CHAPTER SIXTEEN
What's with Edward Cullen and Bella?
No way is he really going out with her.
I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it.
She is, like, SOOOO lucky!
Every thought from every person we passed on our way to our seats in the classroom seemed to echo the same incredulity that Bella and I were more than friends. I wondered momentarily if they were surprised by the fact that Bella had been able to get one of the usually standoffish Cullens to actually open up to her, or, just as Bella expressed earlier, that they were more amazed that out of every girl in the school, I chose to pay attention to Bella? It couldn't be the latter. Every other male in the school had his eye on winning her. Why should I be any different?
I would win her. And I would do it in the most gentle and non- frightening way I knew how.
We took our seats at our lab table, sitting unusually close to one another. Until now, every time I had the chance to sit at a table with Bella, we sat across from one another. That was all well and good as it provided me with the best view of her eyes, which I relied on heavily to understand her, as I didn't have the benefit of hearing her thoughts. But this time we sat side by side, our bodies very nearly touching. If I were to lean an inch to the side, my arm would brush against hers. It was thrilling to be that close, and terrifying at the same time.
Mr. Banner wheeled in a mammoth stand with an ancient TV and VCR placed on top, signaling to the class that today was movie day. It took all of two seconds for me to hear that he hadn't had time last night to prepare the lab for today, so he had taken the typical fix-it standard of picking out an instructional film for us to watch. He hadn't even typed up the usual worksheet of silly questions for us to answer to make sure we were following along.
Perfect. A whole hour with nothing to do but revel in the heat radiating off Bella's skin. My mind wandered off into dangerous territory.
And then the lights went out.
A charge surged though my body unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It was as if there were an electrical current flowing between Bella and me, pulsing and growing with intensity. I watched her from the corner of my eye and saw the familiar pink blush of her cheeks and the way her body unnaturally stiffened and became rigid next to mine. Was she feeling this as well? Was she experiencing the same thing I was?
Her eyes flashed up to mine, and from under the dark lashes I could see desire. I'd seen that look before from a handful of female vampires who felt I would make a good mate for them, but never in my entire existence had I reciprocated. Their eyes were always hungry and lustful, and yet Bella's were innocent and loving. It was such a new experience for me to be looked at in such a way that it took my breath away.
I wanted to touch her. I needed to touch her, to make sure this was real and that I wasn't imagining the angel sitting next to me. But I couldn't. I didn't dare. Not once this morning had she made an effort to touch me. Even though I walked next to her, even though she could have taken my hand at lunch if she had wanted to, she didn't. From the few times I had had the pleasure of touching her, she could probably remember how cold my skin was. Cold and hard, like stone. It probably revolted her and that was why she hadn't moved to reach out to me. I would resist reaching out to her.
I tucked my hands under my arms and held on to myself as tight as I could, my fists clenched together. With each surge of longing I felt — longing to touch her — I would press tighter against myself, willing my desire into submission for the moment.
My eyes drifted over to look down at Bella once more, and to my amazement, I found her body in a very similar position to mine. How interesting. Was she shying away from me? Was she trying to look casual about being so very close to me? Or was it — and I could hardly believe I dared to think such a thing — but was she having just as much difficulty keeping her hands to herself as I was?
I smiled down at her, hoping to ease some of the tension between us, only to be rewarded with another flush of her skin, a racing pulse, and eyes that instinctively shied away from mine. I didn't want her to look away, for it was in her eyes that I was only ever able to see some of the truth and meaning behind her actions and words. I depended on those eyes so much that it thrilled me every time she did chance a glance in my direction.
The movie droned on and on. I hadn't a clue what the topic was, for I only had eyes for Bella. It was as if we were lost in our own little electric world, where pulse after pulse of energy flowed between us as easily as the air flowed around us. That energy grew and grew and almost became unbearable. If I didn't stop this — if I didn't touch her soon-- I felt as if my dead heart would burst inside of my chest. And I knew, as the hour progressed, that Bella did feel it, too. How could she not?
Was this love? Was this the actual current of love manifesting itself in energy form? Bella had said that she cared for me more than I did for her. Even though I knew her to be wrong, the statement at least confirmed that she did care for me. She cared for me more than she was ready to admit to her friend. Did that mean she loved me?
My mind turned a somersault at the very idea.
Suddenly, and without warning, Mr. Banner flicked on the lights and the moment was lost. I had been so lost in Bella that I hadn't even registered Mr. Banner's and the other students' thoughts that the end of the class had arrived. In the bright, artificial glow of the room, whatever it was that passed between us vanished in an instant.
Beside me, Bella stretched out her arms in front of her, wiggling life back into her fingers. Her face was still pink, but it was the heat from her eyes that spoke to the intensity of the experience. I could tell she was trying not to make a big deal out of what had transpired, which only made me laugh.
"Well, that was interesting," I marveled.
Her only response was a gentle hum.
"Shall we?" I asked, rising from my chair and motioning for us to head to our next class.
It seemed utterly ridiculous that we had to separate now, of all times. I wanted for the moment to continue. Would we be able to recreate that feeling ever again? Did she want to recreate it?
We walked in silence to her next class, which was gym. I turned to look down at her to bid her farewell, but I couldn't. I was at a loss for words. Remembering the enormity of the last hour, I gazed down at her with such longing. I wanted, more than anything, to scoop her up into my arms and to run away to some private and secluded area so that I wouldn't have to share her with anyone or be parted from her ever again. I knew she had no idea how completely devoted to her I was, and I didn't want to scare her with the magnitude of my love for her.
Feeling very daring, I slowly raised my hand to her face. Too much pressure and I could break her. But I couldn't resist touching for a moment longer. With careful precision, I lightly brushed the tips of my fingers along her cheekbone. Her skin was so warm, so soft. Completely and totally opposite from mine. I felt the heat of her face rise as her blood pulsed more rapidly and made her face blush.
I tried to ignore the way my own body responded to that heat, but it was impossible. I'd never felt like this — never had this response. It was in my nature to crave the heat and warmth of her blood, but it was a new sensation to crave the heat and warmth of her skin against mine. If I stayed here too much longer, I just might go with my instincts and carry her off to some faraway land never to return.
With tremendous effort, I pulled my hand away from her glorious face and forced my body to turn and walk away from her. Surely I deserved some sort of a reward for being able to keep my distance this long. I was in agony being separated from her, and that pain grew with each step I took that increased the distance between us. I wanted her next to me, beside me. I wanted her close where I could keep an eye on her, where I could touch her again if she would allow it. I wanted her in my life, at the center of my life. I wanted…her.
The next hour was torture, but I made it. I had a hard time separating my thoughts from the Spanish lesson I was sitting though. The class was working on the use of the word "would," which I had mastered decades ago, but was forced to play dumb in situations like this. Unfortunately, my mind wasn't cooperating.
"Querias tomar una bebida?" the teacher asked.
Would I like a drink? I nearly snorted out loud. Even worse was the repeated response that we as students were expected to echo in unison. "Si, me qustaria tomar una bebida." I rolled my eyes as I said the words.
"Eduardo," the teacher said suddenly. My eyes snapped to her face and I could hear the disappointment. He thinks this is boring. I can tell from that annoying eye roll of his. I hate that from students.
"Estas irritado, Eduardo? Si no querias tomar una bebida, que querias?"
Of course I was irritated! If she had any idea what I really wanted, she would run from the room screaming. But I had to answer her as a student, so I innocently replied, "Quiero saber que crea."
I thought it was the perfect answer. It wasn't a lie, for I did want to know what Bella was thinking. However, to my teacher it sounded as if I wanted to know what she was thinking, as I didn't specify to whom the pronoun referred. I finished off the answer with a brilliant, wide smile, hoping the teacher would move on and forget all about me for the rest of the class.
Good lord, he's handsome. Let it go. Just move on and don't think about him that way.
"Que chistoso, Eduardo!"
It worked. I wasn't bothered for the rest of the hour. Instead of Spanish, I kept my mind focused on the one person I envied most at this moment, which ironically was Mike Newton. He was bravely partnering Bella in a game of badminton. Brave was the perfect term for it as Bella managed to nearly take him out with one swing of her racket. She only clipped him on the shoulder, though, and saved the real wallop for her own head. That confirmed it; Bella Swan was the most accident-prone human being who ever lived. Mike was taking a real risk being her partner. However, I had to give the boy credit for being polite to her. Regardless of how truly horrid she was as a player, Mike always managed to include her in the victory whenever they — or rather he - won a game.
All through the period I expected Mike to bring up Bella's growing relationship with me, since that had been the only thing on his mind other than hitting the birdie over the net. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of questions and derogatory comments, all aimed at making Bella see just how dreadfully wrong she was about me. I nearly laughed at the irony of Mike trying to convince her to stay away from me when I had been doing the same thing for days now.
It wasn't until the end of the class that Mike worked up the courage to confront her about the situation. I completely ignored the assignment being given in my own Spanish class and paid close attention to Mike and his spiteful mind.
Just be casual. Ask gently. You and Cullen, huh?
Just because it isn't my business doesn't mean I have to like it.
I don't like the way he looks at her. He looks…hungry. It's not right.
I was startled by the perceptivity of the thought. And even more amazed at how easily Bella brushed it off. In Mike's mind, I could see her walking away from him, unfazed by the candid comment. It really didn't affect her that at any given time I could end her precious life without her ever knowing what hit her. It was perverse of me to think it, but knowing how much she trusted me made me love her even more.
Mike, on the other hand, was a nuisance. I hated to admit that he was right in thinking that Bella shouldn't be around me. Still, that was for me to deal with. Bella wasn't interested in him, and in my opinion, Bella's safety was not his worry. That was my job. There wasn't any room for Mike Newton in this picture. I forced myself to ignore his immature thoughts and focus on Bella.
I waited for her at the door to the gym. My mind raced through the facts I had learned over the last twenty-four hours, taking account of how I felt concerning those facts. First of all, Bella knew what I was and, even though she should be repulsed and terrified, she didn't hate me for it. Which lead me to fact number two. She cared about me. More than cared…she could possibly love me. Even though I had always known love in my life, it had always been love from family members. I knew my real father and mother had loved me. Carlisle and Esme loved me as their son, and even Alice loved me as a brother. Yet I had never experienced romantic love of any kind. It was new and exciting territory to be in.
When she walked out of the gym, she seemed genuinely surprised that I was waiting for her. I wondered how long it would take her to realize that I was attached to her.
"Hi," she smiled brightly, warming my heart.
"Hello." I smiled back at her, careful to not give the toothy grin reserved for startling people. "How was gym?" I asked as innocently as possible.
Her smile fell a bit. "Fine."
Liar. "Really?" I wanted to call her out on this one, but my attention was drawn to the person sending vicious thoughts in my direction. Mike Newton stood in the distance, glowering and threatening me in his mind. When Bella turned to find what I was looking at, Newton took the non-confrontational route and stalked away.
"What?" she asked.
I looked down into her brown eyes and answered honestly. "Newton's getting on my nerves."
"You weren't listening again?" She sounded rather upset.
"How's your head?" I asked, ignoring the rise in her temper.
"You're unbelievable!" Turning away from me, she stomped out to the parking lot in a rather funny display of anger. She was so lovely when she was angry, not that it was my favorite of all her emotions, but it did always make her cheeks turn a delicious shade of pink. Of course, I had learned a few other ways to provoke the same reaction on her skin without making her mad. For now though, she was mad, and I owed her an explanation.
I fell in step next to her and said, "You were the one that mentioned how I'd never seen you in gym–it made me curious."
Something in the way she ignored me told me that my reason for watching her wasn't a good one. This didn't bode well. Perhaps she was just a little angrier than I assumed. She continued her march forward without so much as a word to me, and only stopped when we were a few steps away from my car.
A herd of teenage boys stood around Rosalie's car, coveting the vehicle and gaping at its glory. I brushed past them and got into my car. "Ostentatious," I muttered to myself.
Bella was climbing into the passenger side of the car. The gentleman in me told me that I should have opened her door for her, but I had the feeling that Bella would take that as a sign that I was being too protective or some other silly thing I was quickly growing used to. Plus, I was grateful she was getting into the car at all considering that she hadn't said a word to me since she stalked away after gym.
When Bella did choose to speak, at long last, it took me by surprise.
"What kind of car is that?" she asked.
I hadn't been expecting that sort of question. I was prepared for a verbal scolding on personal privacy. Clearly, I wasn't yet in tune with the inner workings of Bella's mind. I wondered if I would ever be.
"An M3," I answered her hastily.
"I don't speak Car and Driver." She was still obviously upset because her tone was far from pleasant.
I hadn't said anything to belittle her; I only answered her question. Apparently, she wanted something simpler. "It's a BMW," I offered, rolling my eyes and pulling out of the parking space while trying to avoid the mass of boys still looking longingly at Rosalie's automobile.
The only reply I got was a nod.
"Are you still angry?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. Mind reading wasn't necessary for this one.
"Definitely."
In my opinion, it was silly to be angry over something I had warned her about, but I couldn't stand the idea of her being angry with me. "Will you forgive me if I apologize?" I offered.
"Maybe…if you mean it. And if you promise not to do it again."
Never do it again? Was she insane? How could I promise to never again listen in on her life? That would only leave her open to more accidents than I could even imagine. It was out of the question. I would simply have to change the conditions.
"How about if I mean it, and I agree to let you drive Saturday?" It pained me to make the offer, but at least I was giving her something she wanted in exchange for not making such a ridiculous promise.
She considered it for a moment, and then agreed. "Deal."
I turned to look at her intently. "Then I'm very sorry I upset you." Her breathing hitched and I heard her heartbeat pulse erratically. She obviously believed me. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning," I added with a playful grin.
"Um, it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."
I very nearly rolled my eyes at her, but I held my smile. "I wasn't intending to bring a car." Sooner or later she would stop thinking of me as a human.
"How–"
"Don't worry about it," I interrupted her. "I'll be there, no car." Today wasn't the day to explain everything.
"Is it later yet?" she asked pointedly.
Or maybe it was the day. Did she have to learn all the gory details in one day? "I suppose it is later."
She sat quietly and waited for me to continue. I knew what she wanted. At lunch I had promised her that I would tell her exactly why she couldn't watch me as I hunted. It seemed pointless to me because of how obvious the answer was, but it wasn't obvious to Bella. Naturally, her sense of self-preservation was completely null and void.
I stopped the car behind her truck and looked over at her, trying to decide just how ready she was to hear the whole truth. I'd already decided to tell it to her, I just wasn't expecting to do it today. I thoroughly enjoyed this euphoric feeling of being in love and wasn't quite ready to end it just yet, for I was worried that once she knew everything she would run away in terror.
But then she turned her eyes to meet mine and whatever I was worried about seemed to fade. Her eyes looked on me with such gentleness. I could refuse her nothing.
"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" It was almost comical that I would have to explain this to her. The predator telling the prey how he hunted.
"Well," she refined, "I was mostly wondering about your reaction."
I wondered about her reaction to my reaction. "Did I frighten you?"
"No." She was a terrible liar.
"I apologize for scaring you," I expressed, in spite of her insistence that she wasn't scared. And then my mood shifted as I considered, yet again, what it would be like to have Bella near me while I was in my most natural state. "It was just the very thought of you being there…while we hunted." I could barely manage the words.
"That would be bad?"
Bad was an understatement. "Extremely."
"Because…?"
I dreaded admitting this to her — that I desired her blood over all others — but that was the answer to her question. If my senses were openly seeking blood, and my thirst was such that I would attack the closest and weakest creature around, I shuddered to think what I could do to Bella. Even though I was determined not to hurt her, I wasn't so foolish to realize how futile that would be if I were truly thirsty and in a hunting state of mind.
Yet I owed her an answer. Something that wouldn't scare her too terribly.
I inhaled deeply and looked up at the sky, for there was no way I could get through this while looking into her sweet eyes. "When we hunt," I started slowly, cautiously, "we give ourselves over to our senses…govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…" I couldn't finish the sentence. An image filled my mind of Bella screaming and running helplessly away from me as I chased her down. I shook it off and forced myself to turn my gaze back to her face and see the gentleness there, to focus on the purity and the love. I would never hurt her — could never hurt her. I would destroy myself before I allowed that to happen.
The familiar electric pulse I had experienced only a few hours ago returned in full force. It seemed impossible, but I was suddenly more aware of her than I had been all day. The deep chocolate of her eyes pulled me in, captivating me. Her breathing had all but stopped as she gazed back at me. The gentle separation between her full lips allowed me a glimpse of her tongue and I couldn't help but wonder what she would taste like. The soft blush on her skin served as a reminder of her humanity. Her blood was pounding in her veins, hard and strong, calling me to her. How tempting she was, and in more ways than one. My thirst roared to life.
She drew in a long, ragged breath, breaking up the electric connection enough for me to regain my own sanity. I knew in that moment that I was in too deep. I had to leave her before my lust for her blood…for her body, overwhelmed me. I'd never felt this sort of desire before and I wasn't sure how well I could maintain a distance from her or how long I could refrain from touching her.
I closed my eyes and forced my voice to say, "Bella, I think you should go inside now."
The sound of her door opening and the rush of fresh air that filled the car was a welcome distraction. She stepped out of the car and the door shut behind her. I didn't want her to leave thinking poorly of me, for I wasn't certain how she was feeling about the moment that had just passed between us. I couldn't tell if her inability to balance properly right now was because she had felt something similar to what I had felt or if that was just typical Bella.
I rolled down the automatic passenger side window and called to her, my voice sounding smoother than it had a moment earlier. "Oh, Bella?"
"Yes?" she turned to look at me.
"Tomorrow it's my turn."
"Your turn to what?"
I couldn't help the wide smile from forming. "Ask the questions."
I pulled the car away from her house before she could protest