Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep…
I woke up the next morning to the annoying sound of my alarm clock with a headache so great, it felt as if my skull was being sawed in half. I try to sit up, but fall back down to the softness of my pillow. My stomach was an empty cavern. It had no strength to growl at me, so I'm left with the feeling of a crater in my upper abdomen. I strain to turn my head but my neck was pierced with hot needles. My body was reacting much worse than it did with Hanako took my blood. Why is there such a difference with Satoshi? Sore wa itami-masu…
My eyes were on fire and a few tears finally came. I'm not sure how long I can keep this up! I need to go to school, but to be completely honest, I feel and probably look like shit. Make-up may cover the mark on my neck and lessen the intensity of the blackish-blue bags under my eyes, but it will not be able to conceal my weakened body. My attitude will reveal how tired and feeble I really am right now. Just buck up, Kasumi! Hang on for a while longer. I know I can do this if I try. Kami-sama, o-negai, watashi ni tsuyosa wo atae-masu.
Somehow, even against my personal laws of physics, I manage to get out of bed and get dressed. I brush my red mat of hair, put it in its usual ponytail, grab my make-up case, and do my best to beautify. Thank goodness tomorrow is a Saturday without school*. I could spend the whole day at home and relax. I don't have any plans with Sae-chan or Naoko-chan, and it's not like I need to see Satoshi. Maybe it is best we spend some time apart anyway. Satoshi has been like a drug to me lately. I need to go 'cold turkey'.
I grab some mochi for breakfast and head out the door, eyes half open. I pictured myself with rotting green flesh and nails in my neck. A zombie. I imagine I looked a lot like it. Something has to cheer me up, but I don't quite see what will. Sae-chan might. She always seems to make me feel better.
I was about halfway to school when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It felt like a lead brick.
"Ohayou," It was Satoshi.
"Ohayou," I reply, voice low and dry.
Satoshi removes his hand and doesn't say anything else. I hadn't looked at him yet. I didn't want to. But I could feel his stare, burrowing into the side of my head and implanting itself in my brain to germinate. I wonder if he could see past the make-up and red eyes. But this felt just as good as it did bad. I did this for a good cause and will never regret it.
"How are you feeling?" I ask.
"Better,"
"I'm glad,"
"How about you?" He asks.
"Genki-desu," I reply.
Satoshi places the back of his hand on my cheek for a moment. "You feel cold."
"It's almost winter, of course skin will be cold to the touch," I sort of snap back.
"Kasumi-san, how did you really feel about yesterday?" Satoshi asks. "Obligated?"
"Not at all," I say in a nicer tone. "I felt like I wanted to help you get better and that was the only way, correct?"
"Yes," Satoshi replies. "Unfortunately,"
"You don't like being what you are?" I ask, not wanting to say vampire too loud incase someone I knew was near by.
"I don't mind," Satoshi says. "I just want to take off these glasses more often."
"Then why don't you?"
"Even though I'm only half, I'm still part vampire," Satoshi answers. "Vampires are weak against light. That's why I wear all black as well."
"Convenient that your hair is black too, ne?" I try to add some humor to this dismal conversation.
"My father had black hair," Satoshi says.
The newspaper article flashed into my head once more. "Satoshi-kun, how exactly did your father die?"
"I told you before, nobody really knows," Satoshi almost yells back at me.
He did know. He just wasn't telling me. But I understood.
We walked the rest of the way to school in silence. It felt strange being around Satoshi. When I first starting talking to him, he was just an ordinary guy. I learned his secret and things became tense. My heart began to pound harder a while after that and after the kiss, it slowed down again. Maybe my soul didn't connect and was giving up on him. Now, after he's taken my blood, things are awkward. I feel as if I can't look at him straight in the face…without seeing those atrociously sharp fangs and sorrowful, yet beautiful brown eyes. Hanako's words cut me deep yesterday, and I'm not sure why yet. I suppose it's because I'm afraid that Satoshi will choose to stay on his mother's side and stay an isolated half-vampire forever and never come into the light of a real relationship with humans. With me…
Satoshi and I remove our regular shoes in the shoe-locker room and put on the school designated ones. Just before I left, I wanted to tell Satoshi to have a nice day, but when I faced him, no words came to my mind. Everything went as blank as a cloudy, moon-less night. Black as night, this was the true Satoshi. He'll never have any light. All of his glimmer and glow is hidden underneath thick and miasmatic clouds. Clouds meant never to be penetrated. His mother was right. He belonged to neither side of the world. Vampires thought him unclean and humans thought him demonic. Would it truly be better if I stay away from Satoshi for good?
Satoshi sighs. "It was my mother."
What was he talking about? Before I got a chance to ask him, he turned and left to go to his homeroom. I should go to mine as well. I start walking and after a couple of minutes, his words clicked in my brain. His mother had killed his father. Why would she do that? Didn't Satoshi also say it was an accident? Or was that another lie? I don't think I can be sure about anything anymore.
I was almost to homeroom when my vision became suddenly blurry. I quickly lean against the windowsill and open the window for some fresh air. My stomach felt like a row boat in the middle of the ocean. I stick my head out the window, just in case.
"Kasumi-chan!"
I bring my head in to face Sae-chan. "Ohayou…"
"You sound like you're coming out of anesthesia," Sae-chan says. "Doushita no?"
Sae-chan takes her finger and wipes it across my neck. When she holds it up for me to see, there's a mix of foundation and blood on the tip. Chi?! My wound must have opened up again. But how? Did I put too much strain on it?
"It's still bleeding?" I nervously ask stupidly.
"Kasumi-chan, it may be a secret between you two, but I'm starting to worry. We need to talk,"
*****
At lunch period, Sae-chan and I go to the roof to eat a private lunch and chat. We both felt bad leaving Naoko-chan out, but I didn't feel comfortable telling her yet. Naoko-chan still has secret feelings for Satoshi, and I don't want to ruin the potential by getting in the middle.
"Okay!" Sae-chan sits down directly across from me. "From the beginning, please."
"Satoshi-kun," I stutter, "is half human, half vampire."
Sae-chan drops her chopsticks. "That might explain all the black."
"The first mark on my neck was from Hanako, Satoshi's vampire mother. Satoshi was the one who stopped her from draining me dry. We sort of became friends after that, but I think I did something wrong," the kiss came to mind. "Then he fell ill because he wasn't getting enough nutrients from typical food. That and vampires have a naturally weak immune system."
"That doesn't explain the mark on your neck now," Sae-chan says.
"I went to see him yesterday after school and let him take my blood," I reply quietly.
"Why?" Sae-chan exclaims.
"It was the only way he could get better! He needed more nutrients," I groan.
"Kasumi-chan, you could have died if he took too much!"
"He would have died if I didn't let him!" I reply. "And I trusted Satoshi-kun. He said he tries to avoid taking others' blood whenever he can."
"Maybe to get close to yours!" Sae-chan says. "Did you ever think about his real intensions in your relationship? I don't want to make it sound too manipulative, but maybe he was being nice with you so you'd let him take your blood if he needed it. He may be half, but he's still a vampire! They crave blood by nature."
I…never looked at it that way before. What if Sae-chan is right? Satoshi-kun might have used me. It sounds so weird; not right. He would never do that, but nature, to be blunt, is unpredictable. Deer lose their antlers in the late fall, birds fly south for the winter, tulips bloom in spring, and vampires necessitate blood. However, there's always a buck who gets shot for its venison, a duck is always left behind, a flower bud is eaten by a rabbit, a vampire still needs blood. I was stupid to think Satoshi would be different because she's half human. Like I've said, Satoshi said, and even Sae-chan said, 'he may be half, but he's still a vampire'.
The wind blows by and I try to pick up that Sandalwood scent, but it wasn't there. Maybe what my heart was feeling this whole time wasn't love, nor infatuation. I believe it was just excitement at the thought of a guy accepting me for who I was: a red-head water mater who enjoys math. Now that I look at the full picture, Satoshi wouldn't want a goody-good girl like me who's quick to fall.
"Kasumi-chan?" Sae-chan waves a hand in front of my face. "You're spacing out. I'm sorry if what I said upset you."
"No, it…made me think," I reply.
Sae-chan scoots around to sit next to me and wraps her arms around my upper torso in a sideways hug. "It's okay, Kasumi-chan. You and Satoshi-kun can go on having your little secret. I won't breath a word to anybody."
"Arigatou…demo…"
"What is it?" Sae-chan asks.
"I think I should spend some time away from him so I don't end up finding out you're one-hundred percent correct at the worst time," I say.
Sae-chan smiles at me. "Ai wa itami-masu."
"I never said I loved him!" I reply.
"I never said you did either, Kasumi-chan," Sae-chan nods her head. "I was just telling you that because you may find out later that you actually do."
"And telling me that it will hurt makes me feel better…how?"
"Well, I thought I'd distribute my advice equally between you and Naoko-chan, so…" Sae-chan fiddles with her thumbs.
"What do you mean by that?" I ask. Sae-chan was starting to look deceitfully innocent.
Sae-chan says. "Naoko-chan came up to me yesterday after school asking me for advice on how to tell Satoshi-kun how she really felt about him. She said she was going to tell him today."
"When?" I was getting defensive for some reason.
"She told me she'd break the news whenever she could get him alone," Sae-chan reports.
"He's always alone at lunch," I say more to myself than to Sae-chan.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a poke' ball.
"Hanekko!"
My joyous pink blob floats out with a smile.
"Hanekko, fly around campus and see if you can spot either Satoshi-kun or Naoko-chan. Please?" I ask politely.
It coos and flies off over the roof railing and towards the outskirts of school grounds. Not that I was trying to stop Naoko-chan from telling Satoshi-kun how she really felt about him, I just wanted to know if she'd done it yet. So I can knock some sense into that woman! No, I didn't just think that. Naoko-chan is my friend and I'll support her through what she does, but…Satoshi-kun…
"Ai wa itami-masu," Sae-chan repeats in a happy tone.
"Meihaku ni…," I say through grit teeth.
"But it's good that you're chasing it anyways," Sae-chan says. "It's admirable."
"I never said I loved him!"
"Whatever you say, Kasumi-chan," Sae-chan smiles. "Chotto matte, if you got bitten by Satoshi and Hanako, doesn't that make you a vampire now?"
"Hmm?" My aggressiveness wears off slightly. "I never thought of that, but isn't that just a rumor about being bit by a vampire?"
"I wouldn't know," Sae-chan shrugs. "I have never been bitten."
That scared me a little. "I'm sure it's not true…"
Hanneko comes back up to me and points towards the grove of trees just before the dodge ball courts. I nod at Sae-chan and she follows me down the stairs from the roof to the main floor and out the front door. The grass was getting covered with dew every morning for a few days now, and once run over, the water collects on your ankles and moistens your socks. When I reached the grove, I see Satoshi standing in the middle, standing completely calm, doing nothing. Naoko-chan wasn't there.
"Maybe she's scared," Sae-chan whispers next to me.
"Or she just hasn't reached him yet," I suggest.
"Then why don't you go and tell him instead," Sae-chan smiles.
"That Naoko-chan likes him?"
"No, that you do," Sae-chan corrects.
"I don't,"
"Tashika…," Sae-chan mutters to herself.
"He's not my type," I reply.
"Hinin…," Sae-chan mutters again.
I sigh. "I'm going to talk to him anyway. Maybe he'll bring Naoko-chan up first…if she's already talked to her, that is."
"Okay, okay," Sae-chan nods. "I'll just wait here."
I walk farther into the grove towards Satoshi. He knew I was coming but didn't move an inch from where he was standing. Even though I've been through so much with him, I still felt nervous approaching him. All that Sae-chan said earlier didn't leave my mind. How he may have used my hospitality to get to my blood. How being bit by him may turn me into a vampire. But, Hanako bit me a long time ago, and she's full vampire, and I haven't transformed yet. I don't believe I should worry about it too much.
"Kasumi-san," Satoshi says when I'm about five feet away from him. "Do I frighten you?"
I was a bit taken aback. "No,"
"Then why are you shaking?" Satoshi asks. His voice was airy and desolate.
"It's a tad chilly, don't you think?"
"Tell me, how much do your friends influence you?" Satoshi steps closer.
"I don't quite understand where this is going," I say, honestly.
"Do they impact your decisions? Is their opinion always higher than your own?"
I swallow a bit hard. "I do respect my friends and their opinions, but I do think for myself."
"Naoko-can wa asai…," Satoshi says softly.
"What makes you say that?" I ask.
"She told me a few minutes ago, that she had feelings for me,"
My heart swells painfully three-fold. "I see…"
"Then," Satoshi continues, "she asked me how I felt about her."
Oh, crap…
"You know who I really am, Kasumi-san. I am by no means a people person or have the capability to love sincerely," Satoshi says. "So, I told her the truth. I said I barely knew her and she was a fool to think she cared for me."
Poor Naoko-chan. This was what I wanted to prevent…that and keep him for myself. Wait, did I just think that? Hello, I'm Kasumi, and I'm continuing every single day to dig myself a deeper hole to writhe in. I have a crush on a half-vampire Pokemon master who just recently had my friend confess her feelings to only to be rejected and who says he's incapable to love.
I just stand there and don't reply.
"However," Satoshi goes on, "it's not her fault. I felt sorry for having to tell her the blunt truth. She shouldn't be dragged into my life."
Is he trying to say that if he weren't half-vampire he would have accepted Naoko-chan's feelings? That punched a hole in my swollen heart. Maybe I was too late. I should have gotten to him first. Or…I should have never fallen in love with him to begin with. It was just going to be a dead-end anyway. However, just maybe, there could have been something. It didn't matter how small that something was, as long as it was mine and his for that short period of time. That one kiss I got from him suddenly felt like a kiss good-bye.
I give him a disoriented smile. "Uh, sorry to bother you then."
"You could never be a bother," Satoshi replies. "You just suck at Pokemon battling."
Was he trying to ease the tension or just teasing me?!? "Yeah, whatever…"
I turn to leave.
"Kasumi-san,"
"What?"
"If you see Naoko-chan again today, tell her I'm sorry," Satoshi says.
My distended heart inflates again, breaking a rib or two. "Mochiron."
I walk out of that spawn-of-hell grove and toward the spot where Sae-chan was waiting. When I reach her, she doesn't say a thing. The expression on her face pleasantly was comforting to the one on my own. I rest my head on her shoulder and she pats my back.
"Watashi wa…haisha da…," I whimper. "Naoko-chan wa shousha da."
"It's not for certain, Kasumi-chan," Sae-chan comforts. "I'm sure if you talk things out with Naoko-chan, everything can be understood better."
"He cares about her, but doesn't want to drag her into his life," I say. "I think that's perfectly understandable."
"Kasumi-chan, you're already in his life. Doesn't that make you a winner too?" Sae-chan asks.
"No, that makes me an understudy,"
"Maybe," Sae-chan says, "he had feelings for Naoko-chan, but told her no because he had stronger feelings for someone different."
"Don't get my hopes up, please," I request.
"We'll just see what times has to say," Sae-chan says.
"I feel…so torn," I mutter. "And there is no reason behind it."
"There is little to no reason for most everything," Sae-chan replies. "But we did learn something from all of this, didn't we?"
"What is that?" I ask.
"Vampires are weird," Sae-chan sticks out her tongue. "I'm glad Souchiro is a normal guy."
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Japanese Romanji Translations
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* : It's normal for schools in Japan to have school issued on Saturdays
Sore wa itami-masu - It hurts…
Kami-sama, o-negai, watashi ni tsuyosa wo atae-masu. - God, please/I beg of you, give me strength
Ohayou - Good Morning
Genki-desu - I'm fine
Doushita no - What's the matter?/ What's wrong?
Chi - Blood
Arigatou - Thank you
Demo - But/However
Ai wa itami-masu - Love hurts
Meihaku ni - Obviously
Chotto Matte - Wait a minute/ Wait a second
Tashika… - Sure…(with sarcasm, of course)
Hinin - Repudiation/Denial
Naoko-chan wa asai - Naoko-chan is shallow
Mochiron - Of course
Watashi wa…haisha da… - I'm…the loser…
Naoko-chan wa shousha da - Naoko-chan is…the winner…