Reality's Dream

Chapter 16: In Need? ... Indeed

Sakura woke up Wednesday morning in her second home. She rolled over to look at the clock. 'Five a.m! Gah my body must really hate me.' But despite the early awakening she no longer felt tired. Seeing that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep she decided to see if Syaoran was up. He tended to be an early riser.

Dragging her body out of the tangled web of sheets she made her way to the closet for jeans and a sweat shirt. Once changed she set out for the journey to his room, the exhausting three whole feet of it. Knocking on the door she heard no response. Stealthily she peered inside to find the room absent of any signs of life. Closing the door again she made her way to the stairs that would lead outside. She knew where he would be.

Sakura exited out the back, walking through the trails of winter flowers and shrubs. Passing the maze she saw a small white blossom with a pink core peeking out of a plant. Gently she plucked it and carried it reverently in her hand as she continued on. Behind the maze rose a hill and resting on its peak was a brown haired boy, kneeling on the grass staring at the ground before him.

Although Sakura couldn't see what Syaoran was staring at she knew what it was. A grave. The grave of his father.

It had been the middle of their freshman year of high school and Li was teaching his son how to drive. Syaoran was in the driver's seat patiently waiting to make a left turn. The light changed to green and before their car could make it completely into the intersection, a truck came barreling through the opposing red light into the passenger side of the car. Li died instantly on impact while Syaoran barely got a scratch.

Sakura and her father and brother spent an entire month in the Li residence helping them grieve. It had been tough on them all. Li had always been so caring towards her. He had even been the one to teach her how to ride a bicycle because Fujitaka was on a dig at the time. The two families shared their sorrows, forming another bond through tragedy. All of them, except Syaoran. He took his father's death the hardest and showed it the least. Sakura watched helpless as the friend she knew grew cold and distant. The look in his eyes was frightening, a mix of bitterness and anger. An ocean of suffering swam in his eyes that Sakura nearly drowned in whenever she tried to confront him. He snapped at everyone around him becoming callous and rude even to his family. She watched as the friend she loved became a monster. Finally she saw that it was time to fight for him before the Syaoran she loved became lost forever.

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Sakura dashed out of the dining hall with a last glance at a collapsed Yelan who was being attended to by her daughters as well as Fujitaka. 'He's gone too far. This has to stop,' Her mind demanded as she stormed up the stair and down the hallway. Reaching a door she shoved it open determinedly not even bothering to knock. With his current attitude manners would matter little.

The room was dark, illuminated only by the light shed by the open doorway. Standing half in shadow across the room was Syaoran his piercing eyes icy cold as they glared at her.

"Get out," He rumbled, his voice as hard as his eyes.

"No" Sakura protested. It hurt her even to be in his presence with his current behavior, but she had to do something, anything. She had to try.

"I said leave." Syaoran stepped closer, placing himself more in the light, his amber eyes seeming to glow.

Sakura trembled under his gaze but held strong. She would not give up on him. Never. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Why won't you just leave me alone!" Syaoran lashed out, anger mixed with a rising panic could be heard in his voice. His icy control was being chipped away. Sensing this Sakura began to press.

"Because that is the last thing you need right now. You can't do this." Her eyes were pleading with his, begging him to just listen to her.

"Do what?" Syaoran muttered turning his head away from her. Maybe if he didn't look in her eyes he could avoid what she was trying to tell him. Maybe he could hide. Just maybe.

"This!" Sakura flailed her arms gesturing to his form. "Closing off. Turning cold. Pushing everyone away." Her tone softened. "How could you say those things to your mom?"

"It's not like she's cares. They all hate me. Why does it matter how I act? It's not like they care. It's not like anyone cares." Syaoran spat out bitterly. But Sakura could still see that despite his harsh words, he wanted people to care. And sadly, he truly believed they didn't. In Syaoran's view, he was worthless, devoid of all meaning and value. He didn't deserve to live while his father was the one freshly under the earth.

Seeing this she slowly began to close the distance between them. She moved gently and carefully, approaching him like one would a dangerous animal. But there was also desperation in her movements. She had to get to him, had to get through to him. She couldn't loose him.

"That is not true and you know it. Your family loves you, they need you." A step. "And they aren't the only ones. What about your friends?" Another step. "Meiling? She loves you." Getting closer. "And Tomoyo? Eriol? They love you." Just a few more. "And Takashi, Chiharu, Rika, Naoko, all of them love you and you know it. And what about me?" Sakura's voice failed for a moment as she realized that here and now she was about to admit her feelings. But Syaoran had finally looked at her, his cold eyes wavering. He was breaking, she was almost through to him. Whatever it took to get him back she would do. "God Syaoran…I love you. I don't know what I would do if you push me away. I need you so much...please…"

And with that Syaoran crumpled to the floor, his knees giving way beneath him with a sound so mournful that Sakura at first was uncertain of its source. Then instincts kicked in and she rushed to Syaoran's side. He was bent over, rocking back and forth, an almost chocking noise emitting from him. It was then that Sakura realized he was crying. Syaoran, the boy who never shed a tear, was performing the action right before her eyes.

"Shhh. It's alright," Sakura said soothingly as she helped Syaoran up off the floor, guiding him to his bed. Lying him down on the sheets she placed herself beside him wrapping her arms around his sobbing form, holding him as tightly as he was holding her. Syaoran gripped Sakura like she was his only anchor to the world as his grief poured out of him. All the anger, the guilt, the sorrow, and the pain came out in a torrent of tears and words.

"It's all my fault. It's…all my fault that father's dead…" Syaoran babbled until Sakura cut him off.

"Don't you dare think that for a moment. It was the driver. He was drunk and reckless. It was an accident." Sakura said her voice fierce but soft, full of conviction. Soon she was crying alongside him, her tears of relief and sorrow mixing with his.

When their tears had run dry and a poignant calm had filled the room Sakura spoke again, "Syaoran. You are not to blame for this. You hold no responsibility. No one blames you. Your family surely doesn't. They don't hate you, they love you. In fact they need you. Your mom is going to depend on your support. And now you're the only male of the family. You're needed and wanted. And if you ever feel otherwise you have plenty of people to set you straight." Sakura gently brushed her hand across his cheek. "And you're looking at one of them."

Syaoran reached up and put his hand over hers, stilling it on his face. "Don't ever leave me….please?"

Sakura nearly broke into fresh tears at the sight of her broken friend his eyes a spider web of grief. He looked so frail, begging. What would happen if he lost another person close to him?

"It's alright. I'll be here whenever you need me. And I promise to never willingly leave. I want to be with you always." Sakura vowed.

Their hands intertwined, sliding away from his face. Soon the two drifted off into sleep, exhausted by the emotional toll of the day, in one another's arms.

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Sakura remembered her decision after that day. She had promised to never confess her feelings again. Maybe it had been silly and cowardly of her, but after that moment she knew it would be inane. She realized that it had never even crossed Syaoran's mind that the love she spoke of could be anything other than a familial kind. It was just too big a risk to take again. How could she have explained she had a romantic feeling for one who barely realized she was one of the female population? So instead she had waited, in hope that Syaoran's view of her would change and then she could tell him and then he might love her back and then…

'And then, and then and then,' Sakura mentally mocked herself. 'What's past is past. No point in moping about it.' Sakura shook off the memory, and began to make her way up the little rise. Slowly she bent beside Syaoran, placing the flower against the marble headstone. Although he did not acknowledge her presence, she knew Syaoran was glad she was there. She only wished she could do more.

Sakura was on quite familiar terms with the agony of losing a parent, the emptiness it left inside. But when it had happened to her with the death of her mother she had still been quite young, not fully understanding what had happened. All she knew was that her mother was gone and she missed her terribly. And it was Syaoran who came to her aid. He started doing little things just to make a smile appear on her sad face. A single flower in her cubbyhole. A chocolate chip cookie magically appearing in her lunchbox. A coloring book even made its way into her backpack. Of course at the time Syaoran wouldn't admit to it, but she knew it was him because that's how he always was. He had a good heart but was shy to admit it. He had always been there to support her. From bringing her school assignments when she was sick to giving her rides to school to valiantly fighting off slime balls to even pulling an all-nighter to help her pass a math final. And here all she was doing was squatting beside him in silence. She almost wished their friends knew the whole truth of Li's death so maybe they could offer some comfort. But beyond Meiling, they only knew that Syaoran's father had passed away, not the details of it.

Sakura felt him reach for her hand and she clasped her hand in his with a gentle squeeze affirming her presence. Despite Sakura's doubt of how helpful she was being; to Syaoran having her just be there beside him was more than enough. The loneliness always seemed to pale whenever she was around.

The two teens stayed huddled over the grave until Fuutie came to call them for breakfast and to get prepared for another day of school.

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A/N: Aiyaa, such drama drama. Thanks for all the reviews. You're the coolest people in the world.