Tales of Insanity
Chapter 3: Headbands and Stupidities
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize here.
Why You Should Wear Red Headbands by Cless Alvein
1. With red headbands, you can use it as a bandage and no one will notice how much you're bleeding.
2. If you're in a desert, red headbands can keep the sweat out of your eyes so you can see. Vision is everything.
3. Red headbands can keep the hair out of your eyes. Vision is everything!
4. Red is a nice color that can match with other bright colors.
5. If you use a fiery, red sword, a red headband can help you match it.
6. Red headbands rock!
Reviews for Why You Should Wear Red Headbands:
Chester: It sucks. Who here besides you, Cless, will have a fiery, red sword? Tying your hair back will keep it from going into your eyes anyways. And reason 6 doesn't count.
Mint: Why would you want to hide how much you are bleeding?
Arche: Will you buy me a red headband for Christmas, Cless? –heart-
Klarth: Personally, I prefer hats.
Suzu: Indeed. Red is a nice color that can match with other bright colors.
Chester walked outside. "I am a rebel! Nobody can tell me what to do!" he declared.
Arche was trying to get her broomstick loose from a tree. "Chester, can you help me with this?"
"Never!"
Mint waved over to Chester. "Chester, can you go get an apple gel for me please?" she called out.
"Do it yourself!"
Cless managed to cut himself while practicing his sword fighting. "Chester! Help me here! I'm bleeding!"
"No!"
Chester ran up to Cless's house and found the door locked. "Cless! Cless!" He called out while pounding the door. "The basilisks have taken it upon themselves to get the recipe for Curry at Olive Village! They just attacked the Wonder Chef!"
"I never did like the Wonder Chef," Cless's muffled voice said from the other side of the door. "And where is this Wonderful World of Flavors they speak of?"
"How could you not like the Wonder Chef? After all he's ever done for you! No excuses! Now go save him! Go be a hero!"
"I'm tired of being a hero. I'm calling in sick."
"What did I say about no excuses? And you used up all of your sick days already!"
"I'm calling in dead then."
"Ugh!" Chester slapped a hand over his forehead.
Chester was giving Cless a pep talk. "A hero is what you do best, Cless. So, go save Olive Village!"
"Okay! It's hero time!" Cless ran out and was promptly petrified by a Basilisk.
Arche looked at Mint. "Do we have anything to heal petrifaction?"
Mint sighed. "No…and Chester didn't buy any groceries for us last time, so we have no food…and I ran out of TP already.
Sighing also, Arche turned to Chester. "Chester, you're carrying Cless until we reach Olive Village again."
Chester looked aghast at the idea. "What? Why me?"
Arche jabbed a finger at him. "You were the one who convinced Cless to be a hero again. You didn't buy us any food either! Do you have no honor? No shame?"
Chester rolled his eyes. "Yes, Arche, let your stomach make decisions for you, geez."
"Muwhahahaha!" Chester cackled. "The pieces are slowly falling into place…" He rubbed his hands together gleefully.
Arche stuck her head into the room where Chester was sitting in. "What are you doing, Chester?"
Chester looked at his nearly completed jigsaw puzzle he was working on. "Umm…"
"I'm so hungry." Arche moaned as they stopped to make camp.
"All I have is a piece of cheese I found in the Catacombs," Cless answered. He looked in his sack. "Hey! Where's my cheese?"
"I stole your cheese because I was hungry and now I have a stomach-ache."
Cless glared at Chester. "That could have been my stomach-ache!"
Arche started jumping up and down, her hunger forgotten. "Guess what?"
"Do you finally have a friend?" Chester asked.
"No…I mean yes! I mean…" Arche sat down, looking confused.
Cless sighed. "Never mind him. What did you find out?"
Arche brightened. "Did you know that it's impossible to lick your elbows?"
Silence, and then Chester and Cless tried to lick their elbows.
Klarth looked at them for a moment. "…I'm surrounded by morons…" he muttered.
"What am I then, Klarth? Your next-door neighbor?" Mint asked, trying to heal Chester. He had tried to lick his elbow and had just dislocated his arm instead.