Chapter Four: Shopping With Balthier. As some of you have expressed your anticipation for this chapter, I've decided to make it a little longer. Basch and Balthier don't interact much and I thought that this would be a great opportunity to write about the two Alpha males of the group. Please be aware there is some strong adult suggestive themes later on. I hope you don't take it too seriously and that you can simply laugh at it. As is the purpose. Well, I hope you enjoy it. Not just the naughty bits.

FRIENDLY RIVALRY

After yesterday's harrowing experience in Muthru, Basch decided to take a break from danger and risking his life. So he went out into the Estersand and decided to battle a few fiends instead.

This was so much better. With the Zodiac spear in his hand and the fiends on the receiving end, Basch truly felt at ease. No drooling shop assistants…just wolves. No screaming women fussing about prices, just cockatrices. The crowded Muthru had been a horrible and terrible experience, but now as Basch finished off the Gnoma Entite with ease (where those things slacking?) he was starting to forget that the market even existed.

Here was where he was best, at peace and at one with himself. Here, he didn't mind being injured because these stupid fiends didn't know any better. You knew where you were with fiends.

Basch turned round and saw that another wolf had emerged from over the sand dune. The spear spun in the Knight's gloved hands, twirling round his body and head in an impressive display of preparing for battle.

However, before Basch could even swing the spear round to connect with the wolf's head, there was a gun shot.

The wolf howled and died. Someone had disturbed his peace.

"Thought I would find you here."

Basch turned round and sure enough, there was Balthier still clutching his smoking gun.

"Balthier. What can I do for you?" Basch asked as he clipped his spear onto his metal armour. The Sky Pirate laughed.

"Thought I would lend my assistance in your charming little hobby, but it looks like you've got the whole of the Dalmascan sands under control. Would you care to join me for drink back in the Sandsea?"

An alarm went off in Basch's head. That look upon the young man's face appeared to be hiding something, a plan or scheme…the glint in his dark eyes suddenly spelt trouble. Balthier had never asked Basch to join him for anything (granted they hadn't seen each other for four years), but it was something the twenty six year old would never do. There must be a catch. It dawned on him.

"No. I am not going shopping with you, Balthier."

"I never said anything about shopping."

"What did Penelo say to you?"

The pirate chuckled an amused snigger.

"A lot. Quite a lot actually. She can get quite impassioned about certain things…suffice to say I was unable to refuse the young lady's orders. However, I am just as you when it comes to going about such pesky tasks as gift shopping. Though I think that you might like what I have in store."

"I must decline, Balthier. I have no wish to…."

"Ashe would be so disappointed if you didn't get her anything."

Screechy screeeeeeech.

"I have no desire to….disappoint her majesty. But after yesterday…."

"The queen would be deeply upset, I'm sure."

Screeeech. Screech. Screechy.

Would there be no peace for Basch? The thought of having to trawl around the shops of the city made his stomach tighten and the invigorating sweat he had built up through battle had now changed to a cold drenching dread.

Balthier's smile was even more characteristically smug. If such a thing could have been possible.

"If you would allow me to lend my assistance, I promise you, this will be a retail experience you won't dislike."

"I don't think I have a choice in the matter. Do I?"

"We rarely do when it concerns the ladies. So…what do you say?"

"Aye." Basch's voice was filled with reluctance. "I shall join you. For a short while."

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The ale went down rather smoothly. Basch put the empty mug on the table and wiped the froth from his lips with his hand. Balthier had taken to sipping his slowly, as there was still half in his own tankard.

From the moment they got back from the deserts, the two men had gone straight to the tavern and sat out side with their drinks. They didn't talk, they just enjoyed the warmth of the sun and revelled in the coolness of their ales. However, Basch was confused. This was shopping? This was what Balthier had in mind to do for the rest of the day? No…his mind was suspicious as to the motives of this man and Basch was waiting for the moment when Balthier would take him to another precinct of consumer hell.

There was that mischievous grin again, but it was directed more to the group of hume women strolling past. The five blonde beauties were scantily clad, as was only practical for weather like today, their curvy and enticing bodies screamed at everyone around them, they cried for attention. Balthier was giving them 100 of his.

The women's eyes seductively gazed round at their surroundings and all of them noticed the two handsome men sitting in the Sandsea garden. They were certainly intrigued by such an odd pair, but the attraction in their eyes were followed by giggles when Balthier waved back at them. Unfortunately for Balthier, the ladies didn't stop, but as they walked away, one kept gazing back over her shoulder.

"What did you think of those lovely women, Basch?" asked the pirate, his gaze watching the gentle swaying of their bottoms as they left. "Such radiant beauty, did you not think?"

Basch bobbed his head and uttered a deep "hmmm". Balthier shook his head and sighed with a bitter disappointment.

"Did you even look at them?"

"I am sure they were lovely."

"You didn't look at them? Now I am surprised. The amount of clothing they were wearing, or weren't wearing, it was quite impossible to miss them. One of them was even looking at you!"

Screech. Clang.

The table wobbled slightly.

Balthier stifled a laugh and knew that he had made the Judge uncomfortable. Which was the whole purpose to this outing.

He leaned in closer and offered the rest of his beer to Basch. He cleared his throat and whispered the words which would make the older man even more awkward.

"She actually looked a little like Queen Asheila…."

Screechy. Clung. Clank. Clink. Thud. Balthier knew he had hit the mark. So he continued.

"Hair was longer mind…but she certainly had the figure….uncanny resemblance! The curves were all in the right places!"

Screech!

The table tipped, almost on the verge of turning over completely.

"Is this going to take much longer?" growled the Judge suddenly. "Is this what you really planned?"

Balthier propped his feet casually on the railings that segregated the beer garden from the street. He clasped his hands behind his neck and started the next stage of his plan.

"Forgive me. I shall get to the point. Penelo and Fran have told me that you need to get a meaningful and appropriate gift for the Queen. Well…that's all well and true, but you needn't go fretting and injuring yourself by visiting every single shop or market stall. There is only one place to go to get something for a lady."

"There is?" A wave of relief washed over Basch's face. "Then let us go there."

"There's no rush."

"We will go now."

"Very well, but believe me, you really won't need to go anywhere else! This shop has everything you will ever want and I've brought the Queen's previous birthday and Christmas presents there. They've never let me down. "

A pleased smile drifted across Basch's face.

"That is good to know."

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"Barman! Two ales! As quick as you can!"

The little Moogle propped the tankards on the top in a blink of an eye and it's little paw peeked up from behind the bar awaiting the gil. Balthier shoved a bag into the barman's paw and it squeaked in a giddy happiness.

Balthier then picked up the tankards and cautiously made his way back to the table. Basch's frowning eyes never wavered from the Sky Pirate, even when the ale was placed in front of him. Balthier took a long drag from his own before sitting down.

The table wobbled. (Why did they always find the wobbly ones?!)

It was a good fifteen minutes of agonising silence between the two men. Balthier knew that the knight was angry, his face hadn't stopped coursing an fuming red since they had walked into the shop. In fact, the only sound that had emanated from Basch was the constant screeches from his armour.

He didn't even touch his beer.

"You don't want it?" asked Balthier nodding to the still full tankard. He got no reply.

A further ten minutes went by, but Balthier knew what to do. He had to wait for Basch to start this conversation off. A couple of times, Basch did open his mouth to speak, but he would only close it and clench his gloved fist in frustration.

Eventually, the silence was broken.

"That…that shop…." he stammered.

"Yes?"

"You go there?"

"All the time."

"You purchase the Queen's presents from such a place?"

"Of course. Only the best for her majesty Asheila Dalmasca."

There was a growl. It was more feral and challenging than any fiend could muster.

"There is nothing wrong with those items, Basch." said Balthier. "Those wares are there to help accentuate what is a very natural and beautiful thing…it's nothing to be ashamed of…and Ashe….she quite likes them."

"She…." The fury on the older man's face was replaced by a look of blushing astonishment. "She uses those…things?"

Screechy!

"Oh yes…"

"With….someone else?"

There it was. Balthier had been waiting for this moment.

"Not…jealous are we, Captain?"

"No…not at all." Clunk. "I am merely thinking of Asheila's…well being."

"Her well being is very well if she uses those…."

Clunk. Clink. Screech. Screechy.

"There….isn't anyone….." Basch cleared his throat and tried to hide the now obvious jealousy in his voice. "The queen has no new suitor…does she?"

"If she does?"

He would be happy for her. He would be extremely happy for her. Basch's hand reached out for his ale and contemplated Ashe finally remarrying. He had thought of this, many times in the past and Basch hated himself for it. The angst and grief of knowing that he would never, could never, be the one to kiss her, to hold her or make love to her….it hurt him every day. But Ashe needed to be happy. It was all that mattered.

It could never be him. It wouldn't be right.

"If she does have a new suitor?" Balthier was fishing for some response from the Knight.

"I would….have to accept it."

"And wallow in your misery. Well…we're certainly in the right place for it."

It took only seconds for the Knight to drain his drink and as soon as the empty tankard hit the table (which wobbled) a small fury hand had quickly replaced it, screeching "kupo!"

"I will not allow myself to become disheartened. Though I will have words with you, Balthier." Basch picked up his tankard and watched as Balthier's first drink was replaced by the magic Moogle. "You think that getting a lady such as Asheila, those….kind of presents….an honourable thing to do?"

Clang. Clang. Clunk.

Good, thought the Sky Pirate. This was going to be interesting.

"She is a woman and has certain needs. No, Basch. She doesn't have anyone at the moment."

Basch sighed with relief. The beers were cutting through his defences. Though it had always been easy to know how Basch was feeling by those said annoying armour sounds, his face was normally an expression of complete control. Not so now.

"So without said companionship, do you not think that the Queen would like to indulge in some extra curricular activities?" Balthier wiggled his eyebrows.

Screechy screech! SCREE!

"Those….particular items are not something I would give her." Basch grumbled.

Balthier couldn't help but roar with laughter. This was priceless.

"And what would you give her? Pray tell, Captain Basch!"

His life. It was all he had to offer.

"Can we talk about something else…something that is not…sex related?"

"That kills most of the conversations I like."

"Can we please, talk about something else, Balthier?"

"The weather is quite pleasant…is it not?"

"Aye. It is."

His plan wasn't working. Balthier couldn't believe just how pent up and frustrated this man was. How long had it been since Basch had indulged himself in the arms of a woman?

Too long. Everyone knew that there was no other for him. Basch was so shrouded in his honour and duty for Ashe, that he simply couldn't understand. Life was short, life was hell and full of pain. Why did anything have to stop him from pursuing and courting the Queen?

"The people love him. He's a hero." Balthier recalled some of Penelo's words from yesterday. "They would be thrilled for him to be by her side, there is no one more perfect for Ashe!"

Balthier was not normally one to play matchmaker…in fact he didn't like it at all. But seeing the fortress of man looking so fragile and broody, did amuse him immensely.

Now, there was only one option left.

"Basch…about this present."

Clang. Clunk.

"I understand…I have over stepped the boundaries of good taste…which is something I never do. But what do you think you should get Ashe? There must be something."

"I…I shall endeavour to find her the ideal gift."

"Very well."

Balthier braced himself. What he was about to say, probably would upset the whole tavern and not just Basch. He cleared his throat. It had to be done.

"Basch, if you don't want to do anything about this situation between you and Ashe. If you don't want to proposition her…" Balthier took it upon himself to drain the rest of his beverage. Just for the nerves. "Basch…the Queen is a beautiful woman. A true goddess in her stature. She is more than lovely and I think any man would love to bed her. Would you be terribly upset if I tried?"

The table was flung across the room.

The word of the week escaped from Balthier's lips.

"Oh bollocks."

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"What happened?!" cried Penelo, as Fran tended to the bleeding cut and bruise by Balthier's eye.

The pirate waved a dismissive hand.

"Just a bit of friendly rivalry, my dear." he said. The smile just wouldn't leave his face.

"I asked you to take him shopping!" Penelo shook her hand and began to pace the room clutching at her trembling hands. "I asked you to take him somewhere to get a gift and you decided to start a fight with him?!"

"It was much more fun." Balthier cried out in pain as Fran pressed a little too hard on his wound.

"What did you do that caused it?"

"Well…firstly, I took him to Noola's Boutique."

Penelo, bless her heart, had no idea. The confused frown on her face told Balthier that she had no idea at all. Though Fran gave her partner a quick shove that nearly toppled him off the seat.

"You took Ivalice's most chaste and honourable man to that store?" Fran sneered. "What possessed you to do such a thing?"

"To lower his defences, Fran. You should've seen the look on his face when we walked through the door! He was gawping like a shocked child and anyone would have thought he didn't know what sex was! I'm glad I didn't show him the back room."

Penelo screamed.

"You took Basch to a sex shop?!"

"Noola's! It's very reputable!"

"By the god's Balthier? Why?"

"I told him that's where I got Ashe's presents."

Fran couldn't help but laugh. Penelo was hysterical with rage. She walked up to Balthier and slapped him on the chest.

"You beast!"

"I don't get Ashe's presents there! You know that! I go to the normal lingerie shop!"

"You would be so heartless as to make Basch feel uncomfortable like that?! He loves Ashe and you have to take a beautiful and romantic situation and sully it so! I knew I should have listened to Larsa! I'm glad Basch hit you! Shame on you, Balthier! Shame!"

"He didn't hit me in the store." Balthier sighed.

The evil look from the young Penelo was worse than any fiend could give.

"What happened?"

"We had a nice talk. Pleasant enough."

"In the Sandsea, no doubt." said Fran, who strangely enough was still smirking.

"Yes. We had a few beers…as is the manly thing to do. We talked about Ashe…he got all closed off and defensive again, so I did the only thing I could. I said that if Basch wasn't going to do anything about winning the Queen over…I said that I would."

The horror and shock was too much for Penelo. Her face went ashen white and she fell to the floor in a heap. Her mouth hung open, words unable to express the feelings her face was.

Fran clipped Balthier round the head.

"A grave mistake." she said. "You are lucky to be alive. Basch thinks you have dishonoured the Queen by saying such things. Why did you do it?"

"To kick him up the backside, Fran." Balthier sighed. "You ladies sneak and plot, subtly try and get a man to admit to feelings he knows he has but doesn't want to express. Your ways would never have worked. I simply angered and embarrassed him enough to knock some sense into him. Right now, he is working his sexual tension off my fighting fiends in the deserts. When he should be doing something about Ashe. However….I would steer clear of him for the moment. He might still be a little tetchy."

"And you said you wanted no part of our plans."

"I was wrong. I wouldn't have wanted to miss all this fun for the world."

Next: Shopping with Vaan.