I hurt myself, by hurting you, a high school musical fanfic

A/N Remember it's fiction, 'kay? That means that I make all this stuff up…

Summary: Five years ago she had nothing, but him. Now she has everything, but him.

I hurt myself, by hurting you

"Welcome at New York's open night concert! With the biggest singers of this time! For the first part of the evening: Please welcome: Justin Timberlake! Avril Lavigne! Kaci Brown! Christina Aguilera! Akon! And… Gabriella Montez!!!"

Earlier this day

"Kels, I think I'll sing the song tonight…" Gabriella Montez sighed while sitting in the huge living room of the suite they rented for the weekend.

"Wait… WHAT!?!" Kelsi Neilson, her producer, her pianist and best friend, exclaimed.

"I know, but if I don't do it tonight then I'm sure that I won't do it anymore, never… you know…" Gabriella said while hesitating the last part.

"Yes I guess I know, but don't you think everyone will be shocked? I mean you have never sung something this deep…" Kelsi said with concern in voice.

"That's true but everyone keeps bugging me about singing a song full with emotion, and I just need to sing it once…" Gabriella said, this time without any hesitation.

"Yeah you're probably right… Ok I'll do it, but don't think that I like it!" Kelsi said, knowing that deep down she was ecstatic to know that she was finally was going to sing the song, and she could something about the situation.

"No, I won't Kelsi but it just keeps bugging me, I just need to do it!" Gabriella said, and started to cry softly.

"I know Gabs, I know. Shh, everything will be all right…" Kelsi was shocked in all those years Gabriella never cried in front of her, or better, in front of anyone. Kelsi was sure that she heard crying at night, but when she asked about it Gabriella always denied.

She was so going to do something about this.

At the concert

"The first singer of tonight is… drums please… Justin Timberlake!!!" The host announced.

"Hey everyone, the song I'm going to sing is 'What goes around, comes around' hope y'all have a great time!!!"

Hey girl... is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world,
you had me in the palm of your hand
so why your love went away?
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you baby...
Me and you until the end, but I guess I was wrong

Don't wanna think about it, don't wanna talk about it
I'm just so sick about it, I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it, it'll end up in the news about it
I just can't do without ya, tell me it's this fair?

This is the way it's really going down
is this how we say goodbye?
I should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's okay baby cause in time you'll find...

What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around

Yeaaaaaah

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now(on now)
And maybe I should do the same (maybe I should do the same)
Funny thing about that is, I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you baby and now it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong...

"Now I know what he has been going through…" Gabriella thought deep in thoughts.

This is the way it's been going down
is this how we say goodbye?
I should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's okay baby cause in time you'll find...

Yeaaaaaah

What goes around, comes around (comes around) Yeaaaaaah
What goes around, comes around (comes around)
You should've known that...
What goes around, comes around (comes around) Yeaaaaaah
What goes around, comes around (comes around)
You should've known that...

This is the way it's been going down
is this how we say goodbye?
I should've known better when you came around (should've know better)
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's okay baby cause in time you'll find...

Yeaaaaaah

Yup, yup
Let me paint this picture for you baby
yup
You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call 'em
All you get is a busy tone
I heard you found out that he's doing to you
What you did to me, ain't that the way it goes?
When you cheated girl, my heart bleeded girl
So it goes without saying "imagine let me feeling hurt"
Just a classic case, it's a sce-sce-scenario
Tale is oldest time, girl you got what you deserved
And now you want somebody to cure the lonely nights
You wished you had somebody that can come and make it right
Well girl I ain't somebody and not a sympathy (see, see)

What goes around, comes back around
I thought I told ya, hey eyyy
What goes around, comes back around
I thought I told ya, hey eyyy
What goes around, comes back around
I thought I told ya, hey eyyy
What goes around, comes back around
I thought I told ya, hey eyyy

(Take it to 'em eyy..)
Haha...
(Take it to 'em eyy...)
(Hey, hey, hey...)
See, you should've listened to me baby
(Take it to 'em eyy...)
(Hey, hey, hey...)
(Take it to 'em eyy...)
(Hey, hey, hey...)
because... what goes around, come back around
Haha...

Gabriella sighed and thought, "He's so right, never thought something this big behind"

The host got on stage again and said, "Thank you, Justin! Hope we will see you more tonight!!! Our next performance is from our one and only Miss Aguilera!!!"

"Thank you, the song I'm going to sing is Cruz. Enjoy!!!"

I'm leaving today
Living it, leaving it to change

Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze
Tongue tied, twisted are all my memories
Celebrating a fantasy come true
Packing all my bags finally on the move

I'm leaving today
I'm living it ohh, leaving it to change

As I'm driving I'm captured by the view..
Of so much beauty, the road becomes my muse
The heat is rising and my head soars… through the wind
Cool, calm, collective… is a child that lost a thing

I'm leaving today
I'm living it oh, I'm leaving it to change
I'm leaving today
oh yes
I'm living it oh, I'm leaving it to change
But somehow I'm missing
I think I really miss it one day..

Turn out the radio
and I'm feeling like I've never felt before...
Turn down the memories of yesteryears and broken dreams
I'm free, finally free oehhh

Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze.oohhmm

Oeh yeahh!
I'm leaving today
I'm living it Oh Yeah, leaving it to change To change...
See I'm leaving today… ooh yes
I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change
I'm leaving today (Oh I'm leaving it to change)
Living it, I'm leaving it to change

Living it, leaving it
Said I'm living it, leaving it
Living it, leaving it to change
(I'm leaving it to change)
But somehow I miss it
I think I really miss it
One day

"I miss him so much… I need to be strong, to do this…" Gabriella thought. Then the host came up and said, "And that was a great performance, I guess that Akon also is going to try for such a big thing?"

"I hope so; here is Sorry, blame it on me"

As life goes on, I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility.
And I realize that everything I do is affecting the people around me.
So I want to take this time out to apologize for things that I've done,
things that haven't occurred yet,
and things that they don't want to take responsibility for.

I'm sorry for the times that I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I'm sorry for the times that I had to go
I'm sorry for the fact that I did not know

That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I'm sorry for the times I would neglect
I'm sorry for the times I disrespect

I'm sorry for the wrong things that I've done
I'm sorry I'm not always there for my sons
I'm sorry for the fact that I'm not aware
That you can't sleep at night when I am not there

Because I'm in the streets like everyday
I'm sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I'm so proud to call you my girl

I understand that there's some problems
And I'm not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show

If I can't apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain
And you can put the blame on me

said, you can put the blame on me
said, you can put the blame on me
said, you can put the blame on me
you can put the blame on me

I'm sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn't know what to do
I'm sorry that you had to go and sell those bags
Just trying to stay busy until you heard from Dad

When you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though pops treated us like kings
He got a second wife and you didn't agree

He got up and left you there all alone
I'm sorry that you had to do it on your own
I'm sorry that I went and added to your grief
I'm sorry that your son was once a thief

I'm sorry that I grew up way to fast
I wish I would of listened and not be so bad
I'm sorry that your life turned out this way
I'm sorry that the feds came and took me away

I understand that there's some problems
And I'm not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show

If I can't apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain
And you can put the blame on me

said, you can put the blame on me
said, you can put the blame on me
said, you can put the blame on me
you can put the blame on me

I'm sorry that it took so long to see
But they were dead wrong, trying to put it on me
I'm sorry that it took so long to speak
But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani

I'm sorry for the hand that she was dealt
And for the embarrassment that she felt
She's just a little young girl tryin to have fun
But daddy should of never let her out that young

I'm sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
In a 21 and older club they say

Why doesn't anybody want to take blame
Verizon backed out, disgracing my name
I'm just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans, I'll take that blame

Even though the blame's on you
Even though the blame's on you
Even though the blame's on you
I'll take that blame from you

And you can put that blame on me
And you can put that blame on me
you can put that blame on me
you can put that blame on me

And you can put that blame on me

"He always took the blame; he was always the one to apologize. Not me, never me, why not? Why could I never take the blame? But I guess it's too late…" Gabriella thought while having a fake smile plastered on her face, the smile she already wore for 5 years.

"And that was Akon!!! Now, the girl with a bad girl attitude, Avril Lavigne!!!"

"You think high of me, don't 'cha? Here is why!"

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even when you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

"I can tell you why… it is because I was so stupid… after this it's my turn…" Gabriella sat there while all the thoughts hit her in her head, on the outside you didn't see anything of that.

"Thank you Avril!!! Now we have the total opposite of Miss Lavigne, please welcome: Kaci Brown with just an old boyfriend!!!"

I see you on the street
My broken heart still skips a beat
I hear your name inside I go insane
Baby each day that we don't touch
is one more day it hurts too much
I can't forget the love that we made

But there'll come the moment that we're gonna meet (again)
Baby it won't even bother me (no-o)
Trying to make it to the day you'll be
Just an old boyfriend
Won't be thinking of you every night (what boy?)
Only wishing we could only try (once more)
Won't tear me up inside
Just an old boyfriend

Anyone can see the love we killed is killing me
I'm just so sad to lose what we had - Oh yeah
There's no doubt that I should be ok by now
But I'm not there yet
It hurts me so bad but

From the moment that we're gonna meet (again)
Baby it won't even bother me (no-o)
I'll be looking to the day you'll be
just an old boyfriend
Won't be thinking of you every night (what boy?)
Only be wishing we could only try (once more)
You won't tear me up inside
just an old boyfriend

Nothing more and nothing less
No more living with regret
Your memory won't get
The best of me, the best of me
Oh you're gonna see

"Here goes nothing… fuck, what if I screw up? What if all those people will totally think it is weird because it's personal? Darn since when do I even care about those 'people'? I hope that maybe this will let me take my mind off of him…" Gabriella thought while waiting for the host to say her name and then get on stage.

"Thank you Kaci!!! Now our star-guest of tonight, please welcome GABRIELLA MONTEZ!!!" The host announced.

"Thank you, err, well, this is a song I wrote a long time ago, because I did something really stupid and I thought that tonight would be the right time to sing it so… here it goes, it's called hurt………"

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

Everyone gasped; Gabriella Montez wasn't the person to sing slow, emotional songs. She was always the one to sing everything but emotional songs.

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Gabriella had a hard time by trying not to cry, to her it felt like she was the only in the world.

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
for everything I just couldn't do
and I've hurt myself by hurting you

A guy looked at the screen and all the pain, anger and love that was bottled deep down wanted to come out, but he didn't let it. Not yet.

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this oohoh

Kelsi kept playing and looked at Gabriella, she was proud of her; because she finally let out all her emotion that was bottled on the inside.

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

20 million people looked at the screen, at home and in the crowd, trying to figure out what happened. Then it happened and everybody gasped in shock; a tear made his way to Gabriella's cheek.

There's nothing I wouldn't do
to have just one more chance
to look into your eyes
and see you looking back

Gabriella felt the tear falling but she didn't do anything about it. She knew that this wasn't the last tear.

Ohh, I'm sorry for blaming you
for everything I just couldn't do
and I've hurt myself, oohoh

The guy wanted to get on stage, wipe away her tears and tell her that everything would be ok… but he couldn't; that would be a lie.

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

Kelsi knew that this was about to come; when Gabriella wrote this part she was sad… but most angry, angry at herself and angry at the world.

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you...

Only a millisecond after Gabriella finished her song, another one started. The host and everyone else looked confused; Gabriella was the last to perform and the song was only played on an acoustic guitar.

I can take the rain off the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

Gabriella looked up, confused. She knew that voice. She stood up and tried to find out where it came from, without any luck.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Now tears were spilling from his eyes, finally he could let out his emotions without breaking something.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it all over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

Kelsi smiled; her plan worked so far, now the only thing that had to be done was their problem.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

People still looked confused, even though a few thought that it was a part of the concert. They saw that Gabriella was still trying to find out where the voice came from without any success.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Oohoh………

Then he got on stage, to the crowd and everybody at home he was unfamiliar, for Gabriella not so much. She wanted to go to him, hug him, kiss him, but her legs and feet wouldn't let her. He walked up to her and asked, without the mike in front of him, "Is it true what you sung?" when she nodded, unable to speak, he went on, "Then why didn't you come, why didn't you got the chance when you had it? Why now?" She removed her mike too and said softly, "I was afraid, afraid what you would say, afraid of what you would do, afraid of admitting that even I make mistakes, afraid of loosing you forever, when I already lost you… and I thought that today would be— that by now you would…" By now she was sobbing uncontrollably, not finishing the sentence. He took her hand and dragged her with him off the stage. When they were off stage he wanted so badly to kiss her… so bad to hold her in his arms, but yet again it couldn't be that way. He only stood in front of her and watched her crying.

She wanted so badly to have his arms safe around her, feel his lips on hers and get lost in each other. She felt that she needed to say something, so she did, "When I left you I thought that I would be happy because I didn't have anyone to have to disappoint anymore, but I guess, no I know, I was wrong. After I left you, after I signed my contract, after I finished my first track for my first album, I missed you, I missed you so fucking much that it was unbelievable that I didn't broke down all the time, I always regretted everything that I said, what I've done that time… I was always wondering if you moved on, if you had someone else, if you would be happy. And I was selfish and I knew it but I couldn't help it; because I didn't want you to be happy when I wasn't the one who made you happy… even when I was the one who hurt you. And I knew that without you I couldn't be happy, so I stopped doing everything that reminded me of you. I stopped with singing emotional songs; my songs never contained any emotional things… and I just want to say that I'm sorry, I know that this simple sorry won't fix everything that I've caused, but I want to try to regain your trust and love again. I want to do everything that I can do to fix this; I don't want to be that girl that walked out of your life leaving you heartbroken and hurt, I want to be that girl from whom you can be proud of, from whom you can say to other people, 'that's my girl out there', I want to wait for you if you're doing something and won't be back for a while, I want to be the girl that would wait for your touch for centuries, I want to make up to you so badly, because I hurt myself by hurting you. And I can't live while knowing that I broke your heart, my heart would never heal and I would get lost, lost like you told me to that day. But for the first time I wouldn't get lost in you and that would shatter me. In the end I would kill myself for being so stupid, for being everything that is wrong to be."

He could tell that she was being utterly serious on the look on her face, then he spoke up, "Gabi, no guy is worth dieing for, not even I… and I guess that I can try to let you regain my trust again, but my love is impossible to regain again."

She cried, "I'm too late ain't I? I feel so stupid right no, how could I possibly think that you would still love me after what I've done? I--" She was cut off by his lips on hers. The kiss was earth shattering and after they pulled away he said, "It's impossible to regain my love again, because you always had it already…" Then he started to sing softly.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

"I love you, Gabriella Elizabeth Montez"

"I love you too, Troy Alexander Bolton"

A/N Happy Valentines Day (let's just look one day back)!!!!!! The next PB&TB chapter should be out soon… I hope…