DISCLAIMER: We don't own them … just Cliff and he's not worth much!

Innuendos & Confusion

Rosalie heard the boys and looked like she was going to go over and fuss them. Cliff couldn't wait. He had really enjoyed her slapping the big boy earlier. But Rosalie got sidetracked when she saw another boy in the store …

"Aw! It's little Mikey Newton," Rose said, drawing a finger along the jaw of a blonde headed boy. The boy gulped and Cliff didn't blame him one bit.

"Mike, we need a big, strong man like yourself to help us with a little shopping," Rose continued.

"Who's we?" Mike asked.

"Just Alice and me … And Bella, of course," Rose said with a shrug.

"No problem!" Mike replied enthusiastically.

Rosalie dragged the Mike boy over to where the girls and Esme were standing in the flooring section. Cliff's attention shot over to the boys for a second when he heard snarling. He looked around for an animal, but only saw the Edward boy clenching his fists and breathing hard. Cliff wondered if he was maybe having an epileptic fit.

Cliff turned back to Rosalie in time to see her push the Mike boy into Bella. "So, Mike! What type of carpet do you think would look good in Bella's downstairs? Bushy? Berber? Or maybe some smooth laminate?"

Cliff watched as the Edward boy appeared out of nowhere again, sweeping up the Bella girl, again.

"Come near my fiancée again, Newton, and I'll show you why it's dangerous to play with pliers. You won't ever sit down the same again!" Edward snarled.

Cliff was happy to know there hadn't been an animal in the store, but he was also disturbed by the animalistic tendencies of this boy, Edward. He hoped he was wouldn't hurt the girl, Bella. Edward took Bella into one of the fake kitchen areas. He put her on a counter and lifted up her chin, staring into her eyes. Cliff relaxed. He could tell from the look in Edward's eyes that he would never hurt Bella.

"Are you okay, love?" Edward asked Bella.

She grabbed his head and they started kissing all over again. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he put his arms around her, pulling her even closer. Cliff shifted around in his chair, wondering if his wife would forgive him for the microwave if he kissed her like that on their counter.

The big guy, Emmett, came out of nowhere and took Edward away. Bella was left sitting on the counter, looking shocked by the sudden disappearance of her fiancée.

Cliff followed the boys as they made their way into the lumber yard. Emmett looked down at Edward and started laughing.

"Look at the all wood, Edward," Emmett laughed. "Has Bella ever given you wood?"

Edward grabbed an entire pallet full of wood and threw it at Emmett. As soon as the wood crashed into the big guy, it all turned to splinters. Emmett stood there, crossing his arms and looking frustrated. Cliff started thinking once again about how mushrooms gave him really crazy dreams.

"Watch that temper Edward," Emmett warned. "You wouldn't want Bella to find out about that tent you're pitching in the middle of the store."

Edward stormed off, trying to calm down in more ways than one. Cliff felt a little sorry for the boy. His older brother didn't seem very understanding.

Cliff watched as Emmett snuck over to Rosalie and told her about Edward's 'little problem'. Cliff could only shake his head. Sibling rivalry was often a very nasty thing.

Edward walked past Esme. She tried to get his opinion on some flower seeds. She was holding over a dozen different kinds in her hands. Cliff shook his head, wondering what had prompted him to dream up one of the most dysfunctional families in history.

Alice showed up and helped Esme narrow her choices down to six different kinds. But then the pixie grabbed an entire box for each one. The two of them moved onto the garden ornaments. Esme found a gnome and Alice pretended to gag, calling it tacky. Then Alice grabbed a little pixie on a mushroom and showed it to Esme. Esme shook her head. Cliff laughed, thinking it was pretty funny that the pixie girl picked the pixie ornament. The two women finally agreed on a dark blue mirrored globe and pedestal. Alice then led Esme over to pick out a new garden bench.

Cliff decided he was bored with them and started searching his monitors. He found Edward walking past Jasper. Jasper got a mischievous grin on his face. All of a sudden, Edward walked over to the shower displays, looking very confused. He undressed, but kept his boxers on. Cliff figured this was his brain's way of protecting him from his freaky dream.

Bella was walking past the showers when she turned and spotted Edward. Her eyes grew wide and her face turned a bright red. She started fanning herself as Edward became frustrated, looking even more confused than he had before.

Edward stepped out of the shower and started walking away, still in his boxers. Cliff started laughing, wondering what was wrong with the boy. Edward was headed toward one of the employees, a girl called Jessica. Bella had her head cocked to the side, staring at Edward's butt. When Bella finally came around, she grabbed Edward's pants and started to chase after him, tripping over her feet the whole time. Her face had that same glint of confusion that Edward's had held earlier.

"Edward, can you let me get in your pants? I mean, can you get in my pants? Ugh! Jasper! Stop hitting me with confusion!" Bella screamed.

Cliff wondered what Jasper could possibly have to do with Bella and Edward being confused. Meanwhile, Jessica was looking at Edward as if he was a piece of candy. When he walked up to her, she looked him up and down hungrily.

"Miss, how am I supposed to buy from you if I can't even test what I am buying? I mean, I need to know if this shower will get cold enough to help me calm down after kissing my girlfriend! I have to keep her virtue safe!" Edward said quickly.

Jessica passed out cold, luckily falling backwards onto a swing. Bella finally caught up with Edward and tried to hand him his pants. He refused and started trying to wake Jessica up. That was when Jasper let out a chuckle. Edward was clearly embarrassed by that point. Cliff thought the boy would start blushing any second now, but Edward never did. Bella handed him his pants again and he grabbed them quickly, putting them on impossibly fast. Edward turned to Jasper with a murderous look on his face.

Yay! My-Bella and myself wrote this funny little story! We hope you enjoy!