Tricking Jess

Highway- Night

(Jess and Laura are in the back of a Officer Cooper's police car while a tow truck follows behind with Jess' car attached to the back.)

Police car- Interior

Jess: Come on the car is mine you've seen the registation!

Laura: Shut Up.

Jess: What did I do to you?

Laura: You got me arrested!

Jess: I told you the car is mine!

Cooper: You sound like a broken record player.

Laura and Jess: Shut Up.

Jess: (Looks over at Laura) What are you thinking about?

Laura: About how funny it would be to have a ball and chain at the wedding instead of rings.

Jess: (Laughs) And instead of throwing rice we could try to spoon our way out of the church.

Laura: (smiles and looks down at her ring)

(The car stops on the street across from Luke's Diner and Jess, Laura and Police officer Cooper got out of the car.)

Stars Hollow- Night

(Tow truck attendant begins lowering Jess' car to the pavement. Then Luke comes out of the Diner)

Cooper: Where do you want it?

Luke: Right there's fine.

Jess: This isn't wasn't my idea.

Laura: I'll second that.

Cooper: You'll take care of the registration?

(Officer Cooper gets in his squad car.)

Luke: Yeah, thanks Coop.

Jess (sarcastic) Yeah, thanks Coop.

Cooper: See ya Luke.

(Cooper gets in his squad car and drives off)

Laura: You must be Luke, (looks at Jess and Luke) well you two probably need to talk. Luke where's the bathroom?

Luke: Upstairs, you can't miss it.

(Laura walks between Jess and Luke opens the door, walks into the diner and heads upstairs.)

Luke: So you got anything you wanna say?

Jess: You could have washed it once in a while?

Luke: Okay, fine the car is yours, our business here is done, hasta la vista, have a nice life. (starts to leave)

Jess: Our business here is not done. My car is wrecked because of you.

Luke: Oh yeah?

Jess: Three of the tires are leaking, its got no oil, the floats in the carburetor are probably cracked so it's back-firing like mad, I mean, people were ducking when I was driving by. Then it stalled and wouldn't start.You're paying for the repairs.

Luke: Oh, don't make me laugh.

Jess: It's broken because of you.

Luke: That thing was a piece of junk to begin with, the paint is the only thing holding it together.

Jess: And the expired registration? I'm gonna have to pay a fine.

Luke: So, I guess it didn't work out with your dad, huh?

Jess: It worked out fine.

Luke: So, what are you doing back East, buddy? Still searching?

Jess: Been traveling.

Luke: That how you met that girl.

Jess: Laura

Luke: Don't know what she sees in you other than multiple arrests.

Jess: Hilarious

Luke: Oh, that sister of mine, what a prize. What a prize.

Jess: What does she have to do with any of this?

Luke: I tell her about the car, she runs and tells you. That's what happened, right? Her claiming she had no contact.

Jess: Again, the car is mine. Liz was doing the right thing, that's what family does.

Luke: Family? What a joke coming from you.

Jess: Go clean your counters, I'm tired.

Luke: So, you staying in town?

Jess: I don't know of any twenty-four hour auto shops around here, do you?

Luke: Well, you're not staying with me.

Jess: It didn't cross my mind.

Luke: Get it fixed quick.

Jess: Believe me, no one wants it fixed faster than me.

Luke: You stay away from her while you're here.

Jess: Stay away from who?

Luke: You know who I mean.

Jess: Gee, you're so cryptic.

Luke: You've done all the damage there you're gonna, okay?

Jess: I'm here to get my car, then I'm gone. [walks away from Luke toward his stranded car

Luke: Where are you staying?

Jess: Backseat's as comfy as anywhere. Tell Laura I'm in the car.

Luke: Fine.

Luke's Diner

(As Jess gets in his car, Luke returns to his diner. Luke starts stacking chairs on the tables when Lorelai taps on the doors glass window and Luke approaches and opens it and Lorelai walks in. A few minutes later Laura begins walking down the stairs but stops the hear what their talking about)

Luke: Well his mom showed up -- for what reason I don't know -- I'm still waiting for that shoe to drop. I mention Jess' car and then - boom - there's Jess.

Lorelai: So the mystery woman from this morning? That's Liz?

Luke: In all her glory

Lorelai: Quite a day you've had.

Luke: Oh, it's been delightful. I think Bobby McFerrin's gonna write one of those happy boop-boopdy-doo songs of his about this. I mean, she lied to me about having contact with Jess, so she's lied about everything else.

Lorelai: But why is he sleeping in his car?

Luke: Because he's going to wait to have it fixed, it's a point of pride with the little punk. But please, don't tell Rory, he'll be gone tomorrow, no reason to upset her.

Lorelai: Well, she's already seen him.

Luke: I'm Sorry.

Lorelai: She's fine Luke. She's over it.

Luke: Well, he won't go near her, I'll make sure of that.

Lorelai: Again, I don't think it's necessary. She can fend for herself.

Luke: What a lie it all is!

Lorelai: All what is?

Luke: Families. I mean, they're just messes. It's like this - spilled drink that just keeps spilling, and ya gotta keep cleaning it up, and you scrub and you scrub and you just can't get the stain up! Show me a happy family - just one. Didn't that Tolstoy-guy say something about families?

Lorelai: Probably

Luke: It's a famous thing he said. It's like: "all families are unhappy" …or, or, or "happy on the surface"… or "unhappy in the same way"…

Lorelai: Sounds a little incomplete.

Luke: Well, y'know, maybe he couldn't complete the thought because he was dealing with his stinkin' family.

Lorelai: Do the Hallmark people know about you? 'Cause you're a natural.

Luke: (throws his hands up helplessly) I'm tired of cleaning up messes. I'm tired of helping people who do nothing to help themselves!

Lorelai: I'm sorry you're so upset. I just don't want you to have to deal with the frozen carcass in the morning

Luke: He'll be fine.

Lorelai: Okay. Try to get some rest, okay? Relax. Watch a little TV - no family shows…

Luke: (chuckles) Yeah, yeah… I'm going up now.

Lorelai: Bye.

(Lorelai Exits)

Laura immediately comes down the steps

Laura: Wow Jess really did a number on you didn't he?

Luke: (startled) How much of that did you hear?

Laura: Basically all of it. So who were you talking to.

Luke: Lorelai Gilmore

Laura: (sit down on the counter) Ah, Rory's mother.

Luke: How did you know that?

Laura: Jess told me everything about this town. And everyone from taylor to kirk.

Luke: Really? Jess really isn't all that chatty

Laura: Yeah well I know Jess. I might not know anything else in this world but Jess is easy.

Luke: (Laughs) I wish I had that knowledge.

Laura: It can all be yours for the low, low price of $19.95

Luke: (Remembering) Jess wants you to go to the car.

Laura: I do not want to sleep in that car.

Luke: I don't blame you

Laura: I'll make you a deal you trick him into stay here I'll give you a crash course in Jess.

Luke: Deal

Stars Hollow Exterior

[Luke approaches Jess' stranded car and pounds loudly on the window.

Jess: (muffled inside as Luke continues pounding on the glass) Go away. (Eventually Jess impatiently rises and rolls down the window.) What?

Luke: I'm spending the night with Nicole.

Jess: Thanks for the update.

Luke: The hidden key is still in the same place. Now, you can stay out here and freeze to death if you want or you can go inside, I don't really give a damn, it makes no difference to me. (walks off without waiting for an answer)

Jess: Fine. (rolls his window up)

(Luke gets in his green pickup truck and drives off around a corner. After a pause, the door of Jess' car opens and he gets out heading straight for the diner. Luke quietly rolls around the block corner to secretly watch Jess' progress. Jess neatly finds the hidden key and enters the diner. Luke sighs and drives off.)

Luke's Diner

Jess walks up the stairs and lays on his old bed then Laura layed down next to him and put her hands around his waist,