Reality's Dream
Chapter 15: I'm Such an Idiot!
"I'm gonna beat ya!"
"No you're not!"
"Hah! Take that!"
"Oh yeah! How bout that?"
"Hey no fair!" Syaoran shouted at his cousin who was laughing evilly. "You cheated."
"I would never!" Meiling protested with a smirk. "I merely leveled the playing field." At the last moment she had elbowed Syaoran slightly in the ribs causing him to jump and loose concentration allowing Meiling's little red car to pass his and win the race. Grumbling, Syaoran's black convertible placed second. On the TV could still be seen a pink jeep attempting to find the ending point.
"Why won't this stupid thing go!" Sakura whined while staring at the screen desperately trying to just complete the race. At the moment that goal looked impossible considering she was headed in the opposite direction of the finish line.
The two cousins looked at the controller clutched in a death grip before laughing.
"What?" Sakura asked, confused.
"Well it might help if you didn't have the controller upside down." Meiling commented.
"Heh, ooops." Sakura mumbled switching the device right side up trying to act casual.
Meiling got up from the floor stretching her back and giving a slight yawn. "Well beating your sorry asses has worn me out. I think I'm gonna head to bed. See you in the morning." And with a little wave she left the room leaving Sakura and Syaoran sprawled on the carpeted floor.
After Tomoyo's dramatic exit the three had decided to call it a night. Derek drove the trio to the Li household where they opted to crash for the evening. After an, ahem, friendly goodbye from Meiling they retired into the appropriately named 'activity' room to hang out and unwind. But not once the entire time had the subject of Tomoyo been broached. Sakura was waiting until a more private moment. And well here they now were…alone…and silent.
Sakura scooted to her left closing the distance between them. She placed her hands behind her head emulating the friend beside her. "So you gonna tell me what's going on or am I going to have to pry it outta ya?" Sakura asked, her tone was light and joking, but the question was real.
Syaoran was trying to find a nice way to put the day's events only to discover there was none. "Tomoyo broke up with me, "he stated bluntly causing Sakura's eyes to widen and her mouth to drop open.
"She did what?" Sakura asked expecting him to say she had misheard him. But seeing his somber face she regrouped. "Why? I mean sure she looked angry, but I thought you guys just had a fight or something. Why in the world would Tomoyo do that?"
And there it was. The one question that he had been debating for hours whether or not to answer truthfully. On the one hand Sakura was his closest friend and deserved to know the truth, plus maybe she could help. On the other hand. How would Sakura feel if she knew the reason for the break up was her? Unintentionally of course. But Sakura would still feel responsible. Syaoran did not want her to feel guilty of something she had no part in. And most of all if he told that Tomoyo thought he liked Sakura more, how would he respond if she asked if it was true? So instead, Syaoran choose the middle ground, the half truth. "It was because I didn't love her enough."
"What!" Sakura practically screeched. "How could she possibly think that? You love her. I know you do. I saw you pine after her for years for crying out loud. There must have been some misunderstanding or something. You should go to her and make her see she's wrong." Sakura rambled on passionately defending her friend before Syaoran could soothe her enough to get a word or two in edgewise.
"No. Tomoyo's right. It just wasn't going to work out between us." Syaoran said.
Instead of calming her down this only incited Sakura further. But instead this energy was directed solely at him. "It's just not going to work out?" She repeated propping herself up on her arm to look over at him. "Seems to be a common pattern with you. Things get tough and instead of fighting for what you want you just give up claiming that it's due to some unknown reason."
Syaoran stared in shock and confusion at her outburst. "What do you mean?"
"Oh come off it Syaoran, I'm not blind." Sakura said practically rolling her eyes. "Do you really think I wouldn't see through you and Eriol's little act? I've known you for too long. You're not even attempting to fix your friendship. And what I want to know is why?" Her expression and voice demanded an answer, a reason, anything to explain the mess in the world. A mess she felt slightly responsible for.
"Because there is nothing to fix." Syaoran countered a little defensive and exasperated. "We just don't….see eye to eye anymore."
Sakura's face began to contort, her mouth twitching and her eyes squishing until finally laughter burst forth from her lips. Syaoran was completely clueless to his friend's sudden change in mood. "What's so funny?" He asked, perplexed.
"You two can be so alike. He said the same exact thing when I asked him." Sakura said through a smile as she shook her head at the irony of it. They agree to disagree with one another. 'Boys,' she scoffed.
Sobering up slightly she lay back down on her side to face Syaoran, contemplating a moment before beginning again. "Who would have thought things would have ended up so…complicated? You and Eriol don't talk. You and Tomoyo probably now won't talk. She and I haven't really been talking much of late either. And poor Meiling's busy playing referee to all of our antics." Sakura sighed. "I guess that's what we get for dating close friends."
"Does that mean you believe friends shouldn't date?" Syaoran questioned rolling over as well; his voice almost at a whisper like the question had such a strong value. Sakura looked at him like he was crazy. Then it hit him. "Right, then why would you be dating Eriol." Syaoran voiced the shared thought as Sakura nodded. Syaoran cleared his throat as if trying to clear the mounting tension that began to rise between them. "You guys uh looked like you were having fun tonight."
"Yeah…it was…nice." Sakura confirmed but for some reason the dance was far from her mind. Instead her focus was rather centered on the person before her. It was another few moments before either spoke again like it was difficult to get words out.
"You know we never did get to dance together. Another tradition broken." Syaoran said not quite meeting her eyes.
'Is he suggesting…' "Well we could always remedy that." Sakura said tentatively, hoping she was taking the hint correctly. "This place doesn't have a sound system for nothing you know." Both smiled at her little joke but it did nothing to lessen the pressure filling the room. It was like the air was becoming thick and heavy, weighing down on them.
"Well that would all depend on if we can find how to even turn it on." Syaoran said standing up and going over to a drawer in the entertainment center. Sakura followed as he opened it to reveal a sea of plastic casings with colored buttons that had sway over a various number of electronic devices installed around the room.
"That's quite a collection you got there." Sakura joked. "Do you know which one's which?"
"Not a clue." Syaoran responded. 'Not surprising considering how little time he had spent in the place since it was remodeled.' Sakura thought. "Let the hunt begin." Syaoran proclaimed picking up the remote at the top of the pile and hit the power button.
The TV turned black.
"Maybe it's this one." Sakura picked up the next controller and pushed down.
The disc drive of the DVD player slide open.
"Here's the one." Syaoran declared and pressed it dramatically.
All the lights went out.
"Whoops. Heh. Guess I was wrong." In the darkness he couldn't see the buttons on the controller so blindly he searched for any one that might shed light back in the room.
Next thing they knew, Sakura and Syaoran were surrounded by schizophrenic disco lights, the colors swirling and dancing around the room. "You can thank my sisters for this one I'm sure." He gave the controller another try and found the lights changing. They lost their color and slowed their frantic movements to a nice swaying down the walls seeming like stardust falling from the sky around them.
As Syaoran reached back in the drawer he felt his hand brush with Sakura's and they both froze for a moment before quickly pulling back mumbling apologies. Then both started to reach for the drawer again at the same time but realizing this they both drew back.
"Can anyone say sexual tension?" A voice commented.
"Meiling, not so loud! They'll hear us." Fuutie whispered, attempting to keep her cousin quiet, though her main focus was on the two teenagers in the room before them. She, her three sisters, her mother, and her cousin were all lined up against the open doorway leaning in from both sides, spying on the clueless best friends.
"I agree. They are acting so childish. It's so cute." Seifa sighed in adoration.
"Finally idiot boy's found the right one." Meiling said as they saw Syaoran hit the sound system on and loud country western came blaring out of the speakers, the singer wailing about losing his woman, his job, his truck, and his dog, and the only thing he missed was the truck. Not exactly what one would call romantic.
Syaoran changed the stations. Lively mariachis screamed and trilled in what was assumed to be Spanish.
Syaoran tried again. Punk rock came pounding in, the bass vibrating throughout the room. The boy just couldn't seem to catch a break.
Finally he switched to CDs. Amazingly a slow song began to waft through the air. Now that the mood was set, the lights low, and the music playing, all that was needed was the dancers who at the moment were staring at one another in awkward silence.
I've been watching you and all you do
For quite some time
Knowing all the ins and outs of you
I should've known what was on your mind
But all the world is spinning round and round
Inside my head tonight
I will fall into the darkness
And I fear I will never see the light
Slowly they stepped toward one another, closing the distance. Timidly Syaoran wrapped his arms around her waist while Sakura gently rested her hands on his shoulders. She noticed that her head only reached his chest now that she was no longer in heels making her lean her head back to look up at him.
So let me in
All that I wanted from you
Was something you'd never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don't let this end
Tonight
I'll Fall
Sakura shivered as his fingers rubbed along her back. Syaoran couldn't help it. He loved the feel of her dress, the velvet feeling so smooth and soft in one direction and bristled in the other. It was like touching silk then being shocked by static electricity
Through no light the darkness seems to be
So very strong
How does one alone against the world
Find the strength to carry on?
What happened to the way we used to love
It seemed as though life had just begun
But now that love has come and gone to fade away
Like the setting sun
Cuz' you won't let me in.
Syaoran noticed a strand of hair had fallen loose from Sakura's updo. Before he could even think on it his hand had already move to brush it away from her face, his hand connecting with her cheek. Sakura inhaled at the sweet shock of the touch
All that I wanted from you
Was something you'd never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don't let this end
Tonight
Cuz' I'm starting to fall
So let me in
For some reason Syaoran couldn't pull his hand from her face, both relishing in the simple gesture. He brought his fingers lightly down across the jaw line until resting under her chin. His other arm tightened its hold while tilting her face. There eyes never broke their steady gaze.
It was all that I wanted from you
It was something you never knew
Seifa felt the itching in the back of her nose
To let me in
'Not now!'
But not tonight
She thought as she saw Syaoran begin to lean down
For this is the end
'It's coming!'
Tonight
Sakura had closed her eyes.
I fall
'Dammit!' Seifa managed to stifle the noise, but the backlash of the cutoff sneeze caused her to loose her balance. Her missed footing ended with her falling upon Fuutie who subsequently squashed Meiling who had been watching from below them. The mass of three bodies crashing to the carpeted floor created a decent 'thump' which brought the lovely couple back to reality while the spying ladies scattered for hiding spaces.
Syaoran and Sakura pulled apart looking for the source of the interruption. Finding none, they were left in self-conscious silence not meeting the other's eye. Finally Sakura broke the quiet.
"Well…it's getting kinda late…I guess we should head to bed…Good night." And with that Sakura turned and left for her room while Syaoran stood still, in the same spot, rooted to floor.
'Did I just…was I about to…' Syaoran's mind was having trouble grasping the concept that yes he had just tried to kiss his best friend. Numbly he made his way to the couch and plopped down, collapsing.
His mind traveled back to when Sakura was in his arms. When they had been dancing it was like the rest of the world had melted away. She had this ability of making him forget all his problems. And when he had touched her, it was like he couldn't stop what came next. He had to kiss her. Had to fulfill the desire that coursed through him.
'Desire?' Syaoran sighed. 'Tomoyo was right. I like Sakura.' He gave a little wry snort. 'Maybe even more than just like. Maybe even lo…' Things were adding up. The anger, the jealousy, all fueled by the fear of losing someone close to his heart. And all those bitter emotions were amplified by the confusion. His denial had blinded him, letting his emotions rule and to lose control. He thought of the mess that had become of this. A broken friendship and a broken heart.
And on top of that, Sakura was now beyond his reach. She was with Eriol and he would respect that. Even though he and Eriol were on the outs, he wasn't the type to go after another guy's girl. It just wasn't right. 'I'm such an idiot.' Rang through his thoughts many a time and he was quite tempted to bang his head into a wall repeatedly in the hopes of ridding himself of such stupidity. 'My entire life she's been right by my side and now when she belongs to someone else I realize I like her.' Syaoran groaned.
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Sakura turned the facet off reaching blindly for the towel to dry her face off with. Her hands grasped the cloth and wiped the water from her eyes. She watched her reflection in the mirror as she patted away the remaining moisture. Her movements halted as the towel rested against her cheek. Her mind flitted back to the scene downstairs. 'I can't believe I thought he was going to kiss me! I must have been delusional. Tomoyo just broke up with him for crying out loud! And here I am thinking he's making the moves on me.' Sakura shook her head. 'How pathetic am I? It's a good thing we were interrupted before I made a fool of myself.'
But despite her scolding she could not forget the way her chest had expanded when he had touched her cheek, when he had looked her in the eye, and when she closed hers in anticipation. She left the bathroom deep in thought, clutching her necklace.
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The next Monday found our teens once again inside the stuccoed walls of school, their favorite hangout to be of course. Who doesn't enjoy sitting in desks made of metal and plastic for hours on end with mountains of useless information thrown at them, all to be topped off by food not even worthy of a prison and the trappings and pitfalls of high school popularity?
Currently the gossip sharks were munching away at the ever so scandalous break up of Tomoyo and Syaoran. All were dying of curiosity to discover the reason for it, and of course plenty of rumors were floating around from the unlikely, 'Syaoran had been caught cheating,' to the improbable, 'cheating with Eriol,' to the just plain bizarre, 'cheating with Eriol and Sakura along with the whole soccer team and the mascot.' Or some just said Tomoyo was stupid for rejecting one of the most vied after guys of the school. Either way, many glances drifted to their usual table during lunch eager to spy any little hint or clue of the break up.
Sakura was now placed of course beside Eriol who was holding her hand. Syaoran sat across from them facing Sakura while Meiling sat to his left in front of Eriol with Derek beside her. He had become a recent addition to the group as it seemed he and Meiling's casual relationship became a bit more solidified. And to Syaoran's right sat…Takashi busily chatting away with Chiharu and Rika. Tomoyo who had finally rejoined the lunch table was seated next to Sakura barely glancing at her former boyfriend. And from the looks of it, this seating arrangement was going to be quite common in the coming weeks.
Despite the turbulence of the past few weeks, the silent animosity between Eriol and Syaoran seemed to have died down. Sure Syaoran still felt the pang of hurt and jealously when reminded of Sakura being with Eriol but he no longer boiled with rage. The confusion that had heightened his emotions had left giving him the appearance of calm even when his heart was breaking. Eriol provided another vibrant example for Syaoran to sear into his memory as Eriol prompted Sakura for another date.
"So Friday night, 'Napoleon Dynamite?'" Eriol asked.
"Oh sorry I can't." Sakura declined with a quick glance over at Syaoran.
"Well how bout Saturday then?" Sakura shook her head no looking a combination of regretful and awkward. "Thursday? We could catch an afternoon viewing." Eriol suggested.
"Eriol I'm sorry. I'm going to be with the Li's this week. It's a family thing." Sakura explained vaguely, apologizing. "Can we reschedule for next week?"
"Of course. It's no biggie." Eriol complied receiving a kiss on the cheek.
But in a way it was a big deal. Sakura had turned down Eriol to be with Syaoran, if not directly. Syaoran couldn't help the little childish instinct that came over him. He felt like sticking his tongue out and chanting, 'naah naa naah naa naah!' Sakura would be spending the week with him, even if the reason wasn't such a joyful one. Eriol on the other hand felt less than triumphant. When he had taken Tomoyo home the other night she had opened up to him, confessing the details of the painful break up. And in doing so she confirmed his worse fear, that Syaoran indeed had feelings for Sakura. And now he couldn't help the cold chill of doubt beginning to seep in. What would Sakura do if she found out?
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A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed especially to some of the hilarious ones. Sorry for any lateness, I was celebrating my birthday.