The Nightmares
Ryan got home and kicked off his shoes. He took off everything and was left in his boxer shorts and wife beater. He jumped into bed and looked up to the ceiling...thinking. I shouldn't have left so quickly...what's wrong with me. I love her I shouldn't take off like that. Not when she was so sad and lonely. she just wanted you near...you've snuck over and stayed the night before what's so different this time...Coz she just got home and needs sleep...god this is so stupid. I wanted to stay but I know I shouldn't have but now that I'm here all I can think about is her. Ryan sighed and closed his eyes. But just as he was thinking about his own stupidity and the world's own stupidity, his cell began to ring. He picked it up and opened his eyes to see Marissa displayed on the caller I.D. He flipped it open and put it to his ear waiting for her sweet voice to come...but it didn't. All he heard were soft sobs coming from the other end of the line. "Marissa? What's wrong Riss?" Ryan asked bolting upright. "I...I'm sorry Ryan. I know you wanted to go home and sleep ...but..." She paused. "But what?" Ryan asked caringly. "But everytime I close my eyes I ...I see it" Marissa sniffled. "The crash...and thinking I'd lost you. Feeling so cold and alone and ...and without you" She started to sob harder. Ryan was silent. He didn't know what to do or say or how he could make it better. "Shhh, Baby shhh" Marissa calmed down at the sound of his voice. "Do you want to talk about it?" Marissa shook her head, then realising Ryan couldn't see her replied "Not really" She said shakily. "Then what can I do? I'll do anything...just please stop crying" Ryan almost begged. "I know you seeeaid that you have to behe there but can you pulease come over. I just really neehed to see you" She replied her sobs subsiding again. "Okay okay. I'll be there soon. I'm gonna hang up Riss but I promise I'll be there in 10 minutes" Ryan flipped his phone shut and got some jeans on. He grabbed his keys to the new Range Rover Sandy and Kirsten got him after the crash. He ran out the door and drove to Marissa's.
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As soon as Ryan hung up, Marissa fell back onto her pillows. She tried to close her eyes and tell her self everything was okay but all she saw was yet another re-play of the accident. Her eyes flashed open but all that came where more tears. She had the same nightmare memory every night since the accident...and it still hurt each and everytime. She rolled on her side and pulled her legs up to her body, cuddling them. The only thing she knew that could calm her and make her feel safe and erase the memory (at least for a while) was Ryan. And he was on his way there...though that scared her more than the nightmares. What if he got into another crash? She couldn't think about it. She tried to think back to all the good memories of her and Ryan or of all 4 of them. Her sobs leasened but where still there. Ryan would be there soon...
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Ryan got there 15 minutes later. Kaitlin was sneaking out to hang with the ward brothers just as Ryan got to the door. "I won't tell if you don't" Kaitlin said walking out and leaving the door open for Ryan. He nodded as he walked in closing the door quietly behind him. He snuck up to Marissa's room and quietly opened the door. He hoped she had fallen asleep so he could just lay with her and make her feel safe. But he saw her head lift as he walked in. Ryan quickly walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. Marissa instantly cried with relief. She moved and rested on his shoulder. ryan wrapped his arms around her, comforting her. He ran his arms up and down her back soothingly. "shhh shhh" he repeated. After a short while Marissa's sobs had ceased and Ryan pulled her away and wiped away the few tears that remained with his thumbs like so many times before. "You okay now!?" "I'm sorry" "Don't be...I was kicking myself for leaving. I knew you were fragile at the moment but I just left you here...when you needed me the most. I'm sorry baby I shouldn't have I know but I'm here now" "Thanks" Marissa smiled. She leaned closer and kissed Ryan sweetly. "What do you want to do then? Do you want to talk? ...Or we could just lay here?" "I just want to lay here with you" Marissa replied feeling safer already by his presence there. Ryan lay on the middle of the bed and Marissa lay back down, moulding into Ryan's side and her head gently upon his chest. Ryan was running his hand softly up and down her back...taking in all his beautiful girlfriend and easing her troubles. Marissa loved him soothing her. She just lay, holding onto him and thinking.
"They scare me so much Ry" Marissa said out of the blue, startling Ryan. He looked down at her. "The nightmares?" "Yeah. It's the same as when I had them after all that stuff with Trey. I just keep seeing me losing you...I can't handle it Ryan...I can't lose you" "You won't...I'm not going anywhere. They're just bad dreams...that's all. You haven't lost me and I haven't lost you and that's the way it's going to stay. Just forget about them" "I can't" Marissa said getting a little angry. It's not like she planned to have these nightmares everynight and it wasn't that simple just to forget about what happened, what she lost and almost losing him too. "You can...Just think about the good things that came from it and what we have now" "What good came from it? I lost my child...our child, I was put in a coma for 3 freaking years and I almost lost you...how can I forget all that. There isn't anything good that came out of it" Ryan sat up and stared out at the night sky. "So us being together again isn't a good thing?" Ryan said sadly, starting to put up his guard again. "I didn't mean...it's just...shit!" Marissa gave up and sat up and wrapped her arms around Ryan from behind. She could tell what he was starting to do...and she didn't want it to happen. "Ry...you know I love you. It's just hard. We lost something that was a part of us both and we both thought we lost each other and we missed sooo much time. I just don't know how to handle it and I can't having these memories come back. I wish they'd stop so we can move on and be happy again but it's just so hard. I'm sorry I couldn't see what you meant by the best thing that came out of it...I get it know. I haven't lost you and I AM thankful for that. Just please don't shut me out..." Marissa begged Ryan. At first Ryan wouldn't look at her. He was still trying to process and understand everything she was saying and trying to get over how she had hurt him. The silence was agony for Marissa. she just wanted to be in his arms again. "I'm sorry baby...I'm really sorry" She said giving him a small kiss in the dip of his neck. As much as she had just hurt him all Ryan wanted to do was hold her and make everything go away...and she had apologised Ryan added to himself. He turned around and sighed, pulling her into his arms. Marissa smiled. "How can I stay mad at you!? I said I won't leave you and I mean it. I just wish you could understand how important our relationship is to me. I love you so much. I just want us to be happy and normal again. Put everything in the past and just...be" Ryan finished. "So do I. And it means just as much to me. I can't promise you anything but I promise I will try and put the past behind me...behind us. I just need time..." "That's all I wanted baby" Ryan replied sweetly and kissed Marissa softly.
They went back to laying on the bed and cuddling. Talking for a while and then just happy to be together. Both thinking about how far they've come and how much there relationship had changed...for the better. Before they would have fought and yelled and broke up about it...BUT this time they talked and tried to understand where the other was coming from. They were communicating better than when they were in high school and after the crash and the scares (of losing each other) they had both realised the full extent of their love for one another and how much they wanted it to work this time...to last Forever And Always...
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Seth and Summer had just got home. "Argh I really needa get out of this clothes" Summer said heading towards their bathroom. "I could help you a little with that" Seth expressed his interest. "Well hurry up ass. This dress is killing me. I feel so fat from all that food Kirsten brought over to Dad's. God your mom's turned into the BEST cook. Why can't you cook like that?" She complained. "Because my little pumpkin pie...then that would make me a women and I refuse to be a Newpsie...Besides I like your cooking better" Seth said walking over and kissing her neck from behind. She turned around in his arms and returned the kiss...then she smirk "So do I...your burnt crap is just to much to bare on a good day" She laughed as Seth mocked hurt.
Seth unzipped Summers dress and she shimmied out of it. Soon her bra and g-string had fallen to the floor too...along with Seth's clothes. Seth opened the shower door and turned on the water just the way he knew Summer liked it...Hot but Not too Hot. Soon they were both lathering soap over each other and laughing. Seth placed bubbles on Summer's cute button nose and in return she made a moustache on Seth. They were both in hysterics when Summer pulled them under the water. After the bubbles had disappeared things started to get heated...And we not talking water tempretures here!!! Seth locked lips with Summer and soon they were having a verrrry long, verrrry heated shower together...
After their fun and games had stopped Summer got out and dried herself off while Seth finished washing his wet tangly gorgeous curly hair Summer thought looking at him through the glass. She walked out the bathroom and went to find some clean PJs. She hadn't notice Seth get out and move behind her. All she felt was his soft light kisses down her neck and instantly moved her head back. "What you doin baby?" Seth asked and then returned to giving her his heavenly kiss. "mmm...Looking for something to wear to bed...But you're really distracting me" "Do you really need clothes?" "I supposssssssssse not" She replied smirking as she turned around. Seth took walked her back to the bed and soon it was just them in their bed. Nothing in-between them. No clothes no pillows or sheets...nothing!!! They were in for a ...pleasant night.
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Ryan had woken up and was just lying there with Marissa in his arms. He had pulled her closer and was taking her all in. All her beauty, her smell, the sight of her alive and breathing, all their history and the thought of all the future he wanted to make with her. Marriage, kids, a good home, being with her forever and having the best life with each other.
Marissa sensed someone staring at her deeply. She opened her eyes and saw Ryan. Her face broke into the biggest, most gorgeous smile anyone had seen for a lllllllong time. Ryan did his famous half smile back. "Morning beautiful" He spoke softly. "Morning" Marissa yawned. Ryan gave a silent laugh. "What?" Marissa asked confused about his laughter. "Nothing. You're just amazing you know that?!" He said kissing her forehead. "You're not too bad yourself" She joked. "Ohh just 'not too bad' hey!? Oh you're gonna pay" He said grabbing her and tickling her. Marissa was laughing loudly. Luckily her mom and Neil had gone out to have breakfast early and left Marissa to sleep. But soon the pain shot through Marissa's fragile body. Ryan instantly saw her in pain and stopped dead in his tracks. "What's wrong? What is it?" "It's nothing just all the tickling and laughter was a little to much for my body to handle. It was just a twinge of pain. I'm fine" "Oh...Sorry. I promise I won't do it again. Are you sure you're okay?" "I'm sure. Don't worry okay" She said lifting Ryan's head up and staring into his eyes...into his soul. "Sorry" Ryan replied guiltily and then pulled Marissa into a hug. He hated himself for hurting her. He knew he didnt mean it and that it was just still Marissa's wounds still affecting her from the crash and all but he couldn't bear to hurt her. He made a mental note to not tickle her until she was fully healed and back to "Normal".
Marissa lifted her head from Ryan's chest and leant up to kiss Ryan's cheek. "You're amazing too you know" Ryan took in what she said. Her saying little stuff like that made him feel like something...like someone special...who means something to someone. And who could really do something with himself. Her saying it all means so much and in Ryan's mind just made her even more beautiful and gorgeous...
"Thanks" Ryan said simply. "I love you" He added. Marissa smiled up at him and replied to this with a loving kiss. She rested her head against his chest again and lay there. She didn't want to move. She just wanted to lay there with him all day. "So what do you want to do today?" "Truthfully I just want to stay like this...but I'm sure Summer would just bother us anyway and I guessss I do need some time to hang with all of you together..." "Well I can give everyone a call tell them to meet us at the dinner and then we can go to the beach or something...figure it out when we're all together!?" "That sounds great. And while you do that I might go for a shower" "Okay. Just take it easy okay. I'll be right out here if you need me" He said getting worried. He knew she still had a long way to go til she was completly okay...and until then he wouldn't stop worrying and making sure she was okay...
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Marissa was now in the shower and Ryan had just dialled Seth and Summer's when someone picked up. "Hello?" Came Seth's gluggy morning voice. "Morning Seth" Ryan said shaking his head at Seth's voice. "Ahh Ryan how are you this morning Buddy? Did you go home last night or stay in a certain someone's room all night huh huh!?" Seth exclaimed more excitingly and more awake. "Ahh I went home but she was scared from a nightmare about that night so I went back over again. Anyway I was just calling to see what you and Summer where up to today?" "Ahh surrrrrre ...she was scared. She just wanted you in her bed again" Seth laughed. Ryan glared at him through the phone. "umm today. Well of course my little Miss Vixen wanted to ignore me and spend all her time with Marissa today. So yeah...why what's up?" "Ahh good...Well we were going to see if you, Anna and Luke wanted to go to the dinner say in an hour and have Brunch and then see what we wanted to do for the resst of the day from there. So see you in an hour?" "Sure. I'll tell Summ and we'll be there waiting" "Alright. See you there then" And with that there was a click off Seth's phone. Ryan flipped through his contacts and found Luke's number. He dialled it and waited through the rings. Finally Luke picked up..."Hey Luke" "Oh Ryan hey. What's up?" "Marissa and I are meeting Summer and Seth at the dinner and then we were going to spend the rest of the day together...you know Riss' first full day out of the Hospital and all...anyway we we're just wondering if you wanted to join us ...and Anna if she can come!?" "Ahh I'm actually with her right now. I just taught her how to surf" Luke laughed. "Ohhh. So you's two spent the night together did you's?" Ryan joked "Ahh it wasn't like that" Luke said shaking his head. "We just stayed up and watched a few flicks and fell asleep on the couch. That's all" "Surrrrre" Ryan laughed. "Umm yeah anyway I've got nothing else to do today so sure count me in. I'll ask Anna but I'm sure she'd wanna come too so I guess we'll see you soon...What time you want us there?" "Ahh I told Seth in an hour so round then I guess" "Great. See you guys then" They both hung up. Great everyone's going to meet us at the diner and then we can have the best day Marissa's had since the day she was leaving before.It's going to be perfect. Ryan thought.
Just then Marissa came out wrapped in a towel. She was so beautiful and Ryan was finding it hard to breath. He swalowed hard "ahh...umm...Seth, Summer, Luke and Anna are gonna meet us at the dinner in about an hour" Marissa laughed at Ryan's face. He was so cute when he went speechless when Marissa was looking sensational. She'd get it when she was all glammed up, in a beautful dress or sexy top, when she was wrapped in a towel after a bath or shower (like now) or sometimes even when she was just doing something wearing nothing in particular...just a casual top and some jeans. It was a look that he only gave her ...as if he only had eyes for her. It made her feel so wanted...so special...so loved...and always happy!!! she went into her walk-in closet and purposefully dropped her towel to the floor. She knew Ryan was watching ...and she loved it. She pulled on some underwear and threw one her favourite skinny leg jeans. Then stretched up to reach one of her favourite tops at the top of the closet. She knew this was morer of a tease coz she knew when she stretched up her body looked even more sleek and tall...but then she felt a jagger of pain in her side and fell. Luckily Ryan ran and caught her just in time. He held her up in his strong warm arms and turned her so she was facing him. "Are you okay? What was it?" Ryan panicked. Marissa was had silent tears running down her face. "I was just reaching up for my top and...and I felt a sharp pain in my side and it hurt so bad Ryan. And I just...just collapsed" She said between silent sobs. Ryan brushed her tears away. "Hey. It's okay. You just took on to much then what you are able to right now. You just need to take it easy and not push too hard...then you'll be back to normal in no time" Ryan said positively. "Now what top did you want?" Ryan asked walking them closer to the shelving. "That red one under the black sweater" Marissa replied looking up and slightly lifting her arm to point in the direction of the sexy yet casual v-neck top. Ryan reached up and pulled it down for her. "Here. Don't be afraid to ask next time okay" "I can do it myself Marissa screamed. "Hey. I'm just trying to help Marissa. That's all. Please don't get angry. I wanted today to be special. Just let us help if you need it. We just don't want to see you hurt. You have to realise that. That's why we are all trying to do everything and just let you rest and get better. I'm sorry" Ryan told her. He didn't know why he was apologising. He just hated it when she was mad especially at him and he DID want this day to be special. She was the most amazing person in his whole life and she meant everything to him and she just got out of Hospital after nearly 4 years. He just wanted everything to go right today and Marissa to not get abgry or upset and enjoy everything. But she was just so independant and fragile...
"I'm sorry. I just feel so useless and I hate that everyone has to do everything for me. It makes me feel like I'm a pathetic little kid and everyone is looking down on me. I just can't take it...I'm sorry I yelled at you Ry. I know it's not your fault and your just trying to help but please don't put it in my face. I'm a big girl and I have to learn to do all this stuff sometime so I am going to try. I'll ask if I need help okay" Ryan looked like a wounded dog. "Okay" he said sadly. He was only trying to help. Marissa looked at him for a while. She hated how she kept putting him in this positioon and hurting him like this. "Look if I don't ask for help but you think I'm struggling badly then just gently ask me if I need any help. If I say no it's probably wise to leave it but I how you wanna help and will porbably agree to your help. I love how you're trying to help and I promise to try let people help and not get angry and yell. Okay" "Okay" Ryan replied in monotone. Marissa cupped his face and lifted his eyes to hers. "I love you" She said from the deepths of her heart. She was staring into his soul and making sure the words sunk in. Ryan gave a small half smile for a second. "I was just trying to be help" He added. "I know" Marissa added. Ryan leant in and kissed her. Somehow such a simple gesture of love like a small kiss after a fight was all they needed. They both loved each other and both felt bad after a fight and the kiss just made everything right again.
"Now get your shirt on and we can go meet the others" Marissa quickly slipped it over her head, flicked her hair out of it and walked over to her dresser. She gave her hair a quick brush, put on her lip gloss and walked back to her closet. "Now what do you need to do?" Ryan asked laughing. "I need shoes don't I" She pulled out her flats and put them on."Right NOW we can go" Ryan grabbed her hand and they walked down the stairs, out the front door and hoped into Ryan's Range Rover. Marissa was still a little nervous about cars ...but Ryan always held onto her hand and made everything okay.
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A/N: Okay Guys ...Two chapters added tonight. Not to be modest or anything but I think I deserve some more reviews...Would really appreciate it. It gives me enthusiasm to continue faster!!!!
Well Hope you are all enjoyin...if anyone has any ideas or wants to talk bout it drop me a reveiw or an email...be glad for any input...Well enjoy and I'll update soon. Is it getting more interesting??? Luv MJ xo