A/N: I think this is my longest chapter! I just kind of got carried away... Anyway, as always, thanks for reading and I said I'd dedicate this chapter to Kylie because I bugged her by not putting it up yesterday!

Cos I can't fight this feeling anymore,

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door,

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

'Nikki…' the hoarse voice that answered the phone on the seventh ring murmured, 'I hope you realise it's six in the morning. I got in at three and…'

'Doug's gone,' she interrupted, stemming Diane's tirade. 'He's taken the girls and he's gone.'

As expected, Diane seemed suddenly much more alert. 'What? How do you know?'

'I'm at the house now,' Nikki said, casting a glance at the figure of Liam on the stairs and moving into the kitchen before she carried on. 'Di, he apparently lost it last night. Said he couldn't do it anymore, he was sick of the pretence. He took the girls but Liam wouldn't go with him so he broke the phone and left him here. I don't know what to do,' she finished, feeling herself sag against the kitchen counter.

'Okay,' Diane said finally. 'We'll sort it, alright? Just get yourself and Liam over here. We'll take it from there.'

'Thanks. Di…' she said then trailed off and closed her eyes.

'Nikki, it'll be alright. I promise.'

Ending the call, she went back into the hallway and sat beside Liam on the second to last step. 'How you doing?'

He shook his head. 'I couldn't go with him. Rebecca was really excited about seeing you, she was running around, and he just…'

'It's alright, Liam,' she said quietly. 'How's he been this week?'

'He hasn't said much. But it's Dad, he never does!'

'Yeah, I know that. I'm not blaming you. It's not your fault. Can you remember what time he went?'

'Half nine, round about. He took my mobile. So I wouldn't call you, I think. He was really determined about it, Nikki. He said he wasn't going to lose them.'

And he'd conveniently forgotten about his son in the process; that was about right. How many more times was Liam going to be let down by the people he was supposed to trust? Mindful that she was one of them, Nikki asked, 'You know he was only mad at me, don't you? It's absolutely nothing to do with you. He wouldn't leave without you unless he was really desperate, you know that. And it's my fault that he's desperate, Liam; not yours.'

Her stepson just shrugged. From the look of him he'd bypassed all emotions hours earlier. 'Yeah.'

'Okay,' she said, trying to take some control of the situation, despite panic wanting to seep into her mind at every opportunity, 'here's what we're gonna do. I'll have a look around, see if he left anything to say where he was going.'

'He wasn't in the mood to leave a note, Nikki.'

'Yeah, I know that but there might be something. Something he didn't know he was leaving. Liam,' she went on, 'I need you to answer me a question. Is that alright?'

'What?'

'Your dad,' she said, placing her hand on his shoulder, 'was he anything like he was last weekend?'

Liam shook his head. 'No, he just broke the phone, that's all. He was calm.'

'Had he planned it?'

'No. He had to pack a bag.'

She nodded. 'Alright. Well, I'll have a look round and you get your coat. That's if you don't mind hanging around me for a bit?'

When he shrugged again she made her way up the stairs to the bedroom that she'd only recently stopped calling her own. There wasn't any deliberate mess, not like she'd encountered at Liz's the previous week ,but there were a couple of things that stood out. The clothes she hadn't taken- the ones that had been festering at the back of the wardrobe for ages- had been bagged up, evidently for transportation. Resting on top of the bags were a couple of pieces of jewellery given to her by Doug's mother and a birthday card handmade by Rebecca when she was five.

Nikki sighed and dropped down onto the bed. It wasn't difficult to see what had tipped Doug over the edge. She couldn't imagine having to be in the situation where you were calming delivering belongings- and your own children- over to someone you still loved but knew you had no further chance with. That was what she'd expected Doug to do; no wonder he'd lost it. In her detached bubble over in that flat she'd convinced herself it was all going to be fine. She was seeing the girls, she'd spoken to them several times throughout the week, which had been fantastic. Even Daisy was starting to come around, to the idea of seeing her at least. And she'd spoken to Doug, on Wednesday that had been. To finalise the time for dropping off on Friday. He'd been perfectly amicable and she hadn't thought anything of it because that was Doug to the letter. But she realised now, examining the neat folds in her old shirts, that he hadn't been half as fine as he'd made out. Maybe he'd thought he was okay and started this clear-out as some kind of therapy. It didn't particularly seem to have worked.

Casting her eye over the rest of the room, Nikki moved over to dresser and picked up the ring left on there. Bringing her hand up to her face, she let out her breath heavily. Doug had refused to take his wedding ring off, even when she'd made it abundantly clear on Boxing Day that they'd never be husband and wife again. His acceptance of the inevitable had done it then. When he'd finally realised she wasn't coming back he'd taken the girls and… And gone where? He had nowhere to go that wasn't obvious. He knew she'd be straight onto the phone to his parents and to all their mutual friends: where else was there? Was he just planning on driving around with the girls and seeing what happened?

'Nikki?' Liam said from the doorway, startling her. 'Can we get out of here?'

Smiling as best she could under the circumstances, she nodded. 'Course we can.'

It was a sign of how battered he was that Liam didn't make any outward acknowledgement that they were in Diane's flat. He just walked past the constable when she opened the door, located the living room and took a seat. Nikki was relieved, she'd half-expected some sort of outburst. Instead, she found herself locked in Diane's embrace as soon as she was over the threshold.

'Are you alright?' Diane asked when she pulled away. 'Sorry, stupid question. Did you find anything to say where he's gone?'

She shook her head. 'No. He'd know I'd check.'

'Well, have you tried his parents?'

'Not yet. Waking them'd be pointless anyway. He won't be there. It's too obvious.'

Diane sighed. 'Have you got any other ideas?'

'No,' she admitted, feeling her voice crack.

'Nikki, shush,' Diane insisted, wrapping her arms around her again. 'Look, it could just be a joke. Well, a hoax. He'll probably bring them back in a bit.'

Nikki let out a soft laugh. 'You don't believe that anymore than I do.'

'I never thought he'd do this.'

'Di, I'm married to him and I never thought he'd do this.'

'We'll find them,' Diane whispered into her ear. 'You know we will.'

At least one of them had some confidence. 'Yeah.'

'Alright, you go sit with Liam. I wanna make a few calls.'

Not questioning the instruction, she went into the living room, finding Liam staring into space in much the same manner as he had been when she'd arrived at the house just before six. He wasn't going to snap out of it by the look of it so she contented herself with sitting next to him and hoping that was enough. She was also hoping that wherever the girls were, they were okay too. Daisy was protective, she'd make sure Rebecca was alright; but who was going to make sure Daisy was the same?

Diane popped her head around the door fifteen minutes later and motioned for her to step outside. Once the door was safely closed, she questioned, 'What is it?'

'I've been onto Jo. She's on her way in to work; she's going to run Doug's registration through the system, see if he's been picked up by any cameras. I said I'll send her a text with the number.'

'Here, I'll do it,' Nikki said, taking the phone. Despite her fingers trembling she managed to get it sent then she glanced at Diane as she passed the phone back. 'I'm alright.'

'I know,' her lover said quietly. 'I know. Go back in to Liam,' she advised. 'I'll wait for the call in the kitchen. Don't argue,' she added.

Nikki smiled very briefly. 'No, I wouldn't.'

It was nearing nine when Diane returned to the living room and beckoned her outside again. Liam was by now flicking the pages of a television magazine aimlessly and he didn't seem to notice her exit.

'Right,' Diane said, pulling the door to. 'He was picked up about an hour ago on the M2 going south.'

'The M2?' she repeated. 'Have you got a map?'

Diane nodded to the table. 'Got it from the car. It trails off towards the coast, and he was picked up near to the end of it according to Jo.'

Nikki followed her over to the table and examined the atlas. Suddenly, with a jolt she recognised where he was going. 'Whitstable,' she said softly.

'The oyster place?'

'Yeah. That's where he's going.' On Diane's probing look, she continued, 'That's where he proposed. On the beach, in the middle of December.'

Diane was quiet for a minute. Then she said, 'Well, he took his sweet time getting there.'

'No, he probably…' She broke off to formulate it in her mind. 'No, he'd have stopped in a car park or something, to get some rest. He wouldn't drive tired, not with the girls in the car. But he's definitely headed there.'

'I'll get my coat,' Diane said suddenly. 'You get Liam.'

'Yes, Ma'am, I think it's a virus.'

Nikki glanced sideways to Diane on her mobile then looked back to focus on the motorway. At any other time she'd probably feel guilty about Diane calling in sick but right now she was more concerned about getting to Whitstable as quickly as possible. And, funnily enough, the thought of Diane staying behind hadn't actually occurred to either of them.

Liam, in the back seat, was asleep so it seemed. Not surprising, considering he'd been up all night, alone in that damn house: Nikki was just relieved he was calm. It helped her to be. If Liam was losing it then she'd most likely tip over the edge as well.

'Like I said, Ma'am, I'm very sorry. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow.' Diane listened for a few seconds longer, grimaced, then hung up. 'That was fun.'

'Sorry, I didn't think.'

'Don't worry about it,' Diane replied, looking back to check Liam was asleep before she slipped a hand over onto her knee. 'You haven't told me exactly what happened yet.'

Her brain felt completely fogged. 'Oh, erm…' She cleared her throat. 'Doug didn't turn up when he said he would. I tried the house phone, it was engaged and his mobile's been off all night. I thought maybe he'd forgotten or just, you know, had a change of heart. I was annoyed with him so I went round at dawn. I didn't want to go before,' she said, 'in case it disturbed the girls. I used my key to get in and found Liam just… He was just sat there. I don't think he'd moved from watching them leave last night. Then I called you,' she finished with a shrug. 'End of.'

Diane squeezed her knee. 'Do you think he planned it?'

'Liam said he had to pack so… No. Maybe it came on when he was about to set off. Maybe he just realised that…'

'That it was over?' Diane concluded quietly.

'Yeah. He'd packed up the rest of my things. I think he was trying to accept it.'

'Call me cynical but I don't think he managed it.'

She laughed tightly then frowned again. 'Why wouldn't he call? He'd know I was worried. And what about Liam? He just left him there!'

'Liam's alright,' objected Diane. 'He's tough.'

'Not this tough,' Nikki argued softly with a glance to the back seat where Liam was still sleeping. 'I can't believe Doug didn't…'

'Well, you can talk to him, can't you?' Diane said firmly. 'When we find him.'

She fell into silently driving, knowing that Diane was watching her each time she tensed a muscle. Surprisingly, it didn't make her as uncomfortable as she'd assumed it might; it made her feel more secure and she actually began to believe that they'd get to the coast and everything'd be fine. But then her copper's edge snuck back in. How many people managed to take kids and were never seen again? You had the Fathers for Justice lot, they were always at it and they got away with it more often than was publicised. Doug knew the loopholes in the law, he knew where to go to remain undetected. If he wanted he could disappear for as long as his savings would allow. That'd be a while as well: she wouldn't see the girls till they were in their twenties if he managed to get them out of the country.

Maybe she should've called it in straight away. But the trouble was, she knew the drill too well. Daisy and Rebecca were with their father and there was no real evidence they were going anywhere apart from on holiday. Why would anyone believe her? Besides, if she called it in she'd have to explain to whatever officers dealt with it why Doug had done it. And bringing up her relationship with Diane in front of Roger Valentine or Terry Perkins wasn't her ideal set of circumstances. Yet if she left it too late and Doug managed to get the girls away from her… Well, she'd never forgive herself. Nothing was worth losing her daughters for, and especially not the slight humiliation she'd endure at the hands of the Sun Hill gossips if the true nature of her relationship with Diane came to light.

Diane's mobile suddenly rang and she answered it. 'Jo?'

Nikki looked towards her anxiously. What was this? Doug and the girls booked on a flight out of England leaving in the next five minutes?

'I know but we want to see if we can talk to him before we make it official,' Diane was saying. 'You stick a child abduction charge on him and he'll lose his job.'

Once again, her lover had surprised her. Nikki reached across and touched her cheek then returned her hands to the wheel as Di continued with the call.

'I'll let you know when there's any news. We'll probably find him safe and sound and go straight home… Oh, and Jo? If Inspector Gold asks, you haven't heard from me, alright?.. Thanks.'

'Was she just checking in?' Nikki questioned as Diane pocketed her phone again. 'No news?'

'No. Which is good news. She's keeping an eye on things, she'll let us know if anything suspicious pops up.'

'Remind me to buy her a drink, will you?'

'Course.' Diane glanced backwards as Liam started to stir. 'I thought he'd sleep longer.'

'I'm surprised he slept at all,' Nikki replied, looking backwards. 'How you feeling?'

'Where are we?' he questioned.

'About twenty miles outside of Whitstable. We shouldn't be that long.'

'You sure he'll be there?'

She exchanged a glance with Diane. 'Yeah. Course I'm sure. He just needed to remember some things, Liam, that's all. We'll be there in no time; you'll see.'

He seemed satisfied with that response. Settling back into his seat, he closed his eyes again. Diane, conversely, leaned closer. 'If I didn't know better, I'd say you were really that confident about all this.'

'I just keep thinking I'll wake up,' she muttered truthfully. 'With any luck.'

'Well, at least we know where he is.'

Nikki watched the beach for a few more seconds before turning to Diane beside her. 'Yeah, but look at him. He looks…' She sighed. 'He looks lost.'

'He is,' Diane said quietly. 'He's bound to be.' Looking back to Liam in the car a few yards away, she asked, 'What are you gonna do?'

She shook her head. 'I don't know.' Her eyes trailed over the blustery sands to where the girls were sat huddled together a fair distance away from their father. 'What's he told them?'

'Probably that they're having a big adventure.'

'Mmm, probably. But they still…'

'Nikki, they're fine,' Diane interjected. 'Look at them.'

'And look at Liam,' she countered. 'If you didn't know better you'd reckon he was fine, wouldn't you?'

Diane conceded that with a shrug. 'You want me to keep an eye on him?'

'Do you mind?'

'Course not, don't be stupid. And Nikki?' she added when she began walking. 'It'll be alright.'

She smiled as much as she could. She wasn't certain Diane believed it anymore than she did but the words counted for something. It meant that she had someone on her side. Which, she reminded herself as she first approached the girls, was more than Doug felt he had at the moment.

Daisy spotted her first and nudged Rebecca who ran over to greet her. 'Mum!'

Hugging her, then glancing up as Daisy arrived also, she questioned, 'Are you both alright?'

Her eldest daughter nodded. 'Dad's been sat there for ages though. I don't think he's okay.'

Nikki reached out to squeeze Daisy's shoulder. 'You let me talk to him. Liam's just up in that car park.' She pulled out her wallet and handed over a ten pound note. 'And there's a café next to the chemist. You tell him to take you there, alright? And you wait for me and your dad.'

'He won't come, you know,' Rebecca said softly. 'He won't move.'

With that thought in mind, Nikki watched them up the length of the beach before she turned back and walked towards Doug. The air was chilly, she found herself shivering slightly as she approached, but she wasn't sure it was merely the cold that was having that effect on her. She felt cold from the inside out really.

Doug didn't comment on her arrival, just kept staring out into the choppy seas. Hesitatingly, she took a seat on the sand next to him. 'I thought you'd skipped the country,' she said eventually, also watching the waves.

'Did you?' he questioned, his voice low and impersonal.

'You can't blame me,' she replied.

'No, I don't suppose I can.'

'Then again,' she said after a lengthy silence, 'I don't think I believed you'd actually do that.'

'Well, people can surprise you, Nikki,' he answered.

How was she supposed to argue that? 'Doug, I can't change what I've done. You act like I'm proud of it.'

'Out and proud, Nikki. That's you.'

She let out her breath. 'It's not about women! It's about…'

'It's about Diane,' he concluded for her.

'Yes,' she admitted with a brief sideways glance. His voice was worryingly detached and she hadn't heard him say Diane's name devoid of venom since he'd discovered the truth. 'I didn't want it. You think I wanted this? To not wake up to Daisy and Rebecca arguing over who gets the toy out of the cereal and to not have to listen to whatever music Andy's blaring out of his room every night? This isn't what I planned, Doug. I was happy.'

'I just don't understand what changed, Nikki. I don't understand it. One day we're in it for the long haul, practically planning our retirement and the next… You're jumping into bed with one of your female constables! I mean… Allow me a little bit of confusion!'

'You left Liz,' she said quietly. 'You jumped into bed with her best friend.'

'I fell in love with you, Nikki,' he said with a touch of anger.

'I know,' she answered. 'And that's what happened with Diane. I wasn't looking, I didn't want it but… It still happened. I couldn't stop it anymore than you could.'

'If you weren't thinking about me, even if you could do it to me, the girls are…'

'Liam and Andy were both kids themselves; younger than the girls.'

'Stop comparing it to me and Liz! It's completely different!'

'Because she's a woman?'

'Yes!' he said bitterly. 'Because she's a woman and she because just waltzed in and stole my wife as if it was the easiest thing in the world!'

'Is that why you decided to do a runner then?' Nikki queried. 'Was that the easiest thing you could do?'

Finally, he glanced towards her, albeit for only a moment. 'You think I want them seeing that?'

'You know perfectly well that Diane wouldn't have been there! This weekend was about me spending time with my daughters. Because I miss them, Doug!'

'Then why did you leave? I told you! I told you that if you stayed…'

'What was your solution?' she asked, interrupting him. 'That we just carry on as if nothing had happened? I couldn't do that, neither could you.'

'And you wouldn't give her up, would you?'

'No,' she said truthfully. 'I couldn't.'

'You didn't want to, you mean. You made you choice, Nikki. It was your family or your… or your girlfriend and look who you chose!'

Nikki let the silence drag on for a few minutes as another couple walked past them on the beach, leaving a scattered set of footprints that would be washed away in the evening tide. 'I saw your wedding ring on the dresser.'

He shrugged. 'I stopped kidding myself you were coming back, that's all.'

'And then you decided that I wasn't going to see my kids, is that it? You don't have the right to make that decision!'

'I needed to get out of London,' he said eventually. 'I just… I wasn't thinking straight. I had to get away. I can't stand the idea of losing them.'

'I'm not trying to take them away!'

'Oh, come on, Nikki! You get set up in your new flat with your new life then we have an argument and they come and see you and decide they want to live there? We've seen it before.'

'Well, unless you try to kill yourself, I'm not going to take them away from you! I just… I want my daughters to have both parents. A dad to spoil them and…'

Doug halted her by turning his head towards her. 'You see, I think I should know that. But I don't know you anymore.'

'I'm still me, Doug,' she tried. 'I haven't changed that much.'

'No, the old you cared about her family!'

'And the Doug I know wouldn't have left his son on the stairs, practically catatonic,' she retorted, beginning to get frustrated and a little angry. 'You haven't even asked if he's alright while you're making this big speech about family.'

Something flickered over his face. 'I didn't want to leave him there. But he wouldn't move, he wouldn't come with me. I thought you'd be over any minute to find out what was going on...'

'You shouldn't have left him there!'

'I know!' he burst out. 'But what was I supposed to do?'

'I don't know- think first? Liam wouldn't come because he knew you were in the wrong!'

Doug was silent for a few moments. 'I wouldn't blame him if he hated me.'

'Well, he doesn't,' Nikki answered quietly. 'But you let him down again and he might. He just wants his dad, he's practically lost his mum already. Don't let him feel like he hasn't got you either.'

'I've really messed up haven't I?'

'It wasn't one of your greatest ideas,' she agreed with a brief smile. 'I suppose I should just be grateful you're not halfway across the Channel.'

'No, I wouldn't do that, I just…' When he paused, he rubbed his eyes with his finger. 'I wanted to be here. Happy memories.'

'Yeah, I know,' she answered carefully. 'That restaurant that served every dish with hair compliments of the chef?'

He let out a small laugh. 'Mmm, that was an experience.'

'You weren't the one already struggling with morning sickness,' she reminded him. 'I didn't need any other incentives to throw up.'

'See, I just thought you were being over-dramatic.'

'Until we got back to the hotel…'

'And you threw up over that rug,' he added.

Smiling, she tentatively touched his shoulder. 'It was a nice holiday, all in all.'

'I know. It wasn't the only good one either, Nikki.'

'I'm not saying it was. Rebecca's first time abroad in France? And that nice peaceful camping trip in the Lakes? We had some really good times, Doug. I'm not trying to wash over all that.'

'I just can't…' He shook his head. 'I can't believe we won't have anymore, that's all.'

She didn't know what to so she just moved her hand down to his. 'I'm sorry.'

'Yeah,' he said thickly, withdrawing his hand momentarily to wipe his eyes again then he glanced around. 'Where are the girls?'

'I sent them to a café with Liam. They're fine. We can go find them.'

He nodded and stood, helping her to her feet also. 'You know they were safe, don't you?'

'Of course I do,' she replied.

'Good. Because I'd never hurt them. Or you,' he added with a weak smile. 'I couldn't.'

Nikki swallowed and indicated they should start walking. When they reached the edge of the beach she cast a glance towards her car finding Diane just returning to it. Evidently she'd been watching events. With a nod over the road to their right, she muttered, 'That's where they are.'

'What's the betting Daisy's got the most chocolate-infused thing on the menu?'

'Oh, you'll lose your shirt over that one,' she answered, crossing over the road with him by her side. Entering the café they found the trio rather subdued in a window booth. Daisy did indeed have a chocolate sundae but it was practically untouched and the other two only had unfinished drinks. Nikki stepped forward tentatively. 'Hiya.'

Liam looked up- straight at his dad- then refocused his eyes on the table.

Nikki, after glancing to Doug, said, 'Daisy, Rebecca: how about we go for a little walk? I saw an amusement arcade down the road.'

They were unenthusiastic but they complied anyway. Leaving Doug as he sat beside his son heavily, they proceeded down the street, mostly deserted because of the time of year. This time when she looked towards the car she couldn't see Diane, her line of sight was obscured by the few other cars scattered around. Trying to smile, she gave the girls a few coins and watched them on some games.

After half-heartedly attempting a driving game, Daisy came to stand beside her. 'Is Dad alright?'

'I think he'll be okay,' she answered evenly. 'How are you doing?'

'Rebecca was a bit scared,' her daughter said. 'I told her it'd be alright.'

'Good girl.'

'It will be, won't it?' Daisy queried, looking up at her.

Nikki wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 'Course it will. Things might be different, but they won't be bad. I promise.'

'I was scared too, Mum,' Daisy admitted. 'I haven't seen Dad like that before.'

'Well, he didn't mean to scare you. I know that much. And he'll be upset with himself that he did. Your dad loves you to bits and he'd never want to see you scared.'

Her daughter nodded. 'I know.'

Returning to the café almost half an hour later, they found Doug and Liam sitting in silence, though they obviously had been talking because Liam's eyes were still a little red. Not drawing attention to that fact, Nikki queried, 'Isn't it about time we went back to London?'

Doug looked up and met her eye. 'Yeah. You're right.'

They walked as a quintet back to the car park. Doug's silver car was parked a little away from the car she'd driven herself, Diane and Liam down in, but he looked for it- obviously Liam had filled him in on the details of their journey. Diane must have seen them approach in the rear mirror because she got out of the car.

'I'll be back in a minute,' she murmured, going towards her.

Diane's face was strange. 'Alright?'

'Yeah, I think so. Listen, I should probably go back with them for a bit. Don't suppose you could take my car back, could you? I mean, I'll pick it up from yours later but I…'

'It's fine, Nikki,' Diane interrupted, holding out her hand for the keys. 'You go home.'

She dropped the keys into the open palm and said, 'I'll come round later.'

'No. I mean it. Go home. For good.' Diane lowered her head briefly then raised her eyes again. 'You can't do this. I was stupid to think you could. You can't walk away from them; they need you.'

For a second she didn't register Diane's seriousness but the instant she did she felt her stomach fall. 'I need you.'

'You can get over me easy enough,' Diane muttered dismissively.

She shook her head. 'I don't want to.'

'You have to. I mean, look at them. Go on, look at them!'

Reluctantly, she glanced over her shoulder to where Doug and the three kids were stood watching her. 'I know but…'

'No buts,' Diane interjected. 'You know you have to do it.'

'Di,' she said, her voice cracking. 'I love you. Please don't do this. Not now. Not after everything.'

Her lover sighed heavily. 'Nikki, this is what's right. I'll… I'll drop the car off, okay?'

When the constable reached for the car handle, she grasped for her. 'No, I won't let you…'

'And I won't let you throw your life away for me,' Diane interjected, shaking her arm free. 'Go home.'

Her eyes remained glued to the retreating car long after it left the car park. She couldn't comprehend it. Diane had… abandoned her? No. That wasn't right. Broken out of her rampaging thoughts by Doug clearing his throat, she turned back to the group waiting for her. 'Ready?' she asked shakily, walking towards them.

Throughout the journey home she'd been desperately trying to keep a lid on her emotions. Doug and the kids weren't stupid, though; they'd seen the discussion and they knew something was up. Perhaps Doug was intelligent enough not to assume it was what it looked like but… Well, she couldn't be sure.

When they pulled up outside the house, she followed the kids inside half-reluctantly. To her surprise- and Doug's judging by the look on his face- Andy was stood in the hallway with his coat on. 'Where have you all been?'

'Whitstable,' Liam muttered before climbing the stairs.

'Good trip?' Doug asked after a short silence.

'Yeah, not bad.' His elder son frowned. 'Is something going on here? The phone was out of the socket and…'

'Get yourself sorted and we'll go to the pub,' Doug said then looked sideways. 'Is that alright, Nikki?'

'I'll watch the kids,' she answered, ushering the girls into the kitchen. 'Either of you hungry?' They both shook their heads. 'No. Me neither.'

Liam hadn't come out of his room for the rest of the day, which was understandable and expected. She half wanted to speak to him but she couldn't find the words, or the inclination really. She didn't know what to say to him that would help, and saying nothing seemed a better prospect than messing it up even more. The girls had bravely kept their eyes open for a few hours but the events of the day caught up with them and they finally disappeared off to bed, making her promise they'd see her tomorrow. She couldn't refuse that, and she didn't want to.

Alone in the living room with a glass of Doug's malt whisky she was able to think at last. She was able to contemplate.

Diane must've seen her on the beach. Watching her conversation with Doug must've pricked her conscience, the notions that had been bubbling away in the background for weeks now must've finally come to the fore. Nikki knew that, despite the act that Diane put on, that she cared about stuff like this. Diane was one of the most complex people she'd ever encountered and it was part of the reason she loved her. There was more to her than with most, even if she did her utmost to hide it. This was Diane doing what she perceived to be the decent thing, putting a family back together the only way she could see how.

And Nikki couldn't deny that it would be easier. Talking to Doug on the beach had brought a few pleasant memories back to the surface and the way Daisy had looked pleadingly at her in the arcade cut into her something rotten. This was a family unit she was mauling; there were lives at stake.

Yet she'd had this debate with herself a hundred times. She couldn't stay with Doug, she couldn't maintain the family, when she felt the way she did about Diane. No matter what she did she couldn't infuse something into her relationship with Doug that didn't exist to the extent that it had before. She couldn't force herself to love him more than she loved Diane. When she went to bed she couldn't dictate the face that popped into her dreams uninvited. She couldn't predict and alter the person she wanted to run to when things went wrong. While she wanted Diane she couldn't be with Doug. That was a simple fact, and one she'd been aware of for several months now.

It didn't even occur to her seriously that Diane was simply trying to get herself out of a situation that she hadn't wanted. A matter of weeks ago it might've been the first prospect that popped into her mind but now she was convinced that what she shared with Diane was more than just a casual fling. If she was honest, she'd been convinced of that since the very beginning. But whenever she'd become certain of that fact, she was positive that Diane was doing this precisely because she loved her. A type of self-sacrifice, something Diane could probably graduate in.

The trouble was, Nikki couldn't accept it. She wouldn't accept it. She hadn't gone through all this to fall at the last hurdle. Resting back against the sofa, she resolved to speak to Diane as soon as humanly possible, whatever hour of the day that turned out to be.

Doug arrived home just after ten. Locating her in the living room, he dropped his keys on the table and sat in the armchair. 'Andy's getting drunk. He asked me to join him but…'

Nikki nodded. 'How did he take it?'

'He'll be alright. It takes a lot to faze him.'

'What about you?' she asked after a short pause. 'Will you be alright?'

Letting out his breath, he shrugged. 'I had a bad day. We've both had plenty of those.'

'I know. I just… I need to know the kids'll be alright, Doug. You understand that. I'm not accusing you of…'

'Nikki,' he interrupted quietly. 'I'm sorry for what I did today. I lost it for a while. I think I finally know how Liz felt. It's easy to just step out of line and not notice. I felt I was being the rational one!'

'I might've done the same,' she said. 'I can't say for certain I wouldn't in your position.'

'They're my girls,' he went on finally. 'I won't lose them.'

'Me neither.'

'Then we're stuck with it, I suppose,' he answered with a grim smile. For a few moments he was silent then he asked, 'What happened earlier?'

She'd been rather hoping he wouldn't ask. 'What do you mean?'

'You know what I mean, Nikki.'

Sighing, she stood and picked up her coat which was draped over the back of the sofa. 'Nothing happened. Listen, the girls asked if I'd come round tomorrow…'

'That's fine,' he said quickly. 'You don't have to clear it with me. You could take them out for the day if you wanted.'

'Give you a bit of peace?'

'Mmm, something like that.'

'Well, how about we see how it goes? Maybe they'll want their dad along too.'

'Fine by me.'

Moving to the front door, she felt him follow her. Turning, she advised, 'Check on Liam. I think he's been up there alone long enough.'

Doug nodded. 'Course. See you tomorrow.'

'Night, Doug.'

Her car was parked on the street. She hadn't expected Diane to be sat in it but she had hoped a little and she felt herself fade slightly. Still, she gathered her mind together and only opened the door of her flat long enough to pick up the keys that Diane had posted through the letterbox. Then she drove to the constable's.

After loitering outside the building for a while on account of her not wanting to ring the intercom and be stonewalled, she was finally admitted by an elderly resident who she recognised as living in one of the ground floor flats. Climbing the stairs, she suddenly began to feel quite nervous and was forced to recompose herself while resting against the banister outside the flat.

That was where Jo Masters found her when she emerged from the flat. Pulling the door to, but not closing it entirely, the detective questioned, 'What are you doing here?'

Nikki was nearly unwilling to discuss this with anyone else but at least Jo was fully briefed on the situation by the look of it. 'I need to see her.'

Jo sighed and moved her down several steps. 'If you want my advice, you'll leave her be. She's had a few drinks, she's not in the best state.'

'I need to see her.'

'Look…' Jo shook her head. 'The last thing either of you need is this dragging out any longer than it has to.'

'What's she told you?' Nikki asked, frowning.

The detective shrugged. 'She called me to let me know that you'd found Doug and the kids. She seemed alright then I asked about you and…'

'And what?'

'She's hurting,' her friend answered simply. 'And you going in there'll just make it a hundred times worse.'

Nikki was quiet then she asked, 'Does she honestly think I can walk away?'

'Yes! She's convinced it's the right thing to do.'

'Just because it's the right thing to do, doesn't mean I can do it,' she argued. 'Jo, I'm not giving up on this. I can't.'

The DC seemed undecided then eventually she let out her breath. 'You'd better go in then. Don't know what kind of reception you'll get, mind you.'

'Thanks,' she said, moving up the stairs and glancing back to Jo. 'Thanks for looking after her.'

Jo shook her head. 'Pleasure.'

After watching the brunette's head disappear, Nikki turned back to the door and took a steadying breath before pushing it open. The flat had a distinct odour of alcohol so it wasn't a huge surprise to find Diane in a pensive state on the sofa with a glass in her hand. Since her presence wasn't noted immediately, she watched for a few seconds then cleared her throat. 'Hi.'

Diane jumped then swallowed and put her glass down on the table but kept her eyes on the wall. 'What are you doing here?'

'I wanted to see you,' she answered, moving further into the room but halting as she saw Diane stiffening.

'We've said all we've got to,' answered the constable, putting a finger to her eye. The tear might've been almost invisible but Nikki knew it was there and she felt her stomach aching more.

'I haven't,' she said finally.

'Nikki, don't do this,' Diane muttered in a pleading tone. 'Please.'

Feeling something inside her break, she let go of the notion that she should stay at a distance and moved to sit beside her lover on the sofa. 'Di…'

'No.'

'I love you,' she said. 'But that doesn't give you the right to tell me what to do. You can't make me forget the last six months of my life, even if you really wanted to.'

For the first time since she'd entered the room, Diane looked towards her. 'And what if I told you it didn't mean a thing, hmm?'

She smiled sadly. 'I'd be annoyed you were lying to me.'

Diane stared her out for a moment then her resolve appeared to crumble as she refocused her attention onto her hands. 'I'm sorry I ever…'

Nikki reached for her hand. 'Di, listen to me. You don't get rid of me with one little word. I'm not letting you just…'

'Why not?' the constable demanded. 'You can get your life back!'

'What, with my normal happy family? It wouldn't work even if I wanted it to!'

'You want it to, Nikki. I know you do.'

'I want you,' she said firmly, forcing Diane to look at her by guiding her face with her hand. 'You.'

She was completely uncertain what was going to happen next. Either Diane could react and tell her to get out for good or… Letting out a relieved sigh, she accepted her lover into her arms gratefully. Diane was… It seemed unbelievable really. Diane was struggling to hold in her emotions in a manner Nikki had only witnessed at the hospital when she'd come round from being shot.

'I'm not going anywhere, Di,' she whispered, kissing the top of her head. 'Do me a bloody favour and get used to the idea would you?'

Diane spluttered a laugh and Nikki felt her nod. 'Deal.'