Reality's Dream

Chapter 21: A Rough Couple of Days

Syaoran sat beneath the outstretched limbs of who knows what kind of tree, enjoying how the roots had revolted against the earth, jumping from the ground, providing an elevated place to sit and lean against the tree. He could feel its bark worn rough and ragged with age push against his back, could smell its earthy scent as he breathed deep. It was so peaceful watching the clouds dance lazily in the sky and the long grasses wave in the wind. The sky was a brilliant sapphire, the plants a deep emerald with flowers flashing like hidden jewels among the foliage. It was a picturesque land straight from a fairy tale. 'Couldn't have asked for a better day,' he thought to himself.

"There you are!" A voice rang out from behind. Syaoran leaned to the side of the tree to find Tomoyo approaching up the hill on which the tree resided. "We've been looking everywhere for you," she gently scolded. "Can't keep her waiting," waving a reproachful finger.

With a slight upturn of his mouth Syaoran rose, brushing off the back of his blank pants to make sure no leaves or dirt remained. He definitely did not want a dirty ass, his dirty ass especially, to be captured on video for generations and generations to see. Tomoyo stood before him, reaching forward to straighten his bow tie as he pulled on the bottom of his jacket. "You look quite dashing if I do say so myself," Tomoyo complimented. With his tux back in order, she led Syaoran back down to the massive white tent resting in the little valley below.

The tent's flaps pulled aside to reveal a shadowy interior, the edges and corners filled with people and tables all centered round a lit dance floor, its shiny hardwood gleaming. Once inside, he found himself in the spotlight on the wooden dance floor a soft song being played by the band and an angel in his view. Syaoran couldn't help but think of the night so many years ago when she had been dressed all in white just like this but with wings rather then a veil.

He reached out for her hand watching as she placed it in his the new gold band twinkling on her tiny finger.

"I didn't get to tell you before the ceremony but you look beautiful, Sakura."

Sakura smiled her cheeks flushed from the happiness of the day. "Whoever thought this day would come. Me getting married. You the best man. Us dancing like we used to." It was like time had never passed, their bodies were so fluid in dancing, each knowing intuitively what the other's next move would be.

"Yeah." Syaoran's thoughts traveled back over the years, remembering how it had all happened. How he lost both friends to one another. After that stormy night when feelings were revealed, Sakura refused to speak to Syaoran. He had watched as Sakura and Eriol gradually became close friends again. After high school they even went off to the same college and fell in love while Syaoran could do nothing to stop it. Sakura had eventually let him back in but only after the damage had been done. She kept him at a distance, never letting him fully back in.

Apparently Sakura was thinking of the same thing. The journey that had lead to this day. "I'm so glad we became friends again. That you would be here to share this with me. And for you to be Eriol's best man. I feared the two of you would never get along after what happened. But here we are." She smiled up at her friend, her green eyes glowing with happiness, and unseeing of the sadness in Syaoran's.

"Here we are indeed." Was all Syaoran could reply, the words sounding flat. He couldn't help but think of how she was no longer a part of his life. Sure, they would see each other from time to time. But she and Eriol had just started a life of their own, one that Syaoran had no part in.

Sakura's tone turned soft like one confiding. "You know, that was the hardest day in my life having to accept that you didn't love me the same way I did. I didn't think I would ever be able to love someone else again. Life sure has its surprises." She gave a small laugh.

After a slight pause Syaoran said, "But I did."

"Did what?" Sakura asked, perplexed her mind have quickly forgotten what she had said first.

"I loved you." Syaoran let the words hang in the air, keeping the words he really wanted to say silent. 'It wouldn't be appropriate. She's married.'

But this confession seemed to have shaken the bride. "But…I…" She couldn't seem to gather the words to express her thoughts.

"You wouldn't believe me. And you refused to listen to me." Syaoran answered her confusion.

"I was scared," her voice was as faint as the distant memory she was recalling. "Afraid to hope. To believe that what I wanted would actually come true. I was afraid that it wasn't real and it would hurt even more."

Syaoran swallowed hard, trying to stop the question that was pressing to escape his lips. Until the thought came tumbling out, "Would things have ended up differently had I tried again…made you believe that I really loved you?"

Sakura and Syaoran stared at one another, each afraid of the treacherous ground they were treading again. Afraid to think of what could have been. Their eyes searching each other for the answers that neither could give.

"May I steal my bride away?" A voice interrupted them. Both broke away to find Eriol standing beside the couple, arms extended toward Sakura.

Syaoran leaned in brushing a kiss upon her cheek, whispering in her ear. Then he took Sakura's hand and placed it in Eriol's, and walked off the floor past all the guests through the flaps of the wedding tent.

Walked right out of her life.

Leaving those words ringing in her ear…….'I love you'.

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Syaoran bolted awake. His eyes darted around the room putting together the pieces of what was going on. 'I'm in my room…fell asleep…after school…a dream…not real.' He let out a gentle sigh as the separation between dream and reality became more distinct. His mind filled with the images of the dream. The dress. The ring. How beautiful she looked. Handing her to Eriol. Syaoran's heart clenched. His head fell into his hands, the fingers pulling at his temples working to relieve the tension that seemed to be permanently rooted in his skull the past few days.

A gentle tapping echoed in the room. "Yes," Syaoran called, still mentally fuzzy from a midday nap.

The door opened to reveal Yelan. She was stunning in the lighting like one of those iconic paintings of religious deities, her features indistinct in the darkness of Syaoran's room but her form lit up from the hallway lights behind her. Syaoran had the childish urge to fling himself into her arms, to ask her to make everything right again the way only a mother can. But he sat there silently watching her approach the bed.

"Dinner will be ready soon. I wanted to see if you were up."

Syaoran was confused as to why his mother would come in just to tell him about a meal, it wasn't like her. Slowly she lowered herself, perching on the edge of the bed. "I also wanted to see if you were alright." Yelan reached out, her hand gently pushing away a loose strand of hair from her son's face. That simple touch reminded him of what it had been like before his father had died, when he didn't have to be strong, when he leaned on his mother for strength. In that moment, Syaoran was tempted to tell her everything from how he realized he loved Sakura, to fighting with Eriol, to losing Sakura. He wanted to ask for her help. But he couldn't. He didn't even know how or where to begin.

"I'm okay. Just a rough couple of days at school." Syaoran answered, glossing over the truth.

"You sure?"

Syaoran nodded.

"Just know that if there is anything you need or want to tell me, I am right here." Yelan stood up and headed for the door. "Don't give up hope. The sun always comes out in the end." The door clicked shut softly and Syaoran was back in darkness.

His mind floated back over the past few days. How he had wandered the streets aimlessly wondering if Sakura's words were true, had he just wanted her because she was with Eriol? He had been trying to get her to speak to him, to listen to him, to no avail. She avoided him in the hallways dashing into the nearest bathroom to escape him. Ignoring him at the lunch table or in class. She'd gone so far as to not show up for their training. Syaoran didn't know what to do. He was confused, hurt, feeling like an idiot, fearing he'd screwed things up so bad that he had lost Sakura forever, that she never wanted to face him ever again. 'Even in my dreams I couldn't fix things. Maybe I should just give up. Maybe there really is no hope.'

But then the words of a friend appeared. 'Don't let her run away…'

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Syaoran was slowly putting his Chemistry book into his backpack as the classroom slowly emptied of students when he saw Tomoyo approaching his table. His muscles tensed in preparation for another emotional onslaught as he zipped up the bag. Syaoran almost hoped she would pass him by, not feeling up to being dragged back into the complications that had plagued them lately.

When he looked back up Tomoyo was standing right in front of him. She paused for a moment, as if debating whether or not to speak to him. He noticed she was holding her backpack straps so tightly that her fingers had gone white. Then seeming to decide she opened her mouth, and the words that came out were not what Syaoran was expecting. "What is going on between you and Sakura?"

Syaoran stood dumbfounded a million thoughts raced through his cluttered mind wondering how much Tomoyo knew of what had occurred, what she was really asking, and why did she want to know. When he gave no verbal reply she continued on. "Why is Sakura avoiding you? And why are she and Eriol acting only all chummy no longer like a couple? And don't tell me nothing is going on because I've been watching. She didn't come to lunch today. She traded seats away from you in class. And in the hallways she might as well be running in a race for how fast she avoids you. So I repeat my question, what is going on?"

Syaoran still found himself unable to form a response. 'How would she react if I told her what has happened with Sakura? And why is she so desperate to know?'

Tomoyo tried for a third time, breathing deep and her voice growing softer "Ok," she conceded. "I know I am not one to interfere with other people's business." Syaoran's eyebrow arched in disagreement with a tilt of his head. This raised a tiny smile from her, "Oh fine, I do. But I'm usually more subtle about it. Look I don't want details. I don't wanna know," She emphasized. She had learned it was best not to ask for information that could hurt her. "But whatever is going on needs to be fixed. Something is obviously wrong. Even when Sakura and you have fought before you've never ignored each other." Tomoyo searched his eyes as if all the answers to her questions were written in them. Her voice shook, the way it can when fighting to keep it from breaking, as she told him, "I did not let you go so you and Sakura could be miserable."

At that confession Syaoran realized how much Tomoyo had staked in their mutual friend. Tomoyo had learned to step away from Syaoran, to not blame Sakura for the loss because she loved her and wanted her friend to be happy.

"She doesn't want to talk to me. She won't hear a word I say." Syaoran admitted as he collapsed into the nearby chair.

Tomoyo thought for a moment before choosing her words. "Then that means you have something to say that she's afraid to hear." She watched his expression drift away again and leaned in close, as if by closing the distance between them he would heed her message. "Don't let her run away…for both your sakes."

Tomoyo pulled away. As she reached the doorway she gave Syaoran one last glance as he sat at the table lost in thought, and then walked away hoping that her two friends would work out whatever had driven them apart. She hoped for them to find happiness again.

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'Could it be that Sakura doesn't hate me? That she's scared?'

This thought had been rattling around in his head from the moment Tomoyo suggested it earlier that day. 'Could she have been so scared of what was happening between us that she was pushing me away, not even giving me the chance to make things right?' If that was true then there was hope. There had to be something she was running from. Syaoran could feel his veins begin to flow with adrenaline, tremors running through his hands with the overwhelming possibility. If she was afraid to believe he loved her then he had to make her see. If he didn't try then his dream could come true, if not with Eriol then with some other guy. If he didn't try to right this situation he would always regret letting her go without making sure it was what she wanted.

Jumping off the bed, Syaoran lunged for the keys on the dresser. If he was right then he had to talk to her. Make her listen. And he had a hunch where she would be. If she was struggling as much as he was she would need a release, the dojo. There he would tell her the truth, all of it, no matter what the outcome.

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