Disclaimer: RENT, Wicked, not mine. Sheesh, do I own anything? Well, my ideas, maybe, but nothing else. I hate borrowing things... and renting them... RENT! Wait, no! Bad ADHD! Well, random chapter, but the cast's too tiny. So, story time... -LostOzian

"This isn't going to work," Collins said apologetically. Angel nodded in sad agreement.

"What? Why not?" Maureen looked devastated. Collins grimaced.

"It's so confusing," he said. "I start out as Dillamond, to Ang's Morrible, then I'm the Wizard, and she's Dillamond, and then seconds later, she's Morrible." Collins looked up. "It makes no sense."

"It'll make sense! We'll use hats," Maureen mimed putting on and taking off a hat.

"Things are already so complicated," Roger said. "Look at Mimi! She's Nessa, Nessa and Elphaba's mother, a townsperson, and that first flying monkey, Christine!"

"Chistery," Mark corrected, forever the nerd. Roger spared him a give-me-a-break look before continuing.

"And I'm Elphaba's father, then her…" Roger gritted his teeth. "Lover." Maureen sighed, staring at the loft floor in thought.

"Now, that can't be helped," she said. "But I have an idea on how to solve Angel and Collins' problem." Everybody started at her intently. She looked up, serious for once.

"But you're not going to like it."

"You want me to do what, again?" Benny said over the phone. The seven bohemians had squeezed themselves around the earphone of Mark and Roger's old phone.

"Oh, come on, Benny!" Maureen pleaded. "Last I remember, you had a nice alto!" Benny sighed, a crackle of air over the aged speaker.

"That's not a compliment to a guy," he said. "And I don't consider myself an alto."

"I can't believe we're wasting rehearsal time on him," Mark muttered.

"Well, we need an alto. That means you are a uniquely talented individual with a glimmering opportunity presenting itself to you at long last." Collins poked Maureen.

"We haven't even told him which part he'd have," he said. "Don't lie."

"That's it," Mimi said. Everybody looked to her. "Lies."

"That's all nice and pretty, Maureen, but…" Benny's voice died out as Mimi took the phone and put it to her ear.

"Benny? Hi, it's Mimi," she said, startling her friends. No longer able to hear both sides of the conversation, the Bohemians hoped Mimi would repeat enough of Benny's sentences to they knew what he was saying.

"I'm doing great. Even better since Maureen started this show," Everybody but Maureen gave her a quizzical look. Mimi held up two fingers and crossed them. "Y'know, ever since the beginning I'd wished you could be doing this with us." The Bohemians started sniggering, understanding what Mimi was up to. "Of course," Mimi continued. She uncrossed her fingers as she continued speaking.

"Maureen's not lying," she said. "It's like the part was written for your personality, too." With this, even Roger smirked slightly.

"How fast can you come by Mark and Roger's loft? That's our rehearsal sp- Oh, now? No, now's fantastic." Mimi smiled broadly, eyes lighting up mischievously. "Wonderful. Kay, see you then, Benny! Bye!" Mimi hung up.

"He's coming," she said. "Though he might not be happy about what we're going to give him."

"We've got time to think of something," Maureen said, before she seemed to get and idea. "I got it!" However, Roger pulled Mimi aside.

"What was that?" he asked, serious but not quite accusing. Mimi matched his mood.

"I took a page out of Maureen's book," she said. "The way she gets Mark to do stuff."

"Please, don't ever do that again." Roger said, a question Mimi knew she couldn't refuse.

"I won't," she promised.

Benny showed up a half hour later, all dressed up with a collared shirt, his trademark sweater-vest, and dress slacks.

"What do you think you're doing, Benny? Meeting your father-in-law?" Mark asked cynically.

"If I'm just going to be insulted, I'm going to leave." Benny said. "What's the show, and what's this God-send part?" Maureen held out Benny's copy of the script.

"The Wizard, in the musical Wicked," Maureen said proudly. Benny stared at her.

"Oh no," Benny said, turning around and starting to pace slightly. "I thought you were giving me a good part, and what do you give me? The villain, all because of the protest-fiasco!"

"Wait, you know Wicked?" Collins asked.

"Allison and I saw it a year ago," Benny said. "With the original Broadway cast."

"Damn…" Collins said, halfway between amazed and disgusted.

"Benny! He's an alto!" Maureen said. Benny drew breath to protest. "Okay, alto-tenor! The point is, we're short on people and we need you!"

"What, seven people and you can't pull something together?" Benny said. "I find that hard to believe."

Suddenly, Maureen stood straight at attention like the people on the 'join the army' commercials.

"Sound off!" she called like a drill sergeant. "Elphaba!" She clicked her heels three times.

"Glinda!" Joanne called, clicking her heels.

"Witch's mother, Nessa, Townsperson, Flying Monkey!" Mimi said in the same tone, clicking three times at the end of her list.

"Witch's father, student, Fiyero, townsperson, guard, Wizomania Chorus!" Roger rattled off, clicking. Benny backed up slightly, getting creeped out by the militaristic reform of Maureen's off-Broadway boot camp.

"Townsperson, Boq, guard, flying monkey!" Mark said next. Click. Click. Click.

"Madame Morrible, townsperson, student, guard, flying monkey, Dorothy!" Angel said with a loud platform-heels clicks.

"Dr. Dillamond, townsperson, guard, flying monkey, student, Wizomania chorus!" Collins finished with three decisive clicks. Benny was flat against the wall now, the seven's eyes boring into his willpower.

"W…Wizard?" he stammered, trying to make them stop. They continued to stare at him for agonizingly long seconds until Benny clicked his heels nervously.

And everybody burst out laughing.

"God, you should have seen your face when you clicked your heels," Mark said, shaking his head at Benny. "Priceless."

"I knew he would do it if we added the heel-clicks," Angel said, eyes tearing up with laughter.

"I never agreed to any of this yet," Benny said, trying to regain a scrap of dignity. Maureen straightened, fixing him with her best you-know-I'm-right look.

"Yes, you did," she said. "When you clicked your heels. Hate to tell you, Dorothy, but there's no going home for you. You're on the other side of the rainbow now."

Benny tried to roll his eyes, but knew that he was stuck. If only he could actually melt Maureen in a bucket of water…