And I can't fight this feeling anymore,

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

It's time to bring this ship into the shore,

And throw away the oars forever.

'Happy New Year.'

Nikki glanced sideways at Doug and managed to smile, despite the fact that for the majority of the night she had been tucked safely away in the corner watching the traditional Wright family New Year party. Andy wasn't present- he'd disappeared a couple of days earlier to spend a few weeks with his mates- but the girls seemed to be having a fantastic time; mixing with all the cousins and aunts they never saw at any other time of the year. Liam was less happy: he'd been stood in a different corner for most of the evening, only being coaxed out by the invitation of food around half past ten. She felt guilty watching him, knowing that he was still blaming himself, but she couldn't imagine what to do about it. Liam blamed himself for everything, whether it was anything to do with him or not: it came from watching Liz deteriorate.

'They look like they're having a whale of a time,' Doug commented, nodding towards where Daisy and Rebecca were playing Twister with a few relatives.

'Yeah, they do,' she answered softly, downing her glass of wine.

'Do you want another one?'

'No, Doug, I'm… I'm fine.'

He took her glass. 'You've had a couple anyway.'

'It's a special occasion,' she replied, watching Rebecca fall to the floor with a thunk. 'No balance. Gets that from you.'

'Matter of opinion. She's got your nose, that makes us equally guilty if you want to go down that path.'

She smiled briefly. 'Call it a draw?'

'Well, just because you know I'd win.'

'Dad, come here!' Daisy called loudly.

'I'll see you in a bit,' Doug said, going over to his daughter.

Nikki watched for a few moments then she slipped out of the house into the brisk January night. It was cold, but it didn't bother her too much. She felt more at ease outside than she did in there with every Wright relative under the sun. Waiting until after the festivities of Christmas and New Year before breaking the news had been a joint decision between her and Doug, and it had been the right one, but it was never going to make things easy. She knew the majority of people inside as friends and lying to them was difficult. However, she wouldn't have set foot anywhere near the place had the truth been out, so to speak, and she needed to be here. Be with the kids before… Well, before she wasn't.

'Mum, what you doing out here?' Rebecca had beside her without her noticing. 'It's freezing.'

'It's chilly, that's all. But you're right, we should get back inside. Aren't you tired yet?'

'Course not!'

'No, I didn't think so.'

'What do you think? Be honest. I mean, he showed me ten places in a row and I might've just had…'

'Nikki,' Diane interrupted, wrapping an arm around her waist. 'Be quiet, would you? It's fine. It's better than fine. Okay?'

Nodding, she let out her breath and looked around the small living room. 'Yep.'

'So what's the plan?' questioned Diane as they returned to the car. 'You telling the kids tonight, tomorrow?'

'Tomorrow, after Doug gets home from work,' she answered, settling into the passenger seat. 'He thinks I should get out as soon as I've done it.'

'Well, that's nice in theory, but it might've escaped your notice that there's nothing in there yet.'

'What do you think Ikea's for?' Nikki queried, glancing sideways at her partner. 'I just need the basics, I can get takeaways until I get a cooker.'

'Or I could just cook for you,' Diane said, throwing her a look that gave her little choice in the matter. 'And I guess that's not all I'll be doing.'

'What makes you say that?'

'You and flat-pack furniture? I think you need supervision.'

'I can cope!' she replied mildly. 'But since you offered…'

'Yeah, yeah. I'm just a glutton for punishment, that's me.'

Nikki watched Diane for a few moments as she navigated the evening traffic. 'Must be.'

The next afternoon, having managed to push her way through the sales rush at three different furniture stores, Nikki dropped off a couple of long heavy packages at the flat then drove slowly home through the building traffic. Once there, and finding the kids hadn't arrived back yet, she went upstairs and triple-checked the bags she'd packed the previous evening.

Her life had been condensed into a suitcase and two holdalls. There were her clothes, pictures, a couple of items belonging to the kids that Doug wouldn't notice had vanished, and that was it. She supposed that, as time went by, they'd divide everything else. That wasn't for now though, not for the night when she told the girls she was leaving them.

Liam arrived home first. That was a mixed blessing: on the one hand she wanted to talk to him separately, on the other she felt she might upset Doug if she did. But Liam was going to react, whichever way he was told. And being there with his sisters and father might not be best for him. She had to do what was right for him now; she owed him that much at least.

He knew something was going on when she asked him to sit down at the kitchen table. He dropped his bag to the floor and shuffled into the chair, not looking at her for a long time. Finally, he asked, 'You're going, aren't you?'

Nikki nodded. 'Yeah, I am.'

'Today?'

'Yep.'

He was quiet again. 'Why? Is it that bad here? Are we..?'

'No,' she interrupted firmly. 'You're part of the reason I want to stay, Liam. And I wish I could, I really do. But it's not that simple.'

'Because of her.'

'Because of Diane, yeah.'

'Mum says…' Liam trailed off then his face hardened. 'She says it's not natural. She says there's something wrong with you. That you don't get up and… Not after breaking up a…'

While he wiped his eyes on his jumper sleeve, she was silent. Then she said, 'Sorry to say this, Liam, but your mum doesn't half talk a lot of rubbish sometimes.'

He spluttered a laugh through his frown. 'Yeah, she does a bit. I'm not an idiot, Nikki, I know that she hates you anyway so… But you're still walking out!'

She sighed. 'You know what your mum and dad are like now? Fighting all the time, hating the sight of each other? Can you imagine what'd happen if they lived together and still felt that way?'

'You're saying you hate Dad?'

'No, I'm not saying that. Of course I don't hate him. But he does hate what I've done, and he's got every right. If I stayed here, and even if we tried to pretend nothing had happened, then we'd still feel it, Liam. We'd end up arguing, that wouldn't do anybody any good now, would it?'

'It'd be alright if you just stopped seeing her!'

'Even if I did,' she answered with certainty, 'it wouldn't go back to the way it was. It couldn't.'

He scraped back his chair nosily and turned away from her. 'You're gonna live with her, aren't you?'

'No, I'm not. I'm moving round the corner to a flat. And you're welcome there anytime, that's if you want.'

After a couple of moments he looked back. 'What about Daisy and Rebecca? Are you taking them?'

She shook her head. 'They're staying here for now. So I need you to look out for them for me. Can you do that?'

'If I say no will you stay?'

Standing, Nikki approached him and forcibly turned his body back round to face her. 'You listen to me. It doesn't matter where I am, or what's gone on with your dad and me… You need someone to talk to, you call me or you come see me. I mean it, Liam.'

'Why would you want me bothering you all the time?'

'Because you're like my own son,' she said, pulling him into a hug. 'And I love you. That good enough?'

'Where's Liam?'

Nikki glanced up then looked back into her clasped hands. 'He's upstairs. He says he doesn't want his tea.'

Doug sighed. 'You told him, didn't you?'

'He needed to know. And it's done now so...'

He eventually nodded. 'The girls are in the living room. Do you want me in there?'

'It's up to you,' she answered, standing and steadying herself against the table for a second. Then she braced herself and walked into the living room, feeling Doug on her heels; something which made her feel safer and more nauseous in equal measures. Daisy and Rebecca both seemed to know something was up; they sat forward and stopped talking.

Nikki half-wanted to stand but, as Doug went and crossed his arms in the corner, she recognised she'd be better off sitting; she'd look less intimidating that way. So she perched nervously on the edge of the chair and focused on the girls. Still her voice didn't come.

'Mum, what's going on?' Daisy asked. 'Is something wrong?'

She felt Doug's eyes boring into her and she took a deep and shaky breath before saying, 'You two know how much me and your dad love you, right?'

Rebecca nodded. 'Course. Why?'

'Well…' Uncertain, she hesitated. 'You know how your dad and Liam's mum don't live together anymore? Because if they did they wouldn't be happy?'

'Yeah,' Daisy answered, 'because she needs help. You always said.'

'I did, didn't I?' Nikki sighed and rested her elbows on her knees. 'That isn't the only reason though. They couldn't be near each other without making everybody around them unhappy as well. And they didn't want that.'

Daisy frowned. 'Mum, what are you talking about?'

'Sweetheart, sometimes people just don't… They can't live together anymore. Do you understand that?'

'You're not just talking about Dad and Liz are you?' Rebecca questioned, her voice trembling.

'No, darling, I'm not,' she answered, watching their faces carefully. Rebecca faded back into the sofa.

Daisy, conversely, sat forward. 'What are you saying? That you and Dad can't live together anymore?'

'Yes,' she said with difficulty. 'Yes.'

Rebecca suddenly bolted from the room. Nikki made to stand but Doug beat her to it. 'I'll go.'

Briefly, she met his eye. 'Okay.' She shifted to the sofa and sat next to Daisy. 'Sweetheart, listen to me, alright?'

'Shut up.'

'Don't talk to me like that,' she warned.

'What, or you'll leave? Oh, I'm scared, Mum!' she muttered scathingly, standing up.

Nikki grasped her arm and pulled her back down. 'I said listen! I'm doing what's best for everyone, I need you to know that!'

Her daughter shook her off. 'No, you're not! You can't just walk out!'

'Daisy… Please.'

After a moment when she looked torn between the door and the sofa, she remained motionless… grudgingly. 'Why? Why can't you stay?'

'Because I don't want to hurt anybody, especially not you and your sister.'

'I'm not leaving Dad, you know that?'

'I know you wouldn't do that to him, sweetheart. And I wouldn't ask you to. But I still have to go.'

'Well, you'd better get out then,' Daisy replied, running out of the room.

Diane had silently allowed her into the flat, poured her a drink and settled beside her on the sofa. They still didn't talk for a long time: Nikki was extremely grateful for that. She needed to think, and it was troublesome enough without trying to talk about it at the same time.

It had gone as expected really. Daisy was headstrong, quite a bit like her mother, and obviously they'd both need time. It had stung to leave them in the house, locked in their bedroom, cut off from her, but Doug's face as he brought down her bags told her it was better like that. He'd look after them, they'd talk when they were ready. She trusted that he wouldn't do what Liz had done, twisting the knife as painfully and as frequently as possible. He'd call, he said. And she knew he would: it was just that every minute she grew more uneasy, wondering whether she'd done the right thing or not.

Diane eventually tentatively placed a hand on her knee. 'Are you okay?'

Nikki glanced sideways and a small smile crept onto her face, in spite of herself. 'Mmm.'

'You sure?'

'It's done,' she said finally, drawing her body closer to her lover's. 'That's what's important.'

Kissing her forehead, Diane questioned, 'Are you hungry? I can…'

'No. I'd just like to stay like this. If you don't mind.'

'Nikki, you don't have to ask.'

By the weekend she was beginning to get quite concerned. She'd done as Doug requested- left them alone- in the hope that things would calm down and the girls would be able to look at her again. The fact that it wasn't working out like that was difficult for her to accept: she'd trusted Doug not to discredit her but… Well, how could she really know that he hadn't? He didn't want to lose the girls, who knew what lengths he'd go to?

She didn't share her fears with Diane: she didn't need to. She knew what was going on in her head, she practically acknowledged it every time she held her. Diane wouldn't say anything direct, but she would be there. Nikki knew that much, even if she wasn't really certain of anything else.

'This is what I like,' Diane announced, letting out a contented sigh. 'A Saturday with no work and no reason to get out of bed.'

'Mmm,' Nikki murmured, closing her eyes to fully enjoy the sensation of Diane kissing her neck. The warm feeling was interrupted by the buzzing of her phone on the bedside cabinet. Exhaling, she reached for it. 'Hold that thought.'

'Do I have to?'

'You'd better,' she warned, sitting up and answering the phone. 'Hello?'

'Nikki?'

'Liam, is that you?' she questioned, glancing sideways as Diane shuffled hastily into an upright position. 'What's wrong?'

'I need you to come round.'

'What, to your dad's?'

'No, I'm at Mum's,' he answered. 'Please, Nikki. Please.'

'What's going on?'

'She's locked herself in and I…'

'Alright, alright,' she interrupted his growing hysterics. 'I'm coming. You stay put.'

When she'd dropped the phone on the bed and quickly moved to collect her clothes, Diane asked, 'What was that all about?'

She shook her head. 'I wish I knew. I need to get round there though.'

Diane slipped out of bed too. 'Well, I'm coming with you.'

Secretly, she was relieved. 'Okay.'

Pulling up outside Liz's house, Nikki spotted Liam on the doorstep waiting. He acknowledged Diane when they approached, but didn't say anything to her. His eyes were red from crying and, unless Nikki was completely mistaken, he was shaking a fair bit. 'Thanks.'

'Liam, what's going on?' she questioned, putting a hand on his shoulder. 'Are you alright?'

'I don't know what…' Closing his eyes, he shook his head. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay,' she said, beginning to wonder what the hell was happening.

Diane had moved forward through the open door and called back, 'Nikki, this place looks like a bombsite.'

Drawing away from Liam, Nikki kept her hand tight around his shoulders as she guided him into the house so she could have a look at the extent of the damage. All of Liz's prized ornaments which usually resided in the hallway were in pieces on the carpet. The mirror to the right of the door had been cracked and there was a trail of glass leading up the staircase.

'Where's your mum, Liam?' Diane asked, glancing back towards them.

'Bathroom. She locked herself in. She's been drinking, I think.'

'Di, she's on anti-depressants,' Nikki said immediately.

Her lover began up the stairs. 'I'm check it out.'

'Okay, Liam,' Nikki went on, 'tell me what happened.'

'Dad was…' When he trailed off Diane stopped her ascent of the stairs to turn back and listen. 'When he dropped me round last night, he came in. He never really does that. Mum sent me up to my room and…'

'And what, Liam?' she prompted him, feeling an icy build-up in her stomach.

He wouldn't look at her. 'He stayed the night.'

Nikki felt her body stiffen. 'What?'

Diane dropped back down a couple of steps. 'What's this got to do with the mess?'

Liam barely glanced at her. 'Dad went mental this morning. I heard him smashing everything up then he… He just left and I…'

Pulling him into a hug, partly to mask her own emotions, Nikki looked towards Diane and motioned up the stairs. The constable held her gaze for a second then disappeared.

'Have you had breakfast?' Nikki questioned, looking into her stepson's face. 'Hmm?'

He shook his head. 'I'm not hungry.'

'Course you are. Come on,' she said, leading him into the kitchen. Doug had evidently lost his temper in here as well. There was nothing usable left that wasn't in pieces on the floor. 'Okay, I'll buy you breakfast. As soon as we get your mum sorted.'

There was a loud bang upstairs- presumably Diane breaking into the bathroom. A minute later the PC came into the kitchen. 'You need to call an ambulance. I think we should get a move on.'

Liam grimaced. 'Will she be alright?'

Diane nodded and answered, 'Yeah, Liam, I hope so. Nikki- the ambulance?'

'Um… Right.' Dragging herself together, she reached for her mobile.

'Here.'

'Thanks,' Nikki muttered, taking the plastic coffee cup and resting her head back against the cool wall.

'How's he doing?' Diane questioned, with a nod towards Liam sat in the waiting area a few yards away.

'He's not talking much,' she said, squeezing her eyes shut and letting out a small frustrated growl. 'I'm sorry. You don't have to wait around.'

Diane shook her head. 'Don't be stupid. I'm not going anywhere. Must admit though, I've had enough of hospitals to last me a lifetime.'

Nikki smiled briefly and glanced sideways. 'Seconded.'

For a moment Diane appeared to hesitate then she asked, 'Are you okay? I mean, with what…'

'I don't know,' she answered honestly. 'I just can't stop thinking about the state of that place. Doug's not like that. He never loses it.'

'How long are the girls usually with his parents?'

'Till the afternoon.' Nikki checked her watch. 'With any luck we can be there when they get back.'

'You sure that's wise?' queried Diane. 'It might set him off again.'

'It's a risk worth taking, I reckon,' she said as she noticed a doctor approaching.

Liam saw it too and came over. 'What's going on?'

'You've no need to worry,' the doctor said swiftly. 'We've managed to stabilise her; she'll most likely make a full recovery.'

Nikki exchanged a glance with Diane as Liam took that in. Then he turned and walked straight out of the double doors. 'Thanks, Doctor,' she said hurriedly, following him out with Diane on her heels.

He was seated on a wall a few feet away from the main entrance. Nikki made to approach him then faltered, unsure what to say. To her surprise, Diane took the initiative and moved forward. 'Can I sit down?'

Liam shrugged. 'Why bother asking?'

'I dunno, it's polite?' she offered, taking a seat anyway. 'That's good news, eh? She's gonna be okay.'

'Yeah, I suppose.'

Diane watched him for a few seconds. 'You can be mad at anyone you want, Liam. Your dad, your mum. Nikki. Me. That's your right. No one can take that away from you.'

Liam lifted his head and gazed at an ambulance approaching. 'I hate her. Mum,' he added. 'Why is she..?'

Glancing backwards briefly, Diane said, 'Well, from the way I hear it, she was hurt badly. You don't know how something like that'll change a person.'

'What, like my Dad suddenly smashing up the house?'

'Yeah. Like that.'

'Why?' Liam asked finally. 'Why did you wreck everything?'

Nikki was under the impression that Diane wouldn't answer but she eventually did, after obviously giving it some thought. 'I'm selfish, self-centred and sometimes I honestly believed no one would have to find out.'

Liam shook his head. 'You're lying.'

'Am I?'

'You said why. You said you couldn't help who you fall in love with.'

Diane shrugged. 'I did, didn't I? Doesn't make me any less to blame. I didn't mean to wreck everything for you, Liam. And I shouldn't have done it.'

'I don't know what's going to happen to me,' he said quietly.

Nikki stepped forward and sat next to him. 'You know your mum and dad'll never stop loving you; your dad especially.'

'You didn't see him. He was… different.'

'Can I tell you something, Liam?' she asked, putting an arm around his shoulders. 'When he and your mum split up your dad disappeared for three days. I was frantic. But he pulled himself together and he came home. He needed time to clear his head, that's all. He'll get back to being your dad, I promise you that, Liam. Just give him some time. I know you understand that'

'And what about you?' he questioned. 'What are you now?'

'I'm here if you need me, like always.'

Diane looked as secure as she ever did. Nikki was beginning to recognise the facade when she saw it though, and she didn't believe for a second that Diane could be comfortable and relaxed waiting for the estranged husband of her lover in his own kitchen. Nikki was doing her utmost not to admit on her face how much stepping back into the life she'd so recently left hurt her. She'd picked the cutlery that was in the drawer, the plates in the cupboard. It had been Doug who'd picked the ornamental glasses, but she'd argued tooth and nail with him about it. A room full of memories, and mostly good ones at that. It was difficult to accept she'd actually walked away from all that.

Around two o'clock the front door opened and then closed. Nikki stood from her seat at the table; Diane did the same. Doug walked into the kitchen with the girls behind him. His eyes flickered sideways as he saw them, then he glanced back to Daisy and Rebecca. 'Go to your room.'

Nikki wasn't going to argue against that at the moment, but Rebecca had already come to her. 'Hi, Mum.'

She briefly smiled as she enveloped her daughter in a hug. 'Hiya, darling. You do as your dad says for me, okay?'

Rebecca nodded. Daisy, standing by the door, just frowned at her sister. 'Come on. Hurry up.'

That was another problem to be dealt with at some point, Nikki told herself as the kitchen door closed. Then she looked back to Doug. 'Hello.'

He had his eyes on Diane. 'Where's Liam?'

Since the question was directed towards her, Diane answered it. 'He's upstairs.' There was a pause. 'He's alright. If you wanted to know.'

Doug opened his mouth to speak then evidently decided against addressing Diane further and refocused his gaze. 'And Liz?'

Nikki shrugged. 'No lasting damage. Even if she did drink herself stupid and wash down a few pills.'

When he exhaled angrily and walked across the kitchen, Nikki nodded that Diane should leave the kitchen. Her lover didn't seem particularly happy about the idea but she did it regardless, after shooting her a look that warned her to be careful.

The door clicked shut and Doug started to it. 'She's not going anywhere near the girls.'

'Don't be pathetic,' Nikki said.

Something in her tone made him stop and turn around. The expression on his face was one she hadn't seen for a while; not since he'd split with Liz. She never could pinpoint just what emotions it contained. He finally moved to sit at the table. 'I suppose you think you've got a right to be angry, do you?'

'No. I think I forfeited that right, don't you?'

'Then why are you still here, Nikki? If it isn't to…'

'I'm here,' she interrupted, feeling her annoyance bubble to the surface, 'because your son called me after his mum took an overdose and his dad smashed up the house. That a good enough reason for you?'

He squeezed his eyes closed. 'I didn't mean for him to…'

'So what the hell were you thinking, hmm? Just use Liz for old time's sake: never mind what it might do to her or Liam!'

'I can't believe you're trying to take the moral high ground!' Doug snorted, standing again. 'You caused this! You! No one else!'

'I didn't force you into bed with your ex-wife!'

'You left!'

'And that meant you should sleep with Liz, did it? Liz! Of all people!'

He closed his eyes again. 'I didn't know what I was doing, Nikki. I mean, I… When I woke up and…' He opened his eyes and looked pleadingly at her. 'I felt like I'd betrayed you. I felt guilty. It didn't matter that you've betrayed me and cheapened the last ten years of my life; it didn't seem to matter about that. All I really knew for certain was that I had cheated on my wife. And that's what tipped me over the edge. Everything just came out. All the bitterness, all the anger… And the hate.'

'The hate,' she repeated quietly, feeling a shiver trickle through her body. 'I'm sorry.'

'I don't hate you,' he said quickly vehemently. 'I don't hate you. I can't. No, it's… her. We were happy before she came along.'

'Doug,' she said finally, after taking a long moment to control her emotions. 'It's not important now.'

'Now you've made your choice, hmm?'

'It wasn't a choice,' she said softly. 'I didn't have a choice in it. I did what you did, I couldn't keep ignoring it.'

'Is a woman more exciting, Nikki, is that it?'

The venom in his voice was so strong that she didn't know how to reply. Instead, she moved to the table and sat down. 'Liam isn't doing too great. He doesn't expect that from you, it's more Liz's department. But I think he's worried that you're angry with him for some reason.'

Doug didn't speak for a long while. Then he sat opposite her. 'Well, I'll talk to him.'

'We didn't,' she continued, glancing up briefly, 'see Liz at the hospital. The doctor said she'll probably make a full recovery, which is good. The erm…'

'I'll sort out the house,' he interjected, correctly guessing her next statement.

She looked up and nodded. 'Yeah. Okay. Doug, I have to ask…'

The look on his face halted her- he knew where she was going with this one as well. 'They're safe, Nikki. I can't believe it even crossed your mind.'

'I saw the state of that house,' she quietly reminded him. 'And Liam.'

'I said I'll talk to him,' Doug answered.

'No, leave him,' she advised. 'For a little while at least.'

'Alright. You know best.'

'How have the girls been?'

'Well, you saw,' he said with a shrug. 'Rebecca misses you. Daisy's…'

'Angry,' she finished.

'Mmm. Understandable.'

'I know,' she said then she paused. 'Can I talk to them?'

'I can't stop you, can I?' he questioned but then he just shook his head. 'They're your kids. Ours.'

Standing, she reached out tentatively and touched his shoulder. 'Doug, I need to see them. If they wanna see me, that is. I want…'

'Next weekend,' he interrupted quietly. 'But only if they're okay with it.'

'Thank you.' Uncertain what else to say to him, she opened the door to the hall, closing it behind herself when she found Diane leaning against the banister, arms crossed. 'Where'd the girls go?'

'Upstairs,' Diane replied. 'You okay?'

'I'm… fine. I just… I'm going to talk to them. Or try to anyway.'

Diane indicated towards the kitchen door. 'Maybe it's best if I wait in the car, eh?'

'I won't be long,' she promised.

'Nikki, take as long as you need,' answered her lover, opening the front door. 'Okay?'

She nodded then climbed the stairs as she heard the door click shut. She could hear the debate when she reached the top of them and she, nervously, stood outside the bedroom door for a few seconds.

'No, it doesn't matter!' Daisy hissed. 'I told you!'

'I don't care!' Rebecca said heatedly. 'I don't believe you.'

'Well, listen to Dad then!'

Nikki sighed and knocked on the door. 'Hi, it's me. Can I come in?'

'Yes.' Rebecca.

'No.' Daisy.

'Yes,' Rebecca said again.

One affirmative was infinitely better than none at all, so she hesitantly opened the door and entered. Daisy was on her bed by the window, looking steadfastly out of it. Rebecca smiled uncertainly at her and motioned for her to sit down next to her on her own bed. Gratefully, she did so then she wrapped an arm around her youngest daughter. 'How are you doing, hmm?'

'I'm alright.'

'How's school going?'

'Pretty good'

'Like that, is it?' Nikki queried fondly, smiling as Rebecca's nose twitched. Then Daisy made a noise and she became serious again as she looked towards her second girl. 'You're not going to talk to me?'

'Why should I?' Daisy asked, not glancing around. 'You don't want to talk to us. You wouldn't have gone if you had.'

'That's not true,' she answered.

'I told her it wasn't,' Rebecca supplied.

Nikki squeezed her shoulders before moving over and sitting on the edge of Daisy's bed. 'Sweetheart, I understand you're not happy. You're mad, you don't want to talk to me. But at least listen. I love you, I love your sister, I love your brothers: there's nothing that's ever going to change that.'

'If you loved us that much you'd still be here.'

'No,' she said, refusing to concede that vital point. 'It's because I love you that I'm not living here. Because I don't want you to see me and your Dad fighting and arguing, and I don't want to upset you.'

'I'd rather you were here,' Daisy said softly in a voice, Nikki guessed, that was holding back some tears.

'Sometimes I do too,' she admitted, with a glance at Rebecca. 'But it's the not the right thing for anybody.'

'Dad wants you home,' answered Daisy, wiping her eyes on her sleeve but still gazing out of the window. 'Please, Mum!'

Nikki closed her eyes as her daughter turned to her pleadingly. 'Darling, I can't. It wouldn't work.'

'It would!'

'Okay, listen to me,' she said quickly, grabbing hold of her daughter who now had tears streaming down her cheeks. 'We've got to see how it goes. We try this, we see how it is, what it's like. Then we sit down and we talk about it. I know it's not ideal but… Please try. For me!'

Daisy hugged her. 'I'm scared, Mum.'

'I know you are,' she said, feeling her own eyes well up while Rebecca also burrowed into her side. 'I am too.'

Ten minutes later she returned to the kitchen where Doug was sat with two coffees. 'I didn't know how long you'd be but…'

'Thanks,' she said with a strained smile, sitting down. 'They'll come,' she said after a sip. 'If you're still alright with that.'

He nodded. 'I can't exactly keep you away from them. I wouldn't anyway.'

'Good. I do appreciate it. Doug, I…'

'I know,' he said quietly. 'I'm sorry too.'

When she got into the passenger side of the car she practically woke Diane up. 'Sorry,' she apologised.

Diane stretched out and shook her head. 'You weren't that long. I was just tired, that's all.'

'I've ruined your day.'

'Nikki, you haven't. And God help us if you find something else to blame yourself for.'

That raised a small smile. 'Well, I'm sorry anyway.'

'So how'd that go?' Diane questioned as she started the car.

'Well, I'm having the girls next weekend,' she answered. 'I think Daisy'll come.'

'You're back at work after that, aren't you?'

'Week on Monday,' she confirmed. 'I don't know whether I'm looking forward to it or not to be honest.'

'What, Reg and Tony rabbiting on about how it's only them old experienced coppers who don't get shot? Can't think why you'd be dreading it.'

Nikki rested her hand on Di's knee, finding it soothed her a little. 'Well, there is that. On the other hand, if I have to look at those four walls for much longer I think I'll go mad. Again,' she added with a sideways glance at Diane.

'Took the words right out of my mouth,' the constable answered with a hint of a grin. 'You've got one problem though.'

'And what's that?'

'Well, from what I remember, not having seen the inside of your flat all week mind you, those nice bunk beds you got are still in the packaging on the floor.'

Nikki nodded. 'Mmm-hmm.'

'That doesn't go in there.'

'I read the instructions,' Nikki replied. 'It does.'

'Yep, if you want it to fall apart!' Diane retorted, taking the piece of wood from her and slotting it into a different hole. 'This way it won't collapse.'

'You're very bossy all of a sudden.'

'Because I learned to read!'

Nikki leaned across the wooden planks between them and planted a kiss on her lover's lips. 'Don't be smart. I know it's difficult.'

Diane chuckled. 'How am I supposed to win a fight with you?'

She shrugged. 'You're not.'

The room looked good. Of course it looked good. She'd spent all week tweaking it, making it look exactly how she thoughts the girls would like it. The more she got right the better they'd feel. It was a mass of purples (Daisy's favourite colour) and reds (Rebecca's): the wooden bunk beds had colourful duvet covers, the curtains were the same; she'd even stuck some posters up and placed a small lamp in the corner. It was… Well, it was alright. She hoped.

'Nikki, it'll be fine,' Diane said, wrapping both arms around her waist. 'You know it will. You talked to Daisy, she's definitely coming. You just need to stop worrying.'

'I will,' she answered. 'When they're here. I just get the feeling that something's going to go wrong or…'

Diane cut her off with a sweet kiss. 'Nothing's going wrong. You hear me?'

She nodded. 'Yeah.'

'Do you believe me?'

'Kind of.'

'Well, that's close enough,' Diane said with a small smile, kissing her again.

Nikki was the one who drew back. 'Shouldn't you be going?'

'I told Emma eight,' answered Diane with a shrug.

'And it's quarter-to.'

'What?' She checked her watch. 'Okay. That's me gone then.'

'Have a nice night,' Nikki said, watching her lover pull on her jacket. 'Don't get too drunk.'

Diane grinned. 'Don't worry, I'll control myself. And I'll call you tomorrow night, see how it's going.'

What time was it? Past ten. Doug had said they'd be no later than nine. Of course, it wasn't anything to worry about but… Well, Doug wasn't the late type. It came from years of having pristine handovers at the house when they were on alternating shifts. Straight in, straight out, perfectly timed. No, this wasn't like Doug. And he'd call if he knew he was going to be late.

Picking up her mobile she dialled the house. It was engaged. So maybe that was it; he'd got a phone call that had held him up, his mother most likely. Flicking down her contacts list, she tried him on his mobile nevertheless. It went straight to voicemail. Now, that was odd. He never had it switched off, he never minded being disturbed usually.

Something wasn't right. The feeling that had settled in her stomach a few hours previously returned to gnaw away at her insides. To combat it she went to get a drink of water.