A/N: This chapter probably contains my favourite scene! Because I'm that sad and get attached to my stories... But hey-ho!

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight,

You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night.

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might…

Two days till Christmas and she was already pining for the New Year. That felt terrible, especially considering precisely what was going to happen after the festivities. Yet she could hardly stand Doug looking at her now; he always seemed as if he wanted to start a discussion between them but he could never manage it. That left her walking around on eggshells and, unfortunately, it was starting to come to the attention of the girls. She hated that, and she loathed even more the way Liam appeared about it all: he was watching everything with a cool eye. He was resigned to what was going to happen, more so than Doug by the look of it. If she was sure of anything, it was that he didn't deserve the knowledge that he had. He was also refusing to see Liz because, Nikki presumed, she wouldn't stop talking about what was going on. Liz had always been persistent but the way she was practically torturing Liam with that was past despicable. Any respect Nikki had left for her, especially in regard to the boys, was quickly disappearing. She wanted to talk to Liam, honestly and openly, like the adult he was becoming, and tell him… Well, explain that it wasn't his fault. That's what Liz had failed to do for him. It turned out she was as cowardly as Liz was though, because she couldn't do it. Each time she saw him she just pretended things were hunky-dory; not believing it anymore than he did.

Diane was leaving on Christmas Eve and returning on Boxing Day. With that in mind, Nikki arranged to disappear for the afternoon and evening of the 23rd. Doug knew where she was going- she was aware of that- but he didn't draw attention to it so she didn't either. She was just relieved to get there.

Of course, it had to eventually come to an end, and that was the main problem. She was clock-watching, more now than when Doug had been completely in the dark about where she was. Diane noticed, and actually dealt with it quite well. She also tried to distract her from it constantly, and it almost worked as well. That was why, lounging in a dressing gown of Diane's next to her lover on the sofa, she was finding it increasingly difficult to drag herself away.

'I doubt he'll notice if I am there.'

'Yes, he will,' Nikki objected, shaking her head. 'Or he won't if you go with that attitude.'

'That's me told is it?' Diane questioned with a badly-suppressed smile.

'Should be.'

'You think you know everything, don't you?'

'I'm not half bad, if I do say so myself,' she replied.

'Okay, it's Christmas, so you're getting away with that one.'

Nikki leaned forward and kissed her. 'What was that?'

Diane laughed. 'You heard.'

Once again, her gaze slipped over to the clock on the wall. 'It's getting late. Perhaps I should…'

Her lover grasped for her arm when she began to move. 'Don't.'

'I have to.'

'Stay.'

'Oh, Di, I can't.'

'Why not?' Diane persisted. 'I mean, think about it. The girls'll be in bed by the time you get back and you can get there before they wake up tomorrow. I need to be off sharpish in the morning anyway so it'd work out fine.'

The argument was so tempting yet… 'I don't want to rock the boat.'

'It wasn't exactly the boat I was planning on rocking.'

She found herself smiling. 'You know how to make it difficult, don't you?'

'Come on! It's an irresistible offer.'

'You deflate your ego and I might think about it,' she said jokingly.

Diane answered by way of a long and lingering kiss. 'Stay.'

After a moment, she sighed. 'I'd have to call Doug.'

'Well, he doesn't own you, Nikki.'

'It's not that simple, and you know it.'

'For tonight it's that simple.'

'Face the music tomorrow, is that it?'

Diane shrugged. 'He won't ruin Christmas. The kids, remember?'

That was true enough, and that been part of her justification for coming round today anyway. She was sure he wouldn't deliberately cause a scene in front of the kids, and if she could avoid being alone with him… 'Alright,' she said, standing and going to retrieve her phone from the kitchen. She felt Diane begin to follow her then she evidently changed her mind and went back into the living room. Partly relieved- because she didn't want to talk to her husband with her lover standing right next to her- she closed the door and dialled the home number.

'Hello?'

'Hi, Doug, it's me.'

She almost heard him stiffen, as bizarre a concept as that was. 'Hi. I thought you'd be home by now.'

'Yeah… Look, about that… I was thinking I'd come home in the morning. I mean, the girls are asleep, aren't they?'

'Yes. They're asleep.'

She grimaced at his controlled tone. 'And I'll be back before they wake up.'

'You will?'

'Yep. Course.'

'Fine,' he replied shortly before hanging up.

She looked at the phone for a few seconds before putting it back on the counter. There would be some repercussions when she got back; she knew that. Doug might not bring it up immediately, or even for a couple of days, but it'd tease its way into one of their arguments and it might affect the plans she'd been forming in her head.

Still, worrying was for the morning, wasn't it. Right now, she had…

'Ah-hem.'

The noise drew her gaze towards the doorway and she let out her breath in one quick motion. 'Hello.'

Diane approached her, allowing the steps to reveal just how short the skimpy red nightgown was. 'What are you staring at?'

'Um… I…' She shook her head. 'I'm not sure.'

'I find that hard to believe.'

She murmured an assent of happiness as Diane swept back her hair and kissed her neck before settling behind her, arm wrapped around her waist. Searching under the covers, Nikki found the hand and kissed it before closing her eyes. 'I think I made the right decision,' she muttered finally with a contented sigh.

Diane laughed richly. 'Course you did.'

'You're very sure of yourself, PC Noble.'

'Why, haven't I got reason to be?'

Before she could answer that there was a loud knocking on the front door of the flat. She groaned. 'If the place is on fire, tell them to go away.'

'Probably someone wanting to borrow a cup of sugar or something,' Diane answered, slipping out of bed. 'I'd leave it but I wouldn't kid myself they'd take the hint.'

'Don't be long,' Nikki answered, burying her head back down into her pillow as Diane pulled the door to.

She vaguely heard the front door open and then, 'How did you get in here?'

'Your front door's broken, didn't you know?'

Sitting up suddenly at the sound of Doug's voice, she half-thought about trying to hide but that would be rather ridiculous considering her clothes were strewn over the living room along with her bag and coat being out there somewhere. She just had to pray…

That didn't work either, as the bedroom door burst open and Doug strode in with Diane angrily on his heels. 'Just what do you think you're doing? Get out!'

'I'm here to collect my wife.'

With just a thin duvet covering her she felt very exposed. The look in his eye was worrying; it was pure anger, the like of which she'd only seen when she confessed Liam's knowledge of her affair. Diane was by the door, seemingly uncertain over what to do.

Doug surveyed her then crossed his arms and said tremulously, 'Come on.'

'She's not going anywhere, Doug,' Diane said quietly.

'You be quiet, you hear me?' He gazed steadily at her. 'Come on.'

Finally, she regained her voice, although it was shaking. 'What are you doing here?'

'Rebecca's not well,' he answered. 'She wants her mum.'

She saw Diane close her eyes briefly at that. For a moment she wondered what was going through her mind then she noticed the distasteful smile glistening on her lover's lips and she got it. 'What's wrong with her?'

'It's a fever.'

'Right.'

Doug seemed to lose his thread as he glanced around the room. He was probably picturing the past few months; and she felt more self-conscious than ever trapped in the bed. She didn't want to move though. Her clothes were scattered all over the flat and…

'Are you happy now?' Doug said eventually, directing his glare at Diane. 'Look! You managed it!'

Diane was most defiant under pressure and this time was no exception. 'Yeah, I did. And you've got no right to come in here and…'

'She's my wife!'

'In name! It takes a lot more than that to make a marriage, Doug, or didn't you know?'

Nikki winced as she watched her husband's fist clench and then unclench. 'Oh, is that what she's told you?'

She inwardly grimaced and tried to catch Diane's eye but the constable was looking directly at Doug. 'You're talking rubbish.'

'Am I?' he questioned with a strangled laugh. 'Am I really? You see, the other day we got fairly close. You know, like a man and wife should do.'

Diane shook her head and smiled grimly. 'I trust her, Doug.'

'Well, you shouldn't!'

'No, I should,' she argued. 'Because I love her and she loves me. So I trust her, it's as simple as that.'

'I thought it was that simple. Turns out it wasn't.'

Nikki was about to remind them that she was still actually in the room when she was suddenly struck by the lack of doubt on Diane's face. If she was in Diane's shoes, if that man hadn't turned out to be her brother and she'd been told by him that something had gone on, would she be able to show that level of faith? She didn't know.

'Look,' Diane said finally. 'I know that you don't wanna accept this but you'll have to at some point. We…'

'Don't say that word like you have the right to,' he interrupted warningly.

'Why are you really here, Doug? Hmm? Rebecca's not ill, is she?'

He snorted. 'You think I'd lie about that? I'm not like you, PC Noble. I can't stand and tell a barefaced lie.'

'Oh, you can't? That's funny, because I don't remember you mentioning the fact that I told you I was sleeping with your wife.'

He stepped forward then gathered himself and took a few paces back. 'I thought you were lying.'

'No. You didn't.'

After a tense moment he moved to the bed and yanked back the covers. 'Get up.'

Diane was between them in an instant. 'Get your hands off her, you hear me?'

Nikki took his hesitation as an opportunity to cover herself up again. 'Doug, please…'

'Please what?' he said, reaching again for the duvet. Diane knocked his arm out of the way.

'Keep the hell away from her, alright?'

'What? You think I've never seen that before?'

Diane's lips thinned. 'You've said your piece. Now get out of my flat.'

'Not without my wife. You see, my daughter is at home crying for her mother. Unlike you, I actually give a damn about my kids.'

Nikki could see that stung her lover and it made her blood boil as well. Doug had no right to talk about Robert. As Diane slumped backwards a little, she questioned, 'So who's watching Rebecca?'

'Andrew,' he replied.

'Really? Right. Only,' she went on after a second, 'you know how he teases her. You wouldn't leave her with him if she was ill.'

He crossed his arms. 'She was asking for you!'

'So why didn't you call me, eh? You knew I'd answer, I wouldn't ignore it when there could be something wrong.'

'I thought you might be… distracted.'

She shook her head. 'Rebecca's fine. You're lying, Doug.'

'No, I'm not.'

'Yes! Yes, you are.' She looked to Diane, who still seemed slightly battered. 'I'd like you to leave now. I'll be home in the morning, just like I said I would be.'

'What, after a nice cosy night here with her? You think I could sit at home and think about you and her… You're my wife!'

'But I'm not! Not really, not anymore. Go home, Doug.'

'Come with me,' he retorted pleadingly. 'This is your last chance. I leave here without you and it's final. Finished.'

'I know,' she said softly.

Without another word he turned on his heel, slamming the front door behind him. Diane sighed and perched on the edge of the bed. 'I'm sorry.'

Nikki shook her head and then shuffled down the bed and wrapped her arm around her lover's waist, resting her chin on her shoulder. 'I'm the one who should be apologising.'

'No, I persuaded you…'

'It didn't take much,' she countered, bringing her hand up to Diane's cheek and running her finger down it before turning her face and looking into her eyes. 'Still glad I stayed?'

Diane smiled. 'What do you think?'

Kissing her, Nikki then exhaled. 'You're getting out of London, you're the lucky one.'

'Well, depends which way you look at it. Part of me wishes I was staying.'

'Don't listen to him,' she warned. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about.'

'Doesn't he?'

'No,' she insisted, rubbing the back of Diane's neck. 'He doesn't.'

Diane eventually nodded and brought her legs onto the bed as she turned to face her. 'So when I get back, things are gonna be different?'

'Looks like,' she said as steadily as possible.

'Are you okay with that?'

'I think so,' she said honestly. 'I wanna be. Diane?' she added hesitantly. 'Thank you.'

'What for?'

'For trusting me. I thought he might…'

Diane halted her by capturing her lips within her own. 'Not a chance. You're stuck with me now, whether you like it not.'

It was with a great amount of reluctance that she left Diane's flat the next morning. More than once she thought about putting it off, but not being there before the girls woke would just add more fuel to Doug's fire. Besides, Diane had to be leaving herself.

'I'll call you,' her lover promised as she plonked the bag on the back seat of the car and rested her arm on the door.

'No, I'd better call you,' Nikki answered with an apologetic shrug. 'But send me a text, let me know you got there alright.'

Diane nodded. 'No problem. I'd say good luck but…'

'I think I need a miracle,' she replied.

'Failing that…' Diane kissed her briefly. 'Don't let me come back and find you moving away with your happy family, okay?'

'You're only gone two days!'

'Yeah, I know,' Diane replied, crossing her arms and arching an eyebrow.

Walking into the house just after eight she found it quiet: no murmured arguments coming from upstairs or even television sounds from the living room. It was only when she went into the kitchen that she realised she wasn't the only person awake. Doug was sat at the kitchen table staring into a coffee cup. He must have heard her entrance but he didn't acknowledge it.

Nikki moved to put the kettle on, before bracing herself and looking back to her husband. 'Kids not up yet?'

'Nope. You're safe,' he said softly.

'Doug, we do need to talk at some point.'

'How about Boxing Day?' he answered, finally looking up with evident bitterness. 'Seems apt, doesn't it?'

She winced at his tone but nodded. 'So as long as it doesn't affect the kids tomorrow. They're the important ones.'

'Now, you know that isn't true, Nikki. You wouldn't be leaving if it was.'

The kettle clicked off and she turned back to it. 'Do you want a coffee?'

'No.'

'Right.' Wracking her brains, she eventually said, 'I can finish the wrapping when the kids go to bed tonight.'

'Yeah, if you want. Don't put yourself out though.'

'Have you got any plans for today?'

After a long pause, he stood and drained his coffee down the sink. 'I just have to return a gift,' he said as he left the kitchen.

Nikki watched him go then tried to pull herself together as she heard noise upstairs. She wasn't going to make the kids feel anything less than perfect, that was her job and she was going to do it. Whatever it took.

The evening was quite pleasant, under the circumstances. For once, Andy had even deigned to join them, though he did spend most of the night teasing his sisters like crazy. The girls wouldn't have it any other way, however, and Nikki got the distinct feeling that Andy enjoyed family occasions far more than he pretended to sometimes. Doug wasn't the life and soul of the party but he was trying to make the effort, something Nikki was infinitely grateful for. Liam was probably the weakest member of the group, sat on the floor with his head resting against the wall, but then again he was too aware of what was really going on. No matter what she did she wasn't going to make this Christmas a happy one for him, and that was completely her fault. She didn't need Doug to tell her that.

At one point Liam disappeared into the kitchen to get another drink and, leaving Daisy mildly arguing with her eldest brother about fish of all things, Nikki followed him. Closing the door, she asked, 'Are you alright?'

He poured his drink then turned back to her and shrugged. 'What's going on with you and Dad?'

'That's not important now, Liam.'

He sighed. 'Right, so you are splitting up.'

'Let's hold it together over Christmas, eh?' she answered, evading the issue. 'You spoken to your mum about Boxing Day?'

'Yeah. Andy wasn't going to come but… Dad talked him round.'

'It'll be alright. Your mum knows as well as I do that it's not the time for grudges or anything stupid like that.'

Liam snorted. 'You're joking, right?'

After a moment she held out her hand. 'Come on. Your Dad'll want you in there.'

Reluctantly, he nodded and moved forward. 'Nikki?'

'What?'

'I'm sorry. About Greg Clarke and…'

'Oi,' she said, looking him straight in the eye. 'You don't blame yourself for any of this, alright? It is not your fault, whatever you think and whatever people say. Listen to me, Liam, okay?' She pulled him into a hug to prevent him seeing the anger currently resting on her face. She knew exactly where that idea had stemmed from and she currently wanted to give Liz a piece of her mind. Something else which would have to wait.

Liam tried his best, bless him, to put on a happy face. He actually began to make a better job of it than Doug, and the girls seemed completely oblivious to the tension around them. Andy wasn't as blind though, however he wasn't the type to stick his nose in and just kept spirits high.

It took a while to get the girls to settle down, it finally took threats of the tree and all the presents under it disappearing before they agreed to stay in their room. Andy stayed up and had a drink with his Dad in the kitchen while Liam excused himself as soon as possible. Nikki didn't blame him really; sometimes she wished she could just hide in her room until the next couple of months were done with. She didn't need Mystic Meg to predict a fair amount of trouble ahead. But she wasn't going to think about it. Wrapping was proving to be taxing enough.

Plopping the last gift under the tree about an hour later, she was fairly pleased with herself. At least they all looked relatively respectable and, since the paper would be viciously ripped off twelve hours later, it didn't really matter if they weren't absolutely perfect. She went to sit on the sofa and watched the flashing tree lights for a couple of minutes. They were rather hypnotic.

It was only when a glass appeared in front of her eyes that she registered she was no longer alone. Part of her was apprehensive as she looked up at Doug but his face was clear. Taking the glass, she waited until he sat down beside her. 'Merry Christmas.'

He clinked their glasses together. 'Merry Christmas.'

'That one's mine!'

Having dressed as soon as she heard footsteps thudding down the stairs, Nikki was only a couple of minutes behind the girls but it was seemingly enough time for the living room to be transformed into a bomb site. Doug was slouched in the armchair in his dressing gown watching the battle between his daughters with a small grin. Stepping further into the room, Nikki commanded, 'Give it a rest, you two!'

'But that's mine!' Daisy protested.

'No, there's one identical to that still under there with your name on it, have a look.'

As her daughter scrambled to do so, Nikki looked to Doug. 'Coffee?'

'Please, yeah.'

His demeanour was completely normal, she was quite impressed. Though how long they'd remain amicable when lunchtime drew closer was still up for debate- they'd never managed to serve up the turkey without a disagreement and she doubted this year would be any different.

Taking their coffees back into the living room, she passed him his then made space for herself on the sofa amidst all the remnants of paper and watched the girls unwrapping and then examining their presents. About half an hour later, Liam came down and joined them, though he didn't exactly rush for his presents. He made his own space next to her on the sofa and just sat and watched for a bit. Until, that is, Rebecca began to open one of his presents. Nikki glanced over to Doug and he smiled softly back at her.

'Take some more sprouts.'

'I don't want anymore,' Daisy answered with a sweet grin.

'You've got one,' her father argued, piling a few more onto her plate much to her dismay. 'That doesn't count.'

'They taste like…'

'Daisy,' Nikki warned quickly, turning from her stirring of the gravy. 'Do as your dad says.'

'I won't eat them.'

'Then you won't get any pudding,' she answered, glancing back as the gravy started bubbling in the pan. 'Ready. Someone pass me that gravy boat please.'

Liam was first off the mark. 'There you go.'

'Cheers. How's that carving coming?'

'Oh, he's playing with it again, like last year,' Andy answered.

'This is an art,' Doug contested, shaking his head as his Santa hat slipped over his eyes. 'Um… A little help here?'

Putting the gravy boat delicately on the table, Nikki went over and lifted it up with a grin. 'You're a right case.'

'Takes one to know one,' he replied baitingly.

'Don't be mean, Dad,' Rebecca put in.

'She was mean to me first!'

'Well, it's only mean if it's wrong, Dad,' Andy said, smiling as his father threw him a glare. 'What?'

As everyone gathered around the telly mid-afternoon to watch some horrific festive movie, Nikki slipped upstairs. She knew that Diane was going to turn her phone on when dinner was over so when it began ringing she didn't worry about interrupting anything.

'About time,' Diane said by way of answer.

'You think I'd forgotten all about you?' Nikki asked teasingly, making sure the bedroom door was closed firmly behind her.

'Mmm, something like that. Merry Christmas.'

'Merry Christmas,' she replied. 'How's it going?'

'Not as bad as you'd think actually,' Diane said evenly. 'No arguments. Think that's a world first.'

'How's Robert?'

'Well, we're doing okay. What about you?'

'The same. Doug's making the best of it that he can. It's fine.'

'Ah. So you don't miss me at all?'

'I definitely didn't say that. I'm just…' She sighed. 'I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, I suppose.'

'It'll be alright,' Diane answered. 'And I'll be back around eight if you need me, okay?'

'I might take you up on that.'

'I'd be upset if you didn't.'

'We'll be off then,' Doug said, popping his head round the kitchen door. 'You okay with the washing up?'

'It's nearly done,' she answered, wiping her hands on the tea towel and turning to him. 'Go in with the boys. I don't…'

'Yeah, I will, don't worry,' he answered. 'And we won't be more than an hour at my parents.'

'Well, I'll see you when you get back.'

Hearing the chatter in the hallway evaporate, Nikki let out the breath she'd been holding for what felt like most of the day. She'd done what she set out to though: the girls had enjoyed their day, that was all she'd wanted. At least when things changed now they'd have that memory.

After finishing the washing-up she thought about settling down in the living room but she was a little too on edge to do that. It wasn't as cold outside as had been forecasted so she bundled up, locked the house and set off aimlessly walking.

She was leaning on the railings down by the river when she heard the familiar voice. 'I thought I was the only one who took long walks on Christmas Day.'

Turning, she smiled as Jo Masters approached and rested her own arms on the railings beside her. 'Nope. You're not. Should I wish you a Happy Christmas or am I best not mentioning it?'

'Depends if you wanted chucking in the river or not,' Jo answered with a wide smile.

Nikki laughed and looked back down into the depths of the river. 'I needed to get out of the house. Doug took the kids to their grandparents.'

'And it was the only time you managed to breathe all day?'

'Yeah, how'd you guess?'

'Call it a hunch. You fancy a drink?' Jo questioned suddenly. 'Pub down the road's open. Sitting in there beats standing out here surely.'

'It does have charms, you know,' she answered, falling into step with the detective. 'Can't think of any at the moment though.'

When they were settled in the pub- which was considerably warmer, though it was playing festive music on a loop- Nikki asked, 'Have you been on your own today?'

Jo shook her head. 'Went round to a cousin's for lunch. Two screaming kids and a turkey that wasn't cooked through. I made a quick exit.'

'Shame,' Nikki commented. 'You could've helped referee.'

'Mmm. I miss out on all the fun.' Jo raised her glass. 'Cheers.'

'Cheers.'

'So,' her friend went on after a minute, 'Diane's not spending Christmas in London?'

'No, she's with her son and her ex.'

'It's good that they can spend it together, you know without ripping each other's heads off.'

'Yeah,' Nikki answered wryly. 'Dread to think what next year's gonna be like.'

'You and Doug…' Jo said carefully. 'It is over?'

'Yep,' she admitted. 'My choice. I think he would've forgiven me but…'

'You don't have to explain, not to me. Just so long as you're doing the right thing for you and not…'

'She's not pushing me,' Nikki interrupted. 'This is what I want.'

'Alright. Just make sure it is,' Jo answered. 'How was today then?'

'Not as bad as I thought. It was normal. I didn't want the girls noticing anything but… No, I think we did okay. It's the New Year I'm worried about.'

'Well, far be it from me to stick my nose in but… Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, the last time we spoke you said couldn't forgive her for what she'd done; for lying to you. What changed?'

'I don't know,' she said hesitantly. 'She offered me a way out. She said that if I could just say, to her face, that I didn't feel anything for her, she'd sort it all out. And I couldn't do it so…'

'And you trust her?' questioned Jo. 'Completely?'

'I think so. We're getting there.'

'That's good.'

'You don't look convinced,' Nikki observed, taking a sip of her drink.

'No, I'm…' The detective shrugged. 'Look, I know how she feels about you and I reckon you feel about the same. But none of that means it's gonna be easy.'

'I know that,' she said quietly. 'But, Jo, there was no way I could stay with Doug, stay with the family, when I was lying to everyone, including myself, about how I felt. That wouldn't have made things better. Especially not for the kids.'

'What's happening with them?'

'We haven't discussed it. I'm hoping for joint custody. I don't know if he'll argue or not. At the end of the day, the job gets in the way. Neither of us can cope full-time.'

'And you're okay with not having them permanently? It's a massive change.'

'I'm actually trying not to think about that,' she admitted. 'I'll lose my bottle.'

'Fair enough.' Jo nodded to her empty glass. 'You want another one?'

'No, I should get back. Thanks though.'

'Anytime. Better than walking along the river on my own anyway.'

'Can't argue with that.'

As she walked home Nikki found her mind drifting over some of the points her conversation with Jo had raised. It wasn't anything she didn't already have at the back of her mind, but she'd been keeping it there in order to keep herself calm. If Doug did contest equal custody… Well, joint was going to be bad enough, for both her and the girls. It'd take a lot for the whole thing not to fall apart at the seams, and that was if Doug decided to cooperate. That was an issue: she had no idea whether he would or not. There were two Dougs floating around at the moment- the one who had barged into Diane's bedroom and commanded her home, and the one who had sat silently beside her on Christmas Eve watching the lights twinkle on the Christmas tree. Who knew which one was going to appear when things suddenly got a lot tougher?

When she reached their street she saw the car pulling up outside the house. She didn't rush: there was no point.

The girls jumped out and ran down the street to meet her, showing off the new watches that Doug's parents had bought them. She smiled and guided them back down towards the front garden. Doug opened the front door and let them in before asking, 'Where have you been?'

'I went down to the river for a walk then I met someone from work, went for a drink.' When she saw his face cloud a little, she added, 'You remember Jo Masters? She was escaping the Christmas from hell by the sound of it.'

He nodded. 'Lucky we avoided that, eh?'

'There's no reason why we shouldn't always,' she answered, looking over the threshold as the girls bounded up the stairs. 'Is there?'

'Not at all,' he said, going into the house.

She followed him into the kitchen before asking, 'Were the boys okay?'

Doug turned back to face her. 'Liz was her usual charming self if that's what you're asking. I half didn't want to leave them. Andy said he'd call if there were any problems, he's got his head screwed on so they'll be alright.'

'They'll be fine,' she agreed. 'Your parents okay?'

'They asked about New Year,' he answered with a strained smile. 'I said we didn't know yet.'

'Right. Well, I'd better go up and check those two are actually going to bed and not just messing around.'

'Good luck with that,' he said, in a half attempt at light-heartedness. 'You didn't see them in the car.'

Nikki watched the kitchen door then, when it opened, hastily averted her eyes. Doug came in, closed the door behind himself then and took a seat opposite her at the table. 'They shouldn't disturb us, they're watching a film in their room.'

She nodded. 'Good.'

'Right.' Doug was silent for a long time. They both were. It needed some courage to begin and Nikki wasn't sure she could muster it. So it was left for Doug to finally break the deadlock. 'When did you make your mind up?'

'I don't know,' she answered with a weak shrug.

'You definitely have though?' There was resignation in his voice, though it was tinged with a little hope.

'It wouldn't work,' she said eventually with extreme difficulty. 'Not anymore.'

'You won't give her up then.'

'I can't.'

'No, you could,' he argued bitterly. 'But you don't want to. You'd rather break up your family, leave the girls crying and wondering what it was they did wrong and me…'

'Doug,' she cut in. 'Please.'

'The truth isn't pleasant, is it?' he replied, shaking his head. 'Yet you're still leaving so…'

'And if I stayed,' she said after a moment, 'we'd be fine, would we? You'd never forgive me, you'd certainly never forget what I've done. You really think that wouldn't affect the kids? We couldn't be happy, you know they'd pick up on it.'

'I could be happy! We both could! Whatever you… Whatever she…'

'I love her,' Nikki said quietly.

He frowned. 'More than you love your kids?'

'Of course not. They're the most important thing in the world to me, you know that.'

'Just more than you love me then.'

Standing, she went over to the window and looked out over the frosting garden. 'I'll always love you, Doug, but…'

'She's brainwashed you!'

'She's changed things, that's all! And it's done, so there's no point raking over it, trying to undo it when it can't be done.'

There was a lengthy silence. 'Where are you going? To her?'

'No, of course not. I was going to rent somewhere, a flat nearby.' She glanced over her shoulder to gauge his reaction as she continued, 'Room enough for the girls as well.'

As she'd expected, he stiffened. 'You're not taking them. You can't even be suggesting it.'

'Girls need their mother.'

'Then you stay here. Simple. They're not going anywhere.'

Sighing, Nikki looked back out of the window. 'You can't keep them from me. You know very well that if I went to court I'd get custody. But I don't want to do that. And they need you as much as they need me.'

'So you're thinking of some sort of joint arrangement then, aren't you?' he questioned, cottoning on to her train of thought.

'It's the sensible way to do it. If we can stay civil, it'll be better for everyone. I don't want to fall out with you, Doug.'

'Weekends,' he said finally. 'You can have them weekends.'

'Well, that's a start,' she answered, turning back to him.

'And it's all you're getting. For now at least. You can't mess up their routine, not have them knowing where they're going, who they're going with. It's going to be bad enough for them as it is. And you can still see them here all the time, as often as you want.'

Nodding, she decided not to press the issue. 'I'll get it sorted out as soon as I can.'

'Don't tell them,' he said softly. 'Not until you know when and where. The less upheaval, the better.'

'I know that.'

Doug stood and approached her. 'I thought I knew you, Nikki. What happened? I can't believe that she just walked in…'

'I fell for someone,' she replied. 'It's not something I'm proud of and it's not something I'd do again if I had the time over but… It happened. I can't change it now.'

'We could still be okay,' he answered. 'If you…'

'No. Please don't.'

Sighing, he turned away from her. 'I suppose you're going out.'

'For a few hours. If you don't mind.'

'We can cope.'

'Doug,' she said, looking back when she reached the door. 'I think you should take the kids to your parents for New Year. They like it there.'

'What about you? You should join us.'

'Yeah. I think I'd like that.'

'When I said I'd be back at eight I didn't expect to find you sat on my doorstep.'

'Is that you telling me to get lost?'

Diane smiled and passed her the keys to open the front door. 'Like I'd dare.'

Once they were inside and away from the cold, Nikki stuck the kettle on while Diane unpacked her travel bag. Settled at the table with a cup of tea, Nikki asked, 'So it went okay?'

'Mmm. First time for everything. He seemed alright. He's nothing like me, that's why.'

Not fooled, Nikki nodded anyway. 'Well, I'm glad you're back.'

'So what happened?' Diane questioned after a brief pause. 'Do you wanna talk about it or..?'

'I'm going to visit a letting agent tomorrow, get the ball rolling,' she answered.

'That quick, eh?'

'Hanging around won't make it any easier for anyone. Doug knows that.'

'And he's okay with it all, is he?'

Nikki shrugged. 'I don't know,' she said honestly. 'But he's hardly going to talk to me about it.'

'Are you okay?'

She looked up as Diane took her hand and sighed. 'Well, I'm getting there.'