Disclaimer: OTH and its characters do not belong to me. Neither does the song quoted in this chapter. Its Rufus Wainwright's version of 'Hallelujah'.
Please take the time to let me know what you think. This story will contain multiple flashbacks which will be in italics! Xx
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This Wasn't Supposed to Happen
Chapter Five - Hallelujah
Haley sat on the floor of Lucas' bedroom, her song for her son having ended. Her eyes were tightly closed, floods of memories flashing through her mind.
"Nathan…" Haley's voice choked with tears. "Nathan…" she continued to moan.
"What baby?" Nathan popped his head round into the bedroom they shared in Nathan's apartment at Duke. "What's wrong?" he pushed as he saw fear and upset in Haley's eyes.
"I can't do it." Haley spat out, rubbing her eyes and face.
A knowing smile spread over Nathan's face. "Yes you can" he replied.
"No" Haley was growing increasingly upset. "No, I can't" she continued. "I can't be a mom"
"You don't want to be a mom?" Nathan asked, his smile disappearing at the edges.
"Want to be?" Haley repeated. "Oh Nathan, of course I want to be. I just can't"
Nathan's forehead creased with confusion. "Why not?" he quizzed her further. "Give me one good reason why you can't?"
Haley turned to look at Nathan, he face blotchy and tear stained. "This baby" Haley smoothed her hand over her flat stomach. "This baby wasn't planned, I'm too young. We're too young; we've not even graduated college yet. Your whole career… it's just" Haley's words trailed off.
Nathan pulled her toward him, enveloping her in a hug and kissing the top of her head.
"Haley James" he began. "Firstly, I didn't plan on meeting you, and yet I can't imagine what life would be like if I hadn't. So sometimes, planning isn't always the only option." Haley turned her face to look into his eyes. Nathan continued, "Secondly I'm 22, you're 21, we're not kids anymore." Nathan began to smile again. "And finally, Hales, we graduate next month."
Haley looked away from Nathan, unsure as to what she felt, confused and scared of the news she had received. She was going to be a mom.
"And" Nathan hadn't finished. "And" he continued, beginning to smooth his own hand over Haley's stomach. "We're in this together."
A huge smile replaced the fear on Haley's face. "Always" she whispered, softly into his ear.
"And forever" he whispered back, as his lips began to trace the soft skin on her neck.
I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Deb stood motionless as doctors and nurses hurried into her son's hospital room, yelling orders and words that she couldn't make out.
"He's crashing" a doctor yelled, lowering the bed down as the medical team began in their efforts to save Nathan.
"Mrs Scott?" Deb heard a voice. "Mrs Scott?" it continued. "Shall we wait outside?" Finally Deb acknowledged the presence of a small young nurse next to her, and was led out of the room.
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Haley lifted herself from her seat on the cold floor of Lucas' bedroom, and scaled the stairs to the shower room. Turning the handle, and putting the shower on – she sat in the steam, trying to block out her reality and her fears.
Haley laughed with such joy as Nathan tickled her.
"Stop it!" she squealed. "Nathan Scott you stop that right now!" Haley's angry words lost their effect, as the laughing that accompanied them, grew stronger and louder.
Nathan was also laughing, showing no signs of willingness to stop. "I didn't know you were so ticklish" Nathan laughed.
Haley's laugh turned to giggles as she relaxed in the comfort of Nathan's arms, opening her brown eyes to meet with his blue.
"I love you" she spoke quickly, almost without realizing she'd spoken them at all.
"What?" Nathan asked, stopping the tickling, and moving back from Haley.
Haley blushed bright red. Sat in her pajamas, in her parents house, at fifteen years of age, Haley couldn't face the rejection she was convinced was about to meet with her.
"I love you too" Nathan replied, surprising them both.
"Wow" Haley mouthed, as they both sat together in silence.
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
"She's such a mess" Peyton spoke, still sat at Karen's kitchen table with Lucas and Brooke. "I've never seen her like this before."
"I know." Brooke agreed. "I'm scared" she continued, looking only at her lap, avoiding eye contact with her friends.
"For the first time" Brooke began again. "I don't feel like anything is going to be ok."
Taking a deep breath Lucas looked to the girls who sat with him. From Peyton, to Brooke and back to Peyton again.
"Haley has no hope" Lucas spoke, showing his emotion to the girls for the first time, as tears were rolling down his cheeks. "We need to have hope for her"
Peyton grabbed Brooke's hand and squeezed it tightly.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Haley stepped out of the shower, wrapping herself in the warmth of her towel.
Haley stood in front of Nathan, dressed in a strapless red gown, Nathan could hardly believe his eyes.
"Wow" he spoke, unable to find any other words.
"Do I look ok?" Haley asked, genuinely innocent to her beauty.
"Ok?" Nathan questioned. "No" He began, as Haley's face dropped a little. He lifted her chin with his hand, until their eyes met. "You, look amazing" he softly whispered.
"Really?" Haley was embarrassed.
"Really." Nathan replied. "Haley James, will you go to Prom with me?" He asked, before plunging his lips against hers; running his hands possessively over her.
Haley didn't answer, she didn't need to. As she kissed him forcefully back, he knew this girl was his.
There was a time
You let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving to
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Haley opened her eyes from her thoughts, as she glanced in Karen's bedroom mirror, now showered and changed. She didn't like what she saw. A broken woman was all that stared back at her.
Tyler's cries began to fill the house, as Haley begged for Brooke, Lucas or Peyton to see to him. As she began to run a brush through her hair, the cries of her son, alone and upset grew louder in volume as they etched more pain into her heart.
Opening the bedroom door, Haley shouted to her friends. "Brooke! Lucas!" she yelled. "Peyton? You guys? Are you there?"
Haley's shouting only antagonized Tyler further, and the young mother had no choice, but to walk toward the room he lay in.
Maybe there's a god above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night,
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Stepping nearer to the crib, Haley began to shake, suddenly uncomfortable in her own skin. "Brooke!" she continued to yell, hoping her friend could save her from this moment. Closing her eyes she stepped right up to the bed her baby slept in, placing her hands on the dark stained wooden spars.
Finally, mustering every inch of courage she could find within herself, she opened her eyes, and acknowledged her son.
A smile finally swept across Haley James' face as she looked at her baby son. All black hair and blue eyes, he was exactly like his daddy. This boy was going to be a heartbreaker. Reaching her arms into the crib, Haley finally took Tyler in her arms, as she rocked him slowly.
As his cries dissipated, hers grew with guilt. "I'm sorry" she cried, over and over again. "I'm so sorry"
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Deb pressed her forehead against the hospital glass that separated her from her son, looking to wake herself up from this nightmare.
"I've got a pulse" she heard from beyond the glass, as she let out the deep breath she had been holding.