Disclaimer: First of all, big shout-out to my study hall proctor for unlocking the internet blocks and allowing me to post during school hours! WHOO! Second, amazing shout-out to the reviewers who haven't lynched me for not updating in so long. Third, shout-out to all the people who won't lynch me... I need to put everything on hiatus. I have the opportunity to bring friends to see Wicked on a legit stage, and my parents won't let me go unless I finish my novel (non-fanfic) by April, and it is now December, and I have about sixty pages to write, maybe more. So yeah, more details on my profile. (And I have a request for a pretty Pixess, could you see Sweeney Todd movie then tell me if it's okay for people who normally don't enjoy violent movies? Thankies.)
Please enjoy Joanne Jefferson as Glinda in POPULAR! Story Time! -LostOzian
Joanne and Maureen walked toward the front of the stage as everyone else cleared up the mess of ribbons, and Roger and Collins dragged the MMToSL onstage. The Table had two pillows on it, one pink with a fuzzy pillowcase and one an unnatural shade of yellow. (The pink one was stolen from Angel's bed; the yellow one from Roger's.)
"Your first party?!" Joanne exclaimed. Maureen kind of shifted uncomfortably.
"Do funerals count?" Maureen asked. Roger and Collins set down the Table, and ran offstage. Joanne hopped up on the pink pillow side of the Table, kicking her legs excitedly.
"It's your first party!" she started squealing, practically forcing herself to make such a high pitched sound. Maureen stood there, impersonating Joanne's normal self as Joanne impersonated Maureen. Joanne suddenly gasped, reaching out and grabbing Maureen's arm and pulling her down next to her on the table.
"I know, we'll tell each other something we've never told anyone else! I'll go first." Joanne calmed herself down. Elphaba hugged Fiyero again as Joanne continued with her line.
"Fiyero and I are going to be married," she said perfectly calmly, then suddenly exploded in girlish excitement, burying her face in the pink pillow.
"He's asked you already?" Maureen asked, slightly disbelieving that people would get engaged after one date. Joanne collected herself for the one line.
"Oh, no, he doesn't know yet," she said, then returned to squealing into the pillow. Maureen sat there, waiting for her girlfriend to finish. Glinda poked Elphaba gently.
"Elphie?" she said softly. "Was I really that… annoying?" Elphaba smirked.
"Hate to say it, Glinda, but she's not half as annoying as you had been," Elphaba responded. Glinda sat there in shock as Joanne asked about Maureen's secret.
"Now you tell me a secret," the lawyer said, her arm reaching around Maureen's back to the yellow pillow, scrambling around under it. "Like… why do you sleep with this little green bottle under your pillow?" Maureen froze as Joanne produced one of the green bottles.
"Give that back," she said seriously.
"Tell me its secret!" Joanne insisted.
Joanne and Maureen fought a little, Joanne playing keep away, until Maureen finally grabbed the bottle and shouted, "It was my mother's! That's all!" Dead silence followed. Everyone backstage was absolutely soundless, too, wondering how the Ozians would react to the scene. Elphaba just sat very still, letting Fiyero stroke her hair. Glinda was staring at Joanne's Doc Martens thoughtfully, and Nessa made a mental note to comfort her sister later, because she didn't dare move in case Boq realized he was still holding her hand. Boq, who had never had an inkling this moment occurred until now, was watching intently, paying absolute attention for fear he would miss something.
"That's not fair," Joanne said quietly. "I told you a really good one." Any other audience would have laughed, but the Ozians didn't, and the Bohos were completely understanding of that. Maureen just sat there, fingering the bottle, until finally relenting.
"Okay," she said, waving for Joanne to sit next to her. The lawyer bounced over and up onto the table, kicking her legs slightly.
"My father hates me," Maureen said, then cut across Joanne's gasp, saying "That's not the secret. The secret is… he has a good reason to." Maureen looked off into the darkened loft for a moment before continuing. "When Mother was carrying Nessa, our father was so worried the new baby would turn out…" Maureen searched for a politically correct way to describe her condition.
"Green," Joanne supplied. Maureen cringed, yet acknowledged that was the word she was looking for.
"Exactly. So he made her chew milk-flowers day and night. Only… that made Nessa come too soon, her little legs all tangled…" Maureen took a deep breath, suppressing tears. "None of which would have happened if not for me." Joanne sat there sadly, thinking of how different a secret about marriage and a secret about how your father had immense self-control to not drown you as a baby were.
"But that was the milk-flower's fault," Joanne said logically. "Not yours. And though it may be your secret, Elphaba, it doesn't make it true." Joanne sat there a moment, before pointing offstage, imaging a clock that said it was past midnight.
"Look, it's tomorrow," she said innocently. Another moment passed in happy silence before Joanne spoke up again. "Elphie? Do you mind if I call you Elphie?" Maureen blinked in surprise she had just received a nickname.
"Well, it's a little perky," Maureen commented, hoping 'Galinda' would take a hint and just call her 'Elphaba'. Joanne decided not to take the hint, continuing on full steam.
"And you can call me… Galinda!" she did jazz hands, or spirit fingers, depending on where you're from, but she spread out her fingers and wiggled them, which means she did jazz hands. But you can call them spirit fingers. "So, Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project!" Glinda squealed in her seat, stealing one of Elphaba's hands and swinging it back and forth, a manic smile on her face.
"Glinda, I remind you, let them sing," Elphaba enforced, while watching as Maureen's expression changed from reminiscently mournful to one of nauseous dread.
"You… really don't have to… do that," Maureen forced out, trying to make herself smile and failing. Joanne merely giggled again.
"I know," she said. "That's what makes me so nice." Everybody backstage raised a finger to go 'ding' as the music began.
"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I," Joanne placed her hands over her heart. "And let's face it: who isn't less fortunate than I? My tender heart tends to start to bleed…" Joanne opened her hands, leaning forward.
"And…" Joanne looked at Maureen. "When-someone-needs-a-make-over-I-simply-have-to-take-over, I know, I know," Joanne breathed. "Exactly what they need…"
"She breathes less than you do," Elphaba said to Glinda.
"Not fairrrr…" Glinda said. "Are you just going to mock me the whole time?" Fiyero and Elphaba glanced at each other.
"Yes," they said at the same time.
"Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed!" Joanne pulled Maureen up off the table and brought her to center stage. "And yes, indeed… you… will… be…" Joanne suddenly whipped her hand forward, showing Maureen all she could achieve with a smile and good reputation.
"Popular!" Maureen blinked, wondering if she had heard correctly. "You're gonna be pop-u-u-lar!" The Bohos all covered their mouths as Joanne the Lesbian continued. "I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce…" Joanne made a high pitched-sound, swinging Maureen around so she sat on the pink side of the table. "I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix that hair!" Joanne started undoing the careful braid. "Everything that really counts to be popular!" She struck a pose, a kind of attempt to look like a valiant warrior of fashion, campaigning out into the world to make everyone look beautiful. She looked down at Maureen kindly. "I'll help you be pop-u-u-lar! You'll hang with the right cohorts…" Joanne got down from the table, then swung an imaginary baseball bat through the air. "…You'll be good at sports, and know the slang you've got to know!" Maureen looked at Joanne pathetically, causing the Lawyer to lose steam for a moment.
"So let's start, cause you've got an awfully long way to go…" Joanne hopped back up on the table, wrapping her arms around Maureen's shoulders.
"Don't be offended by my frank analysis," Joanne placated, though not very helpfully. The look on Maureen's face said that she had a very different experience in mind when Joanne had said 'project'. "Think of it as personality dialysis!" Joanne started rocking Maureen left and right, oblivious to how uncomfortable Maureen was. "Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister, and adviser," Joanne stopped, looking at Maureen. "There's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to popular!" Joanne gestured at herself. "I know about pop-u-u-lar! And with an assist from me to be who you'll be!" She spun off the table again and twirling. "Instead of dreary, who you were," Joanne stopped. "Well, are, there's nothing that can stop you from becoming pop-u-ler!" Maureen raised an eyebrow. "Lar," Joanne corrected.
Nobody had any complaints about Joanne's popular. She pulled off a peppy blonde better than imagined, all without changing her physical appearance. She did all she could to force Maureen into more misery (for her own good, of course) and took the scene to new levels in doing so. Fiyero and Elphaba never outright teased Glinda again, but whenever Joanne added in some new quirk, it was always accompanied by a pointed look from one of the two, or both. Maureen finally got to the point where she was allowed to say something.
"This is never going to work!" Maureen exclaimed, tugging at her hair nervously. Joanne tittered, spinning in circles again.
"Elphie, you mustn't say that anymore! Your whole life is about to change, and all-" Pose. "-because-" New pose. "-of me!" Final and best pose of all, the arms-raised Thank Goodness pose. For the purposes of foreshadowing. Maureen merely resigned herself to materialistic misery as Joanne snapped for her to pay attention.
"Now," Joanne said. "This is how you toss your hair." She leaned back a little, then looked left, then right very fast so her hair swished. "Toss, toss," she said, then looked to Maureen. "Now you." Maureen gave Joanne one last pleading look, before leaning back and imitating the hair toss. The main difference was Maureen's hair was much longer than Joanne's, and Maureen ended up with a face full of hair. Other than that, the tosses were a lot alike, with Joanne looking silly and Maureen looking stupid.
"That's okay. We'll practice." Joanne said, then started looking around the set. Something was missing. "Um…uh…"
"What?" Maureen said.
"I lost my magic wand!" Joanne said. "Help me look!" Maureen hopped off the table, but was stopped by Joanne. "But you have to dance." Maureen froze.
"What?" she said as Joanne started looking around.
"You heard me. Dance." Joanne showed off some dancing, before incorporating it into her search for her magic wand. Maureen started imitating her, working how disturbed she was into 'Elphaba's' reaction. All the while, the Bohos were frantically searching around backstage for where the stupid wand went. Finally, Angel found it, and slid it across the floor in front of Joanne.
"Aha!" Joanne picked up the wand. "Here it is! Now, I will transform your simple frock into a beautiful ball gown!"
"How are they going to pull off magic like that onstage?" Fiyero asked. Elphaba just smirked.
"You'll see," she said, as Joanne shouted out, "Ball gown!"
Nothing happened. Maureen shifted her weight. Joanne forced a smile as Fiyero tried to hide his.
"Okay, that was my first try, it's okay, we're okay…" she made excuses under her breath, before waving the wand around a little more. "Ball gown!" she repeated.
Again, nothing happened.
"That's how they pull off magic 'like that' onstage," Elphaba said, as Joanne delivered the famous like, "Is this thing on?" She tapped the wand on her leg a few times as Maureen reached for it.
"Maybe if I tried-" But Joanne pulled the wand away.
"No-no-no-no-no-no-no!" Joanne said, then tossed the wand over her shoulder. "Oh, just wear the frock, it's pretty."
"Don't laugh!" Glinda hissed, poking Elphaba's shoulder. "I hadn't had a single sorcery lesson yet!"
"Morrible never taught us how to make ball gowns, Glinda," Elphaba said as Joanne sat Maureen down on the MMToSL. Pulling out the flower from her hair, she delivered her line with innocent beauty.
"Now for the finishing touch." She pinned the flower in Maureen's hair and gasped. "Pink goes good with green!"
"Oh yeah, she's green," Fiyero said.
"Duh! She's got green eye shadow all over her face!" Glinda said.
"Glinda, is something... wrong with green?" Elphaba said with the smallest of edges in her voice. Glinda paled.
"No," she squeaked as Joanne gave Maureen a mirror.
"Why, Miss Elphaba," the lawyer was saying. "Look at you. You're beautiful." Maureen stared at her reflection in amazement, not letting her inner thoughts of Ooh, who's that hottie? Oh yeah! It's me! show on her face. Instead, she imagined that she was breaking out in pimples.
Everyone backstage crossed their fingers, hoping that Maureen and Joanne wouldn't kiss while at the same time hoping they would.
"I… I have to go," Maureen said, shoving the mirror into Joanne's hands and running away. Everyone let go of their fingers, happy and sad MoJo hadn't kissed.
"You're welcome," Joanne said unhappily, before noticing her reflection in the mirror and, instead of worrying about a pimple forming in her eyebrow, forced her face to think, Ooh, who's that hottie? Oh yeah! It's me! Still, she was not to be distracted from her big song.
"And though you protest, your disintere-e-e-est I know clandestinely…" Joanne stamped her foot and continued. "You're gonna grin and bear it, your newfound popularity!" She kicked her foot so she landed on her back on the MMToSL, staring at the mirror.
"La la, la-a-a la, you'll be popular," Joanne sat up, looking offstage at Maureen. "Just not quite as popular… as… ME!" Joanne looked forward, raising her arms as she held the last note, then posed.
The Ozians clapped, knowing that Joanne was indeed popular. Or at least, they liked her, and so did many assorted fangirls.