–even if what you're thinking is insane."

"So I'm wrong again?" she questioned.

I wish I could tell her that yes, she was very wrong. But I couldn't. "That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" I said through my teeth.

She gaped at me. "I'm right?"

HA! Caught! "Does it matter?"

She inhaled sharply. "Not really." After a paused she added, "But I am curious."

Should I remind her that curiosity killed the cat? "What are you curious about?"

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen," I responded instinctively from years of practice.

"And how long have you been seventeen?"

I very nearly smiled. "A while." I didn't think she was ready to learn that the creature rapidly falling in love with her was over one hundred years old. One shock at a time.

"Okay."

She slurred the word slowly, as if thinking over my answer. My eyes rested on her flawless, pale skin, noting the heated blush on her cheeks. Her heart was still racing as she processed the information she had just been given. I wondered which organ was getting more of a workout from our conversation — her heart or her brain?

She smiled up at me, bright and content, looking pleased that she had been right about her speculations. I would rather she scream in terror and beg me to never come near her again. It would be a much more intelligent reaction than encouraging me on.

"Don't laugh," she started, "but how can you come out during the daytime?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Hollywood strikes again. "Myth."

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth." Where did horror writers ever get the idea that vampires could sleep, let alone that we would chose to sleep in something as uncomfortable as a coffin? "I can't sleep."

Bella did a double take upon hearing my words. "At all?"

"Never," If I could, I wouldn't be as bored with this existence. The days wouldn't run together as freely as they do. That was, at least until I met Bella. My days had been anything but boring since she moved to Forks. And even then, if I could sleep - if I could dream - my dreams would be filled with her and only her.

I glanced over at the object of my obsession, allowing my eyes to meet hers and try to communicate to her a small portion of the internal struggle I felt having her beside me. I breathed in her maddening scent, wondering why she hadn't asked the most obvious question of all.

"You haven't asked me the most important question yet." I broached the topic that I was sure would take her from me, for what human could ever stand to be around a monster who fed off of blood?

She looked puzzled. "Which one is that?"

Was she putting me on? "You aren't concerned about my diet?"

"Oh, that." It was so casual I didn't quite know how to interpret it.

"Yes, that." If I were human, this would be my first question. "Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"

She shifted in her seat. "Well, Jacob said something about that."

"What did Jacob say?" I was curious to hear how the elder members of his tribe had described my family to their offspring.

"He said you didn't…hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

"He said we weren't dangerous?" I didn't believe that for one second.

"Not exactly. He said you weren't supposed to be dangerous. But the Quileutes still didn't want you on their land, just in case."

It was the truth. The Quileutes were a proud and honorable people rich in tradition. They had passed on the stories of my family honestly, and now Bella had that knowledge.

"So, was he right? About not hunting people?" Her voice was amazingly smooth and calm considering the topic.

"The Quileutes have a long memory," I confirmed. Bella seemed pleased that I had admitted the truth to her — too pleased.

"Don't let that make you complacent, though," I cautioned, wanting to make it clear to her that being with me was not as safe as she presumed. "They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

"I don't understand."

"We try," I stated. "We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."

"This is a mistake?" She sounded sad, almost disappointed.

"A very dangerous one," I growled.

Would I ever be able to convince her how dangerous I really was? Did I want her to believe me? She needed to understand, especially now that she knew what I was capable of and what kind of beast I really was. And yet, I reveled in her acceptance of me. As much as it bothered me that she wasn't thus far repulsed by what I was, it made me even more anxious for the day when she would realize exactly what I had been trying to explain to her all this time — that I was a monster, not worthy of her goodness and innocence.

And then what would happen? She would leave, of course. And I would be alone again. I feared that day more than anything I'd ever feared before.

"Tell me more," she urged gently. Her simple curiosity amazed me.

I looked at her, wondering if by answering her questions I would end up frightening her enough that she would run away as she should. Yet I found myself saying, "What more do you want to know?"

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people." She sounded like a student in a lecture hall taking notes for a random, upcoming assignment.

"I don't want to be a monster." I wanted to be human so badly in that moment.

"But animals aren't enough?"

She really had no idea? I knew Bella had an extraordinary ability to smell human blood, so I assumed she could smell all types of blood. I found it interesting that she had never picked up on the fact that animal blood was much less potent and fragrant than that of human blood.

I explained it to her the best I could. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger–or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." I learned that lesson well the first time I breathed in Bella's scent. "Sometimes it's more difficult than others."

"Is it very difficult for you now?" she inquired.

I had been so honest with her that I had to say, "Yes."

"But you're not hungry now," she stated matter-of-factly.

I was. I would always be thirsty around Bella. Her scent was too tempting to deny. But I had to know why she believed otherwise. "Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes. I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people–men in particular–are crabbier when they're hungry."

I found her insight comical. "You are observant, aren't you?"

She didn't answer me, only merely tilted her head at me and smiled. I laughed again. She certainly was amazing.

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" she asked after a moment, as if I were off on some typical sort of camp out rather than cutting into grizzly bears with my own teeth.

"Yes." There was so much to tell her, but I had to be careful with my words. I walked a fine line between wanting her to run and wanting her to stay. Selfishness made me phrase my words so that I wouldn't scare her too much. "I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want to leave?"

"It makes me…anxious…to be away from you." I could hear Emmett in my head, laughing at the poor description of my behavior. Anxious wasn't the right word. Paranoid was closer to the truth. "I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed." I quickly glanced at her hands and corrected myself. "Well, not totally unscathed."

"What?"

"Your hands," I said, nodding in her direction.

She looked down at the scrapes on her palms. "I fell."

"That's what I thought." Did she have an inner ear problem that made her body off balance? "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse–and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." I could hear my brother's voice in my head, mocking me for my infatuation with the beautiful human currently sitting next to me.

"Three days? Didn't you just get back today?"

"No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" There was an edge to her voice, and from the slit of her eyes I could tell she was angry. How curious.

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least, not where anyone can see." Not if I wanted to maintain any level of ambiguity.

"Why?"

"I'll show you sometime," I promised before I had time to really consider what I was offering.

She frowned, lost in thought. Was she trying to imagine what would happen to me in the sunlight? Was she picturing my skin blistering and puckering under the ultraviolet rays of the sun?

"You might have called me," she said, surprising me.

"But I knew you were safe." What would be the point in calling her and making it known how obsessed I was with her safety?

"But I didn't know where you were. I–" Her eyes fell.

She did it again. Stopped mid-thought. I would have to break her of that habit. "What?"

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too." She blushed deeply.

A warm, tingling sensation passed through my stone cold heart. She had been thinking of me — being away from me was troubling to her. This was what I wanted from her. And yet, I knew I couldn't have it. It wasn't natural for a beast such as I to be loved by someone as beautiful as her. She deserved warmth. She deserved light. She deserved so much more than I could ever give her.

"Ah," I moaned in grief. "This is wrong."

Her brows furrowed. "What did I say?"

"Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved." It was impossible to give her up, and yet I would have to — for her own safety. "I don't want to hear that you feel that way." It was the truth and a lie at the same time, but I had to say it, no matter how much it might hurt her. No matter how much it hurt me. "It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella–please, grasp that."

"No." The worry on her face changed to anger and her lip jutted out in a pout.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."

"Never say that," I bit out at her more forcefully than I intended. Although it was too late for me to ever be free from her, it wasn't too late for her to turn away from me and lead a normal life. I would always be haunted by her scent — her beauty. But she could grow to forget me in time.

I didn't want her to forget me.

She was quiet beside me, staring blankly out at the road in front of us. Her mind was still a void, but at least I now had the freedom to ask her what was going on in that mind of hers. "What are you thinking?"

She shook her head in silent reply. I glanced over at her, stunned to see moisture forming around her eyes, threatening to fall down and stain the soft skin of her cheeks "Are you crying?"

It sickened me that I caused her to cry. Fear I could handle. I was prepared for her fear. I wasn't prepared for her tears.

"No," she croaked.

A drop fell from her eyes and slowly slid down her face. I was drawn to it, wanting to taste it. It would be salty and moist and filled with her essence. I reached out towards her, telling myself that it was just one drop, and it wasn't even blood. I would love to taste her blood. And then I jerked away, pulling my hand back and clutching the wheel tightly.

"I'm sorry." I apologized for being the monster that I was — for craving the very thing that made her mortality so priceless. I had upset her, yes, but my thirst for her blood made it difficult for me to even offer her comfort at this moment. I'd never felt more like a monster than I did in that moment.

Well, except for when I contemplated taking her life and the lives of everyone in the classroom her first day of school.

Or maybe even a few hours ago when I very nearly killed the men who tired to harm her.

Suddenly, I remembered something from that moment that made me very curious. "Tell me something," I started, trying to lighten the mood between us.

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression–you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something."

"I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker–you know, self defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain."

She never failed to surprise me. "You were going to fight them?" It angered me that she would even attempt such a feat. "Didn't you think about running?"

"I fall down a lot when I run."

True. But there were other things she could do. "What about screaming for help?"

"I was getting to that part."

This was pointless. There was no way I would ever manage to keep her safe if she thought she could fight off four violent and dirty-minded men at once — let alone a blood-thirsty vampire. "You were right–I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive."

As we entered the Forks city limits, she asked, "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Yes–I have a paper due, too." Macbeth. One of my favorites. What wasn't to like about a conniving thane who murdered everyone in his path just so he could be king? "I'll save you a seat at lunch." I didn't bother with asking her to join me, for I knew she would.

I rounded the corner and stopped in front of her house, which seemed much smaller now given the circumstances.

She didn't move to get out of the car. I looked at her expectantly, waiting.

"Do you promise to be there tomorrow?" she demanded.

"I promise." How could I refuse her anything?

She pursed her lips and then nodded, apparently finding my answer satisfactory. She shrugged off my jacket, inhaling the leathery scent once more.

"You can keep it–you don't have a jacket for tomorrow." It wouldn't do for her to catch a cold, and Heaven knows I wouldn't get sick without it.

But she handed it over anyway. "I don't want to have to explain to Charlie."

"Oh, right." I almost forgot that she had someone to answer to. I wondered what she would tell him of this evening's events. Not that I was worried she would spill my secret, for I trusted her implicitly on that matter. I just wondered if she would mention me at all.

Some movement in the tree beyond her house caught my attention.

"Bella?" I said, cautiously.

"Yes?" Her face was hopeful, almost as if she were expecting me to do or say something specific. If I could have heard her mind, I would have done whatever it was if it meant making her happy.

Instead, I said, "Will you promise me something?"

"Yes," but there was hesitancy in her voice.

"Don't go into the woods alone."

She blinked in confusion. "Why?"

Again the trees moved.

"I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there. Let's leave it at that."

I heard her heart thump nervously in her chest at my warning. "Whatever you say."

"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed in regret. I didn't want her to leave, but her father would soon grow suspicious.

"Tomorrow, then." She opened the door unwillingly.

The lessons of my mortal mother returned again. Always be a gentleman, Edward. "Bella?" I called to her, leaning in close and inhaling her sweet smell.

"Sleep well," I breathed, and her eyes clouded over in a fog. Is that what she meant when she said I dazzled her? I liked it. I hoped to see that look more often, even if it was wrong of me to do so.

I pulled away from her and let her exit the car. She stumbled slightly and grabbed the door to stop from falling. Oh yes, she was dazzled. I didn't know whether to pat myself on the back or burn myself at the stake for letting her feel that way. But I laughed in spite of my worry.