Sequel to previous chapter, Didn't We Almost Have It All?
Do You Regret What We Did?
Coach/Tami/Julie/Smash/Matt, Different parts of Season 2, PG13, 880 words, Title from Damages
Coach lies on the couch of his new apartment in Austin in his TMU gear, not getting as much sleep as he'd like (he can't sleep on that bed and he can't wear sleep clothes because it brings too much pain). It's 5 am and he tells himself he has to do it today. He has to tell them that he's done today. He has to go back and fix all the mistakes he's made. Leaving Tami to take care of Gracie all by herself, as Julie goes on and does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. His family is falling apart. He did this for them. He took this job so they could better lives. When it did the exact opposite. Even his team is falling apart without him. He watched as Matt and Smash went at it, as their new coach did nothing. Coach wants to throw up. What has he done? What have his dreams done?
Coach tries his hardest to fall asleep, but the regret of even being on this couch in the first place feels like a brick inside his stomach.
--
Tami changes Gracie's diaper on her bed, hearing the sound of Julie coming inside the house, slamming the door in the process. Then all she hears is footsteps. And it brings Tami to tears. Everything brings Tami Taylor to tears these days. How could she let this happen? Why did she tell her husband no? Why didn't she bother trying to fight for him to stay in Dillon? Why did she go into such rage that she had to slap her daughter across the face?
She wants to pick up that phone. Tell Eric to come home. Tell him everything she's wanted to say but couldn't get the courage to actually say it. She wants to tell Julie that she's sorry for what she did. Sorry for being the reason why her family is completely broken. But she can't. Because Julie won't listen to her. She can't call her husband either. She has to be strong. For this family, for Gracie, for herself.
She goes to bed that night, regretting never picking up that phone. She'll feel the same thing tomorrow night. And the night after that. And the night after that.
--
Julie sits in the cafeteria with Tyra that afternoon. Tyra's talking about this or that, Julie isn't exactly sure because her full attention is towards Matt. Who's sitting a few tables away with Landry. His head's lying on the table. She can't tell if he looks sick, or if he's crying, or anything, because Landry is right there next to him, completely blocking her view. But she knows what's going on. And she knows it's all her fault. If she would of never taken that job at the pool, if she would of just told him 'yes', or would have been there when he needed her to be, she wouldn't be wondering what was wrong, she'd be there next to him saying everything was going to be alright.
Julie looks down at her food and doesn't feel hungry anymore. All she feels is regret.
--
Smash stands in the empty locker room and can't help but let his emotions overcome him. He can't believe this is happening. Can't believe he let some prick get to him. Now everything is gone. His entire future. Gone. Just like that. He has no game plan, has no idea what to do now. He's worried all this time that an injury would ruin everything. He never expected this. Maybe he should have.
He just prays that the team can get to the playoffs. So he can show TMU what kind of man he is. So he can show everyone just what kind of man he is. And maybe, just maybe, he can get a second chance. He deserves a second chance.
But for right now, all he wants to show is his regret in this empty locker room.
--
Matt lets the water rain down on him from above, his drenched clothes sticking to his body. Coach is outside in the living room, giving Matt some time to himself. His body shivers, and the tears are still rolling down his face, though not as bad as before.
Why? Why must he always make mistakes? They always cost him in the end. He can never do anything right. He always screws up. Screws up at practice. Screws up at work. Screws up in his relationships. Screws up at taking care of his grandmother. He's a failure. It's no wonder people can't stand being around him. It's no wonder that they'd rather with better people, at better jobs, or facing death every day in a foreign country. Every bad thing that's ever happened in his life was his own fault.
His body is numb now. He can't feel the water anymore. All he feels is regret. Regret for driving his parents away, regret for never fighting for Julie when the Swede came along, regret for becoming attached to Carlotta, regret for giving Coach a reason to take the job at TMU, and regret for just never being good enough.
He feels the tears coming down his face again. This is going to be a long night.