Disclaimer: I own nothing. I deserve to be burned at stake for how long it took me to update this. I'm sorry. I hope the chapter's worth it, though. -LostOzian
Mimi, Mark, Collins, and Angel had all bolted offstage after Joanne and Glinda screamed, then returned momentarily with various props. Mimi was in the Nessa chair, toting two paper bags, and handed one to Maureen. Mark used masking tape to tape a piece of poster board with various school-like scribbles on it to the back wall. Angel returned onstage and started passing out copies of Where the Lilies Bloom to act as textbooks to everyone, and even grudgingly gave one to Maureen. Everyone aligned themselves on the floor, sitting cross-legged (except Mimi) in a line facing the audience. There was a considerable gap between Maureen and everyone else, with Mimi sitting, isolated, to Maureen's other side. Collins then reappeared onstage with a bunch of papers sandwiched between his fists. Most of them were reject essays from his own classes.
"Now, class, settle down!" Collins said, rustling the papers slightly as the class did settle down. "I have read your most recent essays, and I am pleased to report…" Collins paused dramatically. "Some progress!" he finished proudly, beaming at his students. He wished he was able to face his students with the same peppy optimism, but sadly, New York college students weren't Shiz students, and it was hard to cope. He started passing out essays, beginning with Joanne.
"Miss Glinda…" he said, giving her a random essay with a lot of red marks on it and headed toward Roger on the far side of the stage as Joanne said her line.
"It's Ga-linda," she said snobbily. "With a Ga." Collins stopped and turned around.
"Oh, sorry." He prepared himself to try again. "Miss… Gh-h-h-hlinda." Joanne glared at him as he shrugged feebly, apparently saying 'that's the best I can do', and he moved on.
"I don't see what the problem is," Joanne said, apparently talking to Angel by her side but the whole room could hear. "Every other professor seems to be able to pronounce my name."
"Perhaps perfecting the pronunciation of your precious name is not the sole focus of Dr. Dillamond's life." Maureen articulated, not looking up from her tortured copy of Where the Lilies Bloom. "Perhaps he isn't like every other professor, perhaps some of us-" Maureen looked up, apparently accentuating the green skin. "-are different."
"Burn, Glinda," Fiyero smiled. Glinda shifted a little. This was not her crowning moment.
"Well, it seems the artichoke is steamed." Joanne said, dripping bitchiness. The whole 'class' erupted in congratulations, giving Glinda high fives and laughing. Mimi just sat there, indifferent, and Maureen looked like she was going to turn purple under the green makeup.
"Burn, Elphaba!" Boq tried to sound cool, but Fiyero, Glinda, and Elphaba all just shook their heads at him. Nessa blinked adoringly, but Boq tried to focus on the show, ignoring her.
"Now, class! Class!" Collins pawed at the floor a few times, and everyone was thankful it was Mimi's loft below them with the force of his leg. Because they had rehearsed that scene dozens of times, and probably would have been kicked out by the neighbors as opposed to Benny. "Miss Elphaba has a point!" Collins went off into the big monologue about how Animals were disappearing from prominent positions. Elphaba and Maureen could have been exchanged and nobody would know the difference; they were both staring at Collins with rapt, admiring, and undivided attention. Glinda poked Elphaba, causing her to start.
"Shouldn't you be taking notes?" she asked. Elphaba actually reached beneath her chair for paper and pen before realizing that Glinda had finally managed to play a prank on her. The green Witch had forgotten it was just a performance.
"Not funny, Glinda," Elphaba said lowly as her best friend muffled hysterics.
"I'm going to tell them about it once they're done!" Glinda promised, before going back to the show. By now, Collins was talking about the Great Drought.
"And the question came, whom to blame?" Collins looked down the line of Boho College students, or Shiz students. "Can anyone tell me what is meant by the term 'scapeGoat'?" Maureen's hand shot into the air as everybody else looked around, begging each other to raise their hand and spare them embarrassment. Collins looked at Maureen for a moment.
"Someone… besides Miss Elphaba?" Joanne raised her hand slowly, to the awe and respect of everyone else. Collins jumped on the chance to call on someone else.
"Yes! Miss Glinda!" he said. Joanne froze.
"It's GA-linda!" she said irritably. "With a GA! And I don't see why you can't just teach us history instead of always harping on the past!" Everyone with the exclusion of Collins, Maureen, and Mimi started ad-libbing agreement. Mimi kind of sat there, thinking it over, Maureen looked like she was getting ready to go strangle her girlfriend, and Collins held one of his hoof-fists against his forehead in exasperation.
"Well… maybe these questions will help!" Collins went to the poster board at the back of the room and flipped it around, magically gaining temporary use of his opposable thumbs for the act. He stayed facing the audience, not looking at the poster until he had turned it around.
They had stolen a big, angry, red Sharpie from Joanne's boss' office, and used it to write in huge block letters, 'Animals should be seen and not heard'.
Silence descended upon the loft. An absolute, deafening silence that made everyone fully aware that Mimi had forgotten to shut of the radio in her loft as 'Love Shack' drifted up through the floor. Collins looked down, delivering his line to the floor so nobody would see him smiling.
"Who is responsible for this?" he asked as the radio kept going, "Love shack! Baby, love shack!" The Ozians started laughing at the sheer irony that a song like that just had to be playing during the classroom scene.
"I am waiting for an answer!" The line drowned out the song for a moment, reminding everybody they were still doing a show. The Boho students looked around, waiting for their classmates to own up. Nobody did, so Collins continued. "Very well. Class dismissed!" Everybody just sat there. "You heard me! Class dismissed!" And all at once, everybody got up to go offstage, with Roger, in a fit of daring, not going offstage at all, yet instead going out to the balcony with the fire escape to get to Mimi's apartment to turn off the radio. Maureen let Mimi roll herself offstage, then turned to Collins. He was staring somewhere in the house, not looking at anyone and apparently thinking over what had happened, trying to keep his mind off of 'Love Shack'.
"Animals should be seen and not heard?" Maureen read. The poster board tape chose that moment to fall down. Collins turned his natural laugh into a forced laugh as he picked up the poster board.
"Miss Elphaba, don't worry about me, go enjoy your friends," Collins said, passing the poster board to Mark offstage.
"That's okay. I have no friends." Maureen said flatly, and sat back down on the floor. She offered to share her lunch with Collins, who agreed, and started chewing on the bag. And he was actually chewing on the bag as opposed to the rehearsed fake chewing. Collins knew it wouldn't stand up to the Ozians, so made a sacrifice. Angel looked from offstage, wrinkling her nose as she adjusted the Morrible wig.
"No bedtime kiss for him tonight," she whispered to Mimi, who almost choked with the effort of staying silent.
Collins and Maureen began the 'Something Bad' song, with the baaing and everything, staying much more with the blocking than the eating paper move would suggest. Thankfully, the paper didn't gum up Collins' voice or anything, and the song went smoothly. Angel went on, and asked about the 'disturberance' in class.
"Only problem is, she sounds like she really cares!" Boq said. "That's the kind of Morrible that would bake you non-cursed cookies and help you get your GPA up!"
"Or extend curfew for the night of homecoming dance!" Glinda said, remembering an appeal she tried to make to Morrible, which had failed.
"Or not kick you out of school for burning down the flagpole!" Fiyero said, remembering a different yet still rather unpleasant, headmistress.
"Wait… you burned down a flagpole?" Elphaba stared at Fiyero, unforgiving.
"It… was a very long time ago?" Fiyero offered weakly. Elphaba folded her arms as Angel Dumontt-Schunard-Morrible exited. Collins and Maureen went on with the song.
"Dr. Dillamond," Maureen said. "If something bad is happening to the Animals, someone's got to tell the Wizard. That's why we have a Wizard!" Benny did an 'I'm all that' pose backstage as Mimi, Angel, and Mark did jazz hands, much to the amusement of Roger and Joanne on the other side of the stage.
"Nothing truly ba-a-a-ad…" Collins jumped as he bleated. Maureen froze, staring at Collins like he had no head. "Sorry," he whispered. "Bad." And he ran offstage, leaving Maureen alone.
"It couldn't happen here in Oz…" she sang mournfully.
"But it could happen at the Love Shack," Boq said.